A Letter for Annie (17 page)

While she finished preparing breakfast, he took a quick shower, decided to forgo shaving and came back just in time to eat. He ran a hand over his beard. “Hope you don’t mind the scruffy pro-quarterback look.”

While they ate and made small talk, the air was fraught with sexual tension and unasked questions—as if they couldn’t wait to go back to bed but were too shy to put a voice to their desire.

When they’d finished the dishes and were ready to leave the house, he put his arms around her. “So am I forgiven?”

“For what?”

“For holding back on giving you the letter?”

She kissed him lightly. “You had good reasons.”

He sobered, his heart pounding. “Annie, I love you so very much.”

“I know,” she whispered. “And I, you.” When she stepped away, she pulled an envelope from her pants pocket and set it on the counter. He recognized it. Pete’s letter. “I wasn’t sure at first if I ever wanted you to read this, Kyle. But now I do.”

“What changed your mind?”

She grazed a hand over the words
For Annie
before turning back to him. Her eyes were sad, but also luminous. “Because I realize now that Pete wrote the letter to both of us.” Pulling her keys out, she kissed him again and slipped out the door.

He stood rooted to the spot, unable to grasp the enormity of what she had just done. The letter was hers. Surely Pete had never intended it for anyone else’s eyes. Reading it would be intruding into Pete and Annie’s sacred space. He crossed to the counter and picked it up, holding it in his hands as if the mere heft of it would direct him.

Bubba stood by the door expectantly. It was past
time to leave for work. Too bad, Kyle thought, slumping onto a kitchen stool and inhaling a cleansing breath. Okay, then. He extracted the letter from the envelope, his face flushing with the shock of seeing Pete’s familiar handwriting covering the page. Once more the notion came to him that he was trespassing on intimate secrets. Yet he was pulled into the prose just as if Pete were speaking to him.

…I can barely stand the thought that I will never see you again, that we will never be together as we’d always planned…I don’t have a clue how I know, but I just do—you’re out there somewhere and you’ve never stopped loving me.

Kyle could scarcely breathe, the awful reality of Pete’s death shocking him all over again. He rubbed his eyes and forced himself to continue.

…We had such plans. How we’d marry and have children. How we’d introduce them to the miracle of tide pools, coastal forests and mountains. How we’d never let one day pass without telling them how much we loved them.

Pete had loved the out-of-doors. Kyle closed his eyes. Eerily, the smell of wood smoke and the sound of rushing water came to him as if he were standing in a mountain grove beside a tumbling stream. He remembered then—the camping trip in the Cascades the two of them had taken just before football practice began their senior
year. How excited they’d been about being top dogs. How unabashedly Pete had shared his feelings for Annie.

The final paragraph of Pete’s letter, beginning with the harsh words
But I’m gone
nearly did Kyle in. And then came the part about dreams. He didn’t know if he could even continue reading. Finally he gathered his courage.

…More than anything, that’s what I want for you—dreams. A good man to love and who will love you. Someone who will make you laugh, who will hold you close each night, who will give you children and grow old with you.

Damn it, Pete. It was supposed to be you.
Kyle buried his head in his hands, the old guilt washing over him. He’d just made love to Annie, the woman he had adored since he was a kid. How, for even one minute, could he think he should be the someone to make Annie laugh, to give her children, to love her into her golden years?

But, God help him, he wanted to be. What would Pete think of him?

After long minutes he roused himself. It was when he picked up the letter to put it back in the envelope that he noticed the P.S. on the back of the page. As he read the words that sounded so like Pete, he convulsed with grief, shedding all the wild tears he had bottled up for years.
God, Pete, how did you know?

…Hey, if you don’t have anyone particular in mind, I’ll make a suggestion. Try my buddy Kyle.
He needs a good woman, and you won’t find anyone better to love.

The words swam on the page. Had Pete paused at his car on that long-ago starry night, turned for one last look at the ocean and seen Kyle draw Annie into his arms? Had he suspected Kyle suffered in silence, aching for love of his girl? The answers had died with Pete, but forgiveness was etched in the haunting P.S.

