A Scandalous Past (Regency Romance, Book 4) (32 page)

With her family present, she’d successfully
avoided him the entire night, never even retiring to her own
room—something Brendan knew for certain as he’d waited there for
her until dawn. Thankfully, she appeared on the front lawn to wish
her family a safe journey. The sight of her nearly broke his heart.
She’d smiled, gushed over her brothers, even wished her mother
well—but pain was still reflected in her eyes, and Brendan berated
himself over and over for putting it there. He wished he’d done
things differently, told her the truth early on. He was at a loss
for what to do that would return her to the joyful woman she’d been
just days earlier—when it was just them, before the real world
consumed them.

The coach rambled down the drive,
disappearing from view, and his wife turned back toward the house.
Brendan stopped her, with his hand on her arm. “Cordie,” he said
quietly.

“Yes, my lord?” she replied, her eyes locked
on his cravat.

“Look at me,” he implored.

“I’d rather not.”

Brendan tipped her chin back with his hand,
until her green eyes met his. Her anguished expression tore at his
heart. “Oh, my darling wife, tell me what I can do to make you
forgive me.”

She wiggled out of his grasp. “There’s
nothing to forgive. You were protecting your family.” She frowned,
then turned her back on him so he couldn’t see her face. “I do wish
you’d told me the truth from the beginning. It wasn’t necessary for
you to marry me simply to get my assistance with this matter. The
letters are yours after all.”

“If you recall, you were not particularly
warm towards me in the beginning.” Not that it excused him from
telling her the truth on the way to Scotland or even after they
said their vows. But the letters had been in the back of his mind
most of the time, his thoughts occupied by Cordie every waking
hour.

 “I suppose you’re right.” She heaved a
sigh. “Courting me, making me fall in love with you, was the better
plan.” A light summer wind picked up her skirts and she shivered.
Brendan stepped forward, but she moved further away, looking
towards the path her family had recently departed down.

Brendan hated seeing her so forlorn, and he
couldn’t resist touching her any longer. He came up behind her and
slid his arms around her waist, pulling her against his chest. “I
fell in love with you too, Cordie,” he whispered in her ear.
“Almost from the beginning. I lost sight of mother’s letters when I
saw you chasing after Haversham. I wanted to tear the man apart
every time you looked at him.”

“I’ve never
chased
after anyone.”

For the first time that day, he smiled. He’d
become so accustomed to her contradicting him. It was good to know
her spirit wasn’t completely broken. “Of course not,” he agreed
amiably. “You’ve left swarms of heartbroken naval captains and
wicked marquesses in your wake. I’m very fortunate to have caught
you for myself.”

“I don’t find you remotely humorous,” she
said quietly.

“Oh, I know.” Brendan chuckled and kissed
the spot behind one ear. “If memory serves, you find me
stodgy.”

“And old” she grumbled.

“And old. How could I forget?”

Cordie turned in his arms, looking up into
his eyes, causing his body to react in a most pleasurable way. “I
do wish you wouldn’t be charming. I’m quite put out with you, and
plan to stay that way for some time.”

Brendan caressed her back, apologizing with
his eyes, pleading for her to see the truth. “I love you, Cordelia
Clayworth. I never meant to hurt you, and I’ll spend the rest of my
days making up for it. Give me that chance, will you?”

The tiniest of smiles tugged at her lips.
“The rest of your days? Is that all?”

“Well, that and my heart and soul,” he vowed
before lightly brushing his lips against hers.

He silently rejoiced when she relaxed in his
arms and allowed him to deepen the kiss. He tightened his embrace
until the soft mounds of her breasts pressed against his chest. She
sighed against his mouth, and settled her hands at the base of his
neck.

It was the sweetest victory he’d ever
enjoyed.

Brendan mingled his tongue with hers,
relishing the feel of her lithe body against his, the taste of
sweet summer berries, and her light lilac scent. There was nothing
more he wanted than to scoop his wife up in his arms, carry her to
his room and sink deep inside her. “Dear God, I need you,” he
whispered across her lips.

Somehow that was the wrong thing to say.

