A Texas Holiday Miracle (8 page)

Breathing deeply, he sat on a curb. He purposely stayed away from his house because he didn’t want Lacey to baby him, to think he needed her. He was doing fine on his own.

The people in Horseshoe avoided him and didn’t speak when they saw him. They knew he wouldn’t accept their hand in friendship. And that was the way he wanted it. But as he sat on the curb and listened to the thud of his heart against his ribs, his loneliness was more than painful, it was debilitating. This wasn’t the normal way to live, and avoiding Lacey wasn’t going to help. He stood up, feeling weary and lost. Slowly, he made his way back to his house. Back to the memories. Back to the pain.

* * *

A
T
FIRST
, L
ACEY
was surprised when she found Gabe gone, but then she got angry. He didn’t need her, and he was making that more than clear. When she thought about it, he’d never asked for her help. She was the one who offered, so she had to take a step back and leave him alone like he wanted.

She went to the grocery store, stocked up and then came home and put everything away. Not once did she think of going to Gabe’s. She couldn’t believe she had been so pushy. Now she had to concentrate on Emma and her well-being.

Emma’s teacher was standing outside with a group of kids when Lacey arrived at the school. That wasn’t a good sign. Mrs. Fillmore obviously had more complaints about Emma’s behavior, which seemed to happen about once a week.

Getting out of her car, Lacey took a deep breath and said hello to the teacher. The woman wasn’t frowning like she usually was.

“Good afternoon, Lacey,” Mrs. Fillmore said cheerily.

Lacey wondered what had happened to make the teacher so happy.

“Good afternoon.”

Mrs. Fillmore was somewhere in her forties with brown highlighted hair and a shaken–soda can personality, bubbly and lively. The kids loved her. “I wasn’t sure what to expect when Emma returned to class today. The death of a beloved pet is traumatic for a child.”

“What happened?” Lacey asked.

“She came into the classroom and took her seat. I was just going to resume the class when she raised her hand. She wanted to know if she could tell the class about Pepper. I was hesitant at first, but agreed. I can’t tell you how well it went. It was marvelous. She opened up to the kids and they responded. It was wonderful to see. I hope the old Emma is back. I’m almost positive she is.”

Lacey could hardly believe her ears. “Emma stood up in front of the class and spoke?”

Mrs. Fillmore nodded. “She did. I’m so happy to give you good news for a change.”

“And I’m happy to hear it.”

Childish giggles echoed, and Lacey glanced to where Emma was standing with Jimmy and two other kids. She was actually talking with them and not frowning or hitting. When Emma saw Lacey, she came running over with the little girl Lacey recognized from the Christmas-tree lot.

“Just wanted to give you the good news,” Mrs. Fillmore said, and walked back into the school.

“Thanks,” Lacey called after her.

“Lacey, this is Bailey. Look what she gave me.” Emma twisted her wrist and Lacey saw a stretchy band with sparkles that a lot of little girls were wearing. “Isn’t it pretty?”

“Yes. That was very nice of Bailey.”

“Can she come play with me sometime?”

Yes, yes, yes!
Lacey wanted to shout. It was the best news she’d heard in a while. Emma was making friends again, fitting in.

“If her mother says it’s okay.”

“Bye, Bailey.” Emma waved as the little girl ran off. “Don’t forget to ask your mommy.”

Lacey had hoped for a miracle and she’d gotten one. For Emma. But Gabe’s miracle was yet to come.

Chapter Eight

Gabe sat looking at his backyard. The large oak to the right had died during the drought of 2011. Tomorrow he would cut it down. It would be his goal for the week. His eyes slid over to the fresh mound of dirt on the left.

Rest in peace, girl.

He’d prolonged her life more than he should have, because he’d known that once he let go of Pepper he would have to face reality. A reality that was too dark and disturbing to even think about, so he had kept putting it off to another day.

If Lacey hadn’t pushed him, Pepper would still be in pain. He needed to thank her for that, but she probably wasn’t going to speak to him anytime soon. Maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. He couldn’t make himself believe that, though. He ran both hands through his hair with a long sigh.

