A Lover's Secret (4 page)

“It was just my way of trying to get you to lighten up.”

“That’s not your job.”

“But you looked so serious.” His laugh was loose and
rollicking.

She opened her mouth to say something, closed it again.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Jake’s eyes met hers. They were brown and
kind and oddly familiar. “I came here to ask you to have dinner with me, Jess.
That’s why I flew here. That’s why I came to the wedding. Because I knew you
would be here. I absolutely had to see you.”

Jess felt a rising deep, deep within her, and her legs went
weak. Her voice, when she found it, was tight and quiet. “Why? We haven’t
spoken in years.”

Jake shrugged. “It was kind of….serendipity.”

Her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms. What was his
angle here?

“Or something like that.” He flashed that grin at her, and
she had to look away.

“I mean,” he went on, “surely you realize that you are ‘The
Girl from the Hallway.’”

“Pardon?”

“You haven’t read my book?” Jake’s voice fell in pitch, and
he stared at her, incredulous.

“No.” She pressed her lips together. “Believe it or not.”
The
arrogance of this guy…

“Read it. Please. You’ll understand if you do.”

Her throat clutched, and she forced herself to shrug, to
look nonchalant.

“Just…read it. And then have dinner with me.”

She turned from him and kept walking.

“Life’s too short to play hard to get, Madigan.”

“I’m not playing hard to get,” she shouted, not turning and
not slowing down.
Who did this guy think he was?
“I’m not playing
anything.” The lump in her throat widened, and all she wanted was to get out of
the church before the tears began to flow.

His footsteps were coming fast behind her now, and her heart
began to race. His hand, strong and smooth, squeezed her bare shoulder and
forced her to turn. Was he going to do it again? Shove her against the wall?
Here? In the church? Her heart was racing now and she felt a tingling
sensation, straight in her center.

Jake stared at her a moment and she felt his breath hot on
her face. Her eyes locked on his and she saw something in there. Something new.
Something hooded, mysterious, perhaps even ominous. A desperation.

Jess pulled away, instinctively, and his gaze snapped to the
ground. He rubbed at the back of his neck. Then he extracted a business card
from his suit coat. He held it between two outstretched fingers, which trembled
slightly. When she didn’t take it, he tucked it solidly into the waistband of
her dress. Feeling his hand there, her stomach dropped and she fought to
control her breathing.

 “Just… call me,” he said.

Jess stood staring at him. She was fantasizing, suddenly,
about pushing him down, right there in the hallway. Of sitting astride him, of
feeling his body beneath hers and then bending to kiss him. To toss her hair
over his face and to feel his lips against hers…

For crying out loud, they were in a church. What was
happening to her?

“Just read my book,” he said. “You’ll call me. You’ll change
your mind.” And then he turned, and he was gone, leaving her standing there,
her chest heaving, tears burning the back of her eyes.

She was just regaining control of her breathing when
Monica’s voice boomed from the adjoining coatroom. “
You
are ‘The Girl
from the Hallway,’ Jess?
You?”

***

Jake

He’d seen her again. She’d been standing by the gifts when
he had arrived. Her breasts straining against the fabric of her dress. Her
posture so perfect, and she so tiny, and, instantly, he imagined himself
picking her up, cradling her like a bride over the threshold, and walking off
with her, taking her wherever he liked. Her lips, perfectly arched and rosy
red. He imagined them swollen, pressing against his own, trailing down his
chest, her breath hot as she showered him with tiny, perfect kisses.

There was no ring on her finger. His heart leapt and he
wondered how all the men in the reception hall were able to hold themselves
back. How were they not following her around, wanting to tear her clothes off?

Clearly, the tomato thing had been a bad idea. She hadn’t
liked that at all, and, admittedly, he hadn’t thought it through. He had simply
seen her there and then some part of him reacted…apparently, the stupid
schoolboy part. It was as though the mere sight of her body, with its exquisite
curves and its porcelain skin, had made him regress.

