A Leap of Faith (2 page)

“Alex, I have baggage...” I murmured as he brought his lips to mine, his kiss tender yet urgent.

“I know.” He kissed me. “And when you are ready, we’ll talk about it.” He kissed me again. “I’m not going anywhere.” His lips moved down my neck. “Just trust me, I won’t hurt you.” I felt his hands move the hem of the t-shirt, sliding it up my body and over my head, “I love you Lexi, only you.”

I could only moan as he took my breast in his mouth, sending pulses of desire throughout my body. He was right, this was right. He moved me closer to the bed. I felt the edge brush my thigh before he laid me gently down. His mouth continued to lick, suck and kiss my sensitive flesh. I closed my eyes as I absorbed the moment. I raised my hips to meet his, my hand sliding down his back as a low chuckle emanated from his throat. “Always so eager.”

“I just know what I want.” I smiled.

“Well, then, who am I stand in the way of what you want?” He lowered his hips and I felt his throbbing erection pressing against my upper thigh.

I heard the distant chiming of my phone alerting me to an incoming message. Alex lifted his body slightly, his eyes hooded with lust. “You want to get that?” he questioned.

“Not a chance” I smirked.

I watched eagerly from the wings as the band took the stage on The Late Show with David Letterman. Their new album had rocketed up the charts (not that I anticipated anything less) and their popularity had surged even higher since their last tour. 

This album had been different from the last. James and Alex had written most of it and given that these two amazing men had contended with an array of emotions over a tumultuous few months it was reflected in their writing. Songs about love, songs about loss, songs about growing up, songs about fighting for what you want, songs about not giving up when it seems all is lost.

One particular song still gave me shivers whenever I heard it. Alex had penned it the day after his father’s funeral and it was called Letting you Go.  It’s lyrics conveying how much he loved
her
but how he knew they couldn’t be together so he had to let
her
go. I heard through his words how much he struggled with his decision, wanting
her
, needing
her
but thinking it was not reciprocated.  How despite loving her, he could no longer live a lie so he walked away. I knew it was about us, about those days we had spent together which had been bittersweet. Hearing his emotions so honest and raw made me want to cry every time. How could one person have so much love for me? I still struggled with the magnitude of it, struggled with accepting I was worthy of it.

Of course no one knew that I was the subject in question. I read tweets, blogs and online comments with many offers to help him forget this “unworthy whore” and take up with someone who would appreciate him, some even thanking him for putting into words what they were going through in their own relationships. Mostly they just “loved him” - I couldn’t argue, he was simply amazing and I loved him too.

  The crowd erupted as Dave gave his opening monologue.  The stage where the band was poised in position, waiting patiently, was dark. My eyes were glued to Alex, he silently checked the tuning on his guitar, his head down and unaware of my staring. His perfect body was clad in black jeans and a white short-sleeved shirt, unbuttoned to mid-chest. His dog tags caught the light as he moved, reflecting his breathtaking face. The little stubble that played on his jawline made him even more alluring.  I saw a wicked grin spread across his face as he became aware that I was watching him. A thrill shot through me as his astounding blue eyes caught my gaze and he tipped me a quick wink. I blew him a kiss, giving him my own cheeky grin.

Dave introduced the band to a deafening reception from the audience. As the lights lit up the stage, James raised his hand above head
signalling to the band as they exploded into one of their more upbeat songs. I laughed a little as I watched James dance and shake his ass all over the stage. The girls in the front row were working themselves into a state of hysteria. Dan was working his side of the stage, giving the crowd a “show” as he got closer to them. He allowed and even encouraged their hands to graze his body and his bass. His smile clearly showed his satisfaction. Troy was, as always, having the time of his life. Behind his monstrous kit, he hit and smashed his way through the song, wowing the crowd with aerial stick displays, sending one drum stick flying into the air then catching it mid beat. Jason laughed enthusiastically at Troy’s showing off or “Visuals” as Troy called them. Of course Alex was his usual cool and compelling self, his hypnotic eyes engaging the crowd. The agile movement of his hands along the fret-board was both strangely erotic and seductive. His calm, almost detached demeanour was doing nothing to settle the frenzied girls vying for his attention. A slow half grin twisted across his lips as he watched the craziness unfold in front of him.

