A Life Restored (3 page)

It was just so hard.
 
The three of them grew up together.
 
Caroline felt closer to Julia than to her younger sisters.
 
Adam, only two years older than her and Julia, often played with them when the Colters and Larsons got together.
 
The three had been good friends growing up.

But, now she was left behind and she did not want to be.

The noise from their guests quieted down and still her papa had not come to talk to her.
 
She was just about to get up, when both Mama and Papa appeared in the kitchen.

Papa started pacing across the length of the small room, while Mama took a seat across from Caroline.

It was Mama who spoke first.
 
“Your father tells me that two different young men have shown an interest in you.”

Caroline’s eyes darted up to Papa’s face.
 
He looked extremely displeased.
 
She nodded.

“And that you allowed both of them to kiss you.”

Her eyes snapped back to her mama.
 
Though her expression was softer, it bespoke of disappointment as well.

“Do you like either of these boys?”
 
Papa asked, stopping to stand behind Mama.

Swallowing hard, Caroline tried to stall.
 
She liked them well enough—but not enough to court or marry them.

“Answer me.”

“No.”

Papa’s hands shot up in the air in frustration.
 
“Haven’t I raised you better than that?”

He started pacing again.

“George, calm down.”

He stopped with a clear view of Mama.
 
“Maggie, our daughter is toying with these men.
 
Our
daughter
.
 
How can I calm down?”

“Are you toying with them?”
 
Mama’s green eyes locked with hers.

“No.
 
I was going to tell Jesse that I wasn’t interested before the end of the night.
 
And Nathan—”

“He was going to ask me for permission to court you.
 
When were you going to tell him?”

“I wasn’t sure I didn’t want him to court me until just a little while ago.”

“You need to tell him that after church tomorrow,” Papa said.
 
“Caroline, when a boy kisses you—he’s serious.
 
It’s a dangerous game you’re playing.
 
Leading them to think you care when you don’t.
 
I raised you better than that.”

“I never led them to believe I loved them,” she defended, knowing how hollow the words sounded.

“From what I witnessed out there this evening you did.
 
Both of those young men were fully convinced that they captured your heart.
 
I’ll not have any daughter of mine acting in such a way!”

Mama turned to him.
 
“Don’t raise your voice.
 
This is about Caroline, not about you.”

What did Mama mean?

“She is acting like
her
.”

Mama shot Papa a look that silenced him, before saying, “Honey, tell us why you did this?”

Instead of answering, Caroline shot back her own question.
 
“Who am I acting like?”

Mama sighed.
 
“Your papa was in love with a woman once.
 
He wanted to marry her, but she had several beaus and picked someone else instead.”

“Maggie!”
 
Papa’s face paled.

“George, sit down.
 
You brought it up.
 
I think it’s only fair that Caroline understands why you’re reacting the way you are.”
 
As papa took a seat next to her, Mama repeated her earlier question, “Now, tell us what this is all about.”

Still stunned to learn that Mama was not Papa’s first love, Caroline looked down at her fingernails.
 
Softly, she started, “I just want to find someone that I can love like you love Papa.
 
Guess I have pretty high expectations, growing up watching the two of you.”

Mama smiled.
 
“I can understand that.
 
But, why let both of them kiss you—especially if you were not interested in them?”

“I didn’t know how to tell if I was in love.
 
I thought maybe if I kissed them both, I would be able to tell.
 
Only I found out that I’m not in love.
 
Not with either of them.”

The room went silent for several minutes.
 
Caroline looked up at her papa.
 
His features had softened, though he looked like he still had a few words for her.
 
Mama seemed to be weighing what she said.

“Love is not something to take lightly,” Mama said.
 
“Even though you don’t love either of those two boys, I understand that they have grown to love you.
 
It’s a painful situation they are in.
 
When you love someone and they don’t return that love—it hurts.”
 
The catch to her voice spoke of experience, making Caroline feel even worse for her actions.

“There are other ways to find out if you are in love without letting those boys kiss you,” Papa said.
 
“You just spend some time getting to know them.
 
Talk to them.
 
Over time, you would know.”

“But how do you know if you’re in love?”

Mama looked at Papa.
 
“You just do.
 
You think about him when he’s not there.
 
You look forward to the next time you’ll see him.”

Caroline didn’t know if she really believed that was all there was to it.
 
She never felt that way about any man.
 
How would she know when she did?

Chapter 3

Sunday afternoon had been hard.
 
