A Pirate of her Own (22 page)

She did.

His arms came around her, covering her own, and he took her hands in his. He pressed himself tightly against her back and she could feel him growing against her buttocks. His warm laugh sounded in her ear.

“Say my name,” he demanded.

“Why?”

“Because I want to hear it from your lips. I want to hear you tell me you need to feel me inside you again.”

“But Morgan—”

His lips covered hers and he ran his hand over her bare breasts, teasing them with his fingers. Her body erupted, her breasts swelled with need.

And then he trailed his hand lower, down her stomach and back to the core of her.

Her body on fire, she pulled away from him long enough to whisper, “Now, Morgan, I want to feel you inside me now.”

With a groan he tore himself from her lips and entered her from behind. Serenity gasped as he buried himself deep inside her, raising her to the tips of her toes.

And while he moved against her buttocks, his hand continued to play its magical harmony against her.

She moaned as he moved in and out, until he made one long deep thrust within her and paused.

“Show me, Serenity,” he whispered in her ear. “Show me what you like.”

At first she didn’t understand him, but as his hand continued to tease her nether place, she knew what he wanted.

Morgan closed his eyes in sweet torture as she drew her body tight around him and slid down his shaft. Reaching the tip, she loosened herself and took him full again.

He matched the strokes of his fingers to the strokes of her hips as she moved up and down him. The sea roared in his ears as he rubbed his cheek against her silken hair.

She was every bit as wonderful as he’d expected. More so, in fact.

Serenity heard him gasp her name an instant before he took control again. His thrusts came hard and fast, his fingers stroking ever quicker until she erupted with pleasure.

She screamed out as he spilled himself into her again. Joined, neither could move as they leaned against the window, drained and sated.

Once his breathing returned to normal, Morgan withdrew from her. He turned her to face him. “You are the most incredible woman I’ve ever known,” he said, touching her cheek.

Serenity said nothing.

After a few minutes, she pulled away from him. She moved to stand in the center of his cabin, wringing her hands. She stared at him, and he could tell by the light in her eyes that she was grappling with something terribly important.

“Morgan, I want you to know that I won’t ever regret what we’ve done.”

He was glad to hear her say that. He moved to stand in front of her and pull her back into his arms. “Neither will I.”

She rubbed her hand over the hairs of his chest, lifting them with her fingernails. She looked down at her hand, refusing to meet his gaze. “I hope you’ll always remember me fondly when I’m gone.”

“Where are you going?” he asked, his heart hammering at the thought of her leaving.

How could she, after all that had happened?

After all they had shared.

“Home,” she said with a wistful sigh. “The colonial ship leaves tomorrow and I plan to sail with it.”

“What?” he roared.

“Don’t get angry, Morgan. You know as well as I do that we can’t go on like this. Especially not now.”

“You can’t leave,” he insisted.
“Especially not now.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” She left him standing there naked and began pulling on her clothes.

“Me?” he said, grabbing her by the shoulders. “I’m not the one thinking of leaving.”

“Aren’t you?” She took his hands one by one off her arms and stared deeply into his eyes.

He could see the pain inside her, the fear. But worse than that, he saw her determination. The raw determination that she always got once she had set her mind to something.

“Don’t try and tell me that even as you stand there you’re not thinking about going back to sea and to your life.”

“Yes, I am,” he admitted, “but you’ll be on board this ship with me.”

“As what?” she asked, her voice laced with bitterness. “Your mistress? Your whore?”

His jaw tensed with anger. “Don’t ever say that word.”

She looked away from him and shook out her dress. “I’m not trying to drag you to the altar, Morgan. I could never hurt you. But if I stay here, I’ll never be able to return home.”

“So don’t,” he said, taking the dress from her hands. “Stay with me.”

With a low, warning growl in her throat, she snatched her dress back and placed it on the chair.

“I can’t do that,” she said, retrieving her camisole and corset. “I’ve seen how you live. I’ve seen how you fight. What if one day you’re killed in the middle of battle?”

She turned to face him. “What would happen to me then? Would your men respect me?”