A
LL THAT DAY
Annie floated around the cottage, unable to settle to work. She felt alive in a strange, new way. Her body tingled with the afterglow of lovemaking, and for the first time in years, she dared to envision a hopeful future. Over and over she replayed his words:
I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old.
She had never dared to think about finding love again, but she had discovered it in the most unexpected place of all—Eden Bay.

The week passed in a blur. Days were devoted to work. To her surprise, on Wednesday the owner of the Scottsdale boutique called with exciting news. She was opening a second store in Santa Fe and wanted to feature Annie’s signature line of purses in both locations. “You are very talented, Ms. Greer,” the woman said just before she concluded the phone conversation.

In the midst of her euphoria, Annie felt Auntie G.’s approving presence filling the house, as if she were clucking,
This is everything I’d hoped for you, petunia.

Evenings she’d spent with Kyle. He’d stayed over only once, but, oh, that once. To the music of the surf
kissing the beach below, they’d made slow, luxurious love. Early that next morning, they’d wrapped up in blankets and taken their coffee out onto the porch. As the sun rose, they listened, without speaking, to a world coming alive with the sounds of stirring birds and animals. Annie snuggled into the curve of Kyle’s arm, smiling to herself. It was so beautiful here.

As if reading her mind, Kyle had kissed her forehead and whispered, “How can you leave all of this? Please, Annie, stay in Eden Bay.”

She knew he wanted an answer. It was on the tip of her tongue to give him one. She was ecstatically happy. Yet she’d learned not to trust happiness. In the blink of an eye, it could all be taken away. It was best not to make such an important decision under the influence of a perfect sunrise and a body flushed from passion. “I’m thinking about it,” she murmured, knowing in her heart that if she lived her dream as Pete had suggested in his letter, she would stay. But there was still the element of fear. In this place, could she ever be free of the shame of the past? Without Kyle, though, could she ever be free anywhere? As if he had spoken aloud, Pete’s words sounded in her head:
Live, Annie, live!

Everything was pushing her toward staying, until Friday morning, when ugly reality intruded. In preparation for the gals’ chowder and beer night at the cottage, Annie went to the supermarket. She was fingering the potatoes in the produce section when a woman sidled up next to her. “Hello, Annie.” The voice was not friendly.

Looking up, she saw Pete’s sister Margaret, her face a mask. “You’re still here, I see.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Are you serious? After what you did to my brother? I don’t know how you have the nerve to set foot in this town.”

Old feelings of shame and guilt rendered Annie speechless.

Margaret was obviously on a roll. “But you aren’t satisfied simply to come back. You’ve set your sights on Kyle. Do you have any idea how you’ve upset our family?” To Annie’s astonishment, the woman’s eyes filled with tears. “We loved Pete so much and we miss him terribly. Just when we think maybe we’re getting on with our lives, you show up as a constant reminder of what we’ve lost. I don’t know what Kyle is thinking, taking up with you. But I know what I’m thinking. How much longer can you continue to hurt the Nemec family?” Digging into her pocket for a tissue, Margaret walked away, wiping her eyes.

Annie had the impulse to go after her, but she couldn’t move, stunned by the attack. And if she did go after her, what would she say? She had no defense, and she was the last person from whom Margaret would welcome comfort. And the truth was Annie understood the source of Margaret’s bitterness—deep love and abiding sorrow.

By the time Annie arrived back at the cottage, she knew the answer to Kyle’s question. The only way she could stay in Eden Bay was if she summoned the courage to tell the Nemecs the truth about graduation night. She had seen such anguish in Margaret. Annie no longer wanted to contribute to that pain. She didn’t
know if Margaret or the others would listen, but she had to give them a chance, even if just thinking about such a conversation made her weak in the knees.

A
NNIE GOT THROUGH
the rest of the day by concentrating on preparations for her friends. She had kidded herself into thinking she could have a future in Eden Bay without taking responsibility for hurting Pete. Basking in Kyle’s and Carolee’s acceptance, Annie had overlooked the others—Margaret and the rest of the Nemecs—for whom she represented only pain.