All too soon the song was over and Dave invited James and Alex over to his desk for a chat.  The crowd was still hollering and
wolf whistling as the two men strode purposely to the centre of the studio. Dave welcomed them by shaking each of their hands before his trademark whisper into James’ ear. James nodded and smiled enthusiastically. (I had always wondered what he whispered to guests, I was going to have to ask James later.)

“WOW! I see you boys all brought your families here! Is there anyone here who isn’t a Power Station fan?”  Dave quipped as the crowd slowly calmed.

James and Alex both laughed as they settled into their seats, James taking the opportunity to respond.

“What can I say, it’s New York City Dave! Our home town has always been good to us.” He paused, turning to address the crowd “We love you guys and we appreciate each one of you!”

The crowd burst into applause - hooting and hollering at the excitement at being personally addressed.

“What you say Paul?” Dave turned to his loyal
sidekick and music director Paul Shaffer, “You think you and I give this band thing a try? I have no musical talent but that didn’t seem to hinder Paris Hilton getting a record deal.”

The crowd enjoyed Dave’s usual sarcastic banter as James and Alex looked on, happy and relaxed. Paul shot back with some of his own witty repartee.

“So this album shows a bit of a more serious side. Was that a conscious effort, or did it just turn out that way?” Dave inquired as he commenced the formal part of the interview.

Once again James took the lead as Alex, sat beside him content, nodding in agreement.

“Well, we aren’t the same kids anymore. A year can really change a person and we’ve gone through a lot both individually and as a band so it’s only natural that it would be reflected in our writing.”

I smiled at James’ intelligent and well thought out response. A year really can change a person, I thought. It hadn’t even been a year since I’d been with Power Station and my life had already changed dramatically.

“I think it illustrates that we are just regular guys” Alex interjected. “We still have relationship issues, we still have nasty break ups, we still have grief or days were you feel depressed or lonely. I think it’s important that our fans see that we are more than just guys up there.” Alex gestured to where they had been playing, “Every song on this album has earned its place and I know I speak for the whole band when I say that it’s probably some of our best material.”

“Well judging by the reception you got here I would say it’s been well received. You touched on this a little bit before but it in the past 6 months there has been some monumental changes in your lives. James, there was that accident in Australia that involved your brother Mike and of course there was the passing of your father Alex, which can’t help but change you. And most recently there is the news that you, James, are going to be a Dad.” There was scattered applause from the crowd. “As song writers, is it times like this that you get most of your inspiration?”  Dave’s
sombre mood surprised me.

Alex glanced over at James as he shifted in his chair, taking the opportunity to answer first “Well I know for me, losing my Father had a very profound affect. It put into perspective what was important and who was important. You just had to look around at the people who loved him to know he was a great man, something I aspire to be. That then spilled into my writing.”

I stood shocked at Alex’s out of character candour. He didn’t downright hate interviews but he was more than happy to let James take the reins and was usually tight lipped when it came to personal issues. This shift in his approach caught me by surprise. I could see that his response had a similar affect on the crowd as someone screamed out “I love you Alex.” He didn’t even pause before he turned to the crowd, a flirty smile played on his lips as he responded “Thanks Mom” instantly lightening the mood and inciting laughter to trickle through the crowd.

James took a moment to compose himself before he took his turn. “Yeah as much as it sucks, it’s easier to write from a darker place, so it’s natural that stuff that happened shaped the songs. I agree in that this is some of our best material. For me learning I was going to be a Dad pretty much blew my mind, but with it you are forced to look at who you are, cause it’s not just about you anymore. The last thing I want is for my son or daughter to look at me when they grow up and think my biggest accomplishment was having great hair.”

Alex turned to his “brother”, a sexy smile curling his lips “You do have great hair, Man.”

James laughed as he faced Alex “Thanks Man, yours isn’t too bad either!”

Dave joined in “Ha! You two are lucky! I have to compete with Paul’s hair!”

His bald-headed music director smiled as the camera panned over to him, the audience responding with laughter and applause.