She pulled her camisole on and moved to stand directly in front of him while he searched his mind for something he could say to make her change her mind.

“Or what if you’re taken prisoner by your enemies, Morgan? I’ve heard tales of what happens to the captain’s whore, and believe me, I don’t want to be passed around a British crew.”

He was aghast at her words. “Where have you heard such stories?”

“It’s not important.”

“I would never let you get hurt.”

“But you can’t guarantee me that. Ever,” she said quietly. She reached out and laid her hand against the stubble on his cheek. Her eyes searched his and he ached for a way to settle this, but deep in his heart, he knew the truth.

“Anything can happen at sea,” she continued. “Kit told me that it’s hard to win a sea battle, that you’ve often picked up survivors from the victory ship.”

Damn her for telling the truth and damn her for being reasonable this
one
time!

He hadn’t been able to protect his sister because he’d been at sea, and he couldn’t guarantee Serenity that he would never lose a fight.

Grinding his teeth, he saw an image drifting before his eyes of his ship the
Rosanna
sinking last year. Just like she’d said, they’d won the fight, but in the end the damage to his ship had sunk her. He hadn’t lost many men to the sinking, but he had lost some.

She dropped her hand from his face, her eyes wistful. “We both know you can never settle on land. The sea is in your blood. It’s who and what you are. I would never ask for you to give more than we both know you can.”

She stepped away from him. “I have to go.”

And with those softly spoken words, she finished gathering her clothes, dressed, and left his cabin.

Nay!
his soul screamed.

He couldn’t let her go.

Grabbing up his pants, he began jerking them on.

“Where be you headed,
majana
?”

Morgan paused as he listened to Ushakii talking to Serenity just a few feet from his door. Ushakii’s watch had probably just ended and he was no doubt headed for his bed.

“I’m leaving, Ushakii. ’Tis time I went home.”

“You can’t be thinking of heading out alone, child. It’s the middle of the night. You might get hurt. Why, you can’t even row yourself ashore. Let me escort you back before something terrible happens to you.”

Morgan could imagine how she must look, the tender smile that was no doubt curving her lips as she gazed up at Ushakii with doleful eyes.

“Thank you. I would deeply appreciate it.”

Then their voices drifted off.

She was gone.

He let his pants fall to the floor as the significance hit him squarely in the chest.

Morgan didn’t sleep at all that night. He lay
quietly in his bunk, one arm raised above his head, as he stared up at the ceiling lost in torturous thoughts.

Over and over he saw Serenity before him, her eyes flashing, her body writhing beneath his.

The look on her face as she’d walked gracefully out of his life.

He drew a deep breath against the pain that lacerated his chest. It felt as though his heart had been torn out.

She was gone.

And he had let her go. He had just turned his back and let her walk out of his life.

“So,” he whispered to himself. “I’m a coward after all.”

But deep inside he knew it was for the best. She’d been right. Even if they married and she traveled with him, sooner or later she would become pregnant, and then what?

He couldn’t raise a child on board a ship. He didn’t even want to try.

God forbid, what would happen if they were attacked and the ship went down with both Serenity and their child on board with no way to save them?

What if they were lost at sea and he was forced to watch them starve in a lifeboat while they waited for a rescue that never came?

No, he could never stand that.

He must let her go.

He would survive. He always survived, and pain was nothing new to a man who’d lived most of his life with it.

Morning came too soon to Serenity. She watched the sun creep up over the island from the windows of
La Grande Maison
. Downstairs, she could hear the first stirrings of the staff as they set about opening windows and preparing breakfast.

Kristen had been good enough to donate several gowns to her for the trip home, and a valise, which now was set on the bed packed and ready to go.

When she’d returned in the wee hours, Kristen had been waiting up for her, and Serenity had confided to her new friend what had happened between her and Morgan. And the fact that she was determined to leave.

Kristen had done her best to change her mind, but one thing about Serenity—her stubbornness knew no equal. Somewhere in the early morning hours, Kristen had finally given up and retired.

A soft knock sounded on the door. “Miss James?”

