A Little Bit of Trouble (30 page)

     “I don’t want to.” Hope fills me but is crushed when she pulls away and says words that will last a life time
in my memories, “But I am.”

     My eyes are burning. Why are my eyes burning? I rub them and flop onto the bed, unfortunately I miss it by a fraction and fall onto the floor instead. Loryn doesn’t laugh, she doesn’t even blink. She just stares blankly out of the window as I stare at her profile from the ground.

     “Tell me you’ll change your mind,” she says and shuts her eyes. “Lie to me. Let me feel ridiculously in love with you for another day. Let me smile whenever I see your name flash on my phone and giggle like a schoolgirl over one of your stupid texts.” A tear slides down her cheek, she leaves it, lets it reach her chin before dripping onto the floor. “Tell me a lie Lucas.”

     Part of me wants to. “But what kind of person would that make me?”

     She doesn’t respond, “I’m sorry I wasn’t enough.” Wait what? “I’m…”

     Jumping from the floor I quickly slam my lips against hers. They’re unresponsive. “Don’t say that. It’s not true and you know it. Hell woman, you’re too fucking good for me. I don’t deserve you.”

     “I need to go.”

    
“I don’t want you to,” Yet I find myself stepping back, this time my ass hits the bed.

     “Do you love me?” she looks at me with swollen eyes.

     I really don’t want to answer this, “Babe…”

     “Just answer the fucking question.”

     “I…”

     “Yes or no! Do you love me?”

     “No,” I wish I’d looked away when this passed my lips, because watching her face go from being blank to looking like I’ve just tugged her heart through her ribs with my fingers and stomped on it… it sucks. “Loryn…”

     “I’m fine,” she
sobs and buries her face in her hands. “I feel so stupid! You warned me, you told me…” her eyes meet mine and her hands slap against her thighs. “Yet here I am. In pieces on your fancy wood floors and in your fancy fucking apartment and I knew this would happen!”

     “Baby…” I don’t stand. I don’t know what to say or do.

     “I need to go,” she stands up, brushes herself down and wipes her face on her sleeve angrily. “Now. I need to go now.”

    
This time I do stand, but I don’t move from the side of the bed.

     “If you could sort out my things I’ll collect them later in the week.”

     “Yeah.”

     She opens the door and steps out, I watch her close it behind her.
I hear her speaking to Amelia for a moment before the entrance door opens and closes. And then she’s gone.

And the piece of me that I gave to her, just left with her.

     I’m an idiot, I really am an idiot. How could I think for one second that this would end well? Am I that stupid? I should never have been so selfish. That girl… she deserves the fucking world and all I’ve done is destroy hers. Of course the pain is only temporary, she’ll get over it. She’ll move on with someone like Greg and have the happy life and the two point
five kids and I’ll still be here, alone, watching my daughter grow old before me and wishing her mom was here to watch it with me.

     “Daddy, I’m hungry,” Amelia says as she slowly pushes the bedroom door open. “Are you okay?”

     I nod, “Yeah. I just fell asleep. I’ll be through in a minute.”

     “But…”

     “I said I’ll be through in a minute!” I snap, my stresses getting the better of me. Her little lip quivers, she runs down the hall leaving me feeli
ng like the world’s biggest asshole. “Amelia, wait baby. I’m sorry.”

      She looks up at me from the couch and sniffs, her teddy wrapped tightly in her arms, “Why
’d you shout at me?”

      “Sometimes adults can b
e stupid and mean,” my arms slide around her and pull her to my chest. “I’m just stressed and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” We sit like this for a few more minutes before she finally speaks, “I’m hungry.”

      I chuckle, deposit her on the couch and head to the kitchen, “I think we still have leftover soup that Loryn made. That good with you?”

     “Yum.”

     I’ll take that as a yes.

     “Want to watch a movie afterwards?”

     “Yes! Can we watch Monsters
Inc.?” she asks whilst bouncing on the spot. “Please?”

     “Sure, why don’t you get that ready? And I’ll make the soup?”

     “Yay!”

     When the soup is simmering at the right heat I serve it into two bowls and remove the warm bread from the oven. I place them on the table and call Amelia through whilst checking my phone for the hundredth time, I’m not sure what I’m expecting but whenever I see the blank screen my heart plummets a little more.

Losing Her

      A whole week passes, a week full of sleepless nights and a stressful mind. A week full of finding Loryn’s things, seeing as she’s moved to Marie’s now she’ll most likely want all of these back.

     Why do I feel like I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life? Probably because I have right? I fucking miss her, I won’t deny it. I miss her so damn much.

Marie
: Is Loryn’s stuff ready?

I want to say no, just to be awkward. I want to drop them off myself so I can see her again. But I don’t, because that would be selfish.

Lucas
: Yeah.

     I throw the last item of her clothing into a bag after holding it to my face and inhaling deeply. Fucking Cherries.

Marie
: On my way.

     She arrives a mere ten minutes later… alone. “Hey,” she hugs me briefly and walks into the room. “Where’s Amelia?”

     “Swimming lesson.”

     “How are you?” her eyes scan my face with concern. “You’ve barely spoken to anyone all week. Are you okay?”

