A Taste of Honey (12 page)

M
y body was all out of whack from the time change, plus the fresh air seemingly had me in coma-like sleep. Still, I woke to the strong smell of bacon and fried potatoes coming from the kitchen below. It was ten thirty when I sat up in the bed to stretch and yawn. I realized that Honey hadn’t slept next to me and I wondered if she was upset about my swinging at her arm. I had wanted to tell her that I was having a nightmare, though I knew it might seem weird that anyone would have nightmares while sleeping in an automobile.

The ceiling fan was whirling above me and I collapsed back down as I contemplated making my way toward the bathroom. “You’re up,” she said, poking her head up the steps. “I made you breakfast.”

Inhaling deeply, I commented, “Smells really good.”

“I’ll bring your plate up here.”

“No, I’ll come down. I have to use the bathroom anyway. I need to grab my bag from the trunk though to get my toothbrush.”

“I already have that taken care of. Everything you need is downstairs in the bathroom.”

I nodded. The bed I was on was in the loft and as comfortable as it slept, I wondered why she hadn’t shared it with me. I got up and made my way down the steps in nothing but a pair of black Calvin Klein boxer briefs. I looked across the cabin at Honey. She was in a silk robe that covered her cotton tank top. From the way her ass was jiggling so freely I didn’t think she had on any bottoms. The cabin was laid out. A combination of wood floors that matched the walls and a stone floor in the kitchen, where there were Viking appliances. There was a huge Navajo rug covering the floor between the couch and the plasma television.

I walked into the bathroom, which was the size of a small bedroom. The floors and the shower walls were done in a decorative ceramic tile. There was a black towel on the counter with every possible toiletry that I could imagine. Also she had lined up an electric toothbrush, a Cellmen travel set, and a bottle of Clive Christian cologne. I didn’t mean to let it slip but I think I mouthed the words
This bitch must be rich
. I meant no disrespect but I couldn’t believe that she was going out like she did. I’d shopped in Saks for years, but I’d never thought about purchasing four-hundred-dollar facial scrubs or five-hundred-dollar bottles of cologne.

As I emptied my bladder I started to wonder if she’d robbed a bank. I stepped out after washing my hands and she was headed toward me with a plate. “Let’s go out on the deck.”

“Cool.”

We sat down and as she placed my food in front of me I noticed the view. We were well up in the mountains. I couldn’t believe that I’d slept through the ride on the way here. We held
hands as I blessed the food and she waited for me to take a forkful before she ate.

All smiles, she couldn’t wait to ask, “How is it?” I was sure she knew.

“Mmmmmmm, damn girl. Delicious.”

“Like Momma used to make?”

“Not quite…not my momma.”

“Excuse me,” she said, rolling her eyes playfully.

“No, no. I’m saying that my moms never cooked for me. At least not that I can remember.”

“Oh I’m sorry. Did you lose her at an early age?”

“I guess you could say that. She wasn’t around and I don’t really know the story behind it. I assume it was drugs, but I’m not sure. She was gone for as long as I can remember.”

“Khalil, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s cool. I’m a grown man now. And being a grown man, I can appreciate this meal that you made.” I took another forkful. “These are delicious.” We were both quiet as we chewed and stared off the deck down the mountain. “You know what’s crazy?” I asked.

“What’s that?”

“Yesterday at the airport, after I spoke with you I saw someone from my past.”

“Someone you used to date?”

“No. Not at all. The woman I saw was like a mother to me early in my life. She was my father’s girlfriend for a long while.”

“You hadn’t spoken to her in a while?”

“More than thirteen years.”

“Wow. She lives in California now?”

“No, Philadelphia.”

“I bet it was nice to see her after all this time.”

I thought back to that day when Frannie took me back to the group home. The day she promised to help me before disappearing forever. Then I said, “Yeah, I guess in a way it was nice to see her.”

“Did you exchange numbers?”

“Yeah. She wants to come to town and visit and catch up.”

