A Letter for Annie (16 page)

“Kyle?” She looked so tentative, even childlike, her body swathed in a flannel shirt that fell nearly to her knees. Jeans and running shoes that had seen better days completed her outfit.

“Hey, I guess you found me.” He didn’t know what she wanted. Didn’t know what to say.

“You gave me your card, remember? You’re not hard to find.”

“Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know yet. That’s what I came to find out.”

He thrust his hands into his pockets to keep from pulling her into his arms. “I’ve missed you.” Damn it, where had that come from? “I thought maybe you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“For a while I thought so, too.”

“And now?”

“Now I need to talk.” She cocked her head and peered around his shoulder into the living room. “Uh, do you think I could come in?”

“Sure. Sorry, I forgot my manners.” He stood back and let her enter. Bubba, roused from the kitchen floor, ran excited circles around Annie. “Looks like he’s glad to see you.”

She knelt down, gratifying Bubba with a good ear scratching. Then Kyle heard her say, “I was kind of hoping someone else might be glad to see me.”

He lifted her to her feet by the elbow, then said softly, “Someone else is, Annie Greer.”

N
OW THAT SHE WAS HERE
at Kyle’s house, Annie found herself at a loss for words. The big-screen TV, a golf bag standing in the corner, oversize furniture, the faint, musty smell of athletic socks—it all screamed “man” in a way that was both intimidating and exciting. Kyle’s space. When he’d come to the door in a formfitting shirt and shorts that revealed well-toned legs, her mouth had gone dry and she’d thought about beating a hasty retreat. The decision to come here had seemed simple, even obvious, when she’d contemplated it from the safety of Auntie G.’s armchair. The reality was different—scary in a giddy sort of way.

Kyle swept the Sunday papers off the sofa. “Please sit down and excuse the mess. Can I get you some coffee? Soft drink?”

“This isn’t exactly a social call.”

His face fell momentarily, and she realized she’d sounded abrupt. He sat at the other end of the sofa. “What kind of call is it, then?”

“I guess it’s a clear-the-air visit.”

“About…?”

“Pete’s letter.”

He slumped. “I see. You said some pretty strong things the other night about trust. You were right. I betrayed both Pete’s and yours by hanging on to the letter as long as I did.”

Before she let him off the hook, she wanted the truth. “It’s not like you to do that. I need an explanation, Kyle.”

“And you deserve one.” He turned toward her, his arm resting on the sofa back. “But you’re not going to like everything I have to say.”

“Try me.”

“Pete was devastated when you left town without so much as a phone call. He nearly drove himself crazy trying to figure out what he’d done to drive you away—”

“Oh God.” It had never crossed her mind that Pete would blame himself for her departure.

“He was beside himself, Annie. As soon as he could, he tried to pick up your trail. Your stepfather was no help, for reasons I now understand. The agent at the bus station said you’d bought a ticket for Sacramento, but nobody knew anything more. Pete quizzed everybody he could think of, but no one could tell him a thing. He even tried getting your great-aunt’s address abroad from her attorney, but he’d been instructed not to give it out. Pete was like a crazy man. It was as if you’d dropped off the face of the earth. You understand this was my friend, and he was in hell.”

“You had every right to be furious.” Her hands clenched at her sides, Annie waited for the next blow to fall.

“So far as I was concerned at the time, you had single-handedly destroyed the Pete I knew. No way
could any of us understand his devotion to you. Nothing anybody said or did could shake his love for you. He was the most stubborn guy I’ve ever met where you were concerned. At times, it felt like there was no longer room in his life for me or his family or…for anyone. Except you, and you were a ghost. How could I not be hurt and angry?”

“So I became the target of your rage.”

“Big-time. Then when Pete died looking at your photo, in my mind, it was almost as if you’d pulled the trigger.”

She doubled over, clutching her sides, moaning.

“I don’t want to hurt you like this, Annie, but if I’m to be totally honest, the truth is that I hated you from the moment you left Eden Bay, and it only intensified after Pete got shot.”

She cleared her throat and finally found her voice. “You loved Pete. Your feelings are understandable.”

“When you showed up at the cottage after all these years, you were the last person I wanted to see. Frankly, I was afraid of what I might do or say. The only reason I agreed to take on the work for Auntie G. was because I could see how important it was to her to have the job done properly.”

Annie dared to look at him. “What made you start helping me? Like that day you followed us to the doctor’s office?”

