A Proscriptive Relationship (45 page)

My face grew hot again, and I turned my attention back to the floor. Mr. Heywood knew my favorite color and food?  He talked about my birthday? But the last time he had visited Holly was before we had had the confession talk . . . Did that mean something? Or was I just overthinking?

“Anyway, enough of me blabbing away,” Holly started again, breaking me from my thoughts. “It just is so boring in this hospital room.”

“It’s fine,” I told her. “When do you get out?”

“Saturday,” she told me, making a face. “My fiancée will be here by then. I need someone to drive since I broke my ankle.”

“Oh, right, because you were mugged . . .”

Holly looked away from me, a solemn expression slipping onto her face. “Um, right . . .”

My palms were beginning to get sweaty again as I tried to think of a way to ask what I came here to ask in the first place. When Holly’s eyes finally met mine again, I clenched my fist.

“You were attacked by Shawn, weren’t you?”

Holly’s eyes widened considerably. “W-what? No! Shawn is . . .”

“Shawn told me,” I said. “He told me he ‘got the wrong Holly,’ or something like that. I didn’t tell Mr. Heywood. You can tell me the truth, and I promise I won’t tell him.”

Holly stayed silent for a moment, her eyes downcast once again. I kept silent, waiting for her to speak. Was I right? Or would she was deny it? Maybe Shawn was lying?

Holly sighed, looking at me once more. “You can’t tell Chris.”

“I won’t,” I promised.

“I wasn’t mugged,” Holly said. “Shawn attacked me.”

LESSON thirty-one

“
Before I tell you anything, I have a question,” Holly said, frowning at me. “How do you know about Shawn?”

I sighed. “It’s kind of a long story . . .”

“
I’ve got time.”

After a moment of hesitation, I decided to tell her the whole story. I left out the whole Shawn wanting me part though. The last thing I needed was for more people to fret over me; Mr. Heywood and Jeremy worried about me enough for a hundred people.

“
. . . And that’s how I learned about Mr. Heywood’s past as a gang member,” I finished, raising my eyes to look at Holly for the first time since I started explaining.

She was staring at me like I was crazy. I didn’t blame her. In retrospect, I realized every interaction I had with gang members was incredibly stupid, especially the whole “punch everyone” part of it.

“
How could Mr. Heywood have dragged you into this? This is seriously dangerous,” Holly warned me when she finally spoke.

“
I already know that,” I responded. “And it’s my fault I became involved . . . Mr. Heywood just complicates things.”

“
He should have kept you out of it though.”

I frowned at her. “I’m the one who—

“
It’s still his problem, Holly,” she said, shaking her head.

“
It’s my problem now too,” I stated stubbornly. For some reason, I felt like I had to defend him. “Mr. Heywood didn’t have anything to do with that . . .”

Holly raised her eyebrow skeptically. “Is that so?”

“
It is.” Okay, so it wasn’t the whole truth, but it wasn’t like Mr. Heywood forced me to punch anyone. Holly looked like she wanted to say more, but I cut her off before she could. “Now it’s your turn to talk. What happened with Shawn?”

“
Before I answer, I have one more question. How did you know Shawn who attacked me instead of believing the mugging story?”

“
Um . . .” I hesitated, blushing faintly from the embarrassment of my actions from the memory. “That night when I saw you for the first time, I went to the park after I . . . left the hospital. Shawn found me there. He said, ‘at least you’re the right Holly this time.’ Mr. Heywood had told me you had been mugged, but I figured Shawn might have done something to you,
Holly
.”

Holly frowned at me. “Shawn said something similar to me when he figured out I wasn’t who he thought I was. He said, ‘well, isn’t it my other Holly?’ At the time I didn’t know you existed, so I was pretty confused.” She sighed, tapping her finger against the metal rail on her bed. “You can’t tell Chris.”

“
I know,” I responded. “But why not?”

“
I’m done.”

