A Healing Heart (10 page)

Closing my eyes to stop the pain that washed over me, my eyes filled with tears. This was why I hadn’t picked up the journal for so long. Amazingly, though, the crushing grief that I had felt for the past two years now felt almost bearable. I guess it was true that time did help heal, but I was pretty sure that it had a lot to do with Collin. Maybe it was time to pick up the pen again.

Sliding the pen back into the journal, I set it aside. It was crazy how just writing a few words on paper made me feel so much better, like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. I wondered again how a few short weeks could totally turn my life upside down in a good way. I flipped off the light and slipped under my sheets. I was just starting to doze when my phone buzzed.

Goodnight sweetheart

Smiling, I typed back:

night Collin :) sweet dreams

~
Collin
~

Driving through the streets, images of Bailey were running through my head. Her gray-blue eyes were sometimes so intense they were a deep green. There were times when she looked at me, and it was almost like she could peer into my soul. I wondered if she realized what effect she had on me. The perfume she always wore lingered in my car; often the intoxicating sweet vanilla smell even lingered on my clothes, as if her presence was still there when she was gone.

In some ways, it troubled me that a girl could get so under my skin. I was always in control of my emotions, in control of any situation. With Bailey, however, I felt like I was totally spinning with no way to stop. My dad was so unpredictable, and I knew that at any time he could decide to move again. Usually just that possibility alone caused me to keep my distance with girls, having fun but never getting attached. With Bailey it was so different: I was pulled to her like a magnet. It didn’t matter that each day I told myself that our relationship was moving too fast. I seemed to do just the opposite of what my head was telling me to do. It was as if a force stronger than my will was guiding the next move. It was not a comfortable feeling for me.

There was something so fragile and broken about her that made me just want to “fix” her, help her heal. I wished I could erase the pain she had been living with. I tried to focus on Lacey, knowing that she should be my priority, but Bailey was constantly creeping into my heart, so fast I felt sometimes like the life was being sucked out of me when I had to leave her. I knew that somehow I had to try and keep some distance between us before I was totally under her spell. What I didn’t know was how I would be able to actually follow through with it.

Parking in front of my house, I cut the engine. Grabbing the keys and my cell phone, I climbed out of the Camaro and walked up the sidewalk to the house, texting Bailey as I walked. Her response, as always, brought a smile to my face. Reaching the front door, I unlocked it and went in. It was late, and I was surprised to find my dad still up in the living room.

“
Hey, Dad, you’re up late.”

“
We’re having company on Friday for a week. I was trying to get things ready.”

“
Who’s coming?”

“
The Porters.”

“
We haven’t seen them in a couple of years. Why did they decide to come visit now?”

“
Timing, mostly. since they are closer to us now and the kids are on spring break, they thought it would be nice to come for a visit and a small vacation.”

“
Guess I’m losing my room for the week?”

“
Yeah, sorry. Shane and Lynette will stay in your room, Savannah and Ashley can stay with Lacey.”

“
That’s alright; I’ll survive on the couch.”

“
Lynette says that Savannah is very excited to see you, although I’m not supposed to pass that information on.”

“
Ah, nice. Savannah is just a friend, Dad. Nothing more than that. I mean, we grew up together; she’s like another little sister.”

“
Okay, whatever you say, but you guys were always hanging out together. You went to some dances together.”

“
Who was I supposed to hang out with? Our families were always together, and Ashley is a lot younger. We went to the dances as friends, that’s it.”

“
I’m just saying it never looked like you didn’t like hanging out together.”

“
Dad, I’m kinda seeing someone else right now, okay. Don’t push it.”

“
Oh. Well, this is the first time I’m hearing anything about that. Who is she?”

“
Her name is Bailey Walsh. She’s the one Lacey and I went to Disneyland with the other day. You really don’t pay much attention to anything I tell you, do you?”

“
You didn’t mention you were
‘
kinda seeing’ her.”

“
Yeah, well, I am, okay?” I went upstairs stopping at Lacey’s door, I peeked inside to check on her. Her pink princess comforter had slipped down so I walked over to pull it back up over her shoulders. In her arms she clutched her new Nemo stuffed animal, a tendril of black hair curled over her face. Carefully, I pushed it aside and leaned over to kiss her forehead. Turning, I left her room silently, leaving the door cracked.

Reaching my room, I tossed my jacket over the chair. Most things in my room were organized and in their proper spot, but a few lingering articles of clothing were tossed carelessly on the floor. I kicked aside the sweatshirt I had worn yesterday as I pulled off my shoes.

“
Well, this should be an interesting week,” I mumbled to myself.