“I don’t know exactly. You looked so vulnerable trying to get your great-aunt settled in the car. I couldn’t help asking myself what Pete would’ve done. What he would have me do. Caregiving is tough, and I could see how
much you loved your aunt. I wanted, somehow, to ease your burden. And that’s when things began to change.”

“What do you mean?”

“I fought it, but I couldn’t hate you any longer, Annie. In fact, I began to hate myself.”

“Hate yourself? Why?”

“The anger I bore toward you all those years was misdirected. You were my scapegoat. And then after Pete died…” He raked fingers through his hair and blew out a long breath. “My job was to spot that sniper. Take him out. That would’ve kept Pete safe.” Kyle’s face was drawn, the expression in his eyes bereft.

The full impact of what he was saying slowly dawned on her. “Wait. You mean you’ve blamed yourself for his death?”

“Every day.”

“Oh, Kyle.” She wanted to reach out to him, to soothe him, but she knew it wasn’t the time, that he would not welcome her touch. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“That’s what everyone tells me.” He shook his head in disbelief. “You don’t blame me?’

“No one could’ve prevented what happened.”

In her eyes, he read forgiveness. A weight rolled off him. “Some friend I am, though. Now I want to steal his girl. Maybe that was always part of it.”

He spoke so quietly, at first she thought she’d misunderstood him. “What did you say?”

“That’s the main reason I couldn’t give you the letter.” She waited for him to go on, her heart thudding. “At first I told myself it was because you didn’t deserve it. But it was much more than that. I was afraid to
compete with your memories of Pete. I didn’t know what was in the letter, but I knew whatever it was would come between us. And it has.”

“Are you saying that you kept the letter from me because you thought I’d reject you?”

At last he picked up her hands and held them gently in his. “You probably don’t know this, and I’ve only recently been able to admit it to myself, but I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old.”

“Kyle—”

“Please, let me finish. Before I lose my nerve. All that anger that tied me in knots? It was also about wanting you and feeling so damned guilty about my feelings. What you had with Pete was special, enviable. What kind of friend covets his best friend’s girl? But I did.” His eyes found hers. “I still do, Annie.”

There was no premeditation. As if it was the most natural act in the world, she moved into his arms. Cupping his jaw in her hands, she searched his face for answers. “All this time? Even in high school?”

“You never guessed? Even that night on the beach?”

“I thought what happened was simply the emotion of the moment, but afterward I felt guilty wondering if I’d done something to encourage you.” She hesitated, lost in thought. “I still find what you’re telling me difficult to believe.”

“There’s never really been anyone else. You can’t imagine how hard I tried to hide it. I even tried to convince myself that I loved you because Pete did and not for myself. When you came back to Eden Bay, I knew I was in trouble.”

“Oh, Kyle,” she said, drawing his face closer and kissing him, at first tenderly, and then with all the pent-up emotion of long weeks—even years—of denial. She couldn’t get enough of the taste of him, the warmth of his skin, the tantalizing way his hand played over her back. It was as if some other woman had temporarily slipped into her body—someone uninhibited, open, quivering with need. The miracle was that he seemed as lost in sensation as her, deepening the kiss, pulling her even closer, as if he would never let her go.

Abruptly, he broke the connection, holding her at arm’s length. “We have to stop.”

She picked up one hand and kissed it. “Why?”

“Because you’re driving me wild, that’s why.”

“So?”

“Annie, I know you think this is what you want. But you’re vulnerable. I couldn’t bear to hurt you.”

She sat back, holding his hand in her lap. “You think I’m not ready.”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, I don’t know, but…”

She felt blood pooling in secret places within her. Yet at the same time, she understood what made him hesitate. What if she had a flashback in the middle of lovemaking? Or froze again? She knew the possibility was there, yet she didn’t want to turn back now. If she did…what then? This was Kyle. Dear, dear Kyle, who treated her like a piece of fragile bone china. She moved closer, laying her head against his chest. “There can never be the perfect first time. But if there is, it will be with you. Tonight.” She moved her lips across the throbbing artery in his throat. “I want this. I want you.”

He moved his head to look deeply into her eyes. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom, kicking the door open and depositing her on his bed. She heard him mutter, “Bubba, get lost,” when the dog tried to follow them.

Kyle lay down beside her, still fully clothed, and in the dim light shining in from the living room, she saw his tentative, wondering smile, watched while he explored her face with his fingers and then, between kisses, slowly unbuttoned her shirt. “I’ll be gentle, Annie,” he whispered, “but being here like this, with you, I’m on fire.”

