A Healing Heart (4 page)

I could already feel the blush in my cheeks, and I was glad she wasn’t here to see it. I’m sure she’d have teased me.

“
I’ll keep you posted. Good night!”

“
You better! I think you’ll have some good dreams tonight!”

Both Natasha and Mia knew about my nightly nightmares. They’d both witnessed the screaming firsthand during the few sleepovers we’d had together.

“
Doubtful, but you never know, right?” I said, trying to be hopeful.

“’
Kay. Well, get some sleep and call me as soon as you get home tomorrow!”

“
Alright. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

“
Bye.”

I plugged my phone back in, grabbing the book I had discarded earlier, and tried to focus on the story I was reading. After a few minutes of reading the same page over and over, I gave up. Setting it back on the table, I turned the lights out. Morning would be here soon, and I needed to figure out how to prepare for the “play date” later tomorrow afternoon. Rolling over so that I could see the moon out my window, I replayed the afternoon in my head, trying to burn the images into my memory. I felt more alive than I had since before the accident.

CHAPTER THREE

R
iley
was so excited when I told him we were going back to the park today and that his new friend Lacey was supposed to be there as well. I had taken more time getting ready this morning but still didn’t feel prepared enough. We had arrived a little before one p.m., and I had picked a bench on the opposite side of the park where I could watch for Collin to arrive and not be taken by surprise. Shortly after we got there, Riley was already running around chasing after a little boy about his age. They were going up and down the slide as fast as they could. The park was emptier today, just the little boy that Riley was playing with and one other boy playing on the swings. Their mom was sitting on a bench nearby reading a magazine. She would look up occasionally to shout at one of the boys to “slow it down” or “be careful.”

It was approaching one o’clock, and I kept checking my watch. The butterflies in my stomach were getting worse. By one fifteen I was beginning to get nervous. Either he was late or had decided not to come. My heart was starting to sink. I tried to reel it in; it was crazy for me to be so anxious. Riley, who was oblivious to time, just kept playing, while I was sitting on eggshells. It was then that I heard the distinct low rumble of Collin’s car. At least I was almost sure it was his car. My eyes scanned the parking lot driveway for the white Camaro, and sure enough, it was pulling in. I took a deep breath, telling myself that I needed to pull it together.

After he parked, Collin helped Lacey out of the Camaro’s small backseat.
She got out and waited at the front of the car while Collin shut the door. She placed her small hand in his as they walked together toward the playground.

As they got closer, Riley caught sight of Lacey and raced toward her yelling, “Wacey! Wacey! You came!”

I could see Lacey smile as she ran off with Riley, leaving Collin to walk in my direction by himself. He waved, and I smiled back, pointing to the empty seat next to me.

He reached the bench quickly and sat down. “Hey, sorry I’m late. I got held up at work.”

“
No problem. It’s fine. Riley’s always having fun at the park. How was work?”

He laughed. “It was okay, but dealing with people sometimes can be very frustrating. I’m glad you were able to come today.”

“
Sure, I have to say I was a little surprised that you asked.” I peeked carefully to see what his reaction would be to that one, but he didn’t miss a beat.

“
Why do you say that? The kids seemed to have had a good time yesterday. I thought it would be more fun for Lacey, and I have to be honest that it gave me an opportunity to see you again.” He grinned at me, his blue eyes sparkling.

I thought I could get lost in those eyes if I wasn’t careful. I had to turn away; I couldn’t hold his gaze as it did funny things to my stomach. “Okay. I guess I don’t really know what to say to that.”

“
Ah, honesty. I like that. So is there a special guy in the picture that I should be worried about? No one is going to come around a corner and lose it because you’re talking to me, right?”

Almost bursting out in laughter at that one, I sought out his eyes once more. “No, no one. You’re in no danger of being attacked on my account. You sure don’t beat around the bush, do you?”

“
No. What’s the point? Life’s too short; you have to live every day like it’s your last. That’s the way I try to live.”

I had to agree with him. I, out of all people, knew that too well. Looking away, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I would not let him see the anguish in them. I had to pull myself together and quick. His fingers lightly cradled my chin as he turned my face back toward him.

“
I’m sorry, did I say something wrong? I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

I was not going to blabber about my entire life history with him, I was determined. But something in those deep eyes melted all my resolve. The tears slipped silently down my cheek. I could feel their warmth, and then they were gently brushed away with his thumb.

“
No, it’s okay. It isn’t anything you said. It’s just that I know how short life can be. Do you know anything about my family?” I asked him quietly, trying to keep my voice even.

“
No, I can’t say that I’ve heard anything. Why?”

I decided I might as well give him some background. There was no point in hiding what had happened, it was common knowledge anyway. Sitting up, I looked straight into those eyes and found encouragement and strength in them.

“
Two years ago I was in Oregon with my family———my dad, mom, younger brother and sister. Brandon was nine, and Brooke was four. It was New Year’s Eve, we had been at our friends’ house. They had two girls, and one was my age, the other just a couple years younger. Our parents were in one room, and us kids were all in the game room playing for most of the night. We got to stay up that night and watch the ball drop on TV at midnight. Our parents let us go outside, shoot off firecrackers, and bang on pots and pans. It was a lot of fun for us.

“
When it was time to go, my family got into our Suburban and headed home. We weren’t going very far; we only lived about ten minutes away. My younger brother had begged to sit in my seat. He usually had to sit all the way in the back, but I let him switch places with me. I never did that, but for some reason, that night I did. I climbed in the back behind my little sister’s seat. My sister had fallen asleep almost before we backed out of the driveway. My brother was watching the TV screen on the back of my dad’s seat. It was just like every other trip home except that night we never made it home.” My voice broke on the last syllable.

