A Lover's Secret (9 page)

“No. I’m not telling her anything.”

“Then can
I
tell her?”

“Absolutely not. And, Elizabeth, why on earth did you have
to give her the idea that we’re together?”

At this, she suppressed a giggle. “Did I cause some
confusion for that poor girl? Too bad. She was a cutie, too.”

“You know what you did, Elizabeth. Your little game isn’t funny.”

“Then you shouldn’t have made me chase you down.”

“I don’t care what you do. Just don’t give people the idea
that we’re together. Especially not her.”

“Is she important to you, then, this girl?” Elizabeth’s
breath was tight.

“Yes, she’s the whole reason I’m here, if you have to know.”

Elizabeth’s eyelids fluttered. “I didn’t know.”

“She is the ‘Girl from the Hallway.’”

Elizabeth swallowed. Well, that changed everything.

Jess

Still a virgin and still a failure
, Jess thought, as
the town car rolled silently through the streets of her neighborhood. These
homes all looked trim and orderly, but upon closer inspection, they nearly all
called out for something. A fresh coat of paint. A new latch for the gate.
Everything was sliding toward decay, she thought. Everything. And here she
thought she might have a chance to change things. For just a fleeting moment.

And now they had arrived at her home. After the driver
helped her from the car, Jess took a moment to set her face right. She told the
driver to go—not to wait—and she patted and smoothed at her hair and hoped like
hell no one was home to witness her walk of shame, though she knew better.

Sure enough, she was greeted with the screech of concerned
voices and the scent of her life thus far: decomposing blooms, last night’s
dishes. The morning’s freedom and lightness had vanished; she felt tight, tiny
and heavy again.

“Jess? Is that you?” Monica bleated. “We were so worried!”
Monica came into view, her arms folded tightly across her chest. “Grandma
called me to say you were missing. Frightened half to death. And now it’s
nearly noon and I’ve left you, like, fourteen messages.”

Grandma stood, stooped, behind her.

“I was just catching up with an old friend,” Jess explained.
“No big deal, and I forgot my phone.”

“Do you
ever
take your phone with you, Jess?
Seriously. What’s the use of having a phone if you never take it with you?”

Jess shrugged and turned her attention toward Grandma, whose
mouth was locked in a tight o-shape.

Monica peeked through the front window. “So who were you
with? Whose car is that?”

Jess didn’t look.
Why hadn’t the driver pulled away yet?

“Jess. Who were you with last night?” Monica demanded. “Was
it Jake Lassiter?” Her eyes bulged when Jess didn’t respond. “Oh my God, it
was! But didn’t I tell you that he went home with Kelly’s sister? With the
freakin’ maid of honor…”

 “No,” Jess mumbled. “I think you got that wrong.”

“I did not.”

“Well, don’t worry. Nothing happened. We just talked.”

“Oh, sure.” Monica licked her lips. “I’m so sure. Jess, I’ve
read Jake’s book, like, three times, I know that he is all about
carpe diem
;
live for the damn day. I don’t imagine he sits around all night
just talking
with high school girls.”

“I’m not a high school girl. I’m a woman he knew in high
school.”

“You know what I mean.”

Then it was Grandma’s turn. Her voice was high in pitch, and
it startled Jess to hear her speak this way. “Well, I, for one, am disappointed
in you, Jess. I thought you had more sense.”

The house felt suddenly dim and small, and there was a
rancid scent of things old and decayed and forgotten. She had been so close. So
close to a life less… ordinary.

Grandma clucked her tongue. “I’m telling you, you can’t
trust those L.A. fellows.”

“He’s not an L.A. fellow, Grandma,” Jess said, “He’s a
Denver fellow. You know that. We went to high school together.”

“Yeah,” Monica interjected, “Jess and Jake were doing it in
the school hallway way back then.”

“Jessica Madigan!” Grandma scolded.

“We were
not,
Grandma.”

“C’mon!” Monica said, “You can’t tell me a simple kiss led
him to pine after you like that; to write about you like that. I think everyone
in the world assumes it’s a euphemism… A single kiss made you ‘The Girl from
the Hallway’? My ass.”

“Believe what you want.”