She recognized the voice of Kristen’s maid. “Come in,” she called.

The maid opened the door a crack. “The coach is waiting for you, miss.”

“Thank you.” Serenity forced herself away from the window, and on trembling legs, she walked to her valise. This was really it, she was going home.

Picking it up, she left the room.

Kristen was waiting at the foot of the stairs, her face sad, her arms wrapped around her. “I didn’t think you could really go through with this. Even after our discussion.”

Neither did I.

Serenity’s grip on the balustrade increased as she took the last four steps that brought her even with Kristen. “I have no choice.”

“Pity. I thought you were more of a fighter.”

Serenity laughed bitterly, and looked at a picture across the hall to keep from meeting Kristen’s sharp gaze. A gaze she knew would see through her and strip bare the depth of her feelings. “I guess I know this is one fight I can never win. Even my stubbornness has its limits.”

Nodding, Kristen forced a smile to her lips. “Well then, I wish you all the luck in the world. It’s been fun getting to know you.” Her smile turned sincere. “Tweaking Morgan’s nose…”

Serenity smiled at her teasing tone. “Thank you, Kristen. If you ever come to the Colonies…”

“I’ll make sure I find you. Who knows, I may yet demand George take me to see you.”

“I would like that.”

Kristen pulled her into a hug.

Serenity held on to her friend, knowing that once she returned home, she would never again experience this kind of female companionship. The women of Savannah would never be as forgiving or as kind as Kristen.

Time to go, Serenity.

Now, before you change your mind.

Reluctantly Serenity pulled away and headed out the door without looking back.

She refused to look back. Only regret waited there, and she didn’t want to regret knowing Morgan.

Loving Morgan.

She climbed aboard the coach and watched as Kristen came out to the steps to wave good-bye. Returning the gesture, Serenity was thrown back into her seat as the driver whipped the team into motion.

She listened to the early morning noises as the coach wound its way down the dusty dirt road to the shore. This island had been a wonderful experience, one she would treasure forever.

All too soon, the coach pulled up to the dock and the driver got down to help her out. She took his outstretched hand and descended. The driver reached in behind her and removed her valise from the seat, then handed it to her.

With a knot in her stomach, Serenity headed toward the small boat that would row her to the colonial ship.

In spite of her resolve, she found herself looking over at
Triton’s Revenge
. It stood proud in the water, like Morgan himself. The early morning sunlight glinted off the skeletal masts, and the ship swayed and dipped against the waves as the serpent masthead glared at her.

Gulls flapped and called loudly overhead. The ship looked deserted.

Was Morgan still asleep? Or could he see her now as she made her way quietly back home?

Not wishing to think about it, she waded to the boat. The boatswain helped her to her seat, then began rowing them out.

As they crossed the narrow distance to the ship, she tried to banish the image of Morgan rowing her out the night before. The incredibly handsome look on his face as he watched her with desperate longing.

Dear Lord, how she wanted him. Needed him more than she needed the very air she breathed.

Gripping the side of the boat until her knuckles burned, she fought the urge to jump out of the boat and swim to Morgan’s ship.

She didn’t want to leave him.

She would give anything in the world to stay.

Stop the boat!
her mind screamed.

But they could never be happy. She wanted a home with a family and he loved the sea.

She remembered her father’s old saying, a bird and a fish can fall in love, but where do they live? If they make their nest at sea the bird will starve and if they make their nest on land…

“Good-bye, Morgan,” she whispered to the early mist.

Morgan stood on the poop deck, watching the small boat moving steadily closer to the colonial ship. Even from this distance, he could make out Serenity’s form.

An ache so fierce it was almost crippling consumed him.

If not for the netting that his crew had put in place the day before, he would launch himself overboard and swim out to her.

But that was ridiculous.

It was over.

Serenity was gone.

Sighing, he turned away and headed to his cabin.

Serenity paused on board the ship as she came face-to-face with Jake. Frowning, she looked up at the surly pirate who leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“They’ve no idea who I am, Miss James, and I’d deeply appreciate it if you don’t educate them.”

