A Matter of Trust (13 page)

“Then you’ve been surrounded by fools.” Sloan extended a hand to trace the line of Michael’s jaw. Her fingers trembled.

When Michael leaned forward to accept the caress, her lips parted slightly and her skin flushed. Her pupils were wide, dark, endless—beckoning Sloan to fall into them. In that instant, Michael appeared so vulnerable that Sloan drew back with a nearly audible gasp.
God almighty, what am I doing?

Unexpectedly, Sarah returned, sliding back into her seat as she announced, “Jasmine is getting dressed for the show. I wanted to stay and watch but she said no.”

She stared from one to the other, suddenly aware of the unearthly stillness surrounding them. She might as well have been invisible. Cautiously she asked, “You two okay?”

Michael was the first to regain her composure. Her smile was just a bit shaky. “Yes, of course.”

Somehow Sarah didn’t believe that, but the expression on Sloan’s face convinced her not to question the statement. She had never been one to taunt the animals.

*

Any lingering unease was dispelled as the three of them watched the show. Female impersonators were always popular, and the cabaret troupe was exceptionally so. It was partly the elaborate costumes that ranged from outrageously flamboyant floor-length gowns bedecked with feathers, sequins, and plunging necklines to stylish evening dresses that would have befitted any performer on a Las Vegas stage.

In addition to the spectacle, the classic show tunes and popular songs were rendered with skill and consummate style. Some of the impersonators specialized in particular performers, such as Cher or Bette Midler or Celine Dion, much to the delight of the crowd. Jasmine, however, did not. She was not an impersonator in that sense. Her specialty was Billie Holiday–type torch songs, and she performed them straight—no jokes, no exaggerated costumes, nothing but talent, a great voice, and exceptionally fine legs. The audience loved her.

Initially, Michael had difficulty reconciling that these women were men. There was no awkwardness of motion in the clinging sheaths and high, thin heels, no hint of beard to mar the flawless make-up, and no subtle shifting to suggest that the full bodices were anything but real.

Tonight she watched Jasmine with particular interest, searching for bits of Jason. The transformation was remarkable. It wasn’t the outward things—the different hair color or style, the feminine body, the expertly applied lipstick or eyeliner. It was the sultry way she walked, confident and more than a little seductive, and the throaty voice that whispered an invitation with a simple hello, and the look in her eyes that said she knew just how hot she was.

“God, Jasmine is sexy,” Michael commented to no one in particular.

Sloan looked surprised, and Sarah grinned, exclaiming, “Yeah, and don’t she just know it.”

“I seem to recall you weren’t interested in women,” Sloan grumbled to Sarah good-naturedly. “How things change.”

“Jealous, are we?” Sarah arched an eyebrow and laughed. “Don’t worry, you haven’t lost your touch.”

That comment got Michael’s attention. She had just assumed that since Sarah was with Jason, she was straight. But
she
herself was with Sloan and that didn’t mean she
wasn’t...
did it? One thing she was quite sure of, however, was that she did not like the idea that Sloan might be attracted to Sarah. She couldn’t discern exactly why.

“No point in being jealous,” Sloan continued. “Any way you look at it, I can’t compete with Jasmine. I could never dress like that, I can’t sing, and I’d kill myself in those shoes.”

“Plus, there is the issue of Jason to consider,” Sarah said, suddenly serious. “I love Jasmine’s sense of humor and her outrageous attitude, but what intrigues me is knowing that Jason is there somewhere, too. I really wanted to watch him dress tonight, to see
him
become
her.”

“I don’t imagine he’s ever done that,” Sloan remarked. “He’s very private about it.”

“It surely would be frightening for him to be so exposed,” Michael agreed.

Sarah was silent for a moment, considering what they had said. “I hadn’t thought that he’d be threatened by me seeing,” she said with a shake of her head. “Not very sensitive of me, I guess. I’m clearly not as tuned in to the subtleties of all of this as I thought.”

“I’m certain that he just wants to be sure of your reaction first,” Michael said gently, sensing Sarah’s self-criticism. “If he cares about you, it must be terrifying not knowing if you can accept this part of him.”