“That’ll be nice.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

The conversation switched gears and still it came easy for us as we sat on the deck and finished our food. “C’mon, we’ll clean up later.” She led me by the hand to a huge hammock on the other side of the deck, which wrapped around half of the house. “Get in slowly and lie still until I get completely in, or we’ll both wind up on the ground,” she warned me.

I followed orders and she climbed in on top of me. She put her head on my chest and closed her eyes. “Can I ask you something?” I whispered.

“You can ask me anything, but there might be some things that I’m not ready to tell you. Is that going to be okay?”

I thought about that for just a second. “As long as it goes both ways.”

“Deal,” she said. “Now go ahead and shoot.”

“First…”

“Hold on. Hold on. You said
a
question; you’re trying to turn this into twenty questions.”

“Maybe so. Twenty questions. That sounds good. You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be. Are you?”

“It’s my game.”

“We’ll see.”

“First,” I said. “Why didn’t you sleep in the bed with me last night?”

“No real reason. You were tired and I wanted you to get a good night’s rest. Plus I was down here with some ice on my arm,” she said in a lighthearted tone, letting me know she wasn’t angry.

“I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I must have scared you pretty bad.”

“Yeah, I hadn’t been sleeping well the whole week and for some reason I slept in the car like a baby.”

She nodded. “Understandable. Now my turn,” she replied. “Why are you here with me? Is it because you wanna fuck me or something else?”

I took a deep breath. “First, I’ll admit. I am definitely sexually attracted to you but there is more to it than that. I’ve never had such a strong desire for someone so fast. All my life I’ve kept walls up, not wanting to love anyone, mostly because I never really believed that they would be there for me. When I met you and we talked it was crazy. I was almost sad when the plane landed. I knew then that I needed to know you and I haven’t stopped needing you since.”

“Why?” she said softly.

“That’s not fair. It’s my turn to ask a question.”

“Why?” she repeated.

“Honey, I didn’t grow up with a lot. In fact, I grew up with very little. I actually spent five years in foster care. I learned that we don’t get everything that we want, but sometimes we do.

“At seventeen, what makes a kid who hasn’t had any examples of success qualified to make a decision that will affect the rest of his life? I remember one day I was down in the Village and saw some NYU students shooting a film for their coursework and I
stopped to watch. They were all so into it. They looked fulfilled. I sat around until they finished then I asked a few questions and one of them gave me a magazine that had information on film schools.

“I didn’t see a school that I wanted to go to, but I did decide I wanted to find out where black people went to learn the same thing. When I heard about Howard’s film school, I knew that I wanted to go there.”

I could tell that although she was listening intently, she didn’t really understand the point I was trying to make. I decided to simplify. “The point is, when I came across Howard, I knew that was where I wanted to go. I just knew. I had no references or experiences to go by. I just knew. That’s the same way I feel about you. I just feel connected to you and I know that we’re supposed to be together. I don’t know for how long, but I know that I’m supposed to be here. With you.”

She was silent for a few seconds and then she lifted her head up and I felt her lips on my face. “Are you sure?”

My lips found their way to hers. They met and with a slight shift of weight she was on top of me kissing me. The hammock began to rock slightly as the flames of passion began to ignite between us. My hands began to caress her back and her ass. Instantly I was rock-hard and wanted nothing more than to be inside of her.

It was as if she read my mind. Without foreplay she reached down for my manhood and found it ready. Just as I had suspected she wasn’t wearing any panties and when she climbed on top of me I reached for her and found that she was moist. She leaned in for a deeper kiss, sticking her tongue in my mouth. With the other hand, she pulled my underwear to the side. I felt her sliding down on me as she guided me inside of her.

As I entered her I felt as though I was sliding into heaven. She was like no other woman. Up to this moment I had wondered if my mind had been playing tricks on me the entire time. Perhaps her sex had caught me off guard and really wasn’t that good. Maybe I had just gotten used to sex with Rorrie and the second I felt someone different I made more out of it than I should have. All those theories flew away as she moved up and down on me. My eyes were closed as she sent me drifting away.

I heard the words but I didn’t know where they’d come from, my mouth or hers.
“I love you.”