She did her best to set aside those concerns by focusing on menial tasks, determined not to fall apart.

Mary was the first guest, arriving early to peruse the handbag samples. “These are gorgeous,” she said, picking up first one then another. “We’ll take all you can spare for the auction.” Then she studied Annie, her eyes glowing with appreciation. “Who knew you were such an artist?”

The others arrived shortly after and Mary herded them all upstairs to see Annie’s creations. Lindsey and Jill insisted on buying a purse apiece. When Annie tried to give them a discount, Jill hooted. “Are you kidding? I couldn’t touch one of these in Portland for this price.”

Later they moved to the porch where everyone praised the chowder and claimed to prefer the cottage to
a restaurant. Betsy gestured at the ocean view. “Look at that. Annie, I hope you never take this place for granted.”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Annie said softly, a lump forming in her throat.

Following dinner, conversation drifted to high school reminiscences that ordinarily would have left Annie limp with laughter, but tonight she could barely summon a smile.

Carolee put an arm around Annie after the others had left. “Okay, girl. Something’s going on with you. Missing your aunt?”

Annie knew she could seize that excuse and the questions would end there. “Always.” Unexpectedly, she found herself confiding in Carolee. “But there’s more.”

Carolee pulled her chair closer. “I figured. You were quiet this evening. I’m a good listener. And a close-mouthed one.”

Slowly, like unknotting a snarled strand of yarn, Annie began. “I had good reasons for leaving Eden Bay. Reasons I’d rather not go into.”

“I never doubted that. You wouldn’t have walked away from Pete otherwise.”

Carolee’s understanding broke through Annie’s reserve, and she found herself talking about the lonely years in Bisbee and the devastating news of Pete’s death, which left her with little reason to return to Eden Bay. “Now, though, I really want to stay here, but I’m not sure I can.”

“Oh, Annie, why not? We’re all so glad you’re back.”

“Not everyone.”

Carolee raised an eyebrow. “Oh, who might that be?”

“For starters, Margaret Baird. I don’t know if she can forgive me. If any of the Nemecs can.”

“Margaret loved her brother very much. Sometimes people who can’t move beyond their grief find a target for their hurt and anger. Maybe you are Margaret’s. She’s not a bad person, but I think Pete’s death cast a shadow over her life.”

“That’s just it. I’m a constant reminder of Pete.”

“But you’re entitled to a life, too. Talk to her, Annie.”

“I’ve already decided to, although who knows how I’ll be received.”

“Take it one step at a time.” Carolee hesitated, as if considering her next words. “Besides, there’s Kyle Becker.”

“Kyle?”

“Oh, honey, you don’t think your relationship is a secret? I heard it from Rosemary’s friend at the bank.”

Annie jumped to her feet and paced to the railing. Carolee joined her. Neither woman spoke until Carolee said quietly, “It’s your life, Annie. Yes, Kyle works for the Nemecs, but maybe you’re selling them short. They loved you once, too. If there’s some explanation that would help them understand why you acted as you did, it’s time to share that information.”

“It’s so hard,” Annie said in a strangled voice.

“Nobody said it would be easy, but don’t let the past drive you away. Running never solves anything.” She leaned over and kissed Annie on the cheek. “I’m leaving now, sweetie, but let me say this. Don’t be too quick to turn your back on a future with a wonderful man like Kyle.”

Annie remained on the porch, replaying Carolee’s words and willing Geneva’s spirit to send a sign telling her what to do.

W
HEN
K
YLE CALLED
the next morning to ask about the party, Annie put him off, knowing she couldn’t face him until she’d spoken with Margaret. She tried to imagine living here if the Nemecs remained hostile to her, but she loved Kyle too much to put him in that situation—being with her yet loyal to the Nemecs.

She dressed carefully in a pair of navy linen slacks and a matching sweater with a sailor collar. Applying makeup, she did her best to disguise the bags under her eyes. Sleep had eluded her the night before.