“I will. And, to be honest, I’m shocked that he would want
to spend any time with you at all. I mean, you’re a total prude. Probably a
virgin. You’re scared of just about everything. Not exactly his type.”

Jess’s cheeks burned. She threw her shoulders back. “The
truth is…” she announced, “Jake is taking me away with him this afternoon. I’m
just here to get my things.” Heat rushed through her body.
Why on earth had she
just said that?

Monica was incredulous. “Taking you away with him…where?”

“I don’t know, actually,” Jess said, trying to sound
nonchalant. “He wants to surprise me.”

“Jessica Madigan!” Grandma shouted now. “You cannot go away
with a man whom you know nothing about. Why… anything could happen to you.
Anything at all.”

Monica scoffed. “Jake Lassiter is going to eat you alive,
Jess. He’s going to drag you apart. He’s going to chew you up and spit you
out.”

Grandma was shuffling toward her now. “Don’t get eaten
alive, dear.”

“Nobody is going to eat me alive, Grandma.”

“Well, do take your phone. Check in with us,” Grandma said.

“Yes, make sure to check in,” Monica chided, “So we can come
rescue you after he does the chewing and the spitting.”

Jess’s heart was racing. There was no turning back now. “You
know what? I’m not even going to take my phone. He’s not going to eat me alive,
and he’s not going to spit me out.” She leapt forward and, in one motion,
grabbed her handbag and slammed the door behind her.

She paused on the front porch for just a moment, wishing she
had packed a bag and wishing she wasn’t still dressed in last night’s pajamas.
Then she rushed toward the waiting town car. The driver’s eyes widened and he
scrambled to open the door for her, just as Monica and Grandma spilled from the
house. Grandma’s white nightgown flipped in the wind, and Monica waggled her
index finger. “Don’t go, Jess. Don’t go.”

Once the door clicked shut behind her, all Jess could hear
was the soft jazz lilting from the stereo. She watched for a moment as her
sister and grandmother gaped their mouths, like puppets she could no longer
hear. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back.

“Thanks for not leaving,” she said to the driver, trying to
keep her voice from trembling. “I decided to come after all.”

“Of course, miss,” he replied. “I take my orders from Mr.
Lassiter, and he specifically said not to leave this property without you. As
I’m sure you are beginning to discover, he doesn’t often take ‘no’ for an
answer.”

With that, the driver sped away from the curb, leaving Jess
to wonder what on earth she had just gotten herself into.

***

By the time Jess arrived back at the hotel, a new energy
surged through her. What started as anger had intensified into a vitality, a
potency. She felt more powerful than she ever had before. Was it from rage or
simple, unmitigated desire? She could see Jake’s body, so vividly, in her mind.
The finely sculpted muscles of his chest. The hard line of his jaw. His
glinting, soulful eyes.

The car stopped on the circle drive, then, mere inches from
Elizabeth, who stood with her wrists and ankles crossed. When she met Jess’s
eyes, her mouth curved into an easy, wide grin.

“Just the person I wanted to see,” Elizabeth chirped. “Jake
says you two are taking a holiday, and I need to talk to you about a few things
before you go.”

“Okay…” Jess felt a knot in her belly.

“I’m on my way back to L.A., and Jake needs to be there, as
well. In three days.” She held up three fingers. “Three. Not a day later.”

“Okay…”

“As you probably know by now, the man does whatever he
wants.” Elizabeth laughed from somewhere deep inside. “So I’m hoping that you
could perhaps…encourage him…to make that deadline.”

Jess nodded and Elizabeth went on. “It’s really fairly
imperative that we make this happen. Really quite imperative. And, as you know,
Jake can get distracted from time to time.”

“I’ll try,” Jess said, “but I’m not sure I have much power
over him.”

“Oh, but you do, sweetheart.” For a split second,
Elizabeth’s face took on a forlorn quality, as though she were a very young
girl, alone and lost. Then the grin appeared again. “I think you’re about to
find that out. So… take care of him, okay, Jess?”

“Sure.”

“And Jess?”

Jess raised her eyebrows.

“Don’t let him drink. Nothing with alcohol. Not even a sip.”

“Why?”

“Well, because. Because that would be bad. Really, really
bad.”