Maybe I was imagining that I’d said it or that she had. What we were doing was beautiful. Grinding our bodies together, getting it in. She brought her upper body down on me and began to grind as she wiggled her pelvis up and down in order to stroke me faster. I wanted to make it last but I lost control.

“I’m going to come, Honey,” I whispered. “I’m…gonna…”

She didn’t stop. She kept on riding me, giving me pleasure until my body began to buck. I tried to hold on but then she suddenly sat up and yelled out, “Ohmigod, Khalil.” She trembled and shook as jolts of pleasure took her over as we came together.

I felt no remorse or nervousness as I emptied my seed into her. The thought immediately entered my mind:
What if I get her pregnant?

The answer came to me behind the question as I smiled welcoming the possibility. In all actuality I had little reason to believe that I would, after sleeping with Rorrie, unprotected most of the time, for two years without even a scare.

W
e spent the rest of the afternoon making love and watching movies. There was a Jacuzzi out on the deck that we spent what
seemed like two hours in, drinking wine and eating fresh fruit. Once the sun began to slide behind the mountains off in the distance we decided to take a walk.

We trekked forty minutes up the hill toward the top of the mountain to a clearing that looked like a camping spot. “Wouldn’t this be romantic to sleep right here and watch the stars?” I asked.

“Would you do that?” she shot back.

“If I had a shotgun and a tent.” I laughed. “Make that an Uzi and a tent made out of bricks.”

She laughed. “Yeah, you know black folks don’t do crazy shit like that.”

We sat there and talked for a while but decided to get a move on before it got dark. We held hands the entire walk back to the cabin. “Khalil,” she said. “What do you think is going to happen when we get back?”

“You mean as far as you and I?”

“As far as everything. What if she wants you back? I mean assuming you want me and you’re not confused.”

“I’m not confused.”

“So what happens if she doesn’t want to let go?”

“She will, if she hasn’t already.”

“So if she does let go, what are we doing? I mean do you think we’re moving too fast?”

“I think we’re moving fast. I do, but at the same time the speed feels just right.”

I looked over and saw her smile. Then she looked at me and asked, “What if I was pregnant?”

I was quiet. “You told Rorrie that you were pregnant didn’t you?”

She stared me right in the eye and said, “Absolutely…” She
paused then burst into laughter. “The bitch shouldn’t have gotten smart.”

A part of me was angry but then at the same time, I chuckled slightly on the inside. “That wasn’t right.” I had a flashback. “You know it’s your fault that I wound up in the hospital.”

She reached up and rubbed my head. “I’m soooo sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?” she asked seductively.

We stopped and started to kiss right there on the path. Our hands began to roam all over each other. When she pulled away I said, “Don’t start what you can’t finish, Ma.”

“Bring it on. Last one to the cabin is a rotten egg,” she shouted as she took off. I ran after her but surprisingly, she was fast as hell.

When we made it back to the house she ushered me into the shower. I felt like a million dollars after I climbed out. She laid me on the bed, where she began to lotion my body from head to toe.

After we ate dinner we found ourselves in bed, snuggled up, spooning as we relaxed in complete silence. “I have a lot to do when I get back,” she said. “I’m homeless right now.” She laughed.

I laughed back. “You’re kidding right? I mean you are driving around in a condo.”

“No, I’m not kidding. I’m between places. I sold my place and I wasn’t sure where I wanted to buy, or if I even want to stay in D.C.”

I began to panic. “Where else would you go?”

“Khalil, it’s a great big world out there. Who knows.”

“So if you move away, how soon?”

“I didn’t say I was leaving. Calm down.”

But she didn’t say she wasn’t. The fear came back. The fear of
losing that which I cared for. Once that came, the words came right out of my mouth without a second thought. “You can stay with me. You can move in with me. I want you to.”

I had no idea how I’d work this out but when she leaned in and kissed me with three soft pecks and said, “I want to,” I knew I had to figure it out.