After church, Papa drove her to Finley’s mercantile and waited outside while Caroline talked to Nathan.
 
She apologized for making him think that she felt more than she did.
 
The hurt in his eyes was difficult to see, but she forced herself to look at him as her penance.
 
She told him she would not accept his offer of courtship.
 
He asked if she would reconsider, apparently more forgiving than she would have been.
 
Before turning to leave, she reaffirmed that she was not ready for courting.

The next stop was Jesse Shoemaker’s ranch.
 
When she first arrived, his mother escorted her to the parlor with disdain written on her face.
 
Jesse entered the small room and crossed his arms.
 
He would not look at her.
 
She supposed she deserved it.
 
As she apologized, she caught his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he struggled for control.
 
Then she told him she would not seek a further relationship with him.
 
It was not until then that he looked at her.
 
When he did, tears welled in his eyes.
 
Without a word, he turned on his heel, leaving her standing there.

As Caroline slunk back out to the wagon, she blinked back her own tears.
 
She had not meant to hurt either of these men.

“I’m proud of you, Linny,” Papa said, as he helped her back into the wagon, calling her by the nickname he so rarely used these days.

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
 
Her shame overwhelmed her.

The ride back to the ranch passed in silence.

When they arrived home, Caroline retrieved a book from her room and a blanket.
 
Then she sought refuge under the big oak tree.
 
After reading the same page for the fourth time, she set the book aside.

What a painful lesson she learned last night.
 
Her plan hurt a lot of people.
 
So did her selfishness.
 
No wonder Papa was so upset.
 
She singlehandedly dashed the hopes of two young men.
 
She caused the Shoemakers to hate her.
 
She caused her parents great disappointment.

Her hope of finding love was no closer to being fulfilled than it was last night.
 
Maybe it was even further away now.

Shifting her position, she laid flat on her stomach and rested her head on her crossed arms with her face turned to the side.
 
The lowly position fit her lowly mood.

“Julia, what would you say to me if you were here?” she whispered.
 
Would her friend have stopped her from this foolishness before she left a trail of destruction?

Perhaps.
 
No matter what, though, she would be here to comfort her in the wake of it.

Sighing, Caroline rolled over on her back.
 
Staring up at the blue sky partially obscured by the leafy branches of the tree, she wondered what was next in her life.
 
With no possibilities for marriage, should she get a job in town?
 
Was it time for her to move out?

Adam was nineteen when he left.
 
At eighteen, she was certainly old enough to be on her own.

Arizona.

The wild territory called to her again.
 
If she moved there, she would not be completely on her own.
 
Adam would be there to help take care of her if she needed him.
 
Julia was there.
 
Maybe she could live with Julia at Colter Ranch.

Excitement lit a small spark then began smoldering into a bright flame.
 
This is what she wanted.
 
She wanted to move to the Arizona Territory.
 
She wanted to live close to her best friend and her brother.

Sitting upright, she crossed her arms, raising one to tap a finger against her temple.
 
How would she ever convince Papa to let her go?
 
He would insist she have an escort, if she was even able to get him to agree to the move.

How would she get an escort?

Slowly the idea took shape.
 
Tomorrow she would ride into town and place an ad in the newspaper in Santa Fe.
 
She would advertise that she was looking for a chaperone to take her to the Arizona Territory.
 
She was pretty sure she could get Papa to allow Georgie escort her to Santa Fe.
 
Then her chaperone could take her the rest of the way.

Jumping up from her retreat under the tree, she grabbed her book and blanket and rushed into the house to compose her advertisement.

The next morning, after breakfast, Caroline offered to take their extra eggs in to Finley’s mercantile so Missy, Bethie, and Helen did not have to stop on the way to school.
 
Despite Mama’s surprised look, she agreed to her suggestion.

Pulling the buggy to a stop in front of Finley’s, she took a deep breath.
 
Certainly Nathan would not be expecting her.
 
He might not be pleased to see her.
 
But, she needed his help to place the advertisement.

Hand hovering over the knob, she grasped it as determination stilled her nerves.
 
The little bell above the door tinkled, drawing Nathan’s blue eyes up from the register he studied.
 
The smile faded from his lips before he finished speaking.
 
“How may I help you?”

Caroline squared her shoulders and approached the counter.
 
Setting the basket of eggs down, she retrieved the small piece of paper from her reticule, unfolding it.

“I would like to place this,” she said, sliding the piece of paper across the counter, “in the newspaper in Santa Fe.”

A brief frown flitted across his forehead as he read the message.
 
