A Sorta Fairytale (14 page)
Authors: Emily McKee
Stella
The second you walk out, I close the door and fall to my knees. My heart completely breaks because I do love you. So much. But this whole experience is tearing me apart. I can’t hurt either of you. I love you both. How could I hurt one of you?
Curling up on the floor, I cry. It could be for minutes or hours, I’m not sure. It’s all the same. Stomach tightening. Tears falling. Bottom lip quivering. And with a snap of fingers it washes away. Like a storm. It could cause utter disaster and chaos. Then it vanishes, and all that’s left is pain. The tears. I’m now in a state of numbness. I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel pain or happiness. Sadness or hurt. Nothing. Standing up from the floor, I walk to the bathroom and clean up. I know where I’m going. I need to go there. Satisfied with my appearance, I walk out of my apartment and head to the only place I know I can forget about Alex.
***
I stand in front of the door. I know I need this, but a part of me is telling me to leave and go home. But I don’t. Instead, I knock.
The door opens, and you smile. “Well, hey there.”
My smile tries to look sincere, but I’m so broken from what happened with Alex, so I mutter, “Mind if I come in Thomas?”
You don’t say anything, just move aside and allow me in. Exactly like I knew you would.
Thomas
Should I tell her I know? That I know everything? But how would that help me? It wouldn’t. Closing the door behind me, I follow Stella into my living room and watch her fall to the couch. “Shit. What the fuck’s wrong with you, babe?” She lies down on the couch, mumbling something, but I can’t comprehend it. “Want a drink?”
“Yes,” she says before I can even finish asking the question.
I chuckle. I knew she would. She looks like she needs a stiff one. Walking over to the bar, I ask, “Want to tell me what’s going on?”
“No.”
“Well, shit. It must be bad.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Thomas. Please just get me that damn drink.”
Chuckling again, I say, “Yes, ma’am,” while I grab the whiskey and pour it in two separate half glasses. Carrying the drinks and the bottle, I walk over to Stella.
“Thanks,” she sighs, grabbing the bottle from me and taking a few healthy gulps.
“Jesus Christ, Stella. Slow it down, babe.”
She doesn’t listen.
What the fuck’s wrong with her?
Wiping the sides of her mouth, Stella puts the bottle on the coffee table. She stumbles as she gets up and slurs, “Fuck me, Thomas.” She grabs my shirt and pulls me to her.
“Babe.” I place the drinks down so they won’t spill and put my hands on her shoulders. “Why don’t you sit down?”
“No.” Her beautiful little mouth starts to pout and her eyebrows pull together. “I want to fuck you.”
My cock tingles. Starts to grow for her. All I think of is being deep inside her tight, wet hole. But for once I’m going to think about her instead of myself. I’m going to get to the bottom of this, no matter what I have to do. Even if she hates me. I want to be her hero. “Stella,” I whisper, running my fingers through her dark, silky hair. “Please sit down, baby, and talk to me.”
“Goddammit!” she yells, pushing me onto the couch and stumbling past me. “Why?”
I adjust myself and watch her stumble around my living room. Even now, with mascara all over her face, lipstick smudged, she is still the most beautiful woman in the world to me. “Why what?”
Swirling around, she shouts, “Why in the hell are you acting like this now? Why are you acting like you give a damn? I’ve loved you for two years. And the entire time you wanted me to find somebody else! And I did. And I love Alex so goddamn much. But now I think it’s too late.”
I suck in a breath. “Why is it too late, Stella?”
“Because I didn’t tell Alex how I really felt. I didn’t say ‘I love you’ back.” Falling to her knees on the floor, she bursts into tears. Crying like I’ve never seen her cry before.
And I see it there in her eyes. I see it in the way she cries. How her heart breaks. I see as clear as day that she loves Alex. It truly outweighs the love she has for me. I know it. I think she knows it, but she won’t say it. “Stella,” I whisper.
“Goddammit, what?”
I don’t want to ask it, but I need to. I need to know if she truly loves Alex. “Do you love Alex?”
