A Moment in Time (12 page)

Robert waited by the buggy while his mother finished saying her good-byes to Carissa Atherton and Jessica. He had agreed to drive Mother over that Sunday afternoon because she’d been worried when the family hadn’t shown up for church that morning.

“I hope that you’ll let us know if you need anything,” Robert’s mother told Mrs. Atherton.

“Oh, we’re just fine. Tyler’s been sicker than this before. I think it’s a bad chest cold, but I told him if it worsens he’s going to the doctor.”

Mother nodded. “This is a bad time of year for it. Just make sure you don’t let old Doc Sutton give him calomel. I know the old man is fond of it as a cure-all, but I’ve read some disheartening things that suggest it’s not as good a cure as was once thought.”

Mrs. Atherton smiled. “ ‘The doctor comes with free goodwill, but ne’er forgets his calomel.’ ” She chuckled. “I
remember hearing that when I was growing up. Never liked the stuff.”

“Dr. Sutton is nearly eighty, and his notions are so outdated. I heard it said that he still bleeds people on occasion.”

“I remember him telling me that I’d miscarried a baby because of the gravitational pull of the earth or the moon or some such nonsense.”

Mother nodded. “Yes, I’ve heard others say the same. Frankly, we need to encourage him to retire and get a younger doctor to take over his practice. I know there are plenty of good doctors closer to Dallas, but we need someone who would be willing to come farther out.”

“Well, Tyler won’t be getting calomel from me. I can promise you that,” Mrs. Atherton said.

“I think it does little good and a lot of harm.”

Robert knew his mother had been something of a local healer for years, and people often sought her advice before going elsewhere. He wasn’t at all surprised when she told Jessica’s mother that she would be happy to help in the matter.

“I have remedies that I know will suit better than that,” Mother told the ladies. “Just let me know if you need something.”

“I will.” Mrs. Atherton’s expression suddenly changed. “Oh, I almost forgot. I have that lard I promised you.” She turned to Jessica. “Take Robert to the springhouse and show him where that lard is. It’s near to fifty pounds,” she said rather apologetically. “I hope you don’t mind. I put it in one tub.”

Robert pushed off the side of the carriage. “It’s not a problem.”

Jessica turned up her nose. “I find it appalling. Smelly stuff.” She led the way to the springhouse but turned and stopped when they were out of sight. “Still, it gives us a few
minutes to be alone.” She smiled and let her shawl fall away. “Do you like my new gown? I had it made in Dallas. Isn’t it just about the most beautiful color you’ve ever seen? They called it
Samson
and it came all the way from London.”

“Looks like green to me,” Robert replied with a shrug. “Nice enough. You always fill out a dress real well.”

She looked at him and frowned. “You are such a . . . a . . . cowboy.”

He laughed. “Well, I reckon I should be insulted, but I’m not. Years of ranching have made that the case. But I still know that green is green, and Samson’s a fellow in the Bible.”

Jessica stamped her foot. “You can be such a bubbleheaded philistine.”

Robert shrugged thoughtfully. “Samson had a bad time of it with the Philistines. Guess it fits that you are, too.”

She shook her finger at him. “You know very well that I am only trying to bring a little beauty and culture into your life and into the world around me. Goodness, but you’d think we were at the beginning of the 1800s instead of approaching the end. The 1900s are soon to be here and with it a new modern world.”

Sobering, Robert looked at the young woman. So many people expected the couple to marry, yet Robert knew they had little in common.

“Jess, you can have your new modern world. Just leave me Texas.”

“But once we’re married,” she said, giving him a knowing nod, “you’ll change your tune. I intend for us to live abroad for a least part of our lives.”

“Abroad? And what would I do abroad? I’m a Texas cattleman.” Robert shook his head. “Sometimes I don’t think you know anything about me at all.”

She came and took hold of his arm and tucked it close to her side. “Now, Robert, don’t be such a bore. Of course I know you. I know all about you, and that’s why I want to show you what you’re missing.”

“But that’s just it, Jess. I don’t feel like I’m missin’ a thing.”

She pulled back just a bit. “But you’ve never been out of Texas. I have. I’ve traveled with my grandparents, and there’s so much more to the world than just Texas.”

Robert liked the way the sun glinted on her honey-brown hair. She was a striking woman, to be sure, but he wasn’t in love with her.

They resumed their walk toward the springhouse. Robert ignored the annoyance in Jessica’s tone as she continued to belabor her point. She told him about the glorious big cities she’d visited and all the wonders she had yet to see.

“I know you’ll love seeing the world once you’re actually doing it,” she said, stopping at the door to the springhouse. “You just need to trust me on this.”

“Maybe you just need to hear what I’m sayin’.” Robert pulled his arm away. “I don’t intend to travel abroad or anywhere else, for that matter. I’m happy here, Jess. I love the land and the animals. I love what I do. This is my life.”

“But it’s not what I want,” Jessica said.

“Which is why we aren’t married,” Robert countered.

She frowned at this and began to pout as she pushed back the door. “You’re such a mean person sometimes.”

“It’s not meanness, Jess. It’s the truth. I think we’ve been going two different directions for a long time. I know folks figure we ought to marry each other, but honestly, we don’t see eye to eye on much at all.”

“You’re just scared.”

“I’m not scared. I’m tryin’ to be honest with you. I don’t
want anyone sayin’ I duped you. I don’t plan to live in a grand house and wear fancy duds. I don’t plan to travel or buy priceless bits of junk to put in my house. I just wanna run my ranch and raise a family.”

“Well, you’ll need a wife to raise a family, and in order to get one, you’re going to have to learn to compromise. My mother says that marriage is one big compromise.”

“So where does that figure in for you compromising on all these big schemes?” Robert asked.

She looked as if his question confused her. “I’ll have children.”