Cordie pushed lightly against his chest and
wriggled out of his embrace, a slight frown marring her pretty
face. “I don’t have anything else to give you.”

Brendan stepped towards her, but she backed
away, shielding herself from him with an outstretched arm.
“I—um—well, I’ve decided to return to London.”

London? But they were going to stay in
Derbyshire, at least for a while. Enjoy each other, without the
watchful eye of the
ton
. He was going to show her how much
he loved her and do everything in his power to make up for hurting
her.  

“My friends are there,” she continued
matter-of-factly. “My life is there. I’d like to return to what I
left behind.”

The distance in her voice made Brendan’s
heart drop. “You’re not returning without me,” he told her.

She shrugged, walking towards the house. “I
don’t want you to feel you must accompany me. You have many things
to attend to here, and I’m certain I can manage on my own.”

She wanted to leave him. She didn’t want
to give him the chance to make things right between them.
Brendan’s jaw tightened. She wasn’t going back to Town or anywhere
else without him.  “You are
my
wife, Cordie.”

“I don’t think I’m in any danger of
forgetting that, my lord.”

Before he could respond, she escaped into
the house, abandoning him to his vacant front drive.

Cordie’s heart pounded as she stomped back
inside Bayhurst Court. At least she knew where she was going today.
She’d roamed the corridors the night before and now had the layout
fresh in her mind. She hadn’t intended to do so, but after Brendan
had escape into her room, she hadn’t had much choice.  She
wasn’t up to seeing him. She still wasn’t.

She made her way to the music room and sat
down at the piano, gently running her fingers over the keys. She
wasn’t as accomplished as Livvie in this realm, but the music did
soothe her a bit.

One would think she’d become accustomed to
being alone since she’d been exiled from Livvie, but she hadn’t.
And her loneliness had never felt so pronounced as it did now.

Most marriages were arranged to the mutual
benefit of both parties, the merging of lands or fortunes or
connections. However both participants knew from the beginning what
they each brought to the table. They both knew the situation they
were getting themselves into. Cordie hadn’t been offered that.
She’d been misled from the onset. How could she believe anything he
said to her now?

Only a fool would do so.

Cordie had never been a fool. Other than
when she believed he loved her.  Other than when she’d lost
her heart to him. She didn’t intend to make a habit of continuing
to be foolish however. 

“You play very well,” said a timid voice
from behind her.

Cordie looked over her shoulder to find
Thomas Reese leaning against the doorway. He bashfully hung his
head when their eyes met. Despite the pain in her heart, Cordie
couldn’t help but smile at the shy boy. “Thank you. Do you play,
Thomas?”

He shook his head, still not looking
directly at her. “No. But Uncle Brendan says my mother did.”

“I hear she was very lovely.” What did one
say to a child who’d never met his mother?

Thomas shrugged. “You’re not leaving because
of
me
, are you?”

Cordie’s mouth fell open and she shook her
head. How did he know she was leaving? Had Brendan already told
everyone? So much for his wanting her to stay at Bayhurst Court.
“Of course not. Why would you think such a thing?”

He winced. “I know I’m not… Well, I’d
understand if you didn’t want to live here with me. But I’m
supposed to attend Eton this October. Uncle Brendan has other
properties he could send me to until then.”

Cordie thought her heart might break, which
was something of a feat as she didn’t know there was any of it
left. She rose from her bench and started towards the boy. “Thomas
Reese, please believe me. This has nothing to do with you.” She
touched his shoulder, and his blue eyes pierced her soul.

“I’ve just never seen him happy like he was
when you arrived,” the boy explained. “I don’t want to be the
reason he’s sad again.”

Cordie brushed a tear from her cheek. She’d
been happy when they first arrived too. She desperately wished they
could go back to that day. Before she knew what Brendan really
wanted from her. When she believed he truly loved her.

Thomas’ eyes widened in surprise. “I didn’t
mean to make you cry. I—”

“Tom!” Brendan’s voice came from the top of
the hallway.

Cordie looked up to find her husband walking
their direction and wiped away her remaining tears. She didn’t want
him to ever see her cry.

