A Song At Twilight (32 page)

After a while, she fell into an uneasy sleep and dreamed she was walking in a jungle, an endless struggle through twining tendrils of thick green stems that twisted themselves about her and caught at her legs and feet. Somewhere nearby, she could hear lions growl and she tried to run, but the plants clung more tightly about her, bringing her sprawling at full length on the forest floor. Immediately she clutched at her stomach, afraid for her baby, and the lions snarled closer, their noise filling her ears until she woke in panic, finding herself bathed in sweat and the roar of aircraft sounding overhead.

It was just beginning to get light. Alison’s mouth was dry and she struggled out of bed and felt for her slippers and Andrew’s old camel-hair dressing-gown. She stumbled downstairs, still only half awake, and put the kettle on to make a cup of tea. The noise of the aircraft was diminishing and she wondered if they were all safely back home. She remembered her premonition of the evening before, and her dread returned as she stared anxiously out of the window. It’s as if I know something bad’s happened, she thought. I shan’t be happy until I know he’s back.

She took the tea back to bed with her, looking in on Hughie on the way. He was huddled down beneath his blankets, his thumb in his mouth, and she gently removed it. He grunted an objection and a tiny frown creased his brow as he pushed it back in. Alison smiled and left it there. Her mother disapproved of his thumb-sucking and had recommended a dummy, which she could remove when she decided he was too old for it. However, Alison had never liked seeing children with dummies in their mouths. Thumbs were natural, she said.

Back in bed, she piled the pillows behind her and leaned against them. Daylight was creeping in through the opened curtains and she could hear the birds singing. It was funny, she mused, how they always sang most at twilight – either at dawn or at sunset, when the darkness and the daylight blended into a soft blue-grey. At this time of year, the dawn chorus was just beginning, and in a few weeks it would be at its peak. In a few weeks, when her baby would be born.

Just then, she heard footsteps outside, in the quiet street. There was the click of the gate, then they came up the path.

Alison was out of bed at once. Forgetting her awkwardness, she thrust her feet back into the slippers and dragged the old dressing-gown around her once more. She was still struggling to tie the belt when she half tumbled down the stairs and saw the front door beginning to open.

‘
Andrew
!’

Almost fainting with relief, she sagged against the wall and he leaped forwards and caught her just as she began to fall.

‘Alison! What’s the matter? Are you all right? It’s not the baby, is it?’

‘No,’ she cried, clutching at his arms. ‘No, it’s nothing. It’s not me at all – it’s you. What are you doing here so early? When I heard someone walking down the road, I thought they were coming to tell me that something terrible had happened to you!’

‘It’s all right,’ he said, holding her. ‘It’s all right, darling, nothing’s happened to me. Come back upstairs and I’ll make you some tea.’

‘I’ve already made some. There’s some in the pot, if you want a cup. But what are you doing here so soon? I heard the planes go over.’

She made to go towards the kitchen but he guided her firmly to the stairs and put his hand in the small of her back to urge her upwards. Bemused, she let him persuade her and then, when she was back in bed with the pillows piled behind her again, she looked at him more steadily and said, ‘Something has happened, hasn’t it? Something bad. That’s why you’ve come straight home.’

‘I’m afraid so,’ he replied, and sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hands. ‘It’s something I knew you’d want to know straight away. And it’s something I think we’re going to need your help with.’ He took a deep breath while Alison waited, her eyes fixed on his face, and then he said quietly, ‘It’s Ben. He didn’t come back. We lost him on our way home.’ He paused again and then said bleakly, ‘We think he went down into the Channel.’

They went together to tell May. The air was loud with birdsong as they opened the cottage gate, but it seemed to Alison that there was a sadness in that song, a poignant quality like fragile glass just about to shatter. The colours of the garden seemed extra bright and the tin-mining chimneys away across the valley as sharp as pins.

May opened the door. She was dressed in her blue frock with the white polka-dots and puffed sleeves, and her face was eager and excited. Behind her, Alison could hear the chatter and laughter of the rest of the family. She glanced at Andrew, wondering how he would break the news, but before either of them could speak May had caught their hands and dragged them inside.

‘Listen to this!’ she exclaimed, her face alight with merriment. ‘Dick White just called in and told us about it. You know the searchlight, over in the fields? Well, they’ve always got a sentry there, haven’t ’em, and last night it seems he heard footsteps coming along the road as if someone was going to climb over the stile. So he said, “Halt! Who goes there?” just like he’s supposed to do. But nobody answered.’

