A Little Bit of Trouble (31 page)

     I shake myself to relieve the aching in my chest and the jealousy
caused by the fact, that dickhead is with her and I’m not. He’ll be the one buried between her thighs tonight and the mere thought sickens me to my core.

     “Baby,” Maya squeals and jumps on James. She claims his mouth in a rather steamy kiss, a little too steamy for public. Summer pulls her away when James lifts her to straddle his lap on the stool.

     “No, bad Maya. Naughty,” Summer chastises her like she would a dog. Maya just pouts and whines. Sigh.

     “Go have fun,” James laughs and slaps her ass. She grins wickedly at him, her eyes promising him a good later I assume. I chuckle and lean back against the bar, deciding to face the club rather than act like the pussy I’m becoming.

      Loryn stands awkwardly to the side, this gives me a great time to peruse her, my eyes follow her soft curves, the delicate skin of her waist disappearing into those shorts that hug her snuggly. Then my eyes zone in on the dickhead’s hand on her bare waist. He laughs at something Marie has said, his arm around my girl… my ex girl I mean.

      I look up and find Loryn staring at my face, I give her a polite nod and a thin lipped smile. She frowns but says nothing, although I love the fact she feels uncomfortable when Greg pulls her closer and whispers something in her ear. At least she did seem uncomfortable until she just started giggling. Why the fuck is his face still in her hair? I bet his lips are touching her ear.

     His other hand plays with the fingers of her right hand so he’s almost pressing her against his body. She smiles up at him, it’s a real smile. Fuck. I can’t watch this. I’m going to go crazy.

     “Come on!” Maya groans and tugs at Summer and Marie. “Come dance!” And they do, I watch them clear a spot on the floor and dance around and with each other. The men join them even though the music is a bag of shit. Now I’m on my own and my eyes don’t leave her as she dances with Greg. I’ve never danced with Loryn, not like that. She’s really putting on a fucking show.

     After three more songs the group come back and order drinks, by this point my eyes are spinning, or the floor is. Either way I’m drunk I think. Shouldn’t have had that last tequila.

     “You’re swaying a bit there bro,” James laughs and wipes his face on his shirt. “You look miserable.”

     “I am fucking miserable,” I mumble but he doesn’t hear me as Maya is wrapped around him again. “Get a fucking room,” Marie laughs and pushes them out of the way. “How you doing there Lucas?”

     “Fine,” she doesn’t wait for my answer as she’s whisked away by Summer. Leaving me alone with Loryn and the dickhead.

     He takes her hand, she glances at me but follows him onto the dance floor. Fucking asshole. He’s doing this on purpose.

     His hands grab her ass as they move, I see red. No fucking way is he touching her. I start to head towards them when somebody touches my arm, definitely female. “Where you going?”

     I look back at her and give her a quick once over, she’s hot, but mostly fake, “Wanna dance?”

     She nods and smiles before waving over to her friends who start cheering for her. I roll my eyes and tug her close. Two can play at this game Loryn.

     “What’s your name?” I ask her over the music.

     “Charlotte.”

      “I’m Lucas.”

      “Great name.” Umm, thanks? “You live around here?”

      “Yeah.”

     “I’m just in the city for the week. Visiting friends.”

     “Awesome,” I feign interest and pull her closer. “Are we going to dance?”

     A smile lights up her twenty something face, “Hell yeah.” And dance we do. She grinds her ass into my hips as I grind up behind her, she warps her arms round my neck, sways her ass and moves fluidly and gracefully to the beat. She’s not a bad dancer but it’s not her that holds my interest. It’s the female now gaping open mouthed at me from across the dance floor.

     “Who’s your friend?” Maya shouts as she dances with James. I introduce them quickly and return my attention onto the beauty in my arms. Sure she’s gorgeous, nobody can deny that, but she’s not Loryn.

     We dance through two songs before I be my usual gentleman self and buy her and her three friends a drink. They pull me to sit down with them and shower me with compliments, lifting my shirt and telling me to flex. It’s fun for my ego, he’s definitely having a good time receiving all of this attention from beautiful women.

