A Place in His Heart (6 page)

“Truly? Is that not unusual for someone who has the Puritan's beliefs?”

“Mr. Langton, those of us that believe in reform of the church do not call ourselves Puritans. It is a term used by those who would like to degrade us. I like to say I am a man of God who seeks to purify the church. But even so, if I be a Puritan, I am an independent Puritan. I have firm beliefs that I willingly share with anyone who will listen. But what is between each man and God—that is exactly what I am fighting to protect. Our freedom to have a personal relationship with God. That and the right to read our Bible.”

Mr. Langton smoothed the lock of hair from his forehead. “I admire your honesty. And I will say that I admire your courage to stand up for your beliefs. But I do worry about my daughter and the reality that she could be persecuted for your beliefs.”

“I shall not put your daughter at risk, I give you my word.” His eyes met Mr. Langton's with conviction.

Mary leaned forward. “Papa.”

Mr. Langton regarded his daughter. “Mary, we shall speak, but not now.” He turned back to Barnabas. “I have considered that with the dowry I have for my daughter, not to mention the business connections that I have available, she could marry very well. Maybe even up—to a title—but Mr. Haskins of London is an obvious choice, because they have known each other since childhood, and his mother and I have a close business association. I must ponder this for a time. I promise you I will take what you have told me into consideration. Pray thee know that I will do what I think best for my daughter.”

“Of course.” Barnabas stood up, aware he was dismissed. “Good day, Mr. Langton. I do thank you for your consideration. The meal was superb and you a most gracious host. Mistress Fanning.” He bowed. “Miss Langton, good day to you.” He bowed once more, his eyes never leaving her.

Mary and Lizzie watched Barnabas depart. Papa turned to his youngest daughter. She'd remained obediently quiet during the exchange. Their conversation made her uncomfortable, but she dreaded more the discussion Papa would demand now.

“Mary, you know I want only your happiness and security. But, the reasons not to marry him are numerous and I caution you against this. I would implore you not to marry that man.”

He motioned for both to sit at the fire. “I know you feel you love Mr. Horton, but you will find someday, my dear, that love is not everything. I question if he can love again so soon, and I discern that he questions it as well. Someday his feelings could turn to anger rather than love, but it would be too late for you.”

He paced before them. “I have qualms that he entertains such Puritan beliefs. This is not the time for such ideas. People are being whipped and put in prison. Pray tell, if I would arrange a meeting with Robert, would you humor me? His mother buys my finest wool and I am sure it would be much contentment for her to have another woman in the household. You would always be well provided for. As children you were fond of each other. Could you not be happy with him?”

Mary leapt to her feet, hands on her cheeks. “No, I could not! Fondness is not love, Papa. How many times have we discussed this very thing? I do not know what happened. We grew up, I suppose, but he disgusts me now and I cannot feign otherwise. And don't you see what a dolt he is? He lives with his mother because he cannot fend for himself.”

“That's not true, my girl. She operates a substantial business and it behooves him to remain in her household and work for her. But I see the clouds form in your eyes. I must think on these things before I will give my answer. You think of this as a way to avoid a marriage to Robert, but you do not see the unhappiness that awaits you. That troubles me greatly.”

Lizzie went to Mary and embraced her. “Father, please remember that if she marries Mr. Horton, she will be close by. I planned to wait to tell you this, but Ezekiel and I shall have another babe. It would be comforting to me to have her close by when it is born.”

“Why, Elizabeth, how grand. Another child? You please me, truly.” He came to hug her and hugged both daughters.

“Lizzie—that is so wonderful. Papa, I would be so unhappy to not be here when she needs me. I know it is difficult for you to understand this, but if Mr. Horton desires to marry me, it is his sons that he is thinking of. I know that. He is desperate to have someone help him. You know that is not uncommon. 'Tis a bit amazing he has waited all these months.”

He drew back and looked at her. “'Tis no reason to marry him, my girl. Indeed, quite the contrary.”

She looked up at Lizzie and shook her head, then turned to Papa. “But he takes delight in me, he appreciates that I am well-read, and he even desires to teach me cooking. He finds me a blessing with his sons.” She looked at her hands, folded in her lap. “And I love him.”

