A Silent Fury (20 page)

The rush of memories tripped over themselves in her mind, stealing the hate and anger from her heart.

Not caring if she looked like a fool, not concerned about who might be watching, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around the cold headstone, wishing it was her daddy's warm hard chest. She lay her head against the smoothly carved words and pretended she could hear his heart beating one last time. Pretended she could feel his arms wrapped around her in one last breath-stealing squeeze.

“I've hated you for so long, been so filled with anger that I'm not sure how to do this, but I hope this is a start.” She took a deep breath, smelled the scent of freshly turned dirt, a hint of rain and felt the possibility of the sun as it struggled to peek through the clouds. “I forgive you, Daddy. I have to. It's the only way I'm going to be able to love someone of my own. It's the only way I'll ever have peace.”

Tears dripped to the soft green earth. The wind blew, and time passed as she prayed and talked to her dad. Finally, bones creaking and muscles aching, she let go of the headstone—and
her anger—to sit back on her heels and caress the letters etched into the head stone. “I love you, Daddy, and I miss you.”

She raised her eyes toward heaven and let the tears continue to fall.

 

Joseph stood against his vehicle, arms folded across his chest as he watched the scene play out before him. Never had he witnessed such an outpouring of grief. He felt like an intruder. And yet he couldn't leave her. She might need him.

Right, he mocked himself, when has she ever needed you?

But she might—this time.

Hopefully.

Anxiety tightened his gut as he watched her weep, her silent tears nearly ripping his heart out. And when she'd wrapped her arms around the headstone, he couldn't stand it and had to turn away from the scene.

Forcing himself not to go to her, he let her have her moments with her father, praying, crying out that somehow God would give her the peace she so desperately needed.

Finally, he turned back to see her sitting on her heels, mopping up her face, the emotional devastation of the storm passed.

He took several steps in her direction, then stopped, wondering if he should intrude. Wondering if she needed more time.

She pushed herself up to her feet, and he closed the gap placing his hands on her shoulders.

 

Catelyn didn't even jump as she felt a pair of hands lightly fall on her shoulders. She'd smelled Joseph's cologne, a woodsy, masculine scent that she never tired of, about thirty seconds ago and knew he stood behind her.

Shuddering, broken and yet finally at peace, she felt cleansed. Ready to make a new start in life.

But was Joseph the right person to make that start with?

She hoped so.

As long as he understood some things.

Sucking in a deep breath, she turned, looked into his eyes—and nearly felt her knees buckle at the look of love shining there. Tears of sympathy glistened, and she simply wanted to melt into his arms and let the world fade away.

Oh, Lord, help me.

He smiled. “Hey, can I do anything to help?”

“You followed me—again,” she said, referencing the nursing home incident. “And it's the second time you've found me in tears.”

“I want to be there for you, Catelyn.”

She swallowed hard. “I know you do, Joseph, but I don't know that you can do that without wanting to protect me. I don't want to compare you to my father, but…” She shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans and started walking.

Joseph followed her behind her. “Catelyn, I'm not your father.”

“You stepped in front of me. A fellow cop. And one with a gun at that. What if I'd chosen to pull the trigger at that moment?” She shuddered at the thought.

“You wouldn't have. You're too good a cop.”

“Then why did you feel the need to step in front of me?” she demanded.

“Catelyn, I told you I wasn't protecting the cop. I was protecting the woman I love.” He ran a hand through his dark hair, causing a sprig to stand up. “Excuse me for that being a crime.”

“Oh, Joseph, it's not a crime. It's…it's…”

“What I'm supposed to do. I'm wired that way, both by God and by my upbringing. I could no more let you stand in the path of a bullet than I could sprout wings and fly. I don't know what else to say to convince you.”

And it hit her. She remembered in the house when he was in the line of fire. She remembered the urge she felt to step in front of him, get him out of the path should the woman decide to pull the trigger.

Why? Because she loved him. Would she have felt that way if it had been another cop standing there?

No.

Suddenly, she saw things in a different light, from a whole different perspective. His perspective.

He loved her. Really, truly, loved her.

Loved her enough to step in front of a bullet for her.

Loved her enough to die for her.

Just like she felt for him.

Excitement swirled within her. “How can we make this work?”

“Well, we can't work together, that's for sure.”

She choked out a laugh. “Okay.”

“You've been under the impression that I don't want you to be a cop. And I'll admit, two years ago you that would have been the case. But recently, I've been thinking, praying, picturing us together…and I realize I tried to make you into someone you're not. And that's okay, but I fell in love with who you are, not who I wanted you to be.”

She sucked in a hiccupping sob and tried to speak, but he placed a finger over her lips, so she'd kept quiet. He went on, “I'll worry about you while you're on duty, but I don't think I'll obsess about it. I'd appreciate it if you would check in with me when you can. And I'll be sure to do the same with you.”

Surprise lit her eyes. “You'd do that?”

“Well, sure, why wouldn't I?”

“My father told my mother what he was doing was none of her concern and would get furious if she even suggested that he check in with her and…”

He grasped her upper arms and pulled her closer. “Aw, Catie, I'm really not like your father. I love you, I love the Lord. We'll rely on Him to get us through the rough times and rejoice with Him through the good times. It's true that all my life I figured I'd marry a woman like my mother. And then God dropped you into my life. A woman completely opposite from Mom is some ways…and yet very similar in all the ways that matter. Especially when it comes to loving the Lord. I'm fine with you being a cop, I promise.”

