A Heart Not Easily Broken (The Butterfly Memoirs) (15 page)

I had never been one to disapprove of other’s relationship choices. Yet, I never would have imagined choosing differently for myself. Despite the difference in skin color, our relationship was just like any other. We had our likes and dislikes, things neither of us could relate to, and disagreements. None of those things changed the deeper feelings I had developed for him.

My biggest problem was not being able to stop thinking about him while at work. The memory of the way his hands felt on my body and the way he watched me when we made love were hard to put aside.  I often found myself daydreaming instead of focusing on my job.

“Ebony, check the weight of the baboon, it seems off,” Dr. Jacobs said, annoyance flashing over his face. He continued to examine the chart. “The calculation has to be exact before administering the antibiotic.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll take care of it right away.” I hurried back to the holding pen where the baboon in question rested until the sedative administered before his physical wore off.

I felt my former mentor’s eyes on me. A miscalculation wasn’t good. I had assisted Dr. Jacobs many times during exams because he trusted my eye for detail. After refusing to accept his offer and promise to keep his affair secret, he’d watched my every move. I couldn’t give him reason to push me out of the program.

I focused on my job and pushed thoughts of Brian aside. Moments like this were one of the reasons why I had never rushed into emotional attachments.

Eventually, it was my turn to take care of Nala. For the past two months she had received around-the-clock care of being bathed, diapered, and bottle-fed. The hours spent doing those tasks reminded me why having kids would not be in my immediate future. I enjoyed caring for her as part of my job. But would I have it in me to do my job and then come home to care for my own child? And what about during the day? I paid attention when my sister spoke of the cost of daycare service for my niece. The thought gave me chills.

Then it dawned on me. I hadn’t worried about pregnancy in months. Patrick and I didn’t have sex all the time. Our hectic schedules kept us too busy to spend a lot of time in bed.

My relationship with Brian was very different. We took every available chance to see each other. The way we made love, not using any birth control would never be an option. I made a mental note to visit my doctor and review my birth control options.

I had Brian on the brain again when my cell phone rang. Thank God I was at home. A check of the caller ID revealed my sister’s name on the screen.

“Lashana, how are you?”

“I’m good, baby girl. We haven’t heard from you in a while. What’s going on? You haven’t been bitten by a lion have you?”

I laughed. Lashana had been one of my biggest supporters when I decided to become a vet, even though she hated animals.

“No, I haven’t worked with the big cats yet.”

She groaned. “I’ll never understand your fascination with those things. As far as I’m concerned, black people and lions don’t mix. You all should both go back to Africa, so he can chase you up a tree…it’s the natural order of things.”

I shook my head at the ludicrous comment. “And where will you be? Carrying a bucket on top your head?”

“Hell no. I’m fine right here at home in the air conditioning, drinking a glass of wine. I said ya’ll because you’re crazy.”

That was my sister. We’d grown closer as we got older. For the longest time I thought no other woman would be as forthcoming with her thoughts. Until I met Yasmine. She was my sister to the tenth degree.

“Why haven’t you called Momma? She’s been dying to call you for the past few weeks. I’ve been keeping her preoccupied to give you some breathing room.”

“Thanks.” She’d been running interference since my move to California. Seven years later and my mother still had a hard time with it.

“We thought you would call on the Fourth of July. That was how long ago?” she asked pointedly.

“I was preoccupied at the time.” Thoughts of lying in Brian’s arms that night made me smile.

“Translation, you were doing the horizontal mambo with Patrick. Didn’t you guys break up?”

“We did, months ago. He’s getting married by the way.”

“Damn. Okay,” she drawled. “If it wasn’t him then it was someone else. Come on; let it out. It’s my job as big sister to make sure you’ve got your head on straight.”

“I do have my head on straight.”

“Oh, you’re snippy. Interesting. Don’t hold back, girl, spill the beans.”

I sighed. It doesn’t matter what she or anyone else in my family thinks.

Yeah right.

“His name is Brian. He plays in a band.”

“Okay…”

“He owns a lawn maintenance business and plans to get hired working for a recording studio soon.” I cursed silently.

