A Place in Her Heart (3 page)

Chapter Four

Katy was so tired, both physically and emotionally, that it was all she could do not to collapse. Having Cal working beside her all day had been tense and nice at the same time. So much had happened since they’d been friends who’d talked every day. They were different people now. At least she was. Cal might have been older, even better looking than before with that dark blond hair and those striking green eyes—a very masculine guy in a very masculine profession—but his kind heart still seemed to beat within his chest. Which meant she had to guard hers with every bit of strength she had, because she couldn’t open up and risk having her heart broken again.

“Umm.”

As soon as she’d managed to pull together her willpower, the look of appreciation on Cal’s face as he took a big bite of a carrot cupcake with cream cheese icing nearly caused it to evaporate.

“I understand why you were so busy today,” he said. “This is really good.”

“Thanks.”

Cal wandered over to one of the two little tables. “Sit down and rest your feet. You’ve been on them all day.”

“That’s not unusual.” But she found herself dropping into the chair opposite him anyway, despite the prep work she still needed to do for the next morning.

Cal divided his cupcake in half and extended the unbitten half toward her. More to have something to do than to assuage any real hunger, she accepted it and took a bite. They sat in silence for a few moments, but she could feel the questions swirling inside Cal.

“Tell me what happened,” he finally said.

Katy exhaled and stared at her half of the cupcake. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

He didn’t press her, for which she was immensely grateful. All her feelings toward him and his connection to Terry were still a jumbled mess in her head, though she could tell he was genuinely sorry he’d ever introduced them.

“Does your help come in to work tomorrow?”

She nodded. “Yeah. She’ll be here mid-afternoon until closing, so it shouldn’t be quite so hectic.”

“Good, so we can go out for pizza.”

“Cal—”

He reached across the table and placed his hand gently atop hers. “I won’t push you to talk about anything you don’t want to. I just want to catch up.”

She considered refusing him, but she found she didn’t want to. They had been such good friends, and she wanted to know what his life was like now. She could only imagine the stories he’d have to tell about his adventures. The truth was she missed him. Even if sitting across from him did stir up old feelings that would stay as hidden as they ever had, she wasn’t going to deny herself the opportunity to rekindle the friendship. She’d learned the hard way that having genuine friends was way more precious than all the gold and gemstones in the world.

She nodded. “Okay.”

Saying that one word felt a bit like jumping off a cliff without being able to see what awaited her at the bottom of the dive.

* * *

When Cal stepped into his mom’s kitchen after driving home from the bakery, she was sitting at the table with her laptop and a notepad.

“Hey, there,” she said as she looked at him over the top of her reading glasses. “Where have you been all day?”

He crossed to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. “Met up with Katy.”

“Really? I haven’t seen that girl in forever. How is she?”

Scarred. Traumatized. Skittish. Because of him.

“Okay. She owns a bakery now.”

“Oh, I’ll have to check it out.”

Cal smiled. His mom had a sweet tooth the size of Boston. Some things never changed, like her constantly perusing recipe sites for new dishes to try.

“Is she married?”

“No.” He nearly choked on the word.

“Then you should invite her over for Thanksgiving. I heard her mother died a few years ago.”

Katy’s mom had never been much of a mother, but it was still sad that Katy was even more alone than he’d thought.

“Good idea.”

After chatting with his mom for a couple more minutes, he headed to his room. But once he stretched out on the bed, his mind wouldn’t stop spinning. He couldn’t help but wonder how badly Katy had been hurt, and for how long. She didn’t deserve that—no woman did. Especially not after how difficult her home life had been, with no dad and with a mom who alternated between being employed and being sacked out on her ratty couch drunk. Somehow through it all, Katy had managed to do well in school and keep a positive attitude. Back then, it had just been who she was. How he’d always known her to be. But now he realized what an accomplishment it had been, and he admired the hell out of her.

A kind, fun-loving, beautiful woman like Katy deserved someone who would treat her right.

Whoa. He ran a hand over his face, wondering when he’d started thinking of Katy as beautiful.

The moment he’d seen her standing next to her dead car.

He frowned. Had that thought popped into his head because he felt badly about what she’d gone through with Terry?