     “We’re going,” Maya says as she comes over. “James and myself. The others are staying I think.”

     “You coming bro?” James asks, I glance at the four females awaiting my reply and shake my head, “Nah, I’m happy here.”

     “Don’t do anything stupid,” Maya whispers in my ear.

     “I won’t,” I think. They leave as I down another beer. This kind of reckless drinking is stupid but fuck if it doesn’t make me feel numb
, and numb is exactly how I want to feel right now.

     “So what’s a good looking guy like you doing unmarried?” one of the females asks me as her friend returns to the table with more drinks.

     I shrug and avoid the question by complimenting her on her eye color. They all seem to swoon, that’s not new. According to Loryn I’m swoon worthy and hell if I aint playing on that right now.

     Summer comes over and asks if I want to dance with her, Chris is moaning about his feet. I decline and suck down another shot. That one was the killer. I’m completely fucked. The worst part is, I have no idea where Loryn is.

     Charlotte’s hand rests on my thigh as she leans in to whisper in my ear, “Want to get out of here?” Do I?

     I blink, look around quickly and then shake my head, “I better not.”

     “And why’s that,” she looks a little embarrassed at my rejection and a little pissed.

     “The night’s still young, let’s wait a while. I’m just going to the men’s.” I throw thirty dollars on the table. “Why don’t you get another round in?”

     I climb out of my seat and stagger walk to the toilets. As I enter two men leave laughing to themselves. Huh. When I open the door the room is empty so I quickly relieve myself and go to wash my hands. My eyes are so fucking unfocused it’s unreal.

     “Stop,” I hear female giggling come from one of the cubicles. “I can’t do it if you don’t stop moving.” That’s… no it’s not… it’s not Loryn. She’s not like that. She wouldn’t. Not in the men’s toilets.

     “Would you hurry,” I hear Greg laugh. “Ah.” He hisses through his teeth. “You’ve got it, Jesus.” My vision focuses but slowly turns red. “Move your leg.”

     “There’s not enough room,” she snorts and they both start laughing.

     Before I can stop myself my foot connects with the flimsy cubicle door. My eyes adjust to the scene before me, Loryn sat on the toilet, all I can see is her legs between Greg’s who is standing in front of her.

     “Ah shit,” he says with wide eyes. “Loryn.”

     “He’s standing right there isn’t he,” she whispers and looks around his leg at me. “Lucas this isn’t…” Thwack. My fist connects with Greg’s jaw, I don’t give him chance to fall as I grab him by the neck and bring my knee up into his nose.

     “You fucking bastard, she isn’t a god damn whore!” I shout and throw him to the ground, somehow Loryn falls with him. He scrambles backwards and cups his clearly broken nose with his hand. I reach for Loryn but she’s already back on her feet.

     “LUCAS!” Loryn screams and shoves me backwards
. Of course she’d defend him! “What the fuck are you doing?”

     “You let him use you… here?” I shout in her face, my own face no doubt a bright shade of angry red.

     “It’s not…”

     “Save it. I thought you were better than that. And you…” I point my finger in Greg’s face. “Are a god damn ass hole.”

     Greg stands and glares at me, his lips and chin covered in red fluid, “You’re a crazy piece of shit that doesn’t deserve her.”

     “I don’t deserve her?” I laugh once. “At least I haven’t dragged her into the men’s for a god damn quickie.” Someone walks in I glare at the man. “Fuck off. Now!” He nods and retreats.

     “Come on,” Loryn says softly to Greg.

     “I hope you enjoy jail time Lucas,” Greg sneers at me. “And for your fucking information.
Her hair was stuck in my zipper! She leaned over to sort her shoe strap out and when she stood up her hair got tangled. We couldn’t fucking see anything in the club and the ladies have a queue a mile long!”

      Uh-oh.

      He cups his bleeding nose again as Loryn dabs at it with a ball of tissue.  “She’s not even yours, she’s not a damn toy. You’ve made your choice, you lost out. I take care of my friends, and Loryn is just that, a
friend.
” I notice the look he gives her that clearly ends that sentence with a silent, “For now.” She doesn’t notice, she looks to be on the verge of tears. Her soft voice mumbles apologies to him over and over again.