He studied her with a look of disbelief. “I think he might find it charming in the beginning to have a wife that he might train, but you must realize it might get tiresome for him at some point.” His gaze went to the window. “I do not mean that in an unkind way. You are my baby girl and I truly want what is best for you.”

Did he want to ignore what she had just told him? That she loved Barnabas? “This is best for me. This is my chance for a family. I must tell you, though I desire your approval, I shall marry Mr. Horton, even if you withhold it.” She leapt to her feet and fled the room.

John listened to her retreat, her skirts swishing as she ran up the stairs. She'd never spoken to him in that manner before. It frightened him a little, but he loved her too much to withhold
from her what she wanted so desperately. He knew what he must do. Give his permission as well as his blessing. Allow Mr. Horton to court his daughter. On the morrow he must send a message to Mistress Haskins. It would be a bit embarrassing, but she was a good friend. She might be disappointed—she thought of herself as a mother to Mary already—but it would not ruin their working relationship.

He would send a message as well to Mr. Horton, giving permission for the courting to begin. Elizabeth sat staring at him. “You are quiet, my dear, I forgot you were there.”

“I'm not sure who I should be more worried about. You or her?”

“Well, my dear, against my better judgment, I shall allow Mr. Horton to court your sister. How I wish your mother was still alive. She would know what to do far better than I.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. The burden of raising his daughter without a wife had certainly not been without its trials, but somehow he had thought it would get easier. Mary always said she would not settle for a marriage of convenience and here she was, going headstrong into one. Would she someday be filled with regret?

As he left the Langton estate, Barnabas decided against going directly home. He'd made his decision to take a wife, but in the wake of that, he felt no better. He nudged Baldy left when he reached the smithy and rounded the corner down Dag Lane. He passed the Horton House and mill and rode on until he found himself at the door of Thomas's house. Thomas, the brother with his feet securely on the ground. The brother who would know the right thing to say to him. Jeremy would give his life for anyone, but he was a dreamer.

He pounded on the door, until Thomas finally appeared. “Well, well. Is it old Barn? What brings you my way? Are you all right? Come in.”

He stepped in the doorway. “You've known the void I have felt since Ann died. I try for the boys to stay on course, and I still open the bakeshop. But I have done something that troubles me and I need to talk to someone. Could I have your ear?”

“What say you we go down the lane to the inn? Jeremy will be there. Mayhap the three of us could talk?”

“I had thought to speak just to you, but mayhap it would be a good thing to get both views.” He waited while Thomas
shrugged on his coat and informed his wife and daughter of their plans. Both Thomas's wife, Mary Jane, and their little daughter, Mary Belle, came out to give Barnabas a hug. Belle clung to his legs. He bent and gently peeled her away, giving her a quick hug before handing her to her mother.

The two trudged to the inn in silence, horses left behind.

As they drew near, Thomas turned. “I know it's been hard, Barn. Do not think for a moment that Jeremy and I do not understand. We are here for you, whenever you need us.”

“Thank you. I do know that.”

They went inside and found Jeremy at a table.

He looked up as they approached. “Heigh-ho, look who joins me.” He stood up and clapped both brothers on the shoulder.

“In truth, I did not plan to, but when Barn showed up at the door, I thought we should.” Thomas gave Jeremy a broad smile.

They pulled out chairs and settled into them. Jeremy gave a nod to the pretty maidservant, and she brought a large platter of crusty bread, with carp and hunks of cheese. She beamed at Jeremy, and Barnabas knew what Molly was thinking. The three of them had the Horton ruddy complexions and ready smiles, and their mere presence filled the room. She frequently said when the Horton men came in, business always picked up.

Molly set the fare down and nudged Jeremy. “Do you think that be enough? I wasn't planning on a third brother here.” She nodded toward Barnabas with a grin.

Barnabas held up a finger. “Aye, we've plenty. I won't be eating.”

Thomas looked at his brother intently. “We know you expect a joke from us, and most assuredly we do not let the opportunity slip by often, but, Barn, what's on your mind?”

“I have asked Mr. Langton's permission to court his daughter.” He put it out there simply and watched their reaction.