Sloan stared.
How is she able to understand so much so easily? It doesn’t matter at all to her that I’m gay and Jason’s a transvestite or that Sarah is straight and a little in love with Jasmine.

She watched, fascinated, as Michael leaned forward and took Sarah’s hand, whispering gently, “Don’t be discouraged. I’m sure he needs you to keep asking. Once he finally trusts you, he’ll let you closer.”

The tender warmth in Michael’s gaze had softened her features, giving her an almost ethereal appearance, and the image struck Sloan like a blow. As quickly as she had been moved to desire a few moments earlier, now she was touched by an emotion a great deal more dangerous. These glimpses of deep kindness and compassion inspired longing. Michael was beautiful in more than just body, and the depth of her gracious spirit warmed some long-frozen place in Sloan’s soul.

She looked away abruptly, desperate to stifle the unwanted swell of emotion. She could never remember being this affected by any other woman, and she was absolutely certain this attraction would only lead to disaster. Michael Lassiter was a woman whose life was in turmoil, and she was not someone Sloan could simply take to bed and forget about the next day. Sloan reminded herself that since Michael showed no inclination toward that pleasant diversion anyway, it was a moot point. Grimacing in frustration, she looked up with relief to see Jasmine approaching. She needed something to distract her from Michael’s disconcerting nearness, and Jasmine filled the order nicely.

“Ah, the party is about to begin,” Jasmine declared breathlessly. She waved a hand in the direction of the stage, where a band was warming up and workers were clearing an area for dancing. She was still wearing the form-fitting red dress she had performed in, and she looked as elegant as any lady at the ball.

“Wonderful dress,” Sarah said by way of greeting.

Jasmine slipped into the seat between Sloan and Sarah. “Thank you,” she responded with a smile that was just a tiny bit shy. “I saw it in the window of a little boutique on my lunch hour one day, and I just knew it was meant for me.”

Sarah wondered briefly who’d purchased it, Jason or Jasmine, but decided that that was a question best asked when Jasmine felt a little more comfortable with her. “Well, you were right.”

Jasmine smiled again, her cheeks slightly flushed, and turned to say her hellos to Michael and Sloan. The four of them chatted and commented on the who’s who amongst the attendees for a few moments until the band began to play. Then Jasmine stood abruptly, grasping Sloan’s hand.

“Come on, baby. Come dance with me.”

For a moment, Sloan looked uncharacteristically disconcerted, then she shrugged helplessly and allowed Jasmine to pull her into the crowd on the dance floor. Michael and Sarah looked after them for a second, then at each other.

“Poor Sloan.” Sarah laughed. “Jasmine just loves to tease her. She’s the only one I’ve ever known who could catch Sloan off guard. If I didn’t know better, I’d actually say Sloan was flustered.”

“I think that’s because Sloan finds Jasmine attractive. I can certainly see why,” Michael said, turning the idea over in her mind. She thought back to the story Sloan had told her about that first meeting with Jasmine and realized that the two of them had a long and much more intimate relationship than she had initially surmised. Sloan had admitted her attraction to Jasmine the night they’d first met in the bar in D.C., but Michael had assumed that once Sloan learned about Jason, the interest would be gone. Now, seeing Jasmine, she appreciated how that might not necessarily be true. Jasmine was seductive, charming, and female to all appearances, so why wouldn’t Sloan be affected by her attentions? One did not look at Jasmine and see Jason.

“You’re right,” Sarah replied, wondering at Michael’s insight. “I’m amazed I didn’t see it before this myself.” Looking at Michael with new respect, she added, “You don’t find it odd?”

Michael smiled and shook her head. “This is all so new to me, I have no preconceived notions of how it all works. Sloan is a lesbian, and Jasmine is a sexy woman. Ergo...” She laughed, lifting her hands into the air in mock obviousness.

“Does that bother you?” Sarah asked, curious about exactly what was happening between Michael and Sloan. “Sloan’s response to Jasmine, I mean?”