The sudden coldness in her voice made me tense up. Her friendly demeanor had suddenly turned bitter, and her eyes, hard. I had to look away. My initial nervousness returned with new vigor.

“
I won’t tell,” I finally said quietly.

“
Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she responded, her tone lighter again. “I just can’t take this gangster business anymore. After Chris went to jail I promised myself that I would never get involved again—that’s why I moved away. And now I have a son—”

“
You have a son?” I asked in shock.
She must have had a relationship, like, only two months after Mr. Heywood went to jail . . .
“Already?”

Holly shook her head, smiling at my expression. “He’s going to be my stepson.”

“
When did you start dating your fiancé?” I asked before I could stop myself.

Holly raised an eyebrow, but shrugged. “Probably a month after Mr. Heywood went to jail.”

“
Oh,” I responded. Only a month?
She got over Mr. Heywood in a month?
 

“
Holly, you’re showing your innocence.”

“
What?”

“
Your innocence,” Holly repeated. “The look on your face is telling me you don’t like the idea of me dating after only a month of breaking up with Chris. A month isn’t a short amount of time to get over someone. Don’t get me wrong, I did love him, but I also wanted to forget about him and the gang. I was scared.”

“
Which I can understand,” I told her, nodding my head.

“
But?”

I looked at her in surprise. “How did you know there was a but?”

Holly laughed. “Chris was right. You’re so easy to read.”

“
I’m not,” I denied, feeling my face heat up.

“
Holly, what’s your but?”

“
It’s nothing bad. I’m just wondering why you broke up with Mr. Heywood right before he was put in jail. Don’t you think that’s a little cruel?”

“
I do,” Holly responded honestly. “I still feel bad about it too, actually. But it’s what I had to do. Being done with the gangster thing meant being done with Chris too. I wasn’t going to make him sit in jail for eight months and come out only to be broken up with. That’s why I did it before he went in. He had time to move on, and so did I.”

“
And you and Mr. Heywood are still friends,” I started, feeling a little confused, “even though you are done with this gangster thing?”

“
He’s a teacher now. I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with gangsters again,” Holly told me. “I’m leaving again so I don’t have to. I still love Chris, just not the way you do.”

Immediately my face grew hot and I looked away. My first response was to deny it, but I couldn’t. It was the truth. I didn’t want to deny it. But it was still embarrassing to hear it said aloud.

“
I want to be friends with him, and luckily for me, he wants to be friends too,” Holly continued, smiling slightly at my reaction. “Chris is a great guy. He’s never held what I did to him against me; he understands I did what I had to do. He deserves better than me. He deserves you.”

I looked at Holly, taken aback. “What?”

“
Why do you look so shocked? Holly, not everyone can get involved with a gang because of someone and still love that person. You don’t even seem to care about the danger involved. You don’t even seem phased that he was in jail!”

“
I’m not,” I told her, now growing confused. “Why would I be?”

Holly stared at me for a minute in disbelief. “You don’t even care the slightest bit?”

“
Mr. Heywood had his reasons, and I don’t blame him for going to save you, even though he ended up in jail.”

Holly suddenly looked guilty, and she turned her gaze to the floor. “Holly, you’re a much better person than me. It’s funny, you’re younger than me but so much more mature.”

“
Holly,” I started, feeling awkward using her name, “I love Mr. Heywood. If it were any other man in the world, I probably would care that he was in jail, but since it’s Mr. Heywood, nothing matters. Don’t say I’m a better person, I’m just . . . blinded by love,” I ended simply. I didn’t know how else to make my point.

Holly smiled at me. “I’m glad Chris met someone like you. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see how much you care for him. Thank you for that.”

“
Don’t thank me,” I muttered, blushing again.

“
Now all he needs to do is man up and tell you he loves you!”

I cocked my head at her, raising an eyebrow. “You know he’s my teacher right?”

Holly responded to my look with a confused one. “What about it?”

“
It’s not . . . right.”

“
Holly, don’t tell me you’re worried about that,” Holly said, rolling her eyes. “You don’t care about gangsters or prison, but you care about the fact that he’s your teacher? Are you stupid?”