Both brothers stared at him, mouths agape.

“I encountered her at Webb's shop and it occurred to me that she would make a wonderful mother for Joseph and Benjamin. I have been at a loss at how to manage them, and it seems everything I do is wrong. The day I met her they were misbehaving, but she helped me in such a gentle way. I know they miss their mother. I know Miss Langton cannot replace Ann. Not for me or the boys. But my children need a mother and I need a wife.”

Jeremy finished chewing and swallowed hard. He leaned forward. “It's not wrong, Barn. It's life. No need to explain.”

“I know, but her father has not given his consent yet. Moreover, I worry that I cannot give Miss Langton what I did Ann. She seems a very sweet girl and is certainly attractive. She would be very easy to live with and would give me many more children. But she is not Ann.” He ran his finger around the edge of his glass.

Thomas looked from Barnabas to Jeremy and back. “There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a mother for your children. And you want more children, do you not? And she is another Mary. It is a beautiful name in my book.” He grinned. “I think you have made a good decision. Do you not agree, Jeremy?”

“Aye, I do. Hear me, Barn—you were very lucky in your marriage to Ann. Most people never experience love like that. You were so in love, you went and apprenticed her father's trade. No, you are right, you will not find that again, but it is exceedingly more important to have a mother for those boys and you know that.”

It surprised Barnabas that Jeremy, the youngest of the three, made so much sense. “What about you, Jeremy? You do not need to work. You will inherit Father's land, and yet you have plans to build a ship and sail the seas.” He looked at Thomas for agreement.

“It's not a matter of needing to work for any of us.” Thomas set his mug down. “Only Father's exceedingly strict work ethic that hounds us. But Barn, you and Ann were planning on sailing with Jeremy to the New World. Is this something Miss Langton would desire as well?”

“I am sure we w—”

“It's the adventure,” Jeremy said. “I have always wanted to sail since I was a small lad. There will be money for certain, of course, but it's the adventure I want. I'm working on the plans now. I'm going to name her
The Swallow.
”

“Very well, but I want you to know if Mr. Langton gives us his consent, I should like a short courtship. My plan is to post the banns as soon as we can. My mind is made up, and I do believe this is what Miss Langton desires as well. I would like to bake the wedding cake, as well as prepare most of the wedding feast. It will miff their cook to be sure, but this will occupy my thoughts and time. It will be good for Joseph and Benjamin to see their father with a purpose once again.” He said it with conviction.

“I wish you the best, Barn.” Thomas drummed his fingers on the table, but lowered his voice. “You know, we all need to be thinking about the colonies. Jane and I have been giving it hard consideration. We're cloistered here in Mowsley, but I hear more and more of villages nearby where people are publicly whipped simply because they're meeting in their homes, discussing teachings of the church and Bible.”

His eyes darted about the room as he continued. “I have been in talks with the Reverend Cotton. He feels more and more pressure from the church and he agrees with the Reverends Davenport and Youngs. They're not Separatists, like those at Plymouth. They are men who desire to take the church to a
new land, to rid it of the pomp. Without all of the harassment we endure here.

“My good friend William Pynchon left a few months back for the Massachusetts Bay Colony. He wanted me to accompany him, and I gave it much thought. I expect to hear news from him soon. Methinks it is time to seriously consider going to Massachusetts, to join in the planting of the church.” He took in a deep breath after his long speech.

Barnabas nodded his head. “Aye, Thomas, I more than agree. King Charles is, at the least, a tyrant. He's been through three parliaments in a row and now rules without one. He wants absolute power. Most certainly the Queen is bringing her Catholic beliefs with her. How insulting to the people he rules that he would marry her.”

He and Thomas looked at Jeremy. Jeremy was not involved with reform of the church in any way, but he did share their interest about New England, actually the New World in general.

Jeremy looked from one brother to the other. “At least the war with Spain and France seems to have ended, but now the cost of food climbs and timber is hard to find. London needs more coal. I can tell you, the New World has thick forests and game aplenty. The ship industry is flourishing and I intend to be a part of it. I may never settle there—someone must care for our parents, of course—but I will be sailing there someday. I want to take part in the trade that is already developing.”