“And that’s a compromise?” Her comment left him feeling even sadder than when they’d started this conversation.

“Well, children require a great deal of care and attention. It’s difficult to travel with them and harder still to have nice things. The compromise will be that I will bear children and endure the consequences.”

“Maybe we could just have a houseful of servants to watch over them while we make our way around the world,” he replied in a sarcastic tone.

She didn’t hear it that way. Instead, she smiled and nodded. “Exactly. That’s what I think. A good governess or two and a nurse can take care of the children. Of course, I’ll still have to compromise in bearing them.”

“You can have that compromise without me. I want to be a father, and when I have children, I want them to be with me.”

“You are so difficult.” Jessica’s words echoed a bit from the interior of the springhouse. She pointed to the large tub of lard. “Take it and go. I hardly think we need to belabor this subject further. You’ll understand my point of view in time.”

“I don’t think time will help me one bit.” He hoisted up the lard. “I think you should probably just look to workin’
over some other fella. There’s bound to be one out there who wants to wear a fancy top hat and cavort with you all over the world—without children. But it ain’t me.”

She turned and beamed him a smile that he completely did not expect. “Oh, Robert. You do say the funniest things. You know I couldn’t be untrue to you.”

Robert stopped and put the tub down momentarily. “Jessica, I’m serious. I don’t want to lead you on. I’m not the man you want me to be.”

She put her hand on his arm once again and leaned close. “But you could be . . . if you wanted to be.”

He shook his head. “But that’s just it. I don’t want to change. We’ve been good friends since we were little. You followed me around like some kind of lost puppy. I thought you were a sweet little girl, like my sisters. But I wouldn’t marry my sister.”

Jessica frowned. “So you don’t care for me?”

“You know that’s not true. I do care for you. That’s why I’m not sure—”

She put her finger to his lips. “I’m sorry, Robert. I was too pushy and too insensitive to your feelings. Forgive me.” She stepped back and pulled her shawl close. “Now, we’d better get back before our mothers believe us to be up to no good.”

Robert felt the muscles in his face tighten. He wanted to say something more. He wanted to tell Jessica that they needed to just forget about marrying and let everyone know they weren’t suited to a life together. So why couldn’t he seem to get the words out?

He lifted the tub again and followed after her, trying to figure out how he could make Jessica understand without crushing her spirit and causing problems between the families. He didn’t want to hurt or disappoint anyone.

Back at the buggy Robert could see that his mother had already settled in for the ride home. He put the tub at the back and strapped it down.

“You be careful now,” Mrs. Atherton said. “Looks like we could get a good rain out of those clouds to the west.”

Robert gave the sky a glance. “I’m sure we’ll be home before then.” He tipped his hat at Mrs. Atherton and Jessica before releasing the brake.

They were well down the road for home before Robert’s mother questioned him. “What’s wrong? Did you and Jessica have a spat?”

He gave his mother a side glance. “Why did you marry Pa?”

She laughed. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that question, but the answer is simple. I was crazy with love for him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.”

Shaking his head, Robert sighed. “I don’t feel that way about Jess, and I don’t think I ever will.”

“What do you mean? I know you care about her. You’ve been her hero since she was a little girl.”

“Maybe so, but Ma, I don’t love her like that. It’s really startin’ to bother me, too. Everyone figures we’ll marry. Everyone calls us engaged, and God knows I’ve never done anything to change their minds.”

“Of course not. Why should you? Goodness, Robert, I think sometimes young folks expect some sort of freight train to run them over when they fall in love. But sometimes love just comes along in a quiet and gentle fashion. Sometimes love is born from a lifetime of knowin’ each other, and other times from just a few hours. Pray about it, son. You might just be feelin’ the pressures of the season. We’ve got a lot of work to do, and I know you’ve had a lot on your mind. Don’t make rash decisions.”

Robert blew out an exasperated breath.
I doubt
anyone’s gonna let me make any of my own
decisions—rash or
otherwise
.

Marty checked her reflection in the small mirror one more time before deciding there was no way to improve her tired-looking face. She felt exhausted from the long hours on the train. She frankly didn’t care to ever set foot on another—at least not for a very long time.

Her stomach growled in hunger, reminding her that it had been over twelve hours since they’d eaten anything. All the food they’d brought with them was gone, and with no money to spare, buying more was out of the question. Jake and the others would probably be there to greet them. Perhaps they would bring sandwiches. Marty certainly hoped so.

“Are you eager to see everyone again?” Alice asked. “I have to say I’m excited to be a part of this adventure.”

Marty smiled. “I have to admit I am looking forward to seeing my husband and my family. I’m nervous, too. I want very much for everything to be good. There’s no telling how things have gone for Jake since he wrote. He might not get along with my family. They may have even had a falling-out by now.”

“Oh, that’s silly.” Alice shook her head. “I don’t think that would ever happen. Jake is a good-natured man. And from what you’ve told me about your family, well, I think we will all get along just fine. It was so kind of them to include bringing me here.”

“My sister is especially fond of helping those in need. She’s a good Christian woman. I sometimes wish I could be more like her. I’m afraid I don’t have her sensitivity to the needs
of people around me. I figure it’s because I’m far too self-centered.” Marty sighed. “I’ve tried to be a good person. I really have.”

“You have a good heart,” Alice said, taking hold of Marty’s gloved hand. “You need to stop fretting. No one is perfect, nor will they ever be. The only good thing about us is Jesus. Don’t you think He will forgive you for whatever flaws you have?”

“Of course,” Marty agreed. “But I know He also wants us to become more like Him. I want that, too, but sometimes I fail so miserably. I can’t help but worry about things that seem important to me and don’t know how to stop being like that. You’d think for a woman who just turned thirty-six, I would be making some progress.”