‘May,’ Alison began, but William had taken up the comic tale.

‘Orders are that they have to challenge three times and if they still don’t get no answer, they shoot,’ he said. He looked so much better since he’d been living downstairs, Alison thought helplessly, but how was he going to look in a few minutes’ time? She tried again to interrupt, but there was no stopping any of them. Grandpa was in his chair, wheezing with laughter, and Mabel herself was red in the face. William went on, ‘So he did that, see, he asked three times, and whoever it was said never a word but just kept on coming. So he fired!’

He stopped, evidently expecting someone to ask what happened next. As Alison and Andrew stared mutely at him, he supplied the answer himself.

‘And who do you think it were? Why, ’tweren’t no one at all! And ’tweren’t no ghost, neither.’ He stopped again, fresh hilarity overtaking him, and when he finally managed to get the words out, the whole family erupted once more. Alison almost expected them to blow the roof off the cottage with their mirth. ‘It was Dick Hamley’s old mare! Escaped from up Place Barton, her had, and gone wandering along the road, looking for some grass to eat.’

‘I don’t suppose Mr Hamley thinks it’s funny,’ May said, smiling, ‘nor the sentry. But you’ve got to laugh, haven’t you.’ She looked at her friends properly for the first time, and her smile slowly faded. There was a moment of silence and then she said, in a completely different tone, ‘What is it? What’s happened?’ She turned to Alison. ‘Are you all right? There’s nothing gone wrong with the babby, is there? Or Hughie?’

‘He’s all right,’ Alison reassured her quickly. ‘He’s in with Mrs Potter, next door. And there’s nothing wrong with me or the baby.’ She stopped, not knowing how to begin …

‘What?’ May’s voice sharpened. ‘What, then? Tell me, for pity’s sake.’ Fear dawned in her eyes, followed by understanding. ‘It’s Ben, isn’t it? Something’s happened to Ben.’

‘Oh, May,’ Alison said, moving towards her. ‘I’m so sorry.’

May sat down suddenly on her father’s bed, and Alison lowered her bulk to sit beside her. She put her arms around May and Andrew, still standing, said quietly, ‘He went down in the sea on our way back last night. It doesn’t mean he’s lost. He could still be picked up. A patrol went out at first light.’

‘But they haven’t found him,’ May said in a dry, husky voice.

‘No, not yet. But—’

May burst into tears. Her mother moved swiftly towards her and sat down on her other side. May turned away from Alison and buried her face against her mother’s shoulder, and Andrew repeated what he had just told them. ‘We’ll keep looking. I’m going back myself as soon as possible, but I wanted to come and tell you first. We’ll do our best to find him, May.’

‘Oh, Ben,’ she wept. ‘We were going to get engaged today.’ She sat up and spread her hands out in front of her, staring at them. ‘We were going to buy the ring.’

Alison gazed at her in dismay. ‘So that’s why you’re all dressed up.’ She glanced at Mabel and William. ‘You knew about this?’

William nodded. ‘Asked me for her hand last yesterday, he did, in the proper manner. Mother and me, us’d talked it over beforehand, see. Us had a pretty good idea what was in the wind and I won’t say we didn’t have no reservations, but as Mother said, when a couple of young things are in love there bain’t much you can do about it. And Ben’s a fine young chap, when all’s said and done. So I was happy to give my consent, and they were going into Tavi this morning, on the bus.’

‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ Alison said again, thinking how inadequate the words were. She put her hand on May’s arm. ‘I’m dreadfully sorry.’

‘I won’t never wear his ring now,’ the girl said dolefully. ‘And I was so happy when I got up this morning – and I never even knew he was gone. Why didn’t I know? I ought to have
felt
it.’ She sat up a little and laid her hand over her heart. ‘I ought to have felt it here.’

Andrew squatted down in front of her and put his hands over her wrists. He looked into her face and said, ‘May, we don’t know yet that he’s gone. I’ve told you, we’ve got planes out looking for him now and I’m going myself as soon as I get back. People have been rescued before. He’s got a life jacket. A ship might have picked him up. Anything could have happened. You are not to lose hope.’