T
he hotel room looked like a dressing room. Shoe boxes stacked high, Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana, Jimmy Choo. Purses, dresses, jeans, lingerie, and new suits lining the closet. I had passed most of my newfound free time burning up the malls like Mazza Gallery in Upper Northwest. I’d even made quick one-day trips down to Atlanta’s Phipps Plaza and to Chicago’s Michigan Avenue to grab a few things.

Khalil had asked for a couple of days to get Rorrie’s things out of the house before he moved me in. I’d been impressed when he’d come home and begun packing her stuff the night we arrived from our trip to the mountains. I had to admit that it was going to be awkward for me. I also knew that it would have to be somewhat wrenching for him, with one woman here this week, a new one the next.

But I didn’t feel bad. There was a lesson in it for her. Love is like a boxing match. The referee says at the beginning of the fight: “Protect yourself at all times.” The logic is simple. Both people are throwing punches. Even if you think your opponent is
beaten, you have to keep your guard up. Here Rorrie had let her guard down to the point that she was defenseless. Somewhere along the line she’d stopped paying attention to her man. Maybe it was because she was so busy studying to become a doctor. Now she’d lost him. One thing was certain. Rorrie would be crushed once she finally found out that she’d lost him to me.

I did feel a little bad having Khalil believe that I intended to live in his house. I was planning to put a contract on a new home within the month but it was necessary that he throw Rorrie out. I had to know that he’d do that and he did. In fact, he surprised me with his icy demeanor. I overheard him telling her mother that he was going to leave her things on the back porch of their home while she was at work. Rorrie, it turned out, had gone back to Richmond once she’d left him in L.A. She had thrown herself back into her work while she tried to make sense of the situation.

If she tried to contact Khalil, she couldn’t. The day I began to bring my things over he changed the numbers to his cell and the house. He did everything he could think of to make me more comfortable. He asked me what colors I wanted the place painted, and even cleaned out the garage and put an electric opener on it for me to park the car in.

M
y second night there I sat on the couch relaxing, waiting for him to come home from a job. Khalil only worked on location five or six months out of the year. The rest of the time he did some freelance work filming performances at the concert venues such as the Warner Theatre, the 9:30 Club, and Constitution Hall. It was two thirty in the morning and I couldn’t sleep. Staring up at the ceiling I began to wonder what I was doing. I had cooked and cleaned. The house smelled so good that it could
have passed for a Bath & Body Works store. Had I really gone domestic? Would I be able to keep it up? Was it really possible to turn a hooker into a housewife?

I heard Priest’s voice in my head the day I’d referred to Khalil as my man:
“Your man? Bitch, you’re a fucking whore. A high-class one, but still a whore nonetheless. Any man who’s claiming you has got to be some pussy-whipped idiot. C’mon now.”

I thought about what he said and I wondered if he was right about me. I tried to fight it but tears welled up in my eyes as I hugged the pillow. I had allowed him to not only judge me, but to label me as well. This was something that I never did. Who was he? He was a fag and a cheat.

I’d done what I had to. The world had taken everything from me that I needed most. My father, my mother, Manny, and even Rorrie. I had nothing to push me but me. Was I wrong because I chose not to be poor or work a job I hated, probably in the food court or retail, for a few bucks an hour, while I watched women who didn’t look half as good as me live the good life and shop?

I didn’t have a college fund. I didn’t have shit. The only thing I had was my looks and this special package between my legs. And even though I’d questioned it for years, there was no denying that
it
was special. I’d watched man after man go crazy in it, and jump through whatever hoops I required in order for them to get it again. Looking around the house and the life I’d stolen from my childhood friend, I began to wonder if my ability to sex men up was a gift or a curse. Here I’d landed a man, one who, for the first time, simply made me feel good, and I felt like an impostor. What started as nothing more than revenge had now become the future I desired, yet I was worried that it could all be snatched away.

I picked the phone up and dialed Cheron, looking to get some
support. I was shocked when she answered. “Girl, what are you doing up?”

“I just got in. I went to see that group I was telling you about, Fertile Ground. They did a show at a club in Baltimore called Sonar.”

“Was it nice?”

