A Texas Holiday Miracle (16 page)

“Do I have to stay the night?” Emma asked around a mouthful of cereal.

“No. It’s just for the day.”

“’Kay, but you’ll come get me when it gets dark?”

“You bet. Now, we’d better hurry to get there in time for the tea party.”

Emma jumped off the stool. “Oh, boy!”

Thirty minutes later Lacey once again delivered Emma to Bailey’s birthday party. She waited in the car for at least ten minutes to make sure Emma was okay.

Hurrying home, she planned to take the cupcakes she had made for last night to Gabe. They had been too busy with each other to eat dessert. And they really needed to talk.

* * *

G
ABE
SAT
NURSING
a cup of coffee and a foul mood. He had to talk to Lacey, but Emma was home and he wasn’t sure when he’d have the opportunity for a private conversation. It was important, though, that he do it as soon as possible.

His doorbell rang and he got to his feet. Was it Lacey? She never came to his front door. At least, she hadn’t recently. He opened the door in stunned disbelief. Dana, his ex-wife, stood there.

“Did you think I’d never find you?” She walked past him into the living room without an invitation. She stared at the photos on the wall. “Oh, my God, Gabe. Take the photos down. It’s time to let our son rest in peace.”

“What are you doing here, Dana?”

She had on a dark suit with a cream silk blouse—the kind she usually wore to work. Glancing around the room, she said, “Could we talk somewhere besides this depressing room?”

He walked into the kitchen with her a step behind him. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

“No. This won’t take long.”

“How did you find me?”

“Your sister, Kate. I’ve called her at least three times in the past year, and she said she didn’t know where you were. Then I called again last week and she finally told me.”

“She didn’t know for a long time where I was. I didn’t want to see anyone.”

“You can’t keep hiding, Gabe. It’s time to start living again. That’s what I’m doing. I’ve met a man. A lawyer, actually, and we want to get married on Valentine’s Day. But you left without signing the divorce papers. I really need you to do that.”

“I thought I signed them.”

“You didn’t.”

He couldn’t speak. His old life had found him and he could feel the walls closing in. He fought to breathe. Fought to maintain his composure. He managed a couple of deep breaths.

“I’m glad you’ve found someone.” He meant every word, but part of him felt a loss he couldn’t describe. But then, he knew what it was. Dana was his last link to Zack. He’d thought it had been Pepper, but it was Zack’s mother.

“What’s wrong with you? You’re very pale.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s just seeing you and realizing once again that we’ve lost our son.”

Her perfectly made-up face crumpled like a tissue. “Please, Gabe. Don’t do this. I’m trying to live with it and move on.”

He collected himself. “Okay. I’ll sign the papers. Can you send them to me?”

“You have to return to Austin. We have to sell the house and go through Zack’s things. We’ve never done that and I’m not doing it alone. I just can’t.”

The walls pushed in a little closer. He wanted to fight back and not let the pain return, not let that dark hole suck him back in. The only way to do that was to face that terrible time. He knew that as well as he knew his own name. Lacey had helped him take so many steps forward. Now he had to take the final one himself.

“I’ll be there in a couple days.”

“Good. I’ve been making the payments on the house from your check, which I have deposited every month.”

“The firm is still sending me checks?”

“They’re expecting you to come back. Don’t you understand that?”

No, he didn’t. When he’d left, he’d told the senior partner that he was done and wouldn’t be returning.

When he didn’t respond, Dana added, “Everyone wants to help you. You just have to let them.”

He drew air into a chest that was slowly collapsing. “I’m sorry I left you with all that responsibility, but I knew we had money in the account to cover it. I had no idea the firm would keep me on the payroll.”

“Just come home, Gabe. We have to end our marriage. We have to end so many things.”

“I’m not sure where our marriage went wrong, but it was over a long time before Zack’s accident.”

“It started to deteriorate when I pressured you to work for a big law firm. You resented that, even though you wouldn’t admit it. Your idea was working alone in a tiny office as a private attorney. I wanted better things for our life. I wanted money to do those things, so I pushed and you withdrew. Your idea of a fun weekend was spending it on Rebel Ranch with Zack. That was a nightmare for me.” She tossed her long dark hair back. “In college I thought we were compatible, but once we started living our dream we both realized we weren’t. By then we had Zack and we centered our lives on him. That’s why his passing hit us so hard.” She studied the tip of her high-heeled shoe. “I’m sorry I blamed you for Zack’s death. I was just grief stricken.”

“I’m sorry I blamed you for the same reason.”

She raised her eyes to his. “Then let’s end this relationship amicably.”