Nope. He realized it was the truth. It wasn’t as if Katy had ever been ugly, but she’d grown into a beautiful woman. And it wasn’t just her long, dark hair or eyes the color of storm clouds. Despite her obvious anxiety and haunting memories, she’d survived whatever she’d gone through and come out the other side stronger. He’d seen an ease and confidence emanating from her as she’d interacted with the customers, when she hadn’t had time to think about the past. And right or wrong, he found that incredibly attractive.

Had he been lying when he’d told her he just wanted to go out to dinner as friends? Or was a part of him attracted to her? Did he want to explore that? As he lay staring at the ceiling, he realized he didn’t know how to answer that question.

* * *

Katy took another look at herself in the mirror and wondered if she should shuck what she was wearing for old jeans and a sweatshirt. That certainly wouldn’t look like she was trying too hard or that she thought this was a date. Because it wasn’t. Cal had made that clear, and at the time she’d been thankful for that. But as she’d lain awake the night before after he’d left, thinking about how much he made her heart flutter and how much sexier he was now, she toyed with the idea of confessing her feelings.

But she’d put the kibosh on that idea, unwilling to risk being hurt again. So she’d settled on an outfit between not trying at all and flirty date night. The one thing she didn’t change was the pair of chunky heels she’d paired with her casual slacks and top. Cute heels and wedges—anything other than flats—had become her stepping stones toward recovery. Every time she bought a new pair or wore them to go out, she felt a little stronger, a little farther away from that night a pair of heels had set in motion the cycle of abuse she’d suffered.

With a deep breath and determination to act cool, as if the sight of Callum Walsh didn’t make her skin flush with pure magnetic awareness, she headed downstairs.

“You look cute,” Stephanie said from where she was icing a tray of miniature wedding cakes that was due to be picked up in the morning. “So who is this dude again?”

“A friend from high school. He’s here on leave.”

“Military?”

“Yeah, he’s a Navy SEAL.”

Stephanie lifted an eyebrow. “Please tell me he’s smoking hot like all SEALs are in my imagination.”

He was, indeed. “I guess he’s okay-looking.” And the award for biggest understatement of the year goes to...

“Is he going to wear his uniform? There is nothing sexier on a man than dress whites.”

Competing images battled inside her head. She’d seen Terry in dress whites, and she wished she could scrub the image, all images of him, from her memory. But the thought of the man Cal had become in dress uniform caused her heart to palpitate.

She forced a small laugh. “Pretty sure he won’t be in uniform to go eat pizza and reminisce about high school.”

“Your loss.”

Those two words wouldn’t stop ricocheting around in her head as she drove to Petey’s Pizza Pies. The idea of Cal in uniform had taken root so quickly that when she saw him wearing jeans and a black button-up, it startled her. Not that he didn’t look delicious in that black shirt because, good heavens, he did. This was such a bad idea. How was she supposed to appear unaffected by him when he looked like that?

You had lots of practice.
Just pick up where you left off.

He stood as she approached the table. “Hey.”

She smiled. “Hey.”

“You look nice.”

She nearly tripped over her own feet, but she tried to hide it by slipping into the booth. “Thanks.” Three simple words shouldn’t have made her so jumpy, but they did. She wanted to tell him he looked good, too, really good, but she kept that thought firmly in her head.

“I haven’t been here since that night before I left for basic,” he said as she scanned the familiar interior of Petey’s. Huge boards hung over the counter listing the classic pizzas along with that day’s specialty. Today’s odd offering was potato and bacon. He glanced at her. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“You probably don’t want to talk about that.”

She shrugged. “I don’t mind. Those were good days.”

“I never told you this, but I always admired how you kept a positive attitude despite how hard your mom made things for you.”

“There wasn’t any changing it, so why wallow?” Truth was she had wallowed in self-pity from time to time, but she’d always managed to pick herself back up. It was a trait that had eventually served her well when she’d remembered it, after Linda had found her and urged her to take advantage of what the Women’s Lunch Place had to offer.

The waitress came and they placed their order, laughing a little when Katy ordered pineapples on her half and he made that all-too-familiar face of disgust.

“Still wrong,” he said.

“Still delicious.”

“What can I get you to drink?” the waitress asked.