Voices caught his attention, and he glanced up to see Emma and Lacey coming through the gate. Emma bounded up the steps with a handful of yellow flowers. They looked like daisies. She walked right up to him.

“Do you mind if we put flowers on Pepper’s grave?”

He swallowed. “No.”

Lacey stood in the yard, and he noticed that hurt look in her eyes. Damn! He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but then what had he expected?

Jumping down the steps, Emma went to Lacey and they walked to the grave. Emma knelt down and carefully placed the flowers. She said something to Lacey, but Gabe couldn’t catch it. It was getting colder again, and Lacey pulled her brown jacket tighter around her. Taking the child’s hand, she led her back to the gate.

He had a new ache in his gut, an unfamiliar one he didn’t like. She had been nothing but kind to him and he had hurt her in return. Drawing in a deep breath, he called, “Lacey.”

She stopped with a puzzled look in her green eyes.

“Could we talk for a minute?”

“I suppose.” She looked down at Emma. “Go start your homework and I’ll be there in a minute.”

The child darted off and he made his way to Lacey. “I’m sorry I bailed on you today.”

She brushed blond hair from her forehead. “Why did you?”

He studied the wood grain on the weather-worn fence. “I was feeling claustrophobic and had to get away and be by myself. I know you don’t understand that, but it was something I had to do. I walked around Horseshoe until I couldn’t breathe, then I sat on a curb and tried to remember exactly what I was doing. Nothing makes much sense to me. I think you already know that.”

“Yes.” She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “I was just worried about you, that’s all. And I shouldn’t be because I barely know you. But you’re hurting and I can identify with that. If I’m overstepping my bounds, I’m sorry.”

Staring into her eyes, he wondered how she could know him so well. No one understood him. Not his ex-wife. Or his sister. Or his friends. But she seemed to reach a part of him that he kept hidden. Maybe that was why he’d had to get away. He hadn’t wanted to expose that part of himself.

“I...I...”

She touched his arm and he stiffened. She’d done that once before and it had thrown him off guard. Human contact was alien to him now, but it seemed natural when she did it.

“It’s okay. I understand. Take all the time you need. I’m right next door if you need anything.” She turned and walked to her house.

He sucked in the cool air, and it chilled all the aches and pains inside him. Would there ever be an end to his agony? Maybe not, but he would not hurt Lacey again.

* * *

W
HEN
SUPPER
WAS
finished, Lacey sent Emma to take a bath, and afterward Lacey brushed Emma’s long hair.

“You had fun in school today?”

Lacey sat on Emma’s bed, and Emma stood between her legs. “Yes. I like Bailey.”

“I’m glad you found a friend.”

“She gave me something. I need to give her something back. You make my bows. Can you make her a bow?”

“I certainly will, but not tonight.”

“Ouch. You’re pulling my hair.”

“Sorry, snuggle bunny.” Lacey patted the bed beside her. “Let’s talk for a minute.”

Emma groaned as she climbed onto the bed. “What did I do?”

Lacey put her arm around her sister. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just want to tell you how proud I am of the way you handled today.”

Emma rested against her. “Oh.”

“Sweetie, you do understand why we weren’t in the room when Daddy passed?”

“Yeah. But it’s okay now.”

“’Cause Daddy knows you love him?”

Emma drew back, her eyes big. “How do you know that?”

Lacey squeezed her. “Haven’t you figured out by now that I know everything?”

“You’re weird, Lacey.”

“If you have questions, I’ll try to answer them.”

Emma burrowed farther into her. “Daddy’s never coming back, is he?”

Lacey’s voice was clogged with tears, and she didn’t bother to look for an answer in her imaginary book. She had to go with the feeling in her heart. “No...no, sweetie. He’s never coming back.” She laid her hand on Emma’s chest. “But he’s right there.” Then she laid her hand on her chest. “And he’s right here. He’s with us all the time in spirit.”