His breath fluttered in his chest. He knew he could have
just about any woman he wanted. But her. It had always been her. When his book
had hit the bestseller list, it was his first thought. Now, now, he could go to
her, he had fantasized. Now, he might be good enough to win the heart of Jess
Madigan. But this was followed, instantly, by the realization that he most
certainly could not. She deserved better. He could never bring anyone into his
messed-up world. The world where there was no hope. For a long time, the
knowledge kept him from looking for her, from seeking her out.

But then, last week, he had been having one of his bad days.
He had retreated to the beach to catch up on some business, perhaps do a little
writing. But he found the loneliness, the despair, the knowledge of what was to
come; it was all too much for him suddenly. A chill rattled through him and
every breath clutched and strangled. He stared at the water, the undulating
endlessness of the waves, the way each turned green as it crested, then slapped
at the shore, dragging along tangled strands of kelp and the power to choke
everything in its path. That’s when Jake turned his head skyward and asked for
relief. Something, anything, to ease his suffering.

It was the closest he had ever come to prayer, and
Please,
God,
was as far as he had gotten when the sun suddenly blared from behind a
cloud. The abrupt radiance stung his eyes and he lowered his head to stare out
toward the horizon, but his vision was met then with ten thousand points of
light, each wave, as far as he could see, winking the brightness back into his
eyes. He lowered his head again, this time to focus on the black confines of
his satchel. He stared down into it until his eyes stopped burning, and that’s
when he saw it. The day’s bundle of letters from his assistant. Generally, this
was fan mail, invitations, propositions. But today, on the top of the stack,
was a familiar name from a familiar town. An invitation to an event that he
knew Jess Madigan would never, ever miss.

And so, here he was, due to a moment of serendipity. A
momentary lapse of reason. A fleeting impression of faith. Remembering it, he
scoffed. His sign from God, he realized now, was nothing more than the sun
peeking from behind a bit of mist. But he had booked his flight, just like that.
That very moment.

The whole thing had been impulsive, spontaneous. The way he
taught others to be, but never thought he could be toward Jess. For her sake.
And for his own.

Just now, seeing the way she had sashayed away from him, he
thought that maybe Elizabeth had been right. Maybe this was a mistake of
magnificent proportions. But to see her now. To see Jess Madigan, just like in
his dreams, only better. Sexier.

He had to have her. It might be a tremendous mistake, yes.
Certainly, it might be the worst mistake of Jess’s life. But Jake was tired of
thinking about everyone else. He needed her. No one else would do.

***

Jess

Jess’s mind reeled. What was all
this “Girl from the Hallway” nonsense? Monica had refused to tell her. And his
conceit:
“You’ll call me. You’ll change your mind.”
Ick. When he had
said that, she wanted to push him. To drive him from her. Then she wondered
what it might feel like to thrust as hard as she could against him. To feel the
fabric of his shirt under her fingertips, the pulse of his body, its warmth
against her bare, powerful hands.

Her legs quivered for a moment as she stood at the back of
the reception hall, trying to call very little attention to herself and
wondering whether anyone would notice if she simply disappeared. Right out the
back door.

She could still feel his business card in the waistband of
her dress. Her stomach leapt when she remembered him pressing it in there. She
looked down to avoid searching for Jake among the guests.

“Hey sista.”

Jess’s head snapped up. Kelly, the bride, was standing next
to her, her arms crossed and her face pinched. “Hi… er, sister.” Jess replied.

Kelly held her arms out wide and Jess leaned in to give her
an awkward hug. When she drew back, Kelly’s mouth pushed to one side, and she
studied Jess’s face.

“So, are the rumors true?”

“Rumors?”
Which rumors: her failure as a student, or as a
doctor, a sister, a bridesmaid, or a warm-blooded female?

“Did Jake Lassiter ask you out, and you said ‘no.’?”
Ah.
Her failure as a warm-blooded female.

“He didn’t ask me out.”

“Jake says he asked you to dinner, and you said ‘no.’”

“Well, I suppose he did. In a manner of speaking.”

“Did you hate him back in high school?”

“No.”

“Do you have a husband I don’t know about?”

“Of course not.”

“So you’re….”

“What?”

“Gay?”

“No.”

“I’m just trying like hell to figure out why you would turn
him down.”

“Maybe he’s not my type.”