“So do you know if you are having a boy or a girl?” Dave asked James as the crowd once again quieted.

“No, Hannah and I decided there are so few surprises these days that we’d wait until the birth.” James smiled. I knew this had been more Hannah’s decision than his, but he wasn’t willing to make an issue of it even though he was desperate to know.

Dave turned his attention to Alex before asking; “So Alex, what about you? Any plans to settle down?”

I held my breath as I waited for his answer. OH MY GOD, what was he going to say? We hadn’t gone through this in the preparation for the show. It’s not something I thought he would be asked. Shit!!! I crossed my arms tightly against my chest as I watched a playful grin twitch at the outer corners of his mouth. It was at that moment I realized that I wasn’t sure what I wanted him to say.  Did he deny he was in a relationship, give his “fans” false hope that they still had a chance? Or did he admit he was with someone and possibly cause further headache for me while I fielded even more of the “who is she??” calls. Either way it was too late now, the question seemed to hang in the air forever before he finally answered.

“Well Dave, there has been a lot of speculation on my relationship status and at the risk of jeopardizing my place on People’s Sexiest Man Alive poll, I have to admit that I am very much in love with an amazing and talented woman.”

I heard the surprised gasps from the audience, or perhaps it was only my own that echoed around the side stage area as all the blood drained from my head. I felt hot and dizzy as a
stagehand grabbed me suddenly, asking, “Hey are you ok Miss? You are swaying.”

“Yeah I’m fine.” I brushed away his concern, slightly embarrassed by the attention I had drawn. FUCK!!!! There was no hiding now. Every time Alex stepped out there would be a horde of photographer’s waiting to catch him and his “mystery woman”. We had been so careful in the past, the only people who knew of our relationship were our very closest friends, hell I hadn’t even told my parents (not that it would concern them either way).

I steadied myself before I looked back over at him as his eyes locked on mine, spelling out what I already knew; he was done with hiding. He had told me once before that he hated keeping our relationship a secret and I guess he had decided that one way or another it wasn’t going to be a secret any more. I didn’t know if I was angry or happy. Part of me was so elated that he felt that way and he was happy to share it with the world and the other part of me felt like it was somehow the beginning of the end.

I glanced down at my
phone that had started vibrating relentlessly. Yup, so it begins. Every news rag worth its salt was calling to try and get a name. Dave took the opportunity to press Alex further, “So anyone we know?”

Alex giving Dave a cheeky wink,
“Well I know her...but she is a pretty private person” he smiled.  If James was shocked by Alex’s revelation, he wasn’t showing any signs of it. He sat beside his friend composed and relaxed.

My mind raced as Dave wrapped up the interview with some loaded barbs about being in a relationship as they went out to an ad break. My pulse was out of control as Alex sauntered over to my side of the
stage; make up stopping him half way to “touch him” up.

“Did you lose your fucking mind?” I seethed as he approached me, his smile not slipping from his mouth.

“Not the reaction I was hoping for, but uncertainty is part of the fun,” he teased.

“Did you think you might want to have cleared this with me? What the fuck Alex?!” I stormed struggling to keep my voice down, people milled around us as they counted the moments before going back live.

“Are you pissed as my publicist or as my girlfriend?” He eyed me curiously, clearly enjoying my struggle with restraint.

“Both! I thought we’d agreed! You can’t just decide something like that without first at least consulting me,” I jeered through my clenched teeth. “You know that it’s only a matter of time before they work it out right? You know they are going to hound us until they get something to raise the sales of their worthless rags.”

“Lexi, I told you I loved you and I meant it. I’m done hiding. I’m sorry. I know if I talked to you about this you would fight me, but you know it goes both ways too. I am sick of being your dirty little secret. I am done sneaking around. They will find out we are together and then it will be over, they will move on to the next victim. Trust me, next week some Hollywood teenager will flash her crotch or some member of a boy band will cut their hair and we will be old news.” He discreetly squeezed my hand, knowing we were being watched by the people milling around us. “Lexi, I want to be with you. I’m not going to pretend that I’m not in a relationship with you. Besides, it will be harder for you to break up with me now,” his playful grin returned.