“Is Pepper there, too?”

“You bet.” She kissed her sister’s forehead. “It’s homework time.”

“Aw, jeez.”

“You have math problems to do.”

Emma made a face. “I hate math.”

“Get your books and you can work at the kitchen table.”

Emma trailed behind her, grumbling as they made their way to the kitchen. Lacey set up everything and Emma went to work.

“Sweetie, I’m going next door for a minute.”

“’Kay.”

She couldn’t get Gabe out of her mind. He’d said he was sorry and that meant a lot to her. Caught off guard, she’d failed to thank him for letting Emma stay today, and she needed to do that. Maybe it was just another reason to see him. Or maybe she was pushy.

It was already dark and she didn’t like leaving Emma, but she’d only be gone a few minutes. She found her way to the deck, but the light wasn’t on. Had he gone to bed? She tapped on the door, but he didn’t answer. She tried the screen door and it opened, as did the door.

“Gabe,” she called into the dark house. Still no response. A light was coming from the living room—a very dim light. Acting braver than she was feeling, she walked into the kitchen and then into the living room. A lamp was on next to the TV. Gabe sat on the sofa in jeans and a black T-shirt. His head was tilted back, and his bare feet were outstretched.

“Gabe,” she said tentatively. He immediately raised himself up.

“Lacey. What are you doing here?”

“I called, but you didn’t hear me, and I got worried.”

He swiped a hand through his hair. “I must’ve been half-asleep.”

She wanted to ask if he was okay, but she knew better. He was tired of that question. “I won’t stay. I just wanted to thank you for letting Emma stay today. It has made a world of difference in her attitude. I never realized she needed to tell our father she loved him before he passed.”

“Yeah. It seemed important to her. I’m glad it helped.”

Going where brave angels feared to tread, she sat beside him without an invitation. “Did it help you?”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Doing your psychology thing again?”

She stood up. “I was only trying to help. I’ll leave you alone.” It was the last thing she wanted to do, because she could hear the panic in his voice. But she wasn’t sure how to help him other than to annoy him, which was how it usually turned out. She took a step toward the kitchen.

“I don’t know what to do with myself.” The words came out low and husky, but Lacey heard them. “I go outside and then I come back in. I feel lost, without any direction, like a car without a steering wheel. I don’t know where to go or where to turn. I’ve lost the most important part of myself. I’ve lost my son. Zack is dead.” The last word came out on a choked sob, and more sobs followed.

At the gut-wrenching sound, Lacey’s heart plummeted to the pit of her stomach, and she sat by him again, wanting to give him some sort of comfort. “Gabe...”

“Zack is dead.”

She wrapped her arms around him, and he sobbed into her chest, saying the words over and over. Her heart rate was dangerously close to overload at the pain in his voice, and she didn’t know what else to do. Clearly, he had never said the words out loud. Her guess was that he’d never openly cried over the death of his son. He had never allowed himself that weakness.

His arms gripped her, and he held on as if she were his anchor. His sobs did a number on her control and she was glad when he silently laid his head on her shoulder. Suddenly, he leaned away, wiping away the telltale tears. “Sorry. I lost it for a minute.”

“Is this the first time you’ve cried?”

He rested his head against the sofa. “Yes. My ex-wife couldn’t understand why I didn’t cry. She called me hard and unfeeling. She called me a lot of things, but I knew if I allowed myself that weakness, Zack’s death would be real, and I didn’t want it to be real.”

She stroked his arm, and he didn’t pull away.

“Zack was a mischievous, happy kid, always laughing, always teasing. I don’t understand how someone with so much life in him can suddenly be gone.”

“We’ll never have an answer for that.”

“No, we won’t. I kept holding on to Pepper, determined not to accept the reality. But...my son is dead and he’s never coming back.” He said the words with a finality that was as real as it could get. Lacey thought it strange that she’d had this same conversation with Emma just a few minutes ago.

“No.” She laid her hand on his chest, as she had Emma. “But he lives in here.”