“Why would it?” Michael laughed a little self-consciously, wondering if Sarah was reading her mind. When Jasmine took Sloan’s hand and so effortlessly led her away, for one instant, she had been jealous. Jasmine was very attractive, and she and Sloan looked great together. Even reminding herself that Jasmine wasn’t, well,
exactly
all she seemed hadn’t erased the slight twinge of envy when she’d seen Jasmine step into Sloan’s arms.

Without meaning to, she imagined herself in Jasmine’s place, dancing in Sloan’s arms, and somehow she knew it would feel magical. Shaking her head, astonished at the kind of whimsy that was foreign to her, and very aware that Sarah was waiting for her response while her thoughts wandered down paths too fantastic to contemplate, she said as lightly as she could, “It’s certainly none of my business whom Sloan finds attractive. Although I couldn’t help but wonder if it bothers
you
that Jasmine and Sloan are, well, interested or...whatever.”

Sarah looked contemplative. “Actually, I think
Jason
has a little crush on Sloan but has always known nothing could come of it—him being a he and all.
Jasmine,
on the other hand, is free to flirt with Sloan outrageously, which she does at every opportunity.” She grinned at the absurdity of the entire conversation but continued on gamely. “That
does
make me a bit jealous, I guess. Since I, unlike Sloan, wouldn’t mind taking Jason to bed at all.”

“What about Jasmine? Would you take her to bed, too?” Michael asked before she realized she might be overstepping the limits of her brief acquaintance with the other woman. “I’m sorry...that was awfully personal.”

“No,” Sarah said with a shake of her head. “Don’t worry. And don’t think I haven’t considered that very question. Women in general don’t usually turn me on...well, Sloan a bit, maybe...”

“God...is there anyone she doesn’t turn on?” Michael blurted, then immediately regretted it as she blushed furiously.

Sarah pretended not to notice her embarrassment and continued, “But Sloan and I resolved that issue years ago. Then along comes Jason, whom I liked the minute I met, as well as thinking he had the nicest butt I’d seen on a guy in years.”

She recalled standing in the office waiting room of Sloan Security nearly open-mouthed in amazement while Jason lectured Sloan about being on time for the afternoon appointments and threatening her with bodily harm if she dared put off her final report to Somebody, Somebody and Somebody that was due the next morning. She had expected Sloan to annihilate him at the very least, but she had merely growled something that sounded a lot like
okay
and stomped out. Jason had winked at Sarah, his impossibly blue eyes sparkling with delight, and she’d gotten warm and wet in places that didn’t usually feel that way at one o’clock in the afternoon.

“Sarah?” Michael asked, confused by the slightly vacant look on Sarah’s face and the long silence.

Sarah jumped, then smiled self-consciously. “Oh, sorry. Anyhow, then I met Jasmine at the club and thought she was funny and wild, and I liked her a lot, too. I didn’t know at first, and neither of them told me right away.”

“Who
did
tell you? Jasmine, Sloan, or Jason?”

“Sloan. Sort of. I asked if Jason would be coming with us one night when we were planning on going to the Cabaret, and she got that secretive smile thing she does, and said he’d be there but I might not notice.”

“I can see it,” Michael murmured, following Jasmine and Sloan as they danced together not too far away.

“Anyhow,” Sarah continued, oblivious to Michael’s preoccupation with the couple on the dance floor, “Sloan wouldn’t elaborate but my antennae were up. I kept watching for Jason, and one time, after scanning the room, I’d looked back to the stage while Jasmine was performing, and for one brief instant, I saw Jason looking back at me. It freaked me out and made all the sense in the world at the same time. It all came together in a flash, and when I found out the connection, it was just so amazing...the more I saw of them, the more I thought of them as two people, but not totally separate. So now when I think about Jasmine...” She hesitated, then put into words what she had been avoiding, even in her own mind. “When I think about undressing her and finding Jason there somewhere, it makes me pretty hot.”

“It certainly makes the usual arrangements seem pretty boring.”

Sarah grinned as she realized that Michael understood exactly what she had been saying. “God, it’s nice to find someone who
gets
it. I haven’t known how to talk about it to anyone without having it sound totally bizarre.”