Too late.

His brow furrowed and his pace increased. He
was before her in seconds, offering her a handkerchief. “Please.”
He turned to his nephew as she blotted her eyes. “Excuse us, will
you, Tom?” he asked.

The boy nodded woefully. “I didn’t mean to,
uncle.”

Brendan ruffled Thomas’ hair. “I’m certain
it wasn’t you. Do go on. I’ll find you soon.”

When Thomas was out of earshot, Brendan
grasped Cordie’s elbow and led her back into the music room. “It
wasn’t his fault,” she said weakly.

“No. It was my fault.” Brendan drew her into
his arms and held her tightly. For a moment, it felt so comforting
to be back in his arms. She couldn’t stay there for long, but just
a moment or two couldn’t hurt, could it?

He kissed the top of her head. “Cordie, I
know you don’t believe me, and I suppose you have every right to
doubt me. Would that I could do it differently, I would do
everything in my power to keep from hurting you.”

She pulled back to look at him. He did seem
sincere. She wanted to believe him.

“I love you with my entire being, and hate
that I have done this to you.” His face was drawn up tight, and
Cordie
hated
to see the pained expression in his eyes.
Brendan looked away from her. “I’ve thought of nothing else,
Cordie, but how to make amends to you. Your happiness is most
important to me. If being my wife truly makes you miserable, if you
cannot be happy with me, with Bayhurst Court, then I’ll grant you
the freedom you’ve so desperately wanted.”

Cordie gasped. Did he intend to divorce her?
Have their marriage annulled? She couldn’t find her voice. Both
prospects were equally horrifying.  It just wasn’t done.

He seemed not to notice that she was in
utter shock. “Since I first met you, gaining your freedom, doing as
you pleased and with whom was all important.” His twilight eyes
pierced her. “I can give you that, Cordie. My heart will break if
you leave me, but it will break if you remain here. I can’t watch
you live in such misery. One of us should be happy.”

“What are you saying?” she whispered, her
heart barely beating at all.

Brendan turned away from her, his hands
clutched behind his back. “You have my name, the safety that comes
with it. If you’re dead set on London, on returning to your
friends, and whatever else… Then go. I won’t keep you here,
miserable and wretched. I love you too much for that.”

Cordie’s knees threatened to give out. She
stumbled against the pianoforte and clasped the edge to keep from
falling over. “You’d give me my freedom?” she whispered in
disbelief.

He turned back around and rushed to her,
ushering her to a small settee. “Isn’t that what you want,
Cordie?”

Was it? She blinked at him. Suddenly she
wasn’t sure. For so long she’d hated being dictated to, forced to
submit to her mother’s will, having no choices of her own. He was
offering her the complete freedom she’d craved and struggled to
achieve. “You’d let me leave? You’d let me make my own
choices?”

He sat beside her and responded with a tight
nod. The pain in his eyes was deeper than before and Cordie’s heart
constricted even more. “Why?” she whispered.

Brendan took her hands in his. “Because I
don’t know how else to show you that I love you. I
want
you
to be happy, Cordie. I had hoped you could be so with me, but if
you can’t…”

She threw her arms around his neck. She
hadn’t wanted to. She’d wanted to be strong, but she couldn’t help
herself. He seemed to hurt as much as she did. The Brendan Reese
she’d known would never have given up his claim on her. She’d
expected him to fight her every step of the way. He’d told her that
he wouldn’t keep her from her friends, but he’d always maintained
his right to dictate to her as a husband.

If he was truly willing to give all that up,
simply to make her happy… It was the most selfless act she’d ever
witnessed.

His arms wrapped tentatively around her. “Do
be careful,
ma minouche
. If anything happened to you—”

Cordie touched her lips to his. Brendan
moaned and Cordie cupped his jaw, pressing herself against him. His
arms tightened and she relished the feel of her breasts crushed
against his chest, the urgency of his mouth against hers.  She
didn’t want him to ever stop holding her, to ever stop kissing
her.

But he did.

Brendan lifted his head. “What are you
doing?”

Cordie snuggled against him. “Would you
really
give me my freedom?”