“I’ll have a beer.”

Katy couldn’t help the shudder that passed through her at the memory of Terry ordering a beer at a pizza place near the base.

“On second thought, I’ll have a soda.”

Had he seen her reaction and guessed what it meant?

When the waitress left, Cal smiled and shook his head. “I wonder how many pizzas we ate here with Eric, Jeremy and Bebe.”

“A lot.”

“What are they up to these days? I’m realizing I’ve been terrible at keeping in touch with people.” She thought she still knew him well enough to identify a layer of guilt in his eyes. Despite all the years she’d hated the fact that he’d introduced her to Terry, she knew in her heart Cal would never have done anything to hurt her. She couldn’t let him shoulder that responsibility, not when he didn’t even know what had happened.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she said.

“It was. If I hadn’t brought the bastard home with me, you wouldn’t ever have met him.”

“You didn’t know. I didn’t know. He hid who he really was well.” Though she’d told him she didn’t want to talk about Terry and what he’d done to her, she found herself spilling the story nonetheless. She might still harbor unwise romantic feelings toward Cal, but he was also one of her best friends in the world, despite the years they’d spent apart.

“I’m surprised you went out with him. I didn’t think you were interested.”

“I wasn’t—not at first. But he was persuasive. And...we didn’t just go out. We got married.”

The area between his eyes bunched. “But his last name was Miller.”

She nodded. “When I left, I changed my name. Just picked one out of a phone book.”

“You were hiding from him.”

“Yeah.” She told him about Terry’s drinking problem, about the fights. She couldn’t meet his gaze as she said, “After that first time, he refused to let me leave the house, said I’d ruin his career if anyone saw what I’d made him do. I lost my job, and he blamed me for that, too.” She took a deep breath. “Let’s just say things went downhill from there.”

“Why didn’t you leave?”

“When you’re in the situation, you’re too scared to do anything about it. You feel trapped. You feel that if you just ride it out, things will get better.”

“But they didn’t.”

“No. But Terry eventually sunk himself. He hit me within view of an officer and then took a swing at him. He was dishonorably discharged. You find out who your real friends are when you’re the reason a guy gets kicked out of the Navy.”

“You weren’t the reason. He did it to himself.”

“I know that now. But I honestly didn’t even recognize myself then.”

“So you came back to Boston?”

“Yeah.” She really didn’t want to admit how far she’d sunk, that she’d become homeless and destitute. It was just too humiliating. As if fate was finally giving her a break, the pizza arrived then. “So, tell me about some of your adventures. I’m sure you have a lot of stories of badassery.”

Cal’s snort made her smile. If he only knew what that smile did to her, what it had always done to her.

Chapter Five

Two days went by without her seeing Cal. Though they’d texted several times, he hadn’t come to the bakery or asked her to go anywhere else. Had he decided it was too difficult to be around her? Did she have too much baggage weighing her down? And she hadn’t even told him everything. Now she was doubly glad she hadn’t, even though she had to admit divulging part of what she’d endured had given her a sense of relief she hadn’t realized she’d needed. She’d, of course, talked with people at the shelter, but that hadn’t been the same as sharing with someone who’d known her before.

Her phone rang and a quick glance to her screen revealed it was Cal, as if her thinking about him had prompted him to call.

“Hello,” she said as she held the phone with one hand and slid some lemon cupcakes into the display case with the other.

“Hey. How’s it going?”

“Fine.” Did this conversation feel awkward or what?

“Listen, I wanted to invite you over to our house for Thanksgiving. Everyone would love to see you.”

Having some pizza with Cal was one thing, but being pulled back into the midst of his family? That was quite another. She could manage questions when they were from one person, but she feared she’d crack if they came from all directions, no matter how well-intentioned they were.

“Thanks for the offer, but I’ve already got plans.” Which was the truth. She just wasn’t going to share that they included serving a Thanksgiving meal to the women at the shelter, something she’d done every year since she’d gotten herself back on her feet and out of that same shelter.

“Oh, okay.”

Did he sound disappointed? Wishful thinking fluttered inside her before she tamped it down. She couldn’t go down that road.

“How about we catch a movie tomorrow night?”

“I don’t know. I’m really busy.”