Jess’s shoulders hunched and she felt a shakiness in her
arms and her legs. “Is there something about Jake that I should know?” she
asked. “Something that no one is telling me?”

Elizabeth looked her full in the face for a moment and
swallowed. “That’s for him to share with you,” she said, and then she reached
out her arm and stroked at Jess’s cheek with her thumb, as though she were an
old, wise woman, saying goodbye.

If this day could get any weirder, Jess thought, she didn’t
know how.

Jess

“It almost feels like we’re on the run,” Jess said laughing.
She and Jake were sitting on the plane, waiting to embark toward a final
destination he had kept secret from her.

“Let’s go with that,” Jake grabbed her hand and tilted his
head toward hers. His eyes drifted to her mouth. “All you need to do is relax
and enjoy the ride, Jess. All of the arrangements have been made.”

Jess’s stomach slid downwards and she felt a flutter at the
top of her thighs. She thought about her conversation with Elizabeth. Did she
really think Jess had some kind of power over him? Jake and Elizabeth didn’t
appear to be a couple after all, and, this having been determined, Jess felt
that same overriding sense of peace, that lightness and familiarity with Jake
that she had the night before.

It was a pure, calm energy, but also a buzzing. Electric.
She felt it even when he stood nearby, not touching her but close enough that
she could feel his presence, his warmth. She liked the person she imagined
herself to be when this energy filled her. Feeling it now, she knew she had
made the right decision. She would allow herself to feel desired and vibrant.
For once in her life, she was going to live for today.
Fast and free.
Because one thing was sure: being high strung and repressed hadn’t been working
so well for her of late.

In the airport terminal, as they waited for their flight,
Jake had told her he’d love to blindfold her and make their journey’s end a
total surprise, but security regulations stipulated that she personally hand
over her boarding pass. “Plus,” he had said, “the flight attendants and the
other passengers tend to frown on it when you lead a blindfolded girl around
the airport.” He had laughed. “They sure know how to take the fun out of
flying.” And then he told her to sit tight with a magazine while he did a
little shopping for her in the airport boutiques. “What are you? About a size
four…petite?”

She nodded. “And a size five shoe.”

He returned twenty minutes later with a stiff brown leather
carryon filled with a sundress, a pair of jeans and a blouse, a new pair of
running shoes, two pairs of shorts and tank tops and a sexy, strappy pair of
sandals, along with some French-looking lingerie, all bows and lace.

“Where did you find all of this stuff?” she asked.

“Stick with me, kid…I’ve got all kinds of surprises up my
sleeve,” he said with a wink.

It was just one of the many things he’d said that day that
made her push her rational, logical brain back out of the way because she knew,
as soon as she allowed it any space at all, she would wonder what on earth she
had done, and why she was going God-knows-where with this guy, without a phone
and without anyone knowing where she had disappeared to.

The airliner began to taxi, lurching forward with an awkward
bucking motion, which made Jess fear for her safety while in flight, but Jake
didn’t seem to be alarmed. Soon, the plane came to rest once again, but in just
a few moments, the flight attendant instructed them to prepare for takeoff, and
Jess put on her placid face. The plane gained speed, emitting a terrific
screech, and forcing her back against the seat As the plane lifted, so did her
stomach, and she pressed against the headrest and peered over at Jake.

“This is the moment of flight that I love,” he said, his
eyes dancing. “I mean, you know that, on some level, you really aren’t supposed
to be doing this. Soaring up over the world like this. It’s breaking all the
rules, and yet, here we are…in the air, where we most certainly don’t belong.”
He shook his head and leaned to look out the window. “Up with the birds and the
geese and the little damn clouds over the mountain peaks.” His tone dropped to
a reverent whisper. “I wish I could fly everywhere.”

“There’s a place. Near my home.” His eyes became glassy.
“Right on the coast. The Bluffs at Bellingham. How’s that for a poetic name?”

She rested her head on the seat and watched his lips as he
spoke. The way they pushed out, as in a pout, when he paused. It was
mesmerizing.