There was no reason for me to try and convince her of anything. Talking up Brian’s attributes would never make a difference to my family. He could damn near be Donald Trump rich and they’d still have something to say about his race. But then again…

“Let me get this straight. He’s in a band. He cuts grass for a living, and his dream job is to work in a studio? How old is this guy?” She laughed through the phone. “He sounds straight out of high school. Not to mention, you’re studying to be a doctor, well not a human doctor, but still. You need someone who’s more on your level. A real professional.”

Her comments set my teeth on edge. Brian’s career choice made no difference to me. He worked hard and was good with everything he did. He had goals and was on his way to meeting them. That’s what mattered to me.

My family seemed to believe my ideal man would have a well-paying job. And be black.

“And what black man does that?” she continued. “Wouldn’t he be out trying to be a rapper?”

“He’s white, Shana.”

I could practically hear the crickets from back home chirping through the phone.

“Did you say I’m right? Something must be wrong with the connection because it sounded like you said he was white.”

I steeled myself for her retort. “Brian is white.”

“Oh. Hell. No. What are you doing messing with a white guy, Ebony? Are you crazy?” she hissed.

“No, I’m not crazy. I’m just…Brian’s a really nice guy. I decided to give him a chance.”

“Give him a chance? You slept with him, didn’t you?”

“That’s none of your business, Shana. The way you’re acting right now is why I didn’t bother telling you in the first place.” I fought to keep my voice down.

Why waste time getting upset?

“Excuse me; you have noticed racism still exists, right? What good is being with a white man going to do for you? I could understand if he had a good job and made a lot of money, but damn, he sounds as broke as you. And, oh, God, what if you got knocked up?”

I wanted to scream. “He’s not going to knock me up. I’m being safe.”

The line went quiet. “I’m calling Trevon.”

“What does he have to do with this?”

Lashana didn’t answer, only clicked over and left me on a dead line.

I’d long since gotten off the bed and paced back and forth across my room. I was too close to blowing a blood vessel.

“Hello? Ebony, is everything okay?” Trevon’s deep voice broke the silence.

I hadn’t heard my twin’s voice in months. We emailed each other all the time, but catching each other on the phone proved difficult due to the time zone differences and our work schedules. I worked during the day, and he worked at night.

“No, it is not,” Lashana’s aggravated voice broke in.

“Yes, it is, Tre, I don’t know why she called you. It’s not going to make me change my mind,” I said.

“So nobody’s hurt or dying, right?” he asked.

“No,” I said.

“Our sister’s gonna be swinging from a tree if she doesn’t watch it,” Lashana said.

“Shana! I can’t believe you! I’m not in the South, and this is not 1950,” I bellowed.

“Whoa, whoa, will somebody please tell me what the hell is going on with the two of you?”

“Your twin is dating a white man,” Lashana interjected.

“We’ve been seeing each other for a while, but it’s not that serious.”  Yet.

“Really? But you’ve slept with him,” she retorted.

“You slept with Tony on your second date!” I threw back at her. “Don’t try to call me a ‘ho.”

“Ladies.”Trevon chuckled. “Calm down. Man, this reminds me of home. I always refereed. First of all, nobody’s a ‘ho, though, Shana, Eb’s got you there.”

“Oh, grow up,” she said sourly.

“I have, quite nicely. Now, let me get this straight, Eb, you’ve gone white?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, attempting to kill the headache threatening to emerge. “Yes. He’s a good man, better than some knuckleheads I’ve been with since moving here. He took me to meet his family over the holiday at his parents’ house”

“Oh, God,” Lashana mumbled.

“They have no problem with our relationship,” I added quickly. “Especially his sisters. Sorry I can’t say the same of my own.”

“I find that hard to believe,” she said.

“Are you serious about this guy? Does he treat you right?” Trevon had remained silent during our verbal sparring.

I knew then Trevon was on my side. He always understood me. Even as children he always had my back.

“Yes, I wouldn’t be with him if he didn’t. To be honest, I have no idea where this could go. Marriage isn’t what either of us is looking for. I like spending time with him because he’s not domineering and doesn’t expect me to live up to his expectations. He can put up with my mouth”

“He must be the silent type,” Lashana muttered.