She looks at me and continues to cry. “Yes,” she murmurs. “I love Alex so much. But—”
“There’s no but, Stella. You need to tell Alex how you feel.”
“I-I-I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I love you too, Thomas. I love both of you so damn much.”
I sit up. Crack my knuckles. Stretch my neck. “Stella,” I start to say, but stop when I hear a snore. Looking over, I see her stretched out on the floor, arms over her head, mouth hanging open, and an adorable snore escaping. Chuckling, I get up, walk over to her, and bend down. “You’re so beautiful,” I whisper, running my fingers through her hair. “I will always love you.”
But I think your heart belongs to somebody else.
Placing a hand beneath her head and one under her plump little bum, I scoop her up in my arms and carry her to my bedroom. Placing her on the bed, I take off her shoes and cover her with a blanket.
Sighing, she rolls over onto her side and opens her eyes.
“Go to sleep, Stella,” I say softly. She doesn’t say anything, just smiles up at me, and within seconds is back to sleeping soundly. “I love you so much,” I breathe into her hair before leaving a kiss on her forehead and walking out of the room. As badly as I want to hold her all night long, I don’t. I’m not who she needs. I don’t deserve her. Alex does. There’s no question about it. Walking out into the living room, I set up the couch, finish both glasses of whiskey and some more of the bottle. Numbing myself. Trying to forget Alex has my girl’s heart. Now, she just needs to realize it.
Stella and Thomas
“Ugh!” I groan, rolling over in a familiar bed that’s not mine.
“How are you feeling?”
Slowly, I look toward the door and see you standing there. “Ugh,” I groan again.
You laugh. “That good?”
“Please don’t talk too loud!” I whine. Pulling the blankets up and over me, I sigh in contentment. I’ve never been this hung over before. Not even my twenty-first birthday. I wish I’d had the kind I would’ve never forgotten. Where I drank myself into utter oblivion and woke up the next morning experiencing the worst hangover. But I didn’t. In all actuality, I had a few glasses of five dollar wine and some cheap as shit Chinese food. I watched infomercials, listened to my favorite cheesy music, and read a book. Even treated myself to some really good cupcakes. I ended up throwing them up later, but they were well worth every cent I spent. That was my idea of a good time. After I lost my parents, my whole world fell apart. I was alone. And then I met Thomas. I found some happiness, even if it was only when we fucked. I still found happiness. Then I met Alex, and I found another type of happiness. A happiness I truly think could last a lifetime. But I lost it. I didn’t tell Alex how I felt.
Pulling the blanket from me, you say, “Rise and shine, Stella. It’s time to get up now.”
“Oh no, please,” I beg, grabbing a pillow to pull over my head.
“No can do, babe. You gotta get up. I’ve even got Gatorade and coffee for you.”
“Why do I need to get up? It’s Sunday. Please let me sleep in.”
“Babe.” You chuckle. “It’s two in the afternoon. It’s time to get this sweet little butt of yours up.”
“Are you serious?” I mumble.
“Yup. So you need to get up and get a move on. I have coffee for you.”
“What do you need to do today that I need to get up right damn now?”
You laugh. Sitting down on the side of the bed you run your fingers through my hair. “Babe, we need to finish that closing statement.”
I groan. “Do we have to do that right now? I’m practically dying here.”
“Yeah, well, that’s your own damn fault. With as little meat as you have on this sexy body of yours, you should have stopped drinking half a bottle before.”
“How much did I drink?”
“A lot. Now come on, get up. We need to work on the closing statement.”
I whine, but get up. “All right, all right. Will you at least let me take a shower?”
“Yes,” you say, lightly smacking my ass. “I’ll be out in the living room when you’re ready to get started.”