“Ah, come on. Take some pity on me. Mom and Dad have card night with some friends, and Sean and his family are doing something with Beth’s parents. They’ve all abandoned me.”

She imagined the woeful face he was no doubt making and laughed. How was she supposed to resist that? She could do it, like she had countless times before, when they’d been classmates. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d sat beside him for two hours in the dark wishing they were sharing more than a tub of buttery popcorn.

“Fine, as long as it’s not a horror movie.”

“Deal.”

She couldn’t help the giddy feeling that had her buzzing around the kitchen like a bee in springtime after she got off the phone. That changed, however, when Stephanie came in and she saw the look on her face.

Stephanie leaned against the prep table. “I’ve been hoping I wouldn’t have to do this, especially now that you’re so busy for the holidays, but I’ve got to give my notice. Mom has been really ill and she’s not getting better. I’m going to be moving to New York to take care of her.”

“I’m sorry to see you go, especially for that reason, but don’t feel badly about it. Family comes first.”

At least that’s what she’d always heard. She personally had never experienced that, except as a witness to Cal’s close-knit family. That was another reason she was glad she had a valid excuse to skip out on his family Thanksgiving. Seeing that much love shared would make her even more aware of the lack of it in her life. She had friends for whom she was immeasurably grateful, but it wasn’t the same as having a family of one’s own.

With her mom being so ill, Stephanie left for New York immediately and left Katy with a pile of orders to fill on her own. Katy would need to hire someone else soon, but at the moment she couldn’t take the time to conduct interviews. When she wasn’t sleeping, she was working. She got so immersed in her to-do list that she totally forgot to cancel her movie outing with Cal until he showed up at the bakery.

“I’m so sorry, but I can’t leave,” she said. “I’m suddenly a one-woman shop.” She told him about Stephanie’s departure.

He rolled up his sleeves, revealing strong forearms that threatened to make her mouth water. “Put me to work.”

“Cal, come on. I know you probably don’t have much time off, so you should be out doing something fun.”

His gaze connected with and held hers, robbing her of breath.

“I’m exactly where I want to be,” he said.

She would have given anything to have heard him say those words years ago. They were still wonderful to hear, but they made her sad, because she felt too damaged to ever take a chance on love again. Plus, she wasn’t willing to risk losing him as a friend a second time. Since they’d crossed paths again, she’d become more and more aware of how much she had missed Cal, even when she hadn’t been thinking about him.

But as the night progressed and Cal helped out any way he could, even asking her to teach him how to ice the cupcakes while she worked on making cheesecake bites, she wondered if her heart was changing its mind. She even found herself laughing when he started making icing smiley faces sticking out their tongues atop the cupcakes.

“I can’t sell those like that.”

“What? You don’t like cupcakes with attitude?”

“I thought SEALs were supposed to be big and tough, not goofy.”

“I can be both.”

She wondered if he had any clue just how incredibly attractive that combination was to any woman within a mile of him—to her.

When they finally wrapped up the prep work for the next morning, he leaned back against the counter next to the cash register. “You look too tired to drive home.”

“I’m fine.”

“Why don’t you let me drive you home?”

“That’s not necessary.”

“You’re more stubborn than I remember you being.”

She smiled, liking that compliment even if it hadn’t entirely been meant as one. Stubborn meant she was a lot stronger than she had been only a few years before. Though she was extremely careful with her safety, she knew without a doubt she could trust Cal.

“It’s not necessary, because I live upstairs.”

He glanced toward the ceiling as if he could see her apartment. “Well, that’s got to be the best commute in Boston.”

“Yeah, no road rage.”

Outside, it started to rain hard, going from nothing to downpour in the blink of an eye. A few moments before, Cal had been worried about her driving home. Now it was her turn. She didn’t want to send him out into that kind of weather.

He glanced over his shoulder. “Speaking of nasty drives.”

Deciding to take a few more baby steps toward trusting someone again, she said, “Come on upstairs to wait it out. I’ll make us some hot chocolate.”

A few minutes later, they both sank onto her couch and propped their feet up on the wide ottoman, hot chocolate in hand. Katy turned on the TV to cover some of the awkwardness of having someone else in her space. She flipped channels, trying to find something she thought Cal might like. She’d paused on the local weather report when Cal spoke.