“No, he’s the ‘likes-the-way-I- talk-and-gives-it-right-back-to-me type’.” I chuckled. “He’s persistent, that’s for sure. He kept after me even when I told him no. And he is a hard worker, not a slacker at all. He doesn’t use his love of music as an excuse not to work in the meantime. He’s very realistic about what he wants and is supportive of my dreams. That’s what I love most about him.”

“Love?”Lashana sighed. “Look, Eb, I bet the guy is a good catch for someone, just not you. You don’t have to settle for the first man who smiles at you and says nice things.”

“He’s the first man who’s appreciated what I’m doing with my life and hasn’t tried to change me, which is exactly what Patrick wanted to do. He supported me as long as he got what he wanted. When he wanted more, he demanded I waste my education and stay home to bear his children. I had to draw the line.”

“I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?” Lashana sounded hurt.

“I told you what you needed to know. Brian’s not like him at all.”

“Sound as though you’ve got your mind made up,” Trevon said. 

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

“Have you thought about what Mom and Dad are going to say when they find out? Lashana tried again.

“Yes, and honestly, I’m scared. But this is my life, not yours or theirs. Shana, when you found Tony, you didn’t let what Mom or Dad said stop you.”

“It’s not the same. At least he’s black.”

Trying to convince her any further was a waste of time. She’d come around…eventually.

“Well, sis, I can’t say I’m surprised. Didn’t I tell you it would happen when you moved to L.A.?” Trevon asked.

“What do you mean?”

“That you’d find your Mr. Ed.” He began laughing.

I groaned. “Not that stupid joke again.”

“What is knucklehead talking about?” Lashana asked.

“White horse, white man, she’s a vet…Mr. Ed…” Trevon reminded her.

“Oh, please.” Lashana lost the battle to keep from laughing.

I joined in. “Tre, you’re dead wrong.”

We laughed before silence descended on the line again.

“Look, guys, I don’t expect you to understand why I’m dating Brian, and I’m not asking for your approval. This is who I’m with right now, and it works for me. Just do me a favor. Don’t tell Mom or Dad.”

“What?” Lashana said.

“I’m serious, Shana. I’ll deal with telling them in my own time. Right now I want to see where this goes. Until then…”

“Your secret’s safe with me, Eb. Just make sure you’re happy. If this guy does one thing to hurt you, I’m on the next flight out of Atlanta to kick his ass.”

“Shana?”

There was a moment of unintelligible mumbling on the line.

“Fine, but this doesn’t need to go on forever. Don’t wait until you decide to marry the guy before telling them.”

“Thanks. Marriage is nowhere in my future. For now, I’m satisfied with not being alone.”

Chapter 18

“Today was one of the longest days in my life, baby. I thought I’d be too tired to make it over here.”

“I’m glad you did,” Ebony said, her smile audible in her voice.

We sat in the living room in her house. Remnants of our dinner - a nearly empty pizza box and soda cans - littered the coffee table. I sat on the floor in between her legs while she massaged the tension of the day out of my shoulders. This was heaven.

“Oh yeah, right there.” I angled my head, giving her complete access to my aching muscle.

“Right here?” She kissed my ear lobe.

A lazy wave of desire shot to my groin. I groaned.

“Baby, don’t tease me. I might be tired but”

“Sorry, can’t control Mother Nature.” Her laugh was sexy.

I had the feeling she was enjoying this way too much.

“Exactly, so don’t add to the torture.”

Her fingers stilled. “Are you saying not being able to get some is going to keep you away?”

I pulled away from her hands and twisted around to face her. “Never. Bring those lips down here.”

She obliged, giving me a kiss that made me wish we could do more.

“Good answer.”

I turned back around and sighed as she resumed the massage.

“Hopefully Peter can come back to work tomorrow. I wouldn’t have taken on these new clients if I didn’t have them working for me. One thing is for sure, Dylan earned his keep. We busted our asses to get all four jobs done in ten hours.”

“Wow, they weren’t all private customers were they?”

“No. My new clients are an apartment complex and a small strip mall. I’m beat. It’ll probably take the weekend to recover.”