      I shrug, “I’m fine
. I just feel like a dick.”

      She lets out a breath and pats me on the shoulder, “Loryn is just as torn up as you seem. You sure this is what you want?”

     “Of course it’s not what I want but it’s the right thing to do.”

    
“I think you’re an idiot, but I can see you don’t need to hear that right now so I’m keeping my mouth shut,” she gives a small nod and grabs the bag from the floor by the door. “We’re having a house party in a couple of weeks. You better be there.”

     “I’ll try.”

     She glances at her watch, “I should go. The store is almost finished. Loryn is watching over the finishing touches as we speak.”

     “Right,” I kiss her cheek. “Call me if you need anything.”

     “Yeah, yeah. See ya.”

     My phone rings about five minutes later. It’s Maya. “Get dressed, we’re going for a jog. I’ll be there in five.”

     “A jog?” but she’s already hung up. I don’
t want to go for a jog. Yes, I actually whined that last part. Unfortunately, I know Maya and I know I better do as I’m told. Sigh.

     “Hurry up,” Maya shouts, she arrived ten minutes ago, dragged me from my apartment and now we’re at the park, midafternoon
, in work out gear, jogging. Well, she’s jogging. I’m dying.

      “Remind me again,” gasp. “Why we are doing this.” Heave. “Because.” Can’t breathe, I grip my knees. “I hate running.”

     “Stop being a baby, we’re doing this because you need to clear your head and I need a jogging buddy.”

     After another minute I stand up straight and pick up the pace, “Why is it I need to clear my head?”

     “Just lose yourself in the running Lucas. Maybe you can figure out why I think you’re being such a fucking idiot asshole.”

      “Nice to know that I’m loved.”

     She frowns and jogs a full circle around me, “If I didn’t love you Lucas I wouldn’t be bothered. As it is, I am bothered and here I am. Let’s go.”

     Fine. I move, my feet hit the soft grass as I go. Clear my mind, think clearly. Don’t I have to stop thinking for this to happen? Loryn would laugh, she knew how much I hated physical exertion unless it was sex. Damn I miss having sex with her, the way she’d tremble beneath me as she…

     “Here,” I catch the water and take a swig before throwing it back. “You’re doing well. Steady breaths.”

     Sure. If you say so.

     “Loryn is good, she’s doing better.” I didn’t ask but there’s the answer I didn’t want to hear. “Did you know Greg wants her?” Yes, unfortunately I do know this. “I think Marie has almost talked her into
going on a date with him. Personally I think it’s a little soon but Marie thinks it’s just what Loryn needs.” My fists clench, I really don’t want to hear this. “Apparently he’s asked her out to see a movie tomorrow.”

     “Stop talking,” I gripe and pick up the pace, hoping to lose her. She speeds up and runs beside me seemingly oblivious to my irritation towards her.

     “She and Greg would make a cute couple. He’d be able to love her that’s for sure. I’m certain he wants kids one day.” She runs around me again, much like a shark circling its kill. “What’s wrong Lucas? You’re looking a little pissed.”

     I roll my eyes and choose to ignore her. That is until she says, “And we all know Marie, she thinks sex is the best form of therapy for anything. Loryn will probably bag him on the first date.”

     My heart hammers at the images flitting through my mind. Jealous overwhelms me, I stop and punch a tree, startling a couple of old women nearby. Maya slaps me on the back as I try to catch my breath. “You okay Lucas?”

     “No,” I respond honest whilst shaking my head. “I don’t think I am.”

     “Then stop this stupidity, go get your girl and pray she forgives you.”

     “She’s not my girl Maya. Just because I get pissed off at the thought of that dickhead’s hands all over her…” my jaw clenches as I rest my forehead against the arm that is leaning on the bark of the tree. “Doesn’t mean I’m right for her.”

     “I’m calling bullshit, but whatever.”

     My eyes narrow on the annoying female, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

     “It means open your eyes Lucas. You love her, you want her and you’re being fucking stupid.”

      “I do not love her.” I don’t, I’d know if I did. “I love…”

      “Loved, you loved Crystal. Now you hold her memory in your heart and nothing more. You need to get past this.”

     “What, like you did with your dad?”

     Her eyebrow raises, “I did didn’t I? I’ve moved on from that.”

     “Just stop.”

     “Why haven’t you visited their graves Lucas? They’re not coming back,” Maya hisses, I’ve never seen her act so… mean towards anyone before. “They’re dead. Go lay some flowers on their graves, lay them to rest and get on with your fucking life. You were given a second chance so use it!”

     I laugh humorlessly and raise my arms, “You think this is a second chance? No. This is a god damn punishment. Being the one to survive when the love of your life and your first born child is in the ground rotting away!”
My head falls, my eyes close. “Whilst I live with no memories, only a few photos and no trinkets from our time together. This is my second chance?”

     “Yes. It’s a shit one but it still is one.”

     “I love her Maya, I love her. You don’t know her, she wouldn’t want me to move on. And how can I have another child after Annie?” How can I replace them? What kind of person would that make me?