Closing my eyes, I tried to shut out the rest of it, but it wouldn’t go away. I doubted it would ever go away. Opening my eyes, I checked to make sure Riley was still okay. He and Lacey were going up and down the slides. I turned to look back at Collin, who was watching me intently.

“
And?”

What was I doing? I never talked like this. Opening it all up was only going to make things worse, I was sure. But I had started this. I had to finish. Taking a deep breath, I continued.

“
I don’t remember everything, mostly what I was told afterwards. A drunk driver had been on the road that night. He was weaving along the two-lane road and was headed straight for us on our side of the road. My parents’ scream woke me. My dad tried to swerve in the opposite direction, but the roads were slippery, and he lost control. The Suburban fishtailed and impacted with the oncoming car. We went over the embankment, and the truck flipped over and over. I thought it would never stop. On the last thud, I hit my head hard on the side of the car and was knocked out.

“
Apparently, the drunk driver had passed out after the accident. No one knew we were down the embankment for hours. Finally, a car passed by, noticed the wreckage, and called it in.

“
My parents were pronounced dead at the scene. Brandon had sustained a lot of internal injuries. He’d broken both legs, had several broken ribs. He made it until morning. I heard the doctors tell my aunt later that if they had gotten him to the hospital quicker, they might’ve been able to save him. They thought Brooke actually might pull through. The doctors had been able to stop her internal bleeding. She had several surgeries, and during one of them, they had removed one of her kidneys. After a week of improvement, she got an infection. It spread so quickly. She’d been through so much, her little body just couldn’t fight anymore. Sitting by her side, I would hold her hand. She was so scared, always holding my hand so tightly. I could see the fear in her eyes, all the tubes connected to her, and then in an instant, she was gone.

“
It sent me into shock. I had sustained a concussion; my right arm and right leg were broken. The ribs on my right side had taken a beating and were bruised. My aunt and uncle took me home; it took over a week before I came out of the murky darkness that had surrounded me. If it hadn’t been for the pain I was in, I would have thought the whole thing was just a nightmare. From the moment I woke up in my own bed, with my aunt sitting next to me and not my mom, I knew deep down inside, nothing would ever be the same again.”

There. I’d actually gotten it all out. Collin was silent for several seconds before he looked right into my eyes. “Oh, Bailey, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.” He leaned over, wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me to his chest. He settled his chin softly on the top of my head.

It startled me a little, but then it felt so good and so warm to be there in his strong arms. I could smell his cologne on his shirt, and I breathed it in deeply, the intoxicating scent relaxing me just slightly. As much as I would have loved to stay there forever, I pulled back slightly, and he released me.

Trying to smile and pull myself together, I looked back into his eyes. “Yeah, well, I really try not to think about it. I wonder if the pain will ever ease. Sometimes it’s worse than others. Like yesterday, when I saw Lacey sitting there in the sand, the pain of losing Brooke was so strong. They have some similar features; Lacey is the same age Brook was. Those are times when it brings the pain back. I think the hardest part for me is wondering why and how I was the only one to survive.”

He looked deep into my eyes; I could feel his intensity all the way down to my toes, warming me inside. “You feel guilty for surviving?”

“
Yes.”

“
Why? I’m pretty sure there is a reason why you made it. A purpose for you.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s just something that I don’t think I’ll ever understand.”

He pointed toward Riley, drawing my gaze in that direction. “If you hadn’t survived, then that little boy over there would never have known you. Isn’t that something good?”

I thought about it for a minute. Truthfully, I really had never wondered if there was a reason why I made it. I had always been consumed by my loss, often wishing I could have joined my family; it would have been a lot easier. Living through it was hard, so very hard sometimes. It took Collin, a relative stranger, to point out something so basic, something no one had been able to get through to me before.

“
Yes, I guess it is.”

“
And I never would have gotten to meet you,” he said with a big grin on his face.

“
Okay, now you’re pushing your luck.”

“
But it made you smile again. You have a great smile, by the way. It lights up your eyes. Are your eyes blue? I could have sworn they looked almost green yesterday.”

“
They seem to change colors. Depends on what I’m wearing or my mood, maybe the weather too. I’ve never really figured it out.”

“
They are intriguing. I like that.”

“
Okay, my turn.”

“
Your turn for what?”

“
Questions. You now know a big chunk of my background, and I know so little about you.”

“
What do you want to know?”

I smiled. “I’ll start easy. Where did you move from?”

“
Sacramento, this time. We move a lot. My dad’s in construction, and we tend to move where the jobs are. He also picks up evening work doing whatever he can find. He’s rarely home. He says it’s to make sure there is enough money to put food on the table, but that’s just an excuse. I see through it for what it is.”

It was my turn to prod him to continue. “So what do you think is the real reason?”

“
To keep himself from thinking about Krista, our mom. He loved her more than anything, but she was always selfish, never satisfied, always looking for something bigger, something better. I guess she loved us, in whatever fashion she could. My dad hung on to what he could, he made it work. Tried always to please her. Then she got pregnant with Lacey. My dad was so excited when they found out it was going to be a girl. He was so sure that the new baby would be good for my mom, that it would be that missing piece she was always looking for. She would have a little girl to love. Lacey was born, and she’s amazingly almost a spitting image of my mom——same hair color, facial structure, and eyes. Instead of bonding with her, my mom wanted nothing to do with her. The doctors said she had postpartum depression, that she’d come out of it. She never did, it got worse and worse. My dad and I were the ones taking care of Lacey while she was off shopping or doing whatever whim drove her next.