“Very well—I can see you do have an opinion.” Barnabas chuckled and stood. “There is much to talk about. For now, brothers, I do thank you for your support and advice.”

His brothers stood with him and the three gave each other bear hugs.

Jeremy held his shoulders. “We will be there for you, Barn. Let me know if there is anything you require of me.”

“Me as well, Barn. I will talk to Father for you, if you like.”

“He is watching the boys with Mother. They already know what is on my mind. Differences aside, we have the most wonderful parents. They both support me in my decision.”

The brothers trudged back to the house. Barnabas regarded his younger brother with one brow raised. “Have you told Father about your intentions of going to New England?”

“Nay. He need not know yet. I will wait until I have word from William. I do not know how Father will react. He takes it somewhat in stride that you and Jeremy will someday make the journey. I don't believe he will be happy to know I intend to do the same.”

“The information will not come from me, brother. You tell him when you are ready.”

They pounded each other's back in farewell and Barnabas mounted his horse. At least the ride home would be short.

Entering the kitchen he shrugged out of his coat and hung it with his hat on a peg. His parents sat with the boys, telling stories at the old oak table. He tousled each boy's hair before taking a seat near Benjamin. His son's chubby finger traced the initial Joseph had scratched into the table just a year earlier.

“Your mother saved you from a whipping that day, eh, Joseph? She scratched the heart around the
J
you made and told Benjamin he could do the same when he learned to write a
B
.”

Joseph's eyes grew large. “Benjamin, you always try to get me in trouble.”

“Do not.”

“Do too, you baby.”

“Boys, enough. You are forgiven, Joseph. You know that.
Your mother always knew the right thing to do, and she loved you very much. I pray thee, apologize to your grandparents. They do not enjoy listening to your quarrels.”

Grandmother Horton stood up as if to gather the boys under her like a hen. “Now, boys, everything is fine. We have had such fun today. Barnabas, do you have any of the ginger cakes? I think a treat is in order.”

He rose to fetch the cakes, glad to allow his mother to relieve him of his duty to discipline for the moment and noticed as she turned to Benjamin, a kind smile on her face. “Do you think you are old enough to learn a
B
for Benjamin?” she asked.

Wide-eyed, he sat up as tall as he could. “Yes, Grandmother, I want to.”

Barnabas returned with the cakes and took one before passing the bowl to his mother. He attempted a stern look at her. “What are you up to?”

She carefully removed a little cake for her grandsons. “Yours look even better than mine, crisp and tender.” She started with a compliment.

He cocked his head toward her. Something was coming, he knew her ways.

“I'm thinking if Benjamin may add his initial, it might bring closure to Joseph's misdeed. I would be happy to add the heart.” She looked at her son imploringly.

“Aye. Let's bring closure.” He nodded to his mother and turned to his father as they bent to their task. “I met with Thomas and Jeremy after I spoke to Mr. Langton. They are much in favor of my marriage to Miss Langton, but her father has yet to give his consent to court her. I expect he will, however.”

His father's brow shot up. “Why would he not? He knows your circumstance.”

“You expect people to see things your way and fail to understand when they do not. But not everyone thinks as you do. He is very careful with his daughters and favors a more cautious approach with any decision that affects them. Miss Langton agrees to our marriage and will be a good mother to the boys. I expect he will come to see that.” He decided not to delve into the misgivings her father had toward his religious tendencies.

Joseph jumped up, nearly knocking the ginger cakes to the floor. Miss Tilly dashed from underneath the table and disappeared. “I don't need a mother. Why didn't you ask me and Benjamin first?” His shoulders shook.

“Joseph! This is the second time today I must tell you to watch your tongue. Go to your room. I do not want you to come back out until you are asked to do so. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Father. But Miss Langton might not wa—”

“To your room and now!”

Long after Joseph went to his room, long after his parents went home, doubt assailed him. A messenger rode in with a summons to come to the Langtons' on the morrow. What if Joseph were right? The decision came quickly. Mayhap Miss Langton had changed her mind. It would not take her long to realize there were many men who could offer her far more than he. Men with social standing. He was but a disinherited baker.