Tears clogged her throat. “You're a very good man, Joseph.”

“And you're an amazing woman who's been harboring a lot of anger for a long time.”

“Huh. You noticed that, did you?”

“Yeah, I noticed.”

Catelyn took a deep breath. “Well, I…think it's been bubbling beneath the surface for a while. Ever since my father shot himself, I've been…afraid.”

“Of?”

“Of being abandoned.”

 

This time it was Joseph's turn to suck in a swift breath. “Aw, Catie…and I…”

“Yes, when you left me two years ago, it just about killed me.”

He flinched, her words wounding him with their honesty. She held up a hand and said, “But you were right to do what you did. I was too…insecure. I kept waiting for you to leave me and that's no way to have a relationship. My father said he loved me, then he killed himself. I was begging God to intervene with my mother and He didn't seem to be listening. And then you…you were too good to be true. I couldn't believe someone like you could love someone like me.” She gave a small laugh. “I had some real self-esteem issues didn't I?”

“But I never saw those. You always seemed so confident, so in charge, so…”

“Bullheaded?”

“You said it, not me.” He quirked a smile and was relieved when he got one in return.

“Right. Bullheaded. Anyway, when you left, it just confirmed what I'd been afraid of all along. I told myself I was better off, that if you hadn't left when you did, you'd leave me eventually.”

“But I didn't want to.”

“I know. I drove you away. And it was probably for the best at the time. It made me realize that God was still in control. That no matter what was happening with my life, no matter how far away I thought He was, He was still there, just waiting on me to come back to Him. And I had to trust Him with you.”

“And He brought me back.”

“Much to my dismay at the time.”

“I was never so happy to accept an assignment as this one. Oh, I fought it at first, especially after I heard who my partner was going to be, but then I saw you standing there by the crime scene…and those two years just kind of faded away and I wanted back what we'd had—and more.”

She nodded, the tears now dripping from her chin. “Me, too,” she whispered.

“I love you, Catie. Will you marry me this time if I promise to refuse to work with you?”

Laughing, she reached up to encircle his neck with her arms. “I will.”

“Good.” He leaned down and met her lips with his, relishing the feeling of coming home. There'd never been another woman for him and he'd missed her desperately during his time in New York; now he reveled in the knowledge that she loved him as fully as he loved her.

He lifted his head a bit and looked down at her. “When?”

“When what?”

“When will you marry me?”

“Um…soon?”

“Yeah, soon is what I kind of had in mind.” He touched the tip of his nose to hers.

“I want my mom to be there.”

“Absolutely.”

She pulled his head back down for another tingling kiss.

Yeah, he'd definitely come home.

To stay.

Dear Reader,

This story was such a blessing to write. Thank you for joining me as we met up with the Santino family once again. What a great group of brothers and sisters we have here who all love the Lord—and the special people He picked out just for them.

Catelyn had such a deep anger left over from her childhood, and as a result, while she still prayed to God, she felt distant from Him. Once she got that resolved, she found a new, deeper relationship with Him—and was able to let herself love Joseph the way he deserved to be loved. I pray that you are walking closely with the God who loved you enough to die for you. Let Him wrap His arms around you and bring hope, joy and peace into your life.

I love to hear from my readers. If you get a chance, drop me an e-mail and let me know what you think about Catelyn and Joseph. My e-mail address is [email protected] and my snail mail is P.O. Box 2212, Spartanburg, SC 29304.

God bless and until next time…

Lynette Eason

1. What are your thoughts about the story in general? Did it move fast enough for you?
   
2. What do you think about Catelyn's attitude toward Joseph? Do you think she walked away from a good man too soon? What should she have done differently?
   
3. Do you understand her reluctance to get involved with Joseph once again? Have you ever dealt with a relationship like that? What did you do?
   
4. What was your favorite scene in the story? Why?
   
5. Was there a scene you didn't like? Why?
   
6. How would you describe Catelyn's relationship with God? Joseph's?
   
7. What do you think about Catelyn's sudden realization that she'd just plain mad at God? How did she handle that realization and do you think she responded the way God wanted her to?
   
8. What do you think about forgiveness? Catelyn had some work cut out for her in order to forgive her parents for their selfishness during her childhood. Is there someone you need to forgive?
   
9. Why did Catelyn become a cop? Do you think it helped
   her to understand her parents any better? Or would she have been better off choosing a different career path?
   
10. Did you figure out who the “bad guys” were? If so, what gave them away?
    
11. Joseph's father makes it a point to say that Catelyn isn't like Joseph's mother, but she's a good woman and “a man could consider himself blessed with a girl like that.” Are you the type of woman that is a blessing? How can you be that woman?
    
12. Rearing kids in today's world is particularly scary once they start getting older and can be gone from your sight for extended periods of time. If you're a parent, what have you done to ensure that your children know right from wrong and have the ability to make wise decisions?
    
13. What attributes does Joseph have as a man and a cop that make him the perfect match for Catelyn?
    
14. Joseph cleared Dylan's name and became a hero to his younger brother, Alonso. Who is your hero and why?
    
15. Catelyn is finally able to put her past behind her with Joseph's and God's help. Is there something you need to put aside in order to have a healthy relationship with someone that you care about?