A Most Unusual Governess (23 page)

Small consolation now for her to tell herself that, if he had made so little effort to mend matters between them, then he was not worthy of her love. For she was in no doubt about her feelings for him now. She was in love with him. And it was useless to pretend otherwise.

'Not by the window again, Sarah?' asked Nicholas, strolling into the drawing-room.

Sarah started. She had been so lost in her thoughts she had not heard him come in.

She was about to ask him what he meant by his comment when she changed her mind. She often sat by the window, and she knew it was because, deep down, no matter how foolish it might be, she still hoped that James would come.

'Are you going to the Pump Room this afternoon?' he asked her.

'No.' She shook her head.

You should do. You look pale.' Nicholas shuffled his feet. He wondered, not for the first time, if he might have been wrong in ordering the servants to say that Miss Davenport was "not at home"; and he also wondered if he had been wrong to keep the knowledge of Lord Randall's repeated calls from Sarah herself. But then he told himself that it was all for the best. Sarah would eventually get over it - although why she should be pining over such an arrogant monster was beyond Nicholas's twenty-one-year-old understanding - and she was much better off without a man who had involved her in a scandalous and dangerous situation.

His reflections were interrupted by Aunt Claire entering the room with the mail. 'A letter for you, Nicholas,' she said, handing him a perfumed letter. 'And one for you, Sarah. And the rest are for me,' she said with a self-satisfied air, before retiring to her room to read her mail.

Sarah took her letter eagerly, but to her dismay she saw that it was not from James. It was instead, judging by the handwriting, from Lady Templeton.

The two of them had exchanged letters about the children, and Sarah had been pleased to learn that Nelly had been dismissed from the Grange for her part in Mr Haversage's plans. As Sarah read through Lady' Templeton's latest letter she was interested to discover that her ladyship thought she had found a suitable governess for Lucy. "But I would value your opinion, Sarah", the letter went on, before suggesting that Sarah should pay a visit to Templeton House where she could meet the young lady in question.

You won't go, of course,' said Nicholas, when Sarah had told him the contents of the letter.

Of course I will, said Sarah. She still thought about the children, and until she knew they had a kind and loving governess to look after them she would feel badly about having left them so suddenly.

'Sarah, this isn't wise,' said Nicholas with a frown.

'Why not?' asked Sarah in surprise.

You have done with that family he said. There was a hint of anger in his voice; anger directed at himself rather than Sarah, because despite his belief that he had acted in her best interests he was not by nature deceitful, and he did not like to think that he had done anything underhand. 'After the way they have treated you, I wonder at you wanting to have anything more to do with them.'

What do you mean?' asked Sarah in surprise.

'Only this,' remarked Nicholas. That you have had nothing but unhappiness from that family. They have treated you with nothing but disdain. And, as head of the household, I cannot allow you to go.'

You can't stop me' said Sarah with a note of finality in her voice. 1 left Watermead Grange without giving any notice, and I feel myself honour bound to do what I can to help find a suitable replacement to look after the children. I'm very fond of them, Nick. They're dear children, and I don't want them to suffer just because the fortunes of their ex-governess have changed. Until I know they're in the charge of a good, sensible woman, I won't be happy.'

'In that case, you had better go.' Nicholas's voice was unusually grudging. 1 only hope you don't live to regret it.'

Sarah was again surprised. Why should I regret it?'

'Come on, Sarah.' Nicholas fell back into their childhood speech. 'Because Lady Templeton is Lord Randall's aunt.'

'And you're afraid I may run across him? You may set your mind at ease on that score. If Lord Randall had wanted to see me he would have come to Laura Place by now. But he hasn't. And once he knows I am to visit his aunt, he will certainly stay away.'

Nicholas could say no more. His one hope was that Lord Randall would not learn of Sarah's visit to London until it was too late; until Sarah was safely back in Bath.

* * * *

'Miss Susannah Grey is a sensible young woman said Lady Templeton the following week, as she and Sarah took tea together in the drawing-room of Templeton House. 'She is the cousin of Sir Richard Petheroe, and is at present a member of his household.'

'Do you think she would accept the post?' asked Sarah. As she looked around her she thought how many things had changed since she had last visited the house. Little had she known at the time just how different her life would become.

'I think she might. Sir Richard is kind enough in his way, but Susannah has no real purpose in his household. She is, however, of an energetic nature and I think she would like to have something definite to do. Her principles are good, and although she doesn't have your strength of character she is good-tempered and kind. But you will soon see her for yourself. I have invited the Petheroes to dine, and they are to bring Susannah with them.'

They heard the sound of a carriage drawing up outside.

'Ah! Here they are now,' said Lady Templeton.

The Petheroes were soon admitted. Their party consisted of Sir Richard and his wife, their two elder sons, and Susannah. Susannah, Sarah was pleased to see, looked a good sort of girl. She was rather young, being only eighteen, but Sarah was not worried about her standing up to James, because she no longer felt that standing up to him was necessary, at least as far as the children were concerned. His views - under her own influence — had changed so drastically that she was confident he would let them be children. He had adjusted wonderfully to their needs, and to the more relaxed nature of civilian life.

After a little conversation with Susannah she found that there was nothing to object to in the girl. Although she felt a pang at the thought of no longer being Lucy's governess she was too generous to give in to it. She was determined that Lucy should not suffer by her absence, and Susannah was undoubtedly a suitable replacement. Susannah had a good heart and good principles. She was very accomplished and, more importantly, she had a warm and affectionate nature. She would teach Lucy well, Sarah was sure. All in all, Sarah felt Lady Templeton had done well to find such a suitable young lady.