“Are you going to cut out my tongue?”

He gave a wry smile. “No.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about, I think my days of writing are over.”

He looked incredulous. “I don’t understand.”

Serenity sighed and looked back at Morgan’s ship. “I no longer believe in fairy tales and happily-ever-after.”

The colonial crew bustled around them as they prepared to sail.

“What about you?” she asked. “Are you heading home?”

“Aye. I can’t stand another day without my wife.”

What she wouldn’t give to have Morgan feel that way about her. “I’m sure she misses you.”

“No, you’re not,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “You’re probably wondering what she sees in me. If you want to know the truth, I ask myself that same question every day.”

She blushed at the truth of his words. “So why did you leave your wife to begin with?”

“Morgan needed me.”

“You think a lot of him, don’t you?”

He laughed. “Sometimes.”

“Jake?” she asked. “Why didn’t you kill him when you captured him all those years ago?”

Jake sighed, and she could tell her question made him uncomfortable.

He paused so long, she was sure he wouldn’t answer, and then he said, “Morgan had more guts than any man I’d ever seen. He was scarce more than a babe and yet he had the courage of a lion. How could I destroy a man like that?”

She thought about that and how strange life was. Had Jake killed Morgan that day, all the men Morgan had saved from the British would still be impressed, and she…

She would never have known love. Would never have known a man’s touch.

One life touched so many.

“You know, I have a lot to apologize to you for,” he said. “I should have never taken you away from your family.”

His apology stunned her.

“I am truly sorry, Miss James, for any pain or fear I caused you. I know we didn’t start out on the best terms, but I hope you’ll forgive me.” He extended his hand to her. “Friends?”

She smiled. “Friends.”

As soon as she touched his hand, the wind picked up the sails and they headed out to sea.

Serenity couldn’t help going to the netting for one last look at
Triton’s Revenge
.

Jake moved to stand behind her. “You know you’ve got a hard time ahead of you. What are you going to tell people about your absence?”

She sighed. “The truth.”

He looked stunned.

“What choice do I have?” she asked. “I’m a terrible liar.”

“Surely you can come up with something better. Tell people you eloped and your husband was killed, or he ran off after the nuptials.”

It was a thought. But she couldn’t do that. “No, Jake. My family deserves the truth.”

“The truth hurts. Don’t you want to spare them the pain?”

She thought about her father and his reaction to Chatty after she’d been caught alone with Stephen. He’d been cold, distant. Unforgiving.

“Tell you what,” Jake said. “Why don’t I pretend to be your husband. I’ll pick a fight with your father and then leave without ever coming back.”

She laughed at the image. “I appreciate the offer, but somehow the truth always comes out. I’ve lived my life dedicated to reporting the truth to people. I don’t think I could live with myself if I lied to them. No, I promised myself I would have no regrets about what I did, and I shan’t.”

He nodded in understanding. “If you ever need a friend, you just send word to me and I’ll be there for you. I’ll make sure no one harms you.”

“Why, Black Jack Rhys,” she said with a teasing note in her voice. “You’d best be careful or I might begin to think you’re actually a nice man and not a living scourge.”

His smile was wide. “Ouch, lass, you’ve finally discovered my deepest-held secret. Now I shall most definitely have to kill you for it.”

She laughed. “Never fear, it’s yet another secret I shall take to the grave.”

One of the boatswains came forward. “Miss James?”

She looked past Jake’s shoulder to where the boatswain stood. “Yes?”

“The captain bade me show you to your room.”

Serenity nodded, excused herself from Jake, and followed the boatswain below deck to a modest-sized cabin. It was clean and tidy, with a small bunk made into the wall the same way Morgan’s had been.

“The captain will be by shortly to check on you.”

“Thank you,” she said.

He took his leave.

Alone, she sat on the bunk, and for the first time allowed the pain to wash over her. Morgan was finally gone. He would never be back.

Never.

Her heart breaking, she reached into her pocket, pulled out the crumpled note of poetry he’d written her on board his ship, and she began to cry.