Savannah and I had always had gotten along really well. She was just a year younger than me, and I did look forward to seeing her again. In fact, I had missed her laughter over the past couple of years. We sent text messages to each other every once in a while, and a few e-mails, but nothing more than just friends stuff. I wondered if things would be weird after not seeing each other for two years. For most of our lives, we had lived just a block apart. Our dads had been roommates in college and our moms had become best friends. Our families had always hung out together and several times took vacations together. It had been like that until my mom had abruptly left.

Savannah’s mom, Lynette, had been a godsend those first weeks, helping to take care of Lacey. Dad had remained in a state of shock, thinking that she would be back. Eventually he couldn’t take it anymore. The daily reminders of all the good times ended up being too much for him, and he had packed Lacey and I up and moved. Dad and Shane had kept in contact over the past couple of years, talking almost every week, but things had changed, and they would probably never be as close as they had once been. Shortly after our family had moved the first time, Lynette had been offered a great job in Las Vegas, and they had relocated as well.

I finished getting ready for bed and fell into a troubled sleep. Tossing and turning most of the night, my dreams were uncertain, and none of them made any sense. Pink was spilling across the sky before I was able to finally slip into an undisturbed sleep.

~
Savannah
~

Friday morning dawned warm and sunny in Las Vegas. I was up early and anxious to get on the road. I had carefully laid out my clothes for the day and had spent hours packing just the right outfits for our trip to Southern California to visit the McKennas. My heart beat faster just thinking about seeing Collin again. It had been too long since I had seen him. Ever since the McKenna family had moved to Southern California, just a few hours’ drive away from us, I had been trying to convince my parents to go for a visit. Something had always come up, but now that the time was here, it seemed so unreal. I wondered how I would be able to survive the drive.

My crush on Collin started years ago. I knew that one day, when the time was right, we would officially be boyfriend and girlfriend. My dreams had almost come true during our freshman year of high school. Collin and I had gone to a couple of school dances and we had even kissed several times. Just when things were going good, all of my plans had gone up in smoke when Collin’s mom took off and his dad abruptly moved the family away.

For the past two years, my only contact with Collin had been a few phone calls and sporadic text messages, most of them just casual “how are you doing” sort of messages. I cherished each time I was able to talk to him, wishing for the day when I’d be able to see him again.

The sense of failure that I felt was intense after his family had moved away. I did not fail at things that I set my mind to. I was determined that Collin would be mine one day, and I felt that I’d been pretty patient over the last couple of years. It didn’t matter what obstacle lay in the way of that goal, I was bound and determined to have Collin. I knew we were perfect for each other, meant for each other. I just had to have the opportunity to make Collin realize it as well. What I needed now was some time and a little bit of luck.

~
Collin
~

Arriving home from work Friday evening, I noticed a strange car in the driveway and assumed it must belong to the Porters. With a sigh, I got out and walked toward the front door. Though I was looking forward to seeing them, I’d been hoping to get home before they were here so that I could leave right away and pick up Bailey. Now I would have to take a few minutes at least and be polite. I quickly texted Bailey, letting her know that I was running late. Laughter from inside greeted me as I opened the front door. Walking silently through the house, I reached the kitchen where everyone was gathered. It was Lynette that noticed me first.

“
Hey, Collin! It's so good to see you. Wow, you’ve grown, but handsome as ever! Come over here and give me a hug.”

“
Hi, Lynette.”

Lynette had almost been like a second mom to me, and it was good to see her again. I went over and gave her a warm hug. Shane was next with a strong handshake and a pat on the back.

“
Hi, kid. You’re looking good, almost taller than your dad now.”

“
Thanks.”

Looking around, I noticed Lacey curled up on the couch next to Ashley.

“
Hi, Ash.”

“
Hey, Collin.”

Savannah had been sitting next to Ashley and had quickly come over to the kitchen. Stopping just short of me, with a slight hesitation, she leaned over for a hug, “Hi, Collin. It’s been a long time.”

“
Hi, Savannah. Yeah, it’s been a while.”

Releasing Savannah, I pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down next to Lynette. Savannah followed, picking the chair closest to me while Dad and Shane left the kitchen and walked into the family room.

“
So, Lynette, what are you guys planning to do this week?” I asked.

“
Well, we’ve been thinking Disneyland, maybe Sea World, or Universal Studios, the beach. Nothing is really set in stone yet. Jared says you’re off on spring break this week as well.”

“
I’ve been out this week and have next week off too. I’ve been working most days, though, with only a few days off. I was just at Disneyland the other day with Lacey, so you’ll probably want to do that trip without me. Tomorrow a bunch of kids from school are going down to the beach.”

Savannah piped up, “Hey, can I come?”

“
Sure. I’m not sure who all is going, but you can join us.”

“
Cool! I haven’t been to the beach in years.”

“
Well, I hate to run, but I’ve got plans tonight and need to change clothes. I already moved most of my stuff out of my room for you guys, so make yourselves at home. I’ll be back later.”