“So how did you get into the bakery business?”

“I, uh, took some classes, and then I found a job here. It used to be a different type of bakery, more traditional breads, cakes and cookies. The owner retired and moved to Florida, so I took the leap. Would you believe I actually dreamed the idea for the small cakes theme? I dreamed I was in this big room with like a hundred Easy Bake Ovens, and I kept running from one to the next, pulling out differently flavored cakes.”

She didn’t tell him she’d had that dream while she’d been sleeping on the back steps of an abandoned building with hunger gnawing at her stomach.

“It seems to have caught on.”

“I think people love desserts, and they don’t feel as guilty buying a cupcake or a small cake as they would buying a normal-sized cake.”

“Minimize the guilt, maximize the profit.”

“I like that.”

Once they’d started talking, some of her tension had eased. As the rain continued to pour outside without a break in sight, she felt herself growing sleepy, her eyes growing heavier. But she liked having Cal here and didn’t want him to leave. As she listened to the rumble of his voice telling her about some mission he’d gone on, her eyes drifted closed.

* * *

The cold soaked in all the way to her bones. She couldn’t stop shivering, couldn’t get warm—not even when she’d found a recessed doorway in an abandoned building with which to block the wind. Her eyes ached from searching the dark, fearing somehow Terry would find her. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the leftover half stick of beef jerky. She’d saved the change she’d found on the ground for five days in order to have enough to buy that packet of jerky. She’d really wanted the gorgeous, pink-frosted cupcakes she’d seen in a bakery window, but she figured the jerky had more nutritional value, more protein to keep her going.

Something thumped nearby, causing her to jerk and then curl farther into the dark corner of the doorway. She tried to make herself as small as possible. Tried to make herself invisible.

At the first sound of footsteps, her heart started beating wildly.

“No,” she whispered, unable to keep silent. “Please, God, no.”

Someone grabbed her, and she screamed.

“Katy, it’s me. You’re okay.”

Katy’s eyes flew open, and she’d opened her mouth to scream again, praying someone would come to her aid, when a sliver of recognition hit her brain. Cal was the one holding her, not Terry. Not some nameless, faceless terror in the dark, aiming to do her harm.

Cal slowly brought his hand to her face and gently caressed her cheek. “It’s okay. You’re safe. It was just a bad dream.”

She couldn’t help the tears that pooled in her eyes, and part of her wanted to demand he leave so he wouldn’t see her like this. But she couldn’t form the words, and in the next moment he’d pulled her into his strong arms. She’d worked hard to be strong again, but on the heels of the nightmare, she fell into his embrace and wrapped her arms around him. She was stunned by how good it felt to be held by someone she trusted. It’d been so long since she’d felt truly safe and protected. Had she ever felt that way? But the way Cal held her made her believe he would fight the devil himself to protect her.

Of course, that was what he was trained to do.

He pulled back enough to look down at her, and there was something more than kindness shining in his eyes. Her breath caught as his fingers lightly skimmed her cheek, the soft touch so out of place on a man as strong as he was. A man who put himself in danger by choice, who most likely thrived on it.

But as she looked up at him, she saw the close friend he’d once been mix with the strong, sexy man he’d become. And though some segment of her common sense was screaming at her to pull away, she didn’t. She knew by the look in his eyes that he wanted to kiss her, and even if this was the only time she’d ever have that chance, it was what she wanted, too.

The moment his lips captured hers, happiness exploded within her.

She wanted so much to totally lose herself to him, to tell him she loved him, even after all these years apart. She wanted to confess everything, tell him the rest of her story. But she couldn’t allow herself to do any of that, because it would hurt too much when he left. And she might not see him for another five years. Her heart couldn’t take breaking over him a second time. So she told herself to pull away, to focus all her energy on building her business so she’d never have to be at the mercy of anyone or the streets again.

“You want me to go.” His words didn’t form a question.

She nodded without meeting his gaze, knowing her voice would break if she spoke. Or else the truth would come out.

Cal released a slow breath then leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead before standing and walking out the door.

She held herself together until she heard his car start outside. And then she let the sobs come.