Groaning once more, I start to get up, but feel dizzy. I seriously can’t believe I drank that much last night. But I’m hurt. No. I’m not hurt. Hurt is nothing to the comparison of how I feel. I’m broken. I’ve reached rock bottom. Half of me is gone. I lost Alex, and I don’t know how to fix things. The water turns on in the shower, and I undress. Stepping in, I stand under the hot water and let the steam consume the room. The warmth overwhelms me, but I stay under and clean off. Clean off the hurt I feel. The ache I feel deep in my chest. The tightness I feel in my stomach. I need to push it aside. At least for now. We just have to get through this final statement in court, and then everything will be okay. Everything will be fine. At least with us. Then I just have to fix it with Alex.
Alex
I haven’t heard from her in a week. She hasn’t tried to call me. I haven’t tried to call her either. I’m so broken. Beyond repair. I have never been this hurt before in my life. I’ve also never let anyone else in the way I have with her. But I don’t regret it. I can’t. I never thought in a million years I would find someone for me. I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life. I just didn’t think I was important enough. But she showed me differently—and took it all away. It has killed me these past few months knowing Stella is with him when she’s not with me.
But that’s what happens when you are in love with someone. You go to whatever lengths you have to in order to be with that person. That’s what I’ve done with Stella. I know she loves me too. I could see it in her eyes when she looked at me. Maybe she just doesn’t love me as much as she loves him.
“Hey!” Andy yells, tossing a dishrag at me.
It smacks me right in the center of my chest, and I hear the bar roar in laughs and cheers. “The fuck, Andy!” I toss it as hard as I can back at him, landing right in his face. The decibels of the bar rise by double.
“Oh fuck! Alex got you, dude!” a regular laughs out.
Waving a hand toward the customers, Andy says, “Oh, whatever, assholes! Who wants another drink?” As more than half the bar holds an empty glass up, Andy laughs. “Yeah, well, too bad!”
I try to laugh. I really do, but I can’t. I’m numb. My days intertwine and blur together. I can’t even remember what day it is. An arm wraps over my shoulder.
“You all right?” Andy says with a low voice.
I shrug. “I guess.”
“Don’t lie to me.” Dropping his arm from around me, he nods toward the back. “Come on. Let’s go talk.”
“Nah, man. I’m okay.”
“Liar. Come on.” He nudges. “Tracie’s got it. Don’t ya, Tracie?”
A beautiful blonde girl nods at Andy and winks. “Yeah, I got it.”
“Fuck,” he mumbles under his breath. “I need to get with that girl, and soon.”
I laugh for the first time in over a week. It feels different from my normal state of emotions. Sadness. Hurt.
“You’re laughing.” He smiles.
“Yeah, you smartass.”
Wrapping an arm around me, Andy pulls me toward the back. We hear the crowds at the bar chant and holler, but we both shake it off. “So,” he says grabbing a can of soda from the fridge and tossing it to me, “you want to tell me what’s going on?”
I don’t answer right away. Instead, I pop the top of the soda can and take a big gulp. The foamy liquid burns the back of my throat. It feels good. Swallowing, I look toward Andy.
He’s staring at me, arms crossed, leg kicked back against the wall. “Is this about her?”
“Yeah.” I nod.
“What happened?”
“You wouldn’t even understand.”
Andy laughs. “Try me.”
I take a few more sips of the Coke. Mostly because I love watching Andy suffer through the torture that I haven’t told him yet. Andy’s been through a lot. I’m the only person who knows all of his deep, dark secrets. Gigolo. Stripper. You name it, he’s probably done it or experienced it. But this, I’m not so sure of. And so I tell him. Tell him the love of my life is with a man, fucking him, when she’s not with me. I tell him I’ve fallen in love with her, and the last time I saw her was a week ago. I tell him she is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. An hour later, he stares at me. Wide eyed. Jaw dropped. Looking at the soda in my hand, he says, “Well fuck me sideways. You need something a bit stronger than a Coke.”
I laugh, but it washes away. “Do you have any suggestions?”
“You love her?”
I laugh. “Andy, I wouldn’t have been with her for the past few months if I didn’t.”
He stares at me, puzzled. “You still love her?”
“I always will.”
He smiles. “Then you need to go get her.”