A Headstrong Woman (44 page)

Alana nodded her understanding and honestly wasn’t surprised. Despite being a married woman with a child on the way Alexandria exuded and innocence that came from having known only one man. Alana was thrilled for her; she wished she had been allowed that opportunity herself.

“Lexie, may I call you Lexie?” Ali requested.

“Please,” Alexandria nodded.

“Lexie, fear only holds us back from life. Whether it’s the fear of loving and not being loved in return, fear for our children…it’s like a debilitating disease that eats at our peace. I know because I lived bound, gagged, and bondage to fear for years.

“Perhaps I’ll share my whole story with you sometime but for now let me say this. I had been hurt, physically, emotionally, and mentally. When I found myself running for what I was certain was my life I swore I would never get close to another person again. I really intended to stand by that.”

“Jonathon admitted that he loves me this morning and has for some time and I got a glimpse of what it would mean to lose him when the tornado came through…I’ve never been in love, Ali; I know I love him as a friend but I don’t know if I’m in love with him.”

“You asked how I knew I was in love with Colton, I don’t know if there’s an easy answer to that but I can tell you that he alone was able to reach in past the wall of defense I had built for myself. After the things I had been through I didn’t think I could ever love a man or feel desire for an intimate relationship but Colton made me feel those things and then some. At times I almost felt that he could see me better than I could as though he could see my fears, my thoughts,” Alana trailed off as she reflected and Alexandria felt a jolt of recognition run through her. Though her situation and Ali’s had been different, she knew, she could relate to so much of what the other woman was saying. There was certainly no denying that Jonathon affected her in ways no other man had.

“Mommy, can we have some milk and cookies?” Lilly asked from the door to the kitchen. Alexandria smiled as she stood to fix the kids milk.

“Come on in,” Alexandria invited. “Thank you, Ali,” Alexandria added.

“Glad I could help,” Ali smiled at her friend.

***

Jonathon held Alexandria as she fidgeted in her sleep. He was aware that she’d had trouble getting to sleep and even now she didn’t seem to be resting. She whimpered and Jonathon pulled her closer and kissed her forehead.

“No,” Alexandria whimpered.

“It’s okay, Alexandria,” Jonathon whispered in her ear.

“Jonathon!” she cried out.

“I’m right here,” he tried reassuring her.

“No,” she repeated as she began sobbing.

“It’s just a bad dream,” Jonathon wished she would wake up.

“Please don’t go,” she pleaded.

“Alexandria, I’m not going anywhere,” he assured her.

“Please don’t go, Jonathon, I love you,” she sobbed. Jonathon crushed Alexandria to him. He knew she wasn’t aware of what she’d said, not on a conscious level but his heart lifted at her words. Jonathon kissed her forehead, her cheek, and then her lips. He found Alexandria blinking at him when he pulled back.

“You were having a nightmare,” he informed.

“You were leaving,” she told him with a shudder.

“Listen to me, Alexandria, I love you and I’m not going anywhere,” he informed her before he kissed her. Alexandria clung to him as she kissed him back.

***

Alexandria woke to the sun pouring through the window and an empty bed. She frowned as she sat up before spotting a note on the bedside table. It was folded in half with her name scrawled across it in Jonathon’s familiar writing. She smiled as she unfolded the paper.

Alexandria,

I thought you could use the rest after last night and let you sleep in. Don’t worry about Lilly; she’s being my little helper. Relax for a while. Love you

Jonathon

P.S. I’m not going anywhere!

Later that day, Alexandria stood still while her mother measured her for the dress she would wear in her sister’s wedding. She had not yet shared her pregnancy with her family and decided now was the perfect time to do so.

“Mom, you might want to leave a couple of extra inches,” she cautioned.

“Nonsense, you’re so thin it would show.”

“But I might need them,” she argued, her amused gaze meeting her sister’s wide one.

“You? You haven’t put on weight since you were in school,” Shirley countered as she tucked and pinned. Demanding her mother’s attention, Alexandria lowered her arms.

“Alexandria put your arms back up!”

“I think that’s about to change,” she said pointedly and watched her mom frown before Alexandria’s words and their meaning sank in.

Her mom gasped and grabbed her in a hug that nearly toppled Alexandria from the small platform she was standing on and jabbed both of them with the pins in the material.

“Oh, Alexandria, how wonderful!” Shirley said around tears. Anna stepped forward to hug her sister more gingerly and to congratulate her.

“When?” Anna asked.

“Sometime in April.”

“You’re not likely to need the extra space in the next month but I will wait until the last moment to cinch the waist,” Shirley informed her daughter.

“I know, Mom, but I was trying to share my news with you,” Alexandria grinned.

“You should have known I would be distracted,” Shirley laughed. The tornado had set many of the families in the community back financially, Alexandria’s family included and Shirley had decided to see to the brides’ maid dresses herself and hire Mrs. Louis for Anna’s gown only.

“I imagine that Jonathon is thrilled,” Anna commented.

“He is; he’s also worried because Millie is leaving us but Ali and Colton may have offered a solution to that problem.”

“How’s that?” Shirley inquired as she returned to pinning Alexandria’s dress.

“The couple they hired knows of several other families looking to hire and move west, their foreman’s brother’s family included.”

“I hope that it works out for you then,” Shirley said around the pins in her mouth.

“Sorry I’m late,” Carolyn, said as she slipped into the room and smoothed her brown hair. “Michael was late coming in for lunch and set my whole afternoon back,” Carolyn shared.

“No, problem; I’m almost through with Alexandria if you want to go ahead slip your dress off then we can get you fitted.

“Okay,” Carolyn agreed as she asked Anna to help her unfasten the back of her gown.