“Not your type? The gazillionaire-hot-as-all-hell-happy-smiling-fun-guy
is not your cup of tea?”

Jess made a face.

“I’d love to know your type,” Kelly continued, “Because that
man, my dear, is perfection. Body and soul. His wisdom is tattooed in my
memory. It made me the person I am.”

“Wow.”

“So…” Kelly laughed. “What the hell is your problem?”

What
was
her problem? She thought fast. “I think
Monica likes him. I wouldn’t tread on that.”

“Well, did you know that Monica just threw herself at him in
the coatroom?”

So
that’s
what she had been doing back there.

“It’s true,” Kelly went on. “She somehow arranged it so that
he went in there to get something for someone, and then, out she popped,
without her dress on.”

“Oh wow.” Jess’s hand flew to her mouth. “In the church?”

“Yeah. I know.”

“So what did Jake do?”

Kelly stared at her. “Well, according to him, he laughed and
then he covered his eyes with his hands, and he took off his suit jacket and he
gave it to her. And then…” She paused and bugged her eyes out at Jess. “He told
her to respect herself.”

Monica must have been humiliated. Beyond humiliated. But
that really was something.

“Jess, seriously, how long has it been since you’ve wished
some guy would tell Monica that? I haven’t known her as long as you, but I’ve
wished it since I met her.”

Jess couldn’t help laughing. Kelly placed her hands on
Jess’s shoulders and pantomimed shaking her. “Just have dinner with the man,
for the love of all that is good and decent.”

“Well,” Jess said, drawing the word out. “I do think he has
a girlfriend.”

“I don’t know anything about that.” Kelly folded her arms
once again. “I’m not asking you to sleep with him. Just go have a cup of
coffee. It would be your wedding present to me. That’s all I want.”

Jess didn’t answer.

“He’s staying at the Ritz.” Kelly’s voice took on a singsong
tone. “He’s probably lon-e-ly…”

“He isn’t staying with his family?”

“No. I guess his family sort of vanished from town. Shortly
after graduation. So, it’s just him here now. See, he’s sure to be lonely. In
need of some companionship.”

How could she tell Kelly the real reason she didn’t want to
go out with Jake Lassiter? The truth was, she had never been with a man, and,
at the age of twenty-six, as the mystique built, so did the shame, and the
fear. The fear of being exposed. The fear of not knowing what to do. It was
embarrassing, sure, but the idea of being so intimate with a man, of being
naked, of showing him
all
of her, inside and out, it terrified her. And
for a man whose life was all about “fast and free.” A man who could laugh at
her and then write all about her and her….foibles in his next book. Oh mercy,
no.

Besides, most of what she knew about love and sex she had
learned from Monica and from television, and so she knew that men wanted one
thing, and it was a thing she knew nothing about. The older she got, the more
she feared that if she unleashed that side of her, there would be no going
back. She would be unzipped. And she’d have an even harder time getting these
images out of her head. These images that kept popping into her mind,
uninvited, and with even greater frequency since she’d heard the words “Jake
Lassiter” once again.

She remembered, then, something Andrew had told his friend
in high school. His friend was confiding in them and asking if he should lose
his virginity to his girlfriend, and seventeen-year-old Andrew had said, “Well,
let me just warn you that, once you do it, you’re going to want to do it a lot.
An
awful
lot.”

They had all laughed then, but now it was nine years later,
and it wasn’t so funny. Jess still knew nothing about sex, and she still
avoided anything that gave her a hint of sexuality. She avoided anything lurid
or lusty. She even stayed away from romance novels and R-rated movies because
the love scenes created a twisting intensity in the base of her. They made her
breathless and then she didn’t know what to do with herself.

She voiced none of these thoughts, but still Kelly stared at
her. Then Kelly blinked hard and said, “Oh Jess, I guess what everyone says
about you is true. You
are
sort of weird.”

***

Weird Jess. What would Jake Lassiter want with Weird Jess?
Maybe she had always been Weird Jess. She thought of the men who had been
interested in her, the ones she had more or less ignored. The perfectly nice
men she had left, confused, wondering what they had done wrong.