“
N-no! I don’t care that he’s my teacher!” I corrected her, shaking my head. “But so far everyone who knows how I feel about him has been really supportive. No one has been judgmental about it. But I keep waiting for that one person to say something, tell me he’s too old for me, tell me it won’t work out . . .”

“
Is that what you want to hear?”

“
No!”

“
Then don’t worry about it! Anyone who has heard that man talk about you, or you talk about him, or, I bet, even just sees the way you two interact outside of class, knows that you are right for each other.”

“
I’m more worried about the fact that Mr. Heywood is an adult, and I’m an immature teenager . . . I don’t care what other people think, but I don’t want Mr. Heywood thinking that.”

Holly rolled her eyes. “Please. You’re the least immature person I’ve ever met. I’m positive Chris doesn’t care that you’re still technically a teenager.”

A small smile spread onto my face. It was nice to hear what I wanted to hear from someone else. “Thank you . . .”

“
You and Chris have only a four-year age difference. My parents have a seven-year age difference. My fiancé is five years older than me. Don’t worry about anything that has to deal with your age. As they say, age is but a number.”

“
Right,” I agreed, feeling oddly refreshed.

“
I hope everything works out for you two.”

“
Thank you.”

“
And I hope you don’t get hurt.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“
Shawn,” she told me. “Holly, he’s really dangerous.”

“
I know,” I responded, averting my gaze. “I know he is. I know the whole gang situation is.”

“
Promise me you’ll be careful,” Holly ordered. “I don’t want to see you taken away from Chris.”

A small shudder ran through me. I didn’t like the way that sounded. Taken away? Did she mean killed? Or something like what happened to her that would make me not want to be around Mr. Heywood anymore? No, there was nothing that could make me not love him . . .

“
I’ll be careful,” I said softly. “I won’t be taken away.”

“
Good.”

Suddenly my pocket started vibrating. Confused, I pulled out my phone to see I had a text message from Casey. Since when did the hospital have cell service? Well, I wasn’t going to curse it. I opened the text and smiled slightly.

“
Is that a text from Mr. Heywood?” Holly asked teasingly.

I shook my head. “My friend Casey. You see, my friend Lance is in the hospital too . . . he was also attacked by Shawn.”

Holly’s eyes looked they were about to pop out of their sockets. “Chris involved another teenager?”

“
No, no, no,” I said quickly. “Lance getting shot was completely my fault!”

Holly gasped in realization. “On the news the other day . . . Dan got put in jail for shooting a teenager downtown. That was your friend?”

I bit my lip, but nodded my head. I couldn’t lie to her. “That’s the one.”

“
Oh my god,” Holly gasped. “I can’t believe it. Shot? Holly—”

“
I know,” I interjected before she could finish. “Trust me. Mr. Heywood has repeatedly told me how dangerous this is. I’ve got it.”

To my surprise, Holly chuckled. “I’m surprised Chris hasn’t put a collar around your neck. I wouldn’t let you out of my sight if I were him. You seem like a danger magnet.”

I blushed slightly.

“
I take it your friend wants you to go visit him before visiting hours are over?” Holly asked, smirking at me.

I nodded. “Yep. He wants to confirm our plans for a get-together on Friday.”

“
Well, I won’t hold you back.”

I stood up, straightening out my shirt. Holly smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile in return. There was something about her that made me want to smile. It was strange.

“
I’ll, um, come visit you again,” I said, fiddling with my fingers.

“
Bring Chris with you too,” she insisted. “I want to talk to both of you together.”

I scratched the back of my head, forcing out a laugh. To be honest, as much as I liked Holly, I didn’t want to be in the same room as her and Mr. Heywood at the same time. I knew they didn’t have their old feelings for each other anymore, but it would still be weird to me. “I’ll try.”

“
See you, Holly.”

“
Talk to you later,” I responded, giving a small wave before exiting into the hallway.