‘Hope …’ she said slowly, and a new expression came into her eyes. ‘That’s the name of that little girl – the one he’s godfather to, that lives with his mother and father. What about them? Someone ought to tell them. Oh, his poor mother!’ Her own sorrow seemed to be pushed aside as she looked wildly from Andrew to Alison. ‘He told me she’s still grieving over her other boy – Peter. We couldn’t get married yet because of it. This’ll kill her!’

‘We don’t know yet that he’s lost,’ Andrew said steadily. ‘But of course his parents will have to be told. A telegram will be sent.’

‘A telegram,’ she repeated in a hollow voice. ‘ “Missing” – is that what it’ll say? Or “missing, believed killed”? Oh, that poor, poor lady.’ She began to get to her feet. ‘I’ll go myself and tell her.’

‘May, you can’t!’ Alison said. ‘You can’t go all the way to – where is it they live, somewhere near Southampton? And if she was really upset about Ben wanting to get married, how do you think she’ll feel about seeing you?’

‘It might help her,’ the girl said stubbornly. ‘She’ll know when she sees me that I loved him proper. Anyway, I ought to go. If we were wed, that’s what I’d do. It’d be expected of me.’

‘It might be expected that she’d come to you, maid,’ her father pointed out. ‘But I don’t suppose her will.’

There was a short silence. May sat down again, deflated, and began to cry once more. Andrew and Alison looked at each other.

‘I’ll have to go back,’ he said, getting to his feet. ‘I shouldn’t really have come out, but I knew you’d want to know as soon as possible. We really are doing our best to find him,’ he told May. ‘Men have survived in the sea for hours – even days. If he managed to bale out …’

‘Tell me one thing, then,’ she said, looking up through her tears. ‘Was the plane on fire?’

‘No. It wasn’t on fire. I promise you that.’

She nodded. ‘At least he wasn’t burned, then. That was the thing he was most scared of, you know – being burned.’ She covered her face with her handkerchief again and wept.

‘I’d better go too,’ Alison said quietly. ‘I promised I wouldn’t leave Hughie too long. I’ll come back later, if you’d like me to.’ She looked questioningly at Mabel, who nodded at her.

‘That’s right, maid. Come back later on. She’ll be glad to see you then – us all will.’ She turned her attention back to her daughter and Alison gave May’s arm a last pat and followed Andrew to the door.

As they walked along the lane, hand in hand and sobered by all that had happened, Alison turned to Andrew and asked, ‘Did you know that about Ben, that he was afraid of being burned?’

‘No,’ he said. ‘I didn’t. He never said a word about it to me. But he was a brave chap, darling. A very brave young chap.’

‘Was,’ she repeated slowly, and looked directly into his eyes. ‘You think he’s gone, don’t you? You don’t think he’ll be saved.’

Andrew sighed heavily and then shook his head. ‘No. To be absolutely honest, my darling, I don’t think he had a chance.’

Ben was not found. By the time the dawn patrols were out, searching the area where he had vanished, there was no sign of him. A few scraps of floating wreckage were seen, but no more. Heavy-hearted and as upset by this death as he had been by Tubby Marsh’s, Andrew reported him as ‘missing, believed killed’ and a telegram was sent to his parents.

Olivia was in the garden, sitting under the apple tree, when the boy rode up on his red Post Office bike. He went to the front door without seeing her and rang the bell. She was already getting to her feet when Jeanie opened the door.

‘What is it?’

The boy turned. He was a Boy Scout from the village and she’d known him since he was a baby, being christened by her husband in the church font. He had red hair and a cheeky grin, but this afternoon his face was sober and uncertain.

‘Oh, there you are, Mrs Hazelwood. I didn’t see you.’ He held out the brown envelope. ‘It’s for you.’

‘For me?’ She stared at it, not reaching out her hand, as if by refusing to take it she could make it go away.

‘Well, for you and the vicar,’ he said, an apologetic note in his voice. She wondered bleakly if he knew what was in it. He must know it was bad news. Telegrams always brought bad news. She took a step back.

‘He’s in the church.’

‘Can’t I give it to you, Mrs Hazelwood?’ he asked. ‘Only, I’m not supposed to take too long.’

Olivia looked at the envelope and then at Jeanie, who was white-faced. Slowly, she reached out her hand, then drew it back quickly, as if touching the envelope would contaminate her. She shook her head speechlessly, and tears began to slide down her cheeks. Her tall, gaunt figure swayed and Jeanie came down the steps swiftly and caught her. The boy dropped his bike and jumped to help her, and as they stood there in an ungainly huddle, the vicar himself came round the corner.