Jake went on. “There’s a narrow strand of sand and, before
that, some kind of hard earth, granite, maybe, I don’t know, and so you can
drive right up to it. Right up next to the cliffs and then there is a only a
sheer rock wall straight down to the ocean. You can sit and dangle your feet
over the side, and you can swing them up and out over the ocean with the waves
crashing on the rocks below. You’re so high, a couple hundred feet maybe, but
you swear you can feel the spray on your face, and your nostrils fill with the
scent of salt. Like it’s biting you. And it fills you with power and
sheer…possibility. It’s like it was made for launching yourself from.”

“As in paragliding?” Her voice sounded sharp against as it
grated against his hushed one.

“Something like that,” he replied.

She considered the idea for a moment. What it must feel like
to simply allow the air to lift you, to ride an invisible current, the lost
feeling it would give her deep in her belly, as the wind took her up, up and
out over the sea.

“You know,” Jess said, low, “I’ve never seen the ocean.”

“Are you kidding me?” His eyes widened.

“Nope. I’ve been landlocked my whole life.”

“Then why on earth are we going to the mountains? Why didn’t
you choose the beach?”

She shrugged.

“You should have told me. I never would have let you choose
mountains, if I had known.”

“I like the mountains.”

“So do I. But you’ve seen mountains.” He raised two fingers
as though to beckon the flight attendant, “Let’s just see if we can get this
plane to change course. Go into the cockpit and take matters into our own
hands.”

She swatted at his hand and laughed. “Mountains will be
perfect. Anywhere will be perfect.”

“But, Jess. The ocean. The power of it. The magnitude. The
sheer… vastness.” He was silent a moment and when he spoke next his tone was
round and steeped in reverence. “There is a series of rocks on the beach near
my home, and if you sit on a certain time of day, you can walk out to them, and
then in just an hour, everything has changed. You are an island. You are
marooned. I used to love to sit out there and think and write.”

She was still a moment, imagining the crash and the froth of
the waves, circling the stones where Jake’s chiseled form stood.

“You don’t do that anymore?” she said, eventually.

He didn’t answer, and she turned her eyes toward him and saw
that his eyelids had closed. Was he asleep? Seriously? So quickly? She stared
at him a minute more, at the slight flare of his nostrils, the sweep of his
eyelashes, dark and long. A wave to his hair, just at the forehead and she
imagined burying her fingers in it, groping it, tugging it. He made a muffled
snorting sound, a final breathy release as he drifted off, and she returned her
attention to the rounded window on her left. The world seemed so organized and
precise from up here. The fields of corn and wheat laid out in tight rows, like
a sample of Grandma’s crochet.

The plane banked, pitching her toward the window, and she
imagined what it would feel like to fall, fall down to earth from this
distance. What would become of her? In the E.R., she had seen people after they
had fallen thirty or forty feet. Drunk guys, mostly, falling from balconies or
rock ledges in the foothills. She winced, imagining herself tumbling out into
the air, arms and legs stuck out straight, like a starfish. Would she give in,
and allow herself to fall peacefully, or would she fight it, spastically
kicking and gasping for breath? And what would it feel like? What kinds of
thoughts would rush through her mind in the final moments?

Jake snuffled next to her. He was sound asleep. What would
Jake do, if the plane were to, say, break in half, right here, right now? She
imagined him grabbing for her hand, first, and then smirking as they tumbled
out into the open air. His face would contort in free fall. His cheeks and lips
would succumb to the force of the air and the wind, and he wouldn’t be able to
say another word to her.

The plane rocked again, and she frowned. What would become
of her, with Jake by her side?

***

For a man who liked to grab life by the balls, he sure slept
a lot.

The captain had just announced that they were beginning
their final descent, but Jake’s head was still thrown back, his mouth open.

Jess peered through her window once again, down through the
feathery clouds. Here and there, she could see mountains, edged in blue, with
lacy smatterings of snow still clinging near the peaks. Closer to the ground, a
city of adobe—flat rooftops protruding from densely packed trees.

And there, in the distance, a tiny airport, three long
runways spread like a star, intersecting in the center. The plane tilted and
lurched and then, bump, they had touched down, only to skid along for a moment
before screeching to a stop.

Once the plane had taxied to the gate, Jake lifted his head
and blinked his eyes open. He smiled at Jess, then rose to retrieve her bag as
well as his own. A flight attendant ushered them down the passenger walkway to
the terminal, where a tall man in a shiny black hat nodded to Jake when he saw
them, then took their bags and whisked them to a car. A Mercedes this time.  