“There, now carefully pull it off,” Shirley instructed Alexandria. Alexandria and her mother removed her dress and Anna helped Alexandria back into her dress.

“Shirley, I uh, well I…” Carolyn was sputtering; her cheeks were pink, making her brown eyes stand out. “About my dress, that is….”

“Do you need a little extra room?” Alexandria asked on a repressed chuckle.

“That might be a good idea,” Carolyn agreed.

Shirley stepped back and surveyed her daughter-in-law. “Are you expecting too

“Too?” Carolyn looked perplexed, especially when Alexandria and Anna began laughing.

“You are! Oh, Carolyn, when are you due?”

“Late April.”

“Your and Alexandria’s baby will be born pretty close,” Shirley mused as she hugged Carolyn. Carolyn’s gaze settled on her sister-in-law as her eyes lit. Alexandria hugged the petite woman and congratulated her.

“I’m so glad we get to go through this together,” Carolyn said around tears.

“Come on, let’s get you fitted,” Shirley returned to business. Several minutes later the ladies emerged from Shirley’s sewing room dressed and chattering excitedly. They entered the kitchen to find their husbands and one husband to be having coffee at the Cannon’s ample kitchen table.

“So I’m to be a grandpa twice over again huh?” Clay asked the ladies with a wide smile. “At least I’ll get to see these two,” he said almost sadly as he thought of the grandchildren he had never seen in California.

“As often as you want,” Alexandria promised her father with a kiss on his cheek.

“Have you told your mother your plan?” Clay asked his youngest.

“My plan?” Anna frowned.

“The last your mother knew you were heading west next spring.”

“What? You’re not leaving?” Carolyn’s eyes filled with happy tears.

Anna squirmed with guilt. She had meant to share with her mom but her thoughts had been so consumed with her upcoming wedding that she had forgotten.

“Jonathon has asked Ted to partner with him on the ranch, we’ll be converting to a horse ranch soon,” Anna shared.

“Oh thank God!” Shirley all but shouted. “What a wonderful day, here everyone sit down. I have a cake in the cupboard and I think now’s a perfect time for it,” Shirley ordered.

Alexandria moved to sit in the chair beside her husband and let out a yelp when a gentle tug brought her into her husband’s lap instead.

“Jonathon!” Alexandria protested as she quickly resituated herself on her own chair. The other’s looked amused as Alexandria tried to hide her pink cheeks.

“Daddy likes to do that and he kisses Mommy a lot too,” Lilly shared. Laughter erupted around the table as Alexandria hid her face behind a hand. Jonathon wrapped his arms around his wife and pulled her close for a hug and a kiss on top of her head. Alexandria laid her head against Jonathon’s shoulder as his chuckle reverberated through his chest. She loved this man, she realized. Of all the times to realize it, she mused. Not when they were alone and she could have shared her love for her husband, but in the middle of her parent’s kitchen with others laughing at their expense.

“Thank goodness there’s no one to tell off on me,” Michael’s eyes were twinkling as his wife turned pink.

“That’ll change in a few months,” Clay reminded his son and watched his son blush as more laughter erupted around the table. Jonathon released Alexandria and she shuddered slightly; she missed the warmth of his arms. She found that she suddenly wanted to go home.

“I hate to be in a hurry but I am suddenly very tired,” Alexandria stood abruptly. Jonathon looked puzzled but stood to take his wife home. Lilly slid from her perch in her grandfather’s lap and joined her parents.

“Go home and get some rest,” Shirley advised as she hugged Alexandria.

“Thanks, Mom, I will,” she responded before hugging the others. Jonathon waited for Alexandria to explain their hasty exit once they were seated in the buggy but she said nothing the entire trip home. Once they were inside Lilly scampered into the kitchen to ask Millie if she could help with dinner and Alexandria moved upstairs to their room. Jonathon trailed her determined to find out why she had wanted to leave so abruptly.

“Are you okay, Alexandria?” Jonathon asked after he had closed the door behind them. Alexandria, still not speaking, turned to him. Jonathon moved to stand in front of her and caressed her cheek.

“Jonathon, I realized something sitting there in the middle of my family, something I wanted to say but that needed to be said in private,” she shared.

“This is as private as it gets, what do you need to say, Alexandria?”

“I love you, I think I must have for a while only I was too busy being scared to realize it,” she shared and watched his eyes darken.

“I love you too, Alexandria, and I’m glad you let go of your fear, I never want to hurt you,” he said before he kissed her.

“I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt me, Jonathon, that’s what’s so silly about it, you’re so good to me.”

“I like being good to you, I want to be good to you for the rest of our lives, Alexandria.”

“I like that idea,” Alexandria admitted around tears. Jonathon kissed her again and pulled her closer. A moment later Alexandria pulled away and laughed. “Jonathon, Millie will be waiting for us.”

“So, that’s the nice thing about being boss,” he grinned as he pulled her back to him.

“Jonathon!” she protested when he began kissing her neck. The trouble was she was putty in his hands and she knew it, had known it even before she had realized she loved him.

***

Alexandria laughed as she laid her arm around Ali’s shoulders; she was still unable to believe that their husband’s had talked them into this. She and Ali were both decked out in their pants, hats, and gun belts; a photographer set up across from them.

“How did we get talked into this?” Alexandria demanded.

“I wish I knew,” Ali laughed. “I think we should put on our toughest pose, what do you think?” Ali smiled at her new friend.

“Definitely,” Alexandria agreed. The two ladies rested their right hands on their guns and hooked their left thumbs in their pockets; their heads were held high.

“Ready?” The photographer asked. Once the ladies were settled he started the process of taking their pictures and the waiting started.

“You two look ready for a shootout,” Colton teased them.