“Really nice, but my date was whack. The entire night he talked about his job and his motorcycle. Plus you know we can’t stand niggas who wear cheap shoes.”

We both laughed. “Bad, huh?”

“Bad ain’t the word. I coulda sworn that Hush Puppies weren’t in season or in style the last time I checked. I mean what type of guy wears suede shoes with shorts anyway? And this fool actually thought I was going to go home with him. I started to tell him that I’d take a bullet with no batteries over a night with his ass.” I laughed again but when I trailed off she said, “So what’s up with you?”

“I don’t even know. I’m sitting up here in this house, kinda wondering if I belong here. Wondering if I belong with him.”

“Are you crazy? Why wouldn’t you?”

The words were burned in my brain.
“Bitch, you’re a fucking whore. A high-class one, but still a whore nonetheless. Any man who’s claiming you has got to be some pussy-whipped idiot. C’mon now.”

“It’s my past…I just keep thinking that if he ever found out…”

“Hold on,” she said. “Let me pull my shirt off.” A second later she continued with, “Listen, sweetie, you know I’m not about sugar coating things so I’ma tell you straight up. What you do, or did, for a living wasn’t right or you would be proud of it. But dammit, we’ve all done things that we aren’t proud of. You are
no different from anyone else who’s used crime to come up. The Rockefellers, the Kennedys, hell even the Bushes kept it gangster for the oil. The difference is that you didn’t hurt anyone to get yours.”

“But you still didn’t answer what if he finds out?”

“Cross that bridge only if you come to it. Listen, you could always tell him yourself and that way no one could have anything on you.”

“Yeah, right. Tell him that I sold pussy?”

“You know what’s funny?” she said with a serious tone. “Most women have slept with more guys for free than you have for money.”

She didn’t really know that for sure. I’d only told her about ten guys. In truth there’d been far more than that over the years. Still I replied, “You’re right.”

“So why don’t you just get over this nonsense and be happy you found someone. You have left that life alone, right?”

“Absolutely. I am retired.”

“Well then. Just concentrate on being that homemaker and
his
whore and I assure you, he’ll ask very few questions. Men are just dumb like that.”

Cheron was nuts. She went on for ten minutes telling me that I was worthy and deserving. She claimed that men wanted good sex and a woman who they were attracted to. As long as a woman knew what she was doing and treated her man to as much loving as he could handle, a man wouldn’t care if she landed on this planet from Mars. I thought about how many men had used the line “Let me take you away from this.” They’d all promised marriage, kids, and a home. Here, Khalil had done all I’d asked and more that I didn’t to make me feel at home.

In between being crude, she made some good points. I appreciated her efforts to make me feel better. It had worked a little. “Thanks so much for talking to me.”

“Girl, whatever. When are you going to come pick Madison up? She keep asking about you.”

“Next weekend. There’s a festival down on the Mall I’d like to take her to.”

“Sounds good.”

I remembered another important thing. “I had one last date on my books and I was wondering if you wanted to take it before I called to cancel it?”

“Hmmmm,” she said. “Is he a gentleman like that Miles?”

“If you liked Miles you’ll love this guy. He’s a hotshot lawyer. Really laid back, loaded with money, and even though he lives in town he’s very discreet.”

“That means he has a wife.”

I laughed at her sharpness. “Exactly.”

“How much?”

“Ten, fifteen grand. He may get a little kinky for that kind of money and I’ll just put it out there about the wife. He said she likes to watch.”

“You have got to be kidding.”

“No, I’m not. They’ll try and videotape if you let them, but for that you can charge double.”

“Are you saying you been with them and let them tape you?”

“No, I didn’t, but if you want to make the money, the option’s yours.” The truth of the matter was that I’d never worked with this guy before, but if I’d told Cheron that she would have balked at the opportunity to earn the money. What I knew I’d learned from him through our e-mail correspondence.

“Wow,” she said. “So you’re really leaving it alone. This man of yours must be either rich or he must have a dick made of pure gold.”

I giggled. “Girl, you sick.” Then I added, “He ain’t rich.”