“How have you been arranging all of this?” she asked,
settling herself against the seat back.

“Oh, Margot, my personal assistant. She’s the best. I text
her where I want to go, and she makes it happen. Bam.” He clapped his hands.
“It’s done. Everyone should have a Margot. I’m telling you.”

Jess nodded, wondering if Margot looked anything like
Elizabeth. The car proceeded out of the city, along a scrubby highway, which
took on a sheen as it extended out toward the horizon.

“So, just where are we going?” Jess tried again.

“We’re going to heaven. Didn’t you know?”

Well, that was sort of creepy
. She was silent while
she tried to formulate a response.

He rephrased. “We’re going to one of my favorite places on
earth. I think you’ll love it, too.”

“How long a drive is it?”

“An hour or so. I don’t know.” He closed his eyes and pushed
his head against the back of his seat. “Let’s take a nap.”

Take another nap? She pressed her lips tight and sighed. Of
all the things she imagined Jake Lassiter had in store for her, napping wasn’t
one of them, and, while she wanted to regard it as funny, as kind of quirky,
the truth was, she felt abandoned when he went to sleep the second time.

And so she was left to her thoughts, once again, which meant
her fearful, suspicious mind had plenty of time to reflect on what she had
done. The car sailed along the deserted highway, and she could see her
reflection in the window glass: her anxious worried eyes, and then, just
beyond, the rolling hills of red earth, stippled with crouching shrubs as far
as she could see. Monica had been right about one thing, she thought now:
Nearly everything scared Jess to death, including being led blindly through the
desert by a man she hardly knew. A man everyone seemed to be warning her about.

After a time, the road narrowed. Low, doublewide trailers
dotted the landscape. Then, from out of nowhere, appeared a tiny church.
Freshly painted in bright white, with a tall steeple, and a glossy red door.
This is where the car made an abrupt turn and left the pavement without slowing
down.

Gravel pinged the side of the car, and the hair lifted on
Jess’s arms and on the nape of her neck. Where was Jake taking her? How could
she have been so foolish to fly across the country with this guy? How could she
be so trusting? A month ago, she was fixing to graduate as a doctor. Ready to
start her residency. And now she was going to be raped, murdered, and left for
the coyotes to eat in some scrubby desert.

The vehicle sailed over crevices in the road. Should she try
to escape? From this speed, she could jump out and away from the car. Then a
memory. An afternoon shift in the Emergency Room. A young man had charged in,
carrying a woman covered in blood. He held her as though she were a child, her
head buried in the crook of his elbow, her hair awash over her face.

In choking gasps, he said they’d been having a fight while
he was driving down the interstate, and she was angry and she’d told him to
stop and let her out, but he hadn’t. He just kept driving faster, and so she
opened the door and jumped. The family in the car behind hadn’t even see her
before they felt her, underneath. They had tried to call an ambulance, but,
dazed, he had shoveled her into his car and raced her to the hospital.

The man had been out of his mind. His eyes blazed. He choked
and sputtered and shouted at Jess to do something. To save her. But there
wasn’t anything she could do. Of course there wasn’t. But that man’s desperate
face still haunted Jess’s dreams.

What had become of him, she wondered now. Had he ever
recovered? Had he ever forgiven himself for that brief moment of time that had surely
changed the entire trajectory of his life?

The car bumped over railroad tracks now.
Gabump. Gabump.
Then through a gate, an opening in a wire fence just large enough for the one
lane dirt road.

That’s when Jake blinked his eyes open. “Oh, wow,” he yawned
and stretched. “We’re almost there. Did you get a chance to sleep at all,
beautiful?”

She shook her head.

“Too bad. You have to snag it when you can, sweetheart.
We’re going to have quite an evening.”

He pointed just ahead to a line of adobe homes, which had
just appeared on the horizon. They were nestled tight against an array of
cliffs, and as they drew closer, Jess could make out a sequence of steaming
pools at their base. The gravel parking lot was filled with luxury cars: Lexus
SUVs, Cadillac Escalades, Porsche Cayennes, and a flagstone plaza flanked half
a dozen adobe buildings, each trimmed in red or brilliant blue.