Before Gabe could respond, a knock sounded on his back door and Lacey came in with a cupcake in each hand. She looked from Gabe to Dana.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you had company.”

Dana stepped forward. “I’m Dana, Gabe’s wife.”

An expression shifted across her face, as if she’d been blindsided by an eighteen-wheeler. Gabe wanted to go to her and reassure her, but his pain kept him grounded.

“Oh...um...” She moved backward out the door. “I’ll just...go.”

“No need,” Dana said. “I was just leaving.”

But Lacey wasn’t listening. She disappeared down the steps, and he knew she was running to her house with tears in her eyes. His body trembled at the thought that he’d hurt the one person he cared most about in this world.

“My cell number is the same,” Dana was saying. “I’ll expect you in Austin before Christmas.”

Gabe was aware of Dana leaving, but he had only one thought on his mind. He had to get to Lacey.

Chapter Sixteen

Lacey marched into her house, set the cupcakes on the table and then grabbed a carton of milk out of the refrigerator. She didn’t bother with a glass. Sitting down, she said a curse word, peeled the paper away on one of the cupcakes and started to eat.

He was married. He was still married
ran through her mind like a crazed rat on a little Ferris wheel. She’d had sex with a married man. She took a gulp from the carton and set it back on the table. The more cupcake she stuffed into her mouth, the angrier she got. How could Gabe do this to her? So much for her fantasies and dreams. Crap! She was pitiful thinking there might be a life for her and Gabe. The reality check was a downer.

Her back door opened and Gabe walked in. She kept eating. He sat on the chair next to her and she wanted to move away—far, far away from all the heartache he was about to dump on her.

“Isn’t one of those for me?”

“Not anymore.”

“Where’s Emma?”

“She went back to her friend’s house.” Lacey hadn’t meant to answer him, but the words slipped out.

“We need to talk.”

She took a gulp of milk. “I think
wife
pretty much says it all.”

“Lacey—”

“Please leave. I’m busy.”

“I’ll get you a glass.”

“You will
not
get anything in my house. Please leave.” She stuffed more cupcake into her mouth.

He picked up a napkin from the table. “You have chocolate all over your face.”

“So? That’s none of your concern.”

“Lacey, listen to me. Can you do that without wanting to smear chocolate in my face?”

She couldn’t answer because she was about to choke on the cupcake. She coughed, sputtered and grabbed the carton of milk. It took a moment, but she finally swallowed the mass of cake in her throat. She felt like a total fool.

He pushed the napkin toward her and she wiped her mouth.

“Yes, I’m still married—technically. When I left Austin a year ago, I just forgot to sign the divorce papers. Now Dana has met someone and is planning to get married, so she wants me to wrap things up and make it legal.”

Lacey reached for the milk and realized she was drinking out of a plastic container. God, she was a mess. But she focused on what he was saying.

“So you’re going back to Austin?” The words sounded just as bad as they’d felt inside her heart.

He took the napkin and wiped chocolate from her face. So gently. So Gabe. She wanted to cry, but refused to be that weak.

“I tried for a solid year to deal with Zack’s death in every way I could, but it just got worse. I couldn’t stand being around people. I couldn’t stand the looks, the stares and the sympathy. One day some lawyers were laughing in the conference room and I lost it. How dare they laugh when my son was dead? The thought set me off and I said things I don’t even remember, but afterward I walked out. I got in my truck, drove to the house and picked up Pepper. I started driving and ended up here. You know the rest.”

She studied the poinsettia she had on a table in the corner. The red leaves heralded the beauty of the holiday season. But there was nothing beautiful about the pain in his voice.

“I just went through the motions of living, if you can call it that. I ate just enough to keep me alive. Pepper’s health was what kept me going. As long as she was with me, that was all I needed. But I knew I would have to let her go and I didn’t know how to do that. Until you. You were like sunshine and smiles all rolled into one. New and exciting. No matter how much I yelled at you or threatened you, you still came back, just like the blasted sun, every day. And you made me angrier than I’ve ever been. How dare you invade my darkness?”

“Gabe...” Her throat ached and she couldn’t say another word.

“Then a miracle happened. The sunshine in you slowly sparked a light in me, and the darkness started to fade. I’ve loved seeing you, talking to you, being with you. I’ve used you as a crutch to bring myself back to life. You’ve saved me in more ways than one, and for that I will never forget you.”

He was leaving.

A choked sob left her throat without her even knowing it. She prayed she could keep the tears inside, but she feared she was failing.

“Last night should never have happened.”

She finally found her voice. “No, don’t say that.”

Please, don’t say it meant nothing to you.

“I’ll remember it always, but now it makes it that much harder to leave.”