We laughed together. “Well I’ll tell you what, I’ll do this appointment, because hell, ten Gs is ten Gs, but please don’t tempt me anymore. You are not going to turn me out as if your name is Heidi Fleiss.”

“Deal.”

I gave her the date and the time. It was three weeks off. We hung up and I sat up and wiped away a couple of tear stains that had formed on my cheeks. By sending Cheron on that appointment I was completely done with that world. I was walking away from money that sometimes seemed too easy to make, yet I was overjoyed. All I could think of was the future with Khalil.

I couldn’t tell, because I’d never been here before, but I was beginning to think that I might be in love. I dozed off on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, thinking of him.

“Hey, baby,” he said, nudging me awake. I looked up and saw Khalil’s body standing above me. “Sweetie, let me help you up so we can go upstairs.”

I was so out of it he bent down, picked me up, and carried me. Feeling the heat from his body I wanted to make love to him but I was in too deep a fog. As usual I was stirred by the fact that he smelled so good, but I still couldn’t snap out of my haze. In fact, I barely remembered us going up the stairs or us sliding into bed.

I
do remember the banging that stirred us awake at six thirty in the morning. “What in the world?” I heard Khalil say as he sat up in the bed like a shell-shocked veteran hearing a loud boom.

The second set of bangs came harder. He stood up. I did the same thing as I watched him head out of the bedroom door. He didn’t look for a weapon, which told me that he wasn’t really scared of anyone who might be on the other side. Me being a woman, I was prepared for what I believed was the inevitable. I’d been doing sit-ups, crunches, push-ups, and Tae Bo for the last month, getting ready for this.

I grabbed a pair of tights and slipped on a pair of Air Force 1s. I already was in a wife beater. As I headed down the steps, I heard her voice. I put my hair into a ponytail and began to stretch my arms behind my head.

I walked through the living room and stood ready to step outside when Khalil looked back at me. He pushed the door closed so that Rorrie couldn’t see inside and then he shook his head no. He pointed back to me and said firmly, “Go back upstairs.”

I folded my arms as if to let him know that he was going to have to handle this and that I was ready to do whatever if he didn’t. His face turned into a scowl and he repeated: “Go back upstairs, now.”

I stood my ground but still stepped back and took a seat on the wooden chair that sat in the hallway. I was going to listen at the least. “Rorrie, I’ve taken all of your things to your mother’s. You don’t have any reason to be here.”

“How can you say this to me? After everything we’ve been through. How can you throw it all away for some other bitch? I’m a goddamned doctor. I know I’m beautiful. What does she have that I don’t?”

“It’s not about that. But you can’t just come over here like this.”

“Well I’ve been calling you, but you changed the numbers, just like you changed these locks.”

“Rorrie, things had been bad for a while with us. It’s not like you didn’t have any warning.”

“How can you say that? I never thought you’d cheat on me.” She began to cry. “I hate you.”

He was silent.

She kicked the storm door and yelled again. “I know that bitch is in there.”

“Rorrie, don’t make me call the police.”

“Go ahead and call the police you faggot. As a matter of fact, you’d better call the fire department too, ’cause I’m going to burn this motherfucker to the ground while you sleep.”

I would have been cool but the threat sent a jolt of anger through me. I knew that she had it in her to be incredibly jealous, but to hear her make threats like that was shocking. Khalil may not have known what she was capable of doing in desperation, but I did. She was still mouthing off, “Khalil, you sorry son of a bitch. Your movie isn’t gonna be shit. You’ll be nothing without me. What’s so great about this bitch? Tell me…tell me…” she was yelling now.

Suddenly I heard my mother’s voice.
Hailey
, she said.
Go ahead and whip her ass. Beat her like she stole something
.

With that, I stormed the door and attempted to get past Khalil but he was much faster and stronger than I would have guessed. With only one arm, he grabbed my waist, spun me around, and with his free hand slammed the door shut.

“I don’t want this,” he said. He had me in his grip. “I don’t want the fighting. We can move. We can leave here today.” Rorrie began banging. “I’m calling the police,” he said. “I don’t want my woman fighting like this.”