They were just about to go into dinner when the double doors into the drawing-room opened again, and the butler announced, 'Lord Randall, my lady.'

Sarah felt the blood rush to her cheeks. James? Here? Tonight?

It took all of her strength of will to recover at least some of her composure. She had been confident that she would not see him at Lady' Templeton's house. If she had been any less confident she would not have come. He had made it quite clear what he thought of her by his absence from Laura Place, and to be forced to meet him here, at his aunt's house, and over dinner too, was one of the worst moments of her life.

He felt it, too. He checked immediately on seeing her, and if she had had any doubts about his hostility towards her his expression would have dispelled them. A cold, haughty mask spread almost instantly over his face.

'Ah! James! There you are!' said Lady Templeton with forced ease.

For she had to admit, if only to herself, that the hostility which had suddenly filled the room did not bode well.

'Randall! Good to see you!' said Sir Richard. Fortunately he knew nothing of what was going on, and was therefore able to behave normally. 'And how are you liking life now you're out of the army? Glad all the fighting's over, eh? Must have been very satisfying, putting paid to old Boney at last. Peace took a long time coming, but it was worth it. Who knows? Now that King Louis is in charge again, I might even be brave enough to take a trip to France!'

James replied politely and, once the party had made their way into the dining-room, continued talking to Sir Richard. The two gentlemen talked on a wide variety of topics, ranging from the refurbishment of the Marine Pavilion at Brighton to the price of grain. But whatever the subject under discussion, James's eyes kept drifting to Sarah. She was looking pale, he thought, and, contrary to what he had expected, she did not appear to be happy.

Sarah herself could not but help be aware of James's attention, and no matter how hard she tried to focus on her conversation with Susannah she kept wondering what his constant looks might mean. If he despised her as much as she supposed he must, then why was he looking at her at all?

'... for the ladies to withdraw.'

Sarah had been so lost in her thoughts that she almost missed Lady Templeton s pronouncement, but she caught it just in time and the ladies withdrew, leaving the gentlemen to their port.

* * * *

What do you think, Sarah?' asked Lady Templeton, as Susannah occupied herself by looking through a book of sketches at the far side of the drawing-room.

'I think she would be very suitable,' said Sarah. 'She seems veiy agreeable. Has she any experience of children?'

'She has a younger sister and brother, so she is used to children and their ways.'

Yes, I think she would be an excellent choice,' said Sarah.

'Good, good,' said Lady Templeton. Then we are agreed. Tomorrow I will speak to James.'

You didn't mention that Lord Randall was going to be here tonight,' said Sarah with an air of apparent unconcern.

'I thought it as well to invite him. It is his niece we are trying to help, after all.' Although not the whole truth Lady Templeton was convinced - more particularly so after seeing the way James had been unable to keep his eyes away from Sarah at dinner - that her small deception was all in a good cause.

'Of course,' replied Sarah. She tried to make her voice light and unconcerned.

The gentlemen did not linger over their port and soon returned to the ladies, whereupon Lady Templeton set up a card table as she knew that Sir Richard and his two sons always liked to play. Susannah joined them and Lady Templeton, by a little adroit management, drew Sir Richard's wife into conversation, leaving Sarah and James as the only two people who were not otherwise engaged.

To cover the awkwardness of the situation, Sarah pretended to be interested in the book of sketches that had so recently occupied Susannah, and James, after fighting a short battle with himself, followed her to the far side of the room.

He watched her in silence for a minute or two, minutes which to Sarah seemed to stretch into eternity, before saying at last, You have always been honest with me, Sarah, so answer me just one question: why did you refuse to see me in Bath?'

Sarah was so surprised at this question that for a minute she could not reply. Was it some kind of ruse? Some attempt to put the blame on her?

'Do you still believe I had an ulterior motive in offering you my hand?' he said.

She shook her head. 'Not an ulterior motive. But... '

Yes?'

'But if I had still been a governess... '

You think I would have said nothing? You think I would have left you to go your way? And you think I would have gone mine?'

Sarah sighed. You are a very proud man, James. You wouldn't let Dominic marry Miss Yardley, and her position is far higher than mine was until a few weeks ago. Why should I think that, after telling Dominic he couldn't marry an eligible young lady simply because she was not his equal in rank that you, as an earl, would stoop so low as to marry a governess?'

'So that's the reason.' There was an unmistakable sound of satisfaction in James's voice, coupled with a note of relief. She hadn't changed. She hadn't been spoiled by her good fortune. She was still his Sarah. He knew now that her reaction to his proposal had been justified, and he smiled a wry smile. That's why you doubted me. Because I wouldn't let Dom marry Miss Yardley.'

'I know your views on unequal marriages too well,' she said, determined to make him understand why she had been so angry. If you'd loved me, then perhaps -'

'Do you doubt it?' he asked.

'In the woods that night -' she began, fighting down an impossible hope.

'It was a terrible mistake. Sarah, I'm sorry -'

That's just it. You're sorry. I'm not. I know I should be ashamed to admit it, but I'm not sorry at all.'

'Really?' He gave her a wicked smile.

'Don't look at me like that,' she said, uncomfortably aware that his closeness was having a profound effect on her. It isn't fair. It was obvious you regretted -'

'Almost destroying your reputation? Yes, I did. It was unforgivable. No gentleman would ever risk his niece's governess's reputation in that way, no matter what his feelings might be.'

'So that's why you were horrified?' She could not hide the delight in her voice.

Yes,' he said, taking her hand and stroking it. That s why I was horrified. I didn t regret what we'd shared; not for a minute. But I was horrified to realise I'd nearly taken advantage of you.'