      “
She’s not…” I start but Loryn places her hand over my mouth, “You were right Lucas. We are completely wrong for each other. And I take back what I said… I don’t love you. I only love the idea of you.”

      Wait… what? What does that even mean?

      “Loryn…”

      “Just go.” She says with a disappointed shake of her head. “And don’t bother coming back.”

      “Asshole,” Greg snaps as they both walk past me and out of the door. I’m stood there for three minutes when two bouncers are handling me, practically carrying me through the club before throwing me onto the sidewalk like the piece of trash that I am.

     I climb into a cab and head home feeling like a fool.

Lucas
: I’m sorry. Please believe me. Tell Greg I’m sorry.

     She doesn’t reply. Not that I expected her too. I’ve really fucked up.

Bringing it All Back

    “Daddy,” Amelia asks me sweetly as I tuck her into bed. “Where’s Loryn?”

    It’s been four weeks since I saw her in the club, four weeks since I got arrested for assaulting Greg and three weeks since he dropped the charges. Thanks to Loryn. Of course I thanked him and apologized, it was the right thing to do. He punched me in the nose and I’ll admit I deserved it. But he didn’t punch me because of what I did to him. He punched me for what I’ve done to Loryn. Sweet Loryn who won’t take my calls, won’t respond to my emails and texts and won’t acknowledge me when we cross paths which we have done twice now.

     “She’s busy sweetie,” I pick up the rabbit from the ground and place him in bed beside my daughter who giggles when he starts running up and down her body.

     “Doesn’t she like you anymore?”

     I smile and kiss her forehead, “Sometimes adults argue baby. It’s the way things are. We’ll make friends again soon.”

     “Maybe you should buy her a present,” I’ve tried honey, she’s rejected all of them. “Or tell her you miss her and you love her?”

     “Good idea princess. Now go to sleep.”

     “I love you daddy.”

     “I love you too baby. So much. You know that right?”

     She grins and nods, “Yeah… Hey daddy?”

     “What?”

     “Will you tell me about when I was a baby?”

     My smile falters, I touch her cheek and sigh softly, “I don’t remember sweetheart. Daddy hit his head and some things he just can’t remember.”

     “You remember my mommy though right?” she looks panicked.

     I laugh. “Yes, of course I do. I remember your mommy and your big sister I just don’t remember everything. I remember you being inside your mommy’s tummy.”

     “Yuck.” Her little face scrunches up in disgust. This makes me smile.

     “She had to keep you in there like Maya did with Evelyn.”

     “Didn’t I sucfate?”

     “It’s suffocate
Princess and no, you didn’t suffocate otherwise you wouldn’t be here now would you?” she giggles when I dig my fingers into her ribs. The rabbit starts going crazy again. “You were a big baby. I remember your mommy struggled to get you out for a little while and daddy got so scared. Then you were born fifteen minutes later.”

     “How do they get babies out?”

     “With magic powder, now go to sleep,” I kiss her again and turn out the light. “Goodnight Princess.”

     “Goodnight.”

     My phone rings, what time is it? Shit, four in the morning, I must have fallen asleep on the couch again, “Hello?”

     “Lucas, it’s Marie,” why does she sound like she’
s crying?

     “What’s wrong?”

     “It’s Loryn,” she lets out a shaky breath. “Something’s happened.”

     Her next sentences don’t seem to register as I pull Amelia out of bed, get her dressed, take her to the car and drive straight to the one place I really don’t want to visit. Amelia sensing my distress remains calm and quiet as I lift her out of the car and head into the hospital. Marie waits for me in AE reception. She takes Amelia and points the way to the recovery ward. Why the fuck is Loryn in recovery? She’s okay right?

     My legs carry me to the room
after numbly asking the receptionist where Loryn is, they escort me to her bedside. It’s times like this I’m thankful Maya has connections, I’m not family so I wouldn’t have been able to get in if I didn’t have that extra push.