When he parted her blouse and unhooked her bra, she realized she had tensed, anticipating his fingers on her breasts. For an instant, the blackness of that long-ago night descended. She took a deep breath and made herself open her eyes and focus on Kyle, a man who would never harm her. Slowly he removed her shirt and bra and set them aside. Her nipples puckered with exposure to the cool air. Still, Kyle didn’t touch her there. Instead, he kissed her lips, her forehead, her eyelids, her throat. Then, as if her hands had a mind of their own, she cradled his head and directed him to her breasts. He didn’t hurry, but lingered and, with each touch, she found herself increasingly aroused.

When he slipped his hand beneath the waistband of her panties, she flinched involuntarily. He paused. “Too much?” he whispered.

She drew a deep breath. “Just give me a minute.”

“Slow and easy, darlin’.” He laid a trail of kisses from her neck to her abdomen to gentle her. “We have all night.”

Then she felt his fingers plying magic and, shuddering with a fierce, spontaneous need, she writhed beneath him. She sensed in him an urgency he was doing his best to tame. As he buried his head in her neck, his body straining above her, in one blinding moment, she knew that all she wanted in the world was to give herself to him, totally.

Afterward she couldn’t remember when their clothes had ended up on the floor or how long she had floated in a daze of exquisite foreplay. She only knew that Kyle had entered her with an almost reverent tenderness and brought her to life again. It was an exorcism that left her trembling with rekindled sexuality and passion for this man who had suffered so long in silence and who deserved to be loved as completely as he had loved her.

For long moments, they lay naked, facing each other, gently exploring curves, flesh, muscles, their gazes locked in a depth of understanding that moved Annie to happy tears. She loved everything about him—his square, capable hands, the scar on his left shoulder, the fine sandpaper of his beard beneath her fingers, the mingled smells of sea-breeze cologne and sex. Nothing this night had been about exploitation or selfishness. Only tenderness and intimacy.

Finally, he pulled up the sheet and brought her into his embrace. “Are you okay?”

“Mmm. Better than okay.” She kissed the soft spot beneath his ear. “Thank you, Kyle. I feel so…free.”

“You have no way of knowing how long I’ve dreamed of having you here in my bed. I promise to continue taking it slow.”

She curled her fingers against his neck. “Someday I hope—”

“Never mind about someday. Right now, Annie, I’m as happy as I’ve ever been in my entire life.”

She sighed contentedly. “I’m glad. Do you think you could keep on holding me for a while?”

He chuckled against her ear. “For as long as you want, my love.”

K
YLE FELT
something tugging at the sheet. He rolled over and propped up on one elbow. Bubba was insistent. “Easy, boy,” he said, rubbing his eyes. He could swear he smelled coffee and bacon.

Then he remembered. Annie. Shooting out of bed, he stepped into clean shorts and pulled on a T-shirt. Glancing in the mirror, he noticed a honker of a grin spreading across his face as memories of the night swept over him. God, she was fantastic. How long had she been up? He glanced at the bedside clock, surprised to see it was after seven.

He ran a hand over his hair, then stepped into the kitchen. “Hey, you,” he said, gathering Annie in his arms.

Holding a spatula in the air, she let him dance her around the room. “Careful. You’ll get egg on your shirt.”

“A small price to pay for having a beautiful short-order cook in my kitchen.” Her hair was damp, her cheeks rosy. “You showered already?”

“Sure. You were dead to the world.”

He grinned wickedly. “There’s a very good reason for that condition, ma’am.”

“I couldn’t sleep a wink.”

Guilt washed over him. “Why not?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you. About how we got together.” She turned aside to flip the bacon. “And especially about how you made me feel whole again. Like a woman.”

“
Like
a woman! You are a woman.” He came up behind her and put his arms around her waist. “I always knew that beneath all that baggy clothing was not just any woman, but a gorgeous one.”

She leaned back against him. “You make me feel safe.”

The thought jumped to his mind that he didn’t want to make her feel safe. He wanted her to feel sexy. Before he could joke about it, though, he recognized the compliment he’d just been paid. She hadn’t felt safe since her stepfather raped her. Until now. “Good,” he whispered. “I hope you always feel that way.”

Bubba came and stood beside them, brushing against Kyle’s leg. He stepped away and pulled dog food from under the counter. “I haven’t forgotten you, buddy. But today, somebody else comes first. I hope you approve.”

Bubba wagged his tail enthusiastically.

“What time do you go to work?” Annie asked.

“Before now.” He found himself grinning again. He just couldn’t help it. “But today I’m going to be late.”