Wind whipped the shore as she drove down the Coast Highway. She’d debated calling Margaret, but hadn’t wanted to risk the woman’s out-and-out refusal to see her. Turning into the Bairds’ street, she was relieved to see Rick loading their two kids, dressed in soccer uniforms, into the family van. She slowed, waited for them to drive away, then parked across the street from their house.

Standing on the Bairds’ front porch with her heart beating a wild tattoo, Annie rang the doorbell.

Margaret opened the door, dressed in jeans and holding a dustrag. “What are you doing here?”

“Could we please talk? I think it would—”

“We have nothing to say to one another.” Margaret started to close the door.

“Wait, please!” Margaret paused and, in that brief
interval, Annie made her case. “You deserve to know why I left Pete after graduation. It’s time for the truth.”

“I don’t know what you could possibly say that would make any difference.”

Annie swallowed against the lump in her throat. “I loved Pete. You loved Pete. Surely he would ask you to listen before passing judgment on me.”

It took forever before Margaret stepped back and let Annie in. “I’m doing this for Pete, not for you.”

In the living room, Annie recognized the sofa and coffee table from the senior Nemecs’ family room where she and Pete had spent so much time. Then, as if drawn by a magnet, her gaze lighted on the photographs of Pete. Unable to help herself, she moved to stand in front of them.

Margaret came to Annie’s side, focused, too, on the pictures. “You hurt him more than you will ever know.”

“I’ve hurt you, as well. And the rest of your family.”

Margaret faced Annie. “Yes, you have.”

“There’s nothing I can do to make things right. But I owe you an explanation.”

Margaret gestured toward the sofa before taking her seat in the wing chair. “I’m listening.”

Annie panicked. Now that the time had arrived, she had no idea where to start. Fumbling for words, she said, “I loved Pete with all my heart—I’ve never stopped loving him. But there were things about me, my life, back then that no one knew. Things I didn’t talk about. I couldn’t even tell Pete everything.”

Pausing to collect her thoughts, Annie noticed that Margaret’s rigid posture had relaxed somewhat. “You
may remember that my mother died during my junior year in high school and my stepfather cared for me after that.”

“The bank president?”

“Yes. And contrary to what most people believed, George Palmer was not a nice man. In fact, he became increasingly affectionate.” Annie swallowed hard. “In inappropriate ways.”

“And Pete knew this?”

“Not for a long time. I was too ashamed to say anything. I felt dirty. Guilty. I didn’t know what to do, where to turn.”

“Oh my God, Annie.”

“Finally I told Pete a little bit about what was happening. He was furious.”

“Of course.”

“He said if George laid a hand on me, he would kill him. I believed him.” She ran her damp hands up and down her thighs. “I kept thinking I could escape when I went to college. But I waited too long.”

“Annie, what happened?”

“On the night of graduation, my stepfather raped me.”

Seconds ticked by before Margaret spoke. “I’m at a loss for words. That’s horrible.” Scrubbing her hands across her face, Margaret sighed. Then she crossed the room and sat at the other end of the sofa. “Pete knew?”

Annie shook her head. “I couldn’t tell him. I was afraid for him.”

“You thought he might actually kill George?”

“Or that he would stay home from his National Guard training and risk his future to protect me. Serving
his country was Pete’s dream. How could I stand in the way of that?”

“So you left.”

“I left.”

“But why didn’t you get in touch later?”

“I was terrified George would find me. And I knew no one would believe me if I came back to accuse him of what he’d done.”

“Pete never quit looking for you.”

“So I’ve heard. I’m so sorry for what I did, but at the time, I thought I had no choice.”

Margaret picked up Annie’s hand. “These past years must have been painful for you.”

Annie nodded. What was there to say?

“Losing Pete was the hardest thing I’ve faced. And when you came back to town, Annie, emotions I’d thought I had under control resurfaced. It was as if your presence had opened a huge wound.”

“It’s all right.”

“You know, few are so lucky to have had such a wonderful brother.” She paused. “I think you’re right about what Pete would have done to George. He would never have let anyone hurt you. It will take me a while to process this. But I’ve misjudged you.” She squeezed Annie’s hand. “Please forgive me.”

Without conscious thought, Annie pulled Margaret into her arms. “And you, me,” she whispered.