“Yeah.” He caught her hand and entwined his fingers with hers. Her heart skipped a beat. “Thanks for listening. Saying those words was long overdue.”

He closed his eyes and she waited for him to speak again, but there was only silence. Then his chest rose and fell quietly. He had drifted into sleep—a much-needed sleep. Removing her hand, she reached for the blanket at the end of the sofa and spread it over him. She didn’t want to wake him because he desperately needed to sleep. The urge to kiss him was strong, and she didn’t know why. She couldn’t be attracted to him. There was no future with Gabe Garrison. He lived in the past, and she had a six-year-old to raise. But there was a connection she couldn’t deny.

She let herself out of the house and locked the door as she left, feeling good that Gabe had finally admitted something he’d been denying for two solid years. His son was gone and he had to go on living. Maybe there was hope for him.

* * *

G
ABE
WOKE
UP
to a surreal feeling. For a moment he didn’t know where he was, but then he saw the photos on the wall and all that pain blindsided him. It wasn’t like before, though. Something was different.

Sitting up, he realized there was a blanket over him. And then it all came back. Lacey
.
The tears. Oh, God. He’d made a fool of himself. Strangely, he didn’t feel like a fool. He felt revitalized. He got to his feet and an old urge hit him. He wanted coffee. For years, that had been the first thing he’d done every morning. Lately, he hadn’t cared whether he had coffee or not.

In the kitchen it became very clear he didn’t have any coffee or a coffeemaker. Glancing at the clock on the stove, he saw it was after nine. Had he slept all night? He never slept for more than two hours. Finding his boots, he pulled them on. He knew where to find coffee.

Going out the back door, he glanced toward the mound of fresh dirt and the pain wasn’t there like before. Just an incredible gratitude that he had gotten through yesterday. And grateful that Pepper was now at peace.

Lacey should be home from taking Emma to school. Lights were on in the kitchen. He gently knocked.

“Just a minute,” she called. A second later she opened the door.

At the sight of her, his mouth fell open and he quickly closed it. She was dressed in dark skinny pants and knee-high leather boots with a lime-green turtleneck sweater. Her short blond hair framed her face. For the first time he realized how beautiful and sexy she looked. How had he not seen that before?

Parts of the previous night came back to him: the fragrant scent of her hair, the softness of her skin and the gentleness of her touch. It had been a long time since he’d held a woman, and all those old urges were still alive in him. He wasn’t sure how, because most of the time he had felt dead. But not today.

“Good morning,” she said with a smile in her voice. “Come in.”

He motioned toward her. “Obviously, you’re getting ready to go out, so I won’t bother you.”

“I’m going to Temple to Christmas shop. That can wait for a few minutes. Would you like a cup of coffee?”

He stepped into the warm house. “That’s why I came over—to bum coffee.”

“You’re in luck because I’m out of my Keurig cups and had to make a regular pot this morning.”

He slid onto a bar stool and watched as she reached for a cup and filled it. The boots gave her height, and his eyes strayed to the roundness of her bottom and fullness of her breasts. A new energy surged through him.

She placed the steaming mug in front of him. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes. All night, actually, and I feel rested.” He lifted the cup and took a sip.

“I’m glad.”

His eyes met hers over the rim of the cup. “Sorry I unloaded on you last night. You’re very good at dealing with grief.”

“I know deep in my heart that one day Emma and I will get past it. And you will, too. They say that time heals all wounds, and I’m counting on it.”

“You’re a very strong lady.”

She tossed her head. “Oh, please. Don’t tell my irresponsible nature that. In Austin, I lived an easy, carefree lifestyle. Work and play—that was it. My biggest responsibility was to make sure my paycheck went into my account before I paid bills.” Her green eyes grew thoughtful. “But it’s strange when responsibility is thrust upon us—we either fold like a cheap tent or rise like a phoenix. I’m somewhere in between—a work in progress.”

“I don’t believe that for minute. In my experience, there aren’t many young women who would take on the responsibility of raising a six-year-old, especially when their whole life is ahead of them.”