Then his jaw went slack—she presumed in disbelief.

Terse words flew from his mouth.
 
“How long have you been planning this?”

“Since yesterday afternoon.”

Some of the harshness left his features.
 
“Does your father know about this?”

She hesitated.

“Caroline—”

“Look, will you place the advertisement or not?”

“What if I won’t?”
 
At her scowl he continued, “Is this about Saturday night?
 
Because if it is, I want you to know that I don’t want you to move west.
 
I want you to stay here.”
 
His voice softened as he reached for her hand.
 
“I’m still hoping you’ll reconsider.”

Swiftly, she pulled her hand from his, pretending to smooth some wrinkles from her skirt.

“If you won’t help me, then please be quick about settling the account for the eggs, so I can make my way to the telegraph office.”
 
She hoped he would not call her bluff.
 
She did not have the kind of money to send this by telegraph.

“I’ll see that this gets placed as soon as possible,” he said stiffly, before turning to count the eggs.
 
When he finished, he counted out several coins from his register minus the cost of the advertisement.

“Thank you.”
 
She smiled coyly, before turning to leave.

She thought she heard a curt “good day” muttered under his breath before the door shut behind her.

Just over two weeks later, Missy waved an envelope in front of Caroline’s face when she returned home from school.

“Nathan stopped by to give me this for you before school let out.
 
Guess he’s still in love with you,” Missy’s sassy comment annoyed her.

She reached for the envelope and hurried into the solitude of her room, knowing the letter would not be from him.

Dear Miss Larson,

My father and I would be pleased to act as your chaperone on your journey west, though we were not clear on your final destination.
 
We will be leaving for the mining town of Wickenburg around the tenth of May.
 
We are going to start a Presbyterian church there for the lost souls working the famed Vulture Mine.

While father’s work will keep him busy, if your final destination is easily reachable by stagecoach from Wickenburg, then sometime within a month or two of our arrival, we will be able to escort you to your final destination.
 
If need be, you will be welcome to stay with us until other arrangements can be made to see you safely there.

Please write back with your answer soon, so we may prepare for your arrival.

Sincerely,

Millicent Pritchett

Caroline blinked in disbelief.
 
Miss Pritchett and her father seemed quite eager to work with whatever arrangements she needed.
 
She had no idea if Prescott was within stage travel to Wickenburg.
 
No matter, once she arrived she would find a way to get to Prescott.

Now all she had to do was convince Papa that this was the right move for her.

Following supper that night, she broached the subject.

“Papa, I was thinking.
 
Adam must be getting lonely for the family by now.”

Papa looked up from his book.
 
“Didn’t we just send off another letter?”

“Yes, but don’t you think he would be happy if one of us lived nearby?”

Mama’s red hair bounced, nearly tumbling from its pins when her head snapped up.

“Caroline, what are you suggesting?” Papa asked, concern edging his voice.

“I miss him terribly.
 
And Julia, too.
 
Things aren’t exactly working out well for me here.
 
I just thought maybe I could move to Prescott.
 
I could help out at Colter Ranch.
 
Or I could get a job in town.
 
Adam would be close by and I would be able to visit with Julia often.”

With lips stretched in a thin line, Papa placed his book on the small table next to the oil lamp.
 
He looked over to Mama and to the girls.
 
Georgie stood and motioned for the girls to follow him out to the stables.

“Are you that lonely?” Mama was the first to break the silence.

The truth of her words settled over Caroline.
 
She truly was.
 
“Yes.”

“It’s a long and dangerous journey,” Papa said, surprising her by not refusing her request outright.
 
“You will need an escort.”

“I have one.”
 
Both of her parents shook their heads in disbelief.
 
“Mr. Pritchett is a pastor and his daughter will be traveling with him.
 
Who better to act as a chaperone?”

“I don’t know this Pritchett.”

“They are in Santa Fe,” Caroline said.
 
“Georgie could go with me to Santa Fe.
 
He could meet the Pritchetts and if he feels at all concerned about leaving me in their care, I would return home with him.”

Rubbing his hand across his face, Papa sighed.
 
“Seems you’ve already got this all figured out.”

Caroline smiled.

“Let your mother and me pray on this for a few days.”

Jumping up from her chair, Caroline squealed and hugged him.
 
“Thank you, Papa.”

“Whoa, I haven’t said yes.”

“I know,” she said, giving him a wink as she returned to her seat.
 
Yes usually came next.
 
She was certain it would this time.