     A doctor follows me
in and says something, I don’t hear him. All I hear is my heart hammering in my chest and the gentle beep from the machine as hers beats. She doesn’t look right.

     “Lucas, Lucas?” Marie says and clicks her fingers in
front of my face. “Sylvia has just picked up Amelia. James and Maya are outside now dealing with the doctor.” How long have I been stood here? “About half an hour, just staring at her. You said that out loud.” She pulls a chair over and motions for me to sit. “You look ready to throw up… or collapse or something.”

     “What… what happened?”
All I know is… Loryn’s in hospital, you need to come now.

     “Loryn didn’t come home from the studio.” Her eyes fill with tears. “I thought she was with Greg or something…”

     “What happened?”

     “I don’t know.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “She just collapsed. Her mom called an ambulance, god knows where that bitch has gone. Pathetic excuse of a woman. I tried to wake Loryn up but she just kept shaking.”

     “So why is she here? I don’t get it?
Has she been attacked? Has she fallen?” I need fucking answers!

     “She’s
… she made me promise not to say anything yet,” her voice is barely above a whisper.

      “Say anything about what?” I grip her shoulders and shake her a little. “Just fucking tell me.”

     “She’s pregnant Lucas,” Maya sighs from the doorway. My entire body tenses, pregnant? That can’t be right.

    
This doesn’t seem real, this can’t be real. It’s not happening.

     “Is she okay?” I ask the doctor who must have walked into the room at some point during our conversation.

     The older man
remains calm and turns away from Loryn’s vitals, “For now she’s stable but… we’ll just have to wait and see. The baby is fine, its heart is beating although I’m a little concerned about its position.”

     “Wait,
when did this fucking happen? What’s going on, why is she like this?” I practically shout. Why won’t anyone just give me a straight answer?

     “It happened
about an hour ago,” Marie says softly and places her hand on my arm. I shrug her off and start pacing. “I called you as soon as I could.”

    
“We’re taking her in for another scan. I think the pregnancy may be ectopic,” the doctor says and runs his finger over the clipboard resting on his arm. “We just have to wait to see if the medication kicks in. Right now her vitals are fine, she has no infections or such. Her body has gone into shock, we’ll know more soon.”

    
I shut out their conversation and look at my wife. Her arms are dangling down, her hair and hands resting on the roof of the car. She gasps, she’s still breathing.

    “Baby?” I say softly and touch her cheek. I wish I hadn’t as she starts spluttering and a flow of blood spills from her lips, over her nose and eyes. No… NO! My heart stops. “Please baby. No. Don’t… don’t leave me.”

    There’s a high pitched wailing sound, my little Amelia, I’d know that cry anywhere. She’s hurt. I have to get to her.

     “Sir, don’t move,” someone says and
I feel a hand touch my arm. “Please sir.” But I do move and I do look as ambulances sound in the distance I watch in horror at the scene unfolding before my eyes.

     The beeps suddenly start blaring like an alarm system attached to Loryn’s body. Marie gasps and pulls me back as doctors and nurses rush into the room. They start talking, shouting over each other, it’s all nonsense to my ears. I’m dragged out of the room by my brother. I don’t put up a fight as they take Loryn and wheel her away. There’s no fight left in me.

     “What’s happening?” Maya practically shrieks at one of them. Tears soak her face.

     “I don’t know, but the sooner you let me go the sooner I can find out.” The doctor pulls himself free of her grasp and races down the hall after Loryn. Maya starts sobbing against Marie who looks as numb as I feel.

     Summer runs into the hall
where we stand, her hair in curlers and wrapped in foil. Chris follows behind her. James releases me to handle his wife, Marie throws herself at me and buries her face in my chest. I don’t hug her, I can’t hug her. Stepping away, I turn on my heel and run, I need to get out of here. The smell, the taste, the feel of death on my skin. I need air. No, I don’t need air. I need Crystal.

“LUCAS!” James calls but I don’t look back.

    
My fist hits the steering wheel as I speed down the quiet streets of the city. Two, three, four more times and my eyes begin to burn. Why is this happening again?