     “You can’t,” she states and swigs her water. “You’re right. You can’t move on Lucas… because you won’t let yourself. But that’s fine. We’ll drop it now and let you do what you want to do.” She closes her water and glares at me. “But when you realize what an idiot you’r
e being where Loryn is concerned I hope for your sake it won’t be too late.”

     “Realize what Maya?”

     “That you love her.”

     “I don’t love her.”

     “Then you have nothing to worry about.” Her frown turns into a full smile, “Hungry?”

     “Are you going to keep shouting at me?”

     “I wasn’t shouting.”

     “Ha!” I scoff and head back to the path.

     She sighs, “Fine, I promise I won’t bring this up again.”

     “Good, let’s go, I’m starving.” Then a weight starts climbing up my back and pats me on the head, “
Giddy up horsey.”

     “You’re a freak.”

     “Now, now Lucas. Horsies don’t talk, they neigh.” You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

     As it happens, I actually end up carrying her about a mile until we find a place that does food. My back hurts. Fucking woman.

     “Bacon,” Is the only thing I say when a plate of food appears before me. “Need bacon.” So I shovel some into my mouth.

     Her phone starts ringing, she winces a little, “Hey Loryn.” I tense and her eyes glance at me before she turns a little. “Yeah, I’m okay. No. I’m just with Lucas. We’re having a late lunch.” She laughs. What’s so funny? “No, that’s okay. Sure. Of course, no problem. Tomorrow?” Maya checks her watch. “Definitely. See you there.”

     “What was that about?” I ask with a frown, my jealousy spiking again. “Did she ask about me?”

     “No.” she eats in silence for a moment until I press her for answers. “You sure you want to know?” I nod slowly, I’m not sure but I’ll say I am because I think I need to hear this. “As predicted, Loryn is going to see a movie tomorrow with Greg.”

     I drop my fork as images flood my brain. Greg with his arm around her, whispering in her ear and nuzzling her neck before making his move on her in the theatre.

     “She asked me if I wanted to go out afterwards. Apparently there’s a band playing down at Club One and Marie is going too so I said I would,” she gives a small shrug. “Greg is taking her there too. I wonder if they’ll get drunk, those two and alcohol seems like a pretty good way to break the ice don’t you think?”

     I remain indifferent even though I feel fucking sick, “Yeah. Can I come?”

     “Sure, James is going.”

     “Awesome.” No it isn’t awesome at all. But at least if I go I’ll know she’s safe. I really don’t trust Greg, at all.
Loryn deserves better than him. “Shit, I have to go. Amelia will be home soon and I promised her we’d go to the playhouse.”

     Maya remains in her seat, “Have fun!”

     I kiss her cheek and dash out of the restaurant before racing back home just in time for Sylvia to arrive.

******

     “Dude, chill out, we’re meeting them in there and all will be fine. You’ll see,” James reassures me as we climb into the waiting car. “Although I haven’t heard great things about this supposedly awesome band. It’ll be nice to have my brother there… not
moping about a female.”

     I roll my eyes, “You owe me from all the crying and drunk nights you spent pining over Maya. So suck it up.”

     “Good point,” he nods slowly. “But I’m in love with Maya. Big difference. And no starting shit or Maya will have my balls.”

     “She already has your balls,” I snort earning me a punch on the arm. Rubbing the sore spot I smile wickedly at my brother and open my mouth to continue but he punches me again. Bastard.

     We sit at the bar as the club fills up and the band takes the stage, my eyes never leave the doorway. I’m waiting, watching and waiting for them to arrive.
Double on the waiting because I’m being impatient.

   So far no show, so I nurse my beer and make conversation with James who is actually being really funny tonight and has started talking a little bit like Maya, so I’ve noticed. Her crazy has rubbed off on him.

     I catch sight of Summer and Chris coming through the doors and wave them over. She smiles and rushes over to hug us both, we give Chris the manly hug back slaps.

     I watch the crowd thicken with people, the dance floor by the stage becomes a mass of bodies and heads squealing and bouncing around. It doesn’t take long for the place to start stinking of sweat, alcohol and cigarette smoke even though it’s illegal to smoke inside
. I’ve seen a few people sparking up cigarettes before the bouncers escort them outside.

     “Your hair is looking great,” I say to Summer. When we first met I remember it being in a bleach blonde pixie crop, it was thin and wispy from using bleach. She unfortunately had to cut it all off. Now it’s a nice shade of natural red and cut mid neck in layers. It’s finally thickening a little too.

     “Thanks, Loryn has been treating it for me every few days. It’s really helping.”

     Chris smiles fondly at his wife, “I missed your natural color. It’s one of the many things that made me fall in love with you.” Summer melts into a puddle at his feet, a cute smile stretching her face.

     As if connected
to her telepathically, my head, heart, knees and neck tingles as Loryn finally walks through the door with Greg’s arm around her neck. She looks… gulp… stunning. In tight black shorts that shimmer in the lights and a backless top. She’s not wearing a damn bra!

     My fists clench on my thighs as she laughs at something the asshole says. I quickly turn, I can’t see this. My beer is drained in seconds, I order two more followed by a shot of tequila.

     “Slow down,” James laughs and snatches the fourth beer from my hand. “It’ll be fine.”