She swallowed something that tasted like fear, panic gripping her system like water filling a drowning person’s lungs.

“I’ve been hiding from my responsibilities in Austin. I have to go back and apologize to the partners of the firm. Dana and I still haven’t sold our house, and we need to do that. And we have to go through Zack’s things and give them away. I’m not sure I can, but because of you I know that I’m stronger and I will try my best.” He crushed the napkin in his hand. “Living next door to you has been an epiphany. I never knew people like you existed—kind, loving and selfless. In a perfect world I would stay and life would go on. We’d ignore the outside world and all the problems that could tear us apart. But that would be unfair to you.”

“Wh-why?”

“Last night, when you told me you loved me, I knew I would have to disappear from your life.”

“Wh-why?”

“Because I don’t know what love is anymore. I need you, but I’m unable to love you the way you deserve to be loved—by a whole man who won’t drag you down with sadness. Please understand that I have to go.”

Her heart exploded in her chest. It shattered into a million little pieces and bled until she couldn’t breathe. She didn’t want to breathe. Life suddenly wasn’t worth living. But there was Emma... And for her, Lacey found the strength to choke out a breath.

“When will you leave?” Her voice was low and weepy. She couldn’t help it.

“I want to finish the shed first. I promised Dana I’d be there by Christmas.”

She lifted her eyes to his. “You won’t be here for Christmas?”

“No. Christmas doesn’t mean much to me anymore. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry too much about Emma. She’ll adjust because she has you.”

But you won’t be here.

Silence intruded in a way it never had before. Awkward. Painful. Then she did something to alleviate the pain of parting. It might have been wrong, but she couldn’t help herself.

“Are my lips red?”

His face, etched in pain, relaxed. “No.”

“They need to be. Badly.”

He reached for her then and pulled her onto his lap. Her arms went around his neck and their lips met in a sweet, touching kiss that turned passionate instantly. They kissed with everything in them. They kissed as if it was their last time. Because it was. Finally, she rested her forehead against his, and this time the silence was soothing. Comforting. But only for that moment.

“I’ll talk to Emma,” he whispered against Lacey’s face. His warm breath fanned her heated cheeks.

“You’ll let me know when you’re leaving?”

“I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.” He stood and gently held her elbows as she stood, too. He gazed into her eyes for a moment and then walked out, much the same way he’d done the first weeks she had known him.

She wrapped her arms around herself to still the ache in her chest, to still all the fears that gripped her and to still the tears clinging to her eyelashes. Finally, she gave up and went to her room and cried like she’d never cried before. She’d found someone special and now she’d have to learn to live without him.

Lacey wasn’t sure how long she stayed in her room for the biggest pity party in the world. Afterward, she was prepared to face whatever she had to. She knew she had to let Gabe go. He had to find the peace he needed. The peace he deserved. And she had to have the strength to let him go without guilt. That would be the hardest part of all.

* * *

B
ESIDES
HER
FATHER
’
S
illness and death, the next couple of days were the hardest Lacey had ever lived through. Gabe worked tirelessly on the shed. Even in the late hours of the night she could hear hammering, drilling and the buzz of a saw. She had invited him to eat several times, but he always refused, so she knew he was eating little and working himself until he couldn’t think. She couldn’t stop his pain, so she left him alone.

Emma wasn’t as understanding. She was over there every day to help Gabe, as she put it. He hadn’t told her yet that he was leaving. Lacey dreaded that moment. Too many people had left Emma. Lacey wasn’t sure how her sister was going to take it. But she would be there to comfort her and hopefully they both would get through it.

On Tuesday afternoon, Gabe came over. Lacey was making Christmas cookies using a recipe she’d gotten from a cooking show. Emma was thoroughly enjoying decorating them with icing, sprinkles and candy pieces.

Emma was on her knees on a stool. Gabe slid onto the one next to her. He was dressed in jeans, the blue shirt and boots. He was clean shaven and his hair was combed.
He was ready to go.
Tiny pinpricks of pain shot through Lacey, but she resolved to be strong.

“Want a cookie?” Emma held out one to him.

“No, thanks, kiddo. I want to talk to you.”

Emma sank back on her heels. “’Kay.”

Gabe’s throat worked, but no words came out, and Lacey wanted to reach across the counter and hug him so it would be easier. But she resisted with everything in her.

“I have to go back to Austin.”

“Why?”

“I was very sad and down when I left, and now I have to go back and face my responsibilities. You might not understand that, but I have a house there and I need to sell it. And I have to go through Zack’s things. I never did that.”

Lacey held her breath for what seemed like an eternity. The emotions on Emma’s face shifted and Lacey couldn’t gauge what her sister was thinking. Then she did