When Margaret finally sat back, she was smiling through her tears. “I think Pete is very happy today.”

It was the best possible outcome. And as Annie perched on a stool at the kitchen counter while Margaret
made coffee, it was easy to say, “I need your help with one more thing.”

“A talk with Mom, Dad and Rosemary?”

“Yes. They need to hear the truth, too.”

“I’d be happy to set up a family meeting. I won’t tell them exactly why.”

“I’d appreciate that. Would you mind if Kyle was there with me?”

Margaret studied Annie. “So it’s that serious?”

Annie blushed, but did not look away. “Yes. I’m in love with him.”

Margaret busied herself for several moments. When she spoke, her voice was gentle. “Okay. I know Pete would approve.”

And then Annie told her about the letter.

W
HEN
A
NNIE CALLED
to invite him for a walk on the beach, Kyle was relieved. He knew the pressure she’d put on herself to entertain Carolee and the others. Before Annie hung up, she added a comment that made him uneasy. “I’m getting close to having an answer for you.”

His breath stopped. She had to stay in Eden Bay. Anything else was unthinkable. “There’s only one I’ll accept.”

When he arrived at the cottage, she was dressed in a long-sleeved T-shirt, overalls and pink sneakers. She gave him a brief hug, then grabbed a ball cap. With her ponytail stuck through the band, she looked like the bat girl she’d been for his high school team. He loved everything about her, from the freckles lightly dusting her
nose to the green flecks in the hazel of her eyes. “Let’s go,” he said, taking her hand.

For a few minutes they walked saying nothing. “I think the party went well,” she said. “I’m sorry I didn’t know Carolee better in high school. She’s been a true friend these past few weeks.”

He swung their joined hands high. “One more good reason to stay in Eden Bay. You know I love you, and I’m not prepared to lose you.”

“Don’t press it, Becker. I have more to do before making any decisions.”

“Anything you can talk about?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

He hoped to God he could interpret her words as encouragement.

“You know how difficult it was for me to come back. The memories, both good and bad, haunt me.”

“We can do something about that.”

“What?”

“You and I can make our own new memories. Then there’s counseling. Have you ever tried that?”

“And relive the whole nightmare?”

“But if it helped you heal…?” He put his arm around her. “I’d be there to support you.”

Yes, he would. She knew that. He was steady. And maybe someday she would enter therapy. But she was taking her own steps right now. “I did something big today. I went to see Margaret.”

He pulled her close. “Oh, Annie. That must’ve been incredibly hard.”

“I told her everything. It was like a gutting. But I
can’t live here unless I make peace with the Nemecs. Not just for your sake, but for theirs…and mine.”

They stood quietly for a moment, then she took a deep breath.

“I’m not done. Margaret is arranging a meeting with the Nemecs. I need to tell them.” She looked directly at him. “Will you come with me?”

“You know I will.” He grazed her cheek with his knuckles. “It might comfort them to know you didn’t reject Pete. That you loved him and love him still.” He nestled her closer. “They are good people. They’ve forgiven me. They’ll forgive you. Then maybe you can forgive yourself.”

The surf roared in her ears. She shut her eyes against the image of George infiltrating her mind. Was she doomed to be a victim, permitting what happened with George to control her life?

With a determined shake of her head, she spread her arms to embrace the Pacific. “I’m here,” she shouted, and the weight of her decision took flight.

Kyle gathered her in his arms, an expression of hope on his face. “Does that mean what I think it does?”

She reached up and tangled her fingers in his hair. “I love you, Kyle Becker.”

Crushing her against him, he covered her face with kisses. “I will spend my life making sure you never regret this decision.” When he found her mouth, electricity fired through her body. Then he whispered in her ear, “What changed your mind?”

“Pete,” she answered.

Smiling, he nodded his head. “I understand.”

T
HE NEXT AFTERNOON
when Kyle picked up Annie, she wore a green sheath, a seashell necklace and sandals. He smiled to himself. No more hiding behind baggy clothes. As they drove toward the Nemecs’, he held her hand, offering her reassurance.