     I don’t park my car, I leave it in the middle
of the small parking zone, throw the door open and vomit all over the gravel. My throat burns with each heave, my chest aches with each gag. I don’t stop, I slam my door closed, kick my car a few times but it does little to relieve the images in my mind. Sick, twisted images that one should never have to see.

     My legs propel me forward, I know where they are even though I’ve only bee
n once and that was the day of the burial.

I see them, the two graves side by side, one large shaped like a heart and a smaller one beside it.

     I drop to my knees in front of my wife. “Why is this happening?” I croak and rip my hair with my hands. “Why? Why are you gone dammit?” That burning behind my eyes comes forward until my vision is blurred by unfamiliar liquid. “It should’ve been me.” I whisper and a sob tears through me. “It should have been me. Why you? Why?” A tear falls down my cheek, tickling the shadow of my beard as it goes. “Do something. If this, if it’s supposed to be my second chance then I’m begging you Crystal. Wherever the fuck you are, do something. Don’t… don’t let her die.” My chest heaves, I slump forward and slam my hands onto the ground. “I can’t… I won’t survive this again. I need you baby. Why did you leave me?” My entire body shakes as more tears fall, I wipe them away angrily. “Why couldn’t you have stayed? Then I wouldn’t be in this mess!” I’m shouting, I don’t care. My heart hurts, can you die from this pain? It feels like it. Part of me wishes for it. “I wouldn’t be feeling this, if you were still here I’d still love you not… Loryn. I wouldn’t be in love with Loryn and then I wouldn’t know her when this happens. I’d be blissfully fucking unaware and probably watching your shitty TV programs in return for a god damn blowjob!” Sob. “Why didn’t you let me drive? Why did you have to take those stupid pictures by the lake? Who cares about the fucking memories or the romance? I don’t… it wasn’t worth losing you. Or Annie.” My forehead hits the grass. “Why baby? Why’d you die? I begged you to stay.” After a few calming breaths I sit up and I stop the tears. “You have to help Loryn. For me. Don’t let her die… I… I love her. And I’m an idiot, and she’ll probably never forgive me. Just do this, for me. Do something.”

A realization hits me, my own words sink in. Mainly because I mean them and here I am, admitting it to the one person whose memory stopped me from recognizing the difference between love and lust in the first place. I love Loryn… no, let me correct that. I’m in love with Loryn and I think I have been for a while. And I’m going to lose her, without getting a chance to tell her.

     “Lucas.” The wind seems to whisper. I turn abruptly and rub my eyes. There’s no one here. I’m going crazy. Something touches my hair, I’m definitely going crazy.

It’s just the breeze, I’m emotional and scared and
feeling fucking helpless. My mind is playing tricks on me. I don’t stop myself from touching my hair where it tingles, as if somebodies fingertips are teasing the ends, praying I’ll find my wife’s hand there. Praying I’ll feel her soft lips on mine just one last time. Praying I’ll look up and see my daughter, in her favorite blue dress with her little black sandals on her tiny feet, twirling in circles to make the bottom float out.

     None of this happens, I’m alone and I’ll always be alone. I always have
been fucking alone. But this time, it’s because of my own doing.

     I sit and stare at the grave until the sun rises. I lean back and let the soft orange glow warm my cold, damp skin. My eyes catch sight of… no fucking way. She looks over at me from her fifty or so foot away, smiles softly at me, lays the colorful flowers on the grave, kisses her fingers and presses it to the stone before walking back the way she came. Oh shit.

    
My phone rings twenty eight times over the next half an hour. I don’t answer. I’m being a coward, I’m too scared to hear that Loryn is gone. Christ I’ve been such a fucking idiot.

     “Now not one person believed me when I said you’d be here,” James says softly from behind me. “She’s going to be okay Lucas.”

     “How do you know?”

     He slaps me on the back and helps me up, “Because you’ve got two people up there looking out for you.” He touches Annie’s stone tenderly. “So this is where my niece is buried.”

     “Yeah.”

     “Come on, you need to go back.”

     “I can’t.”

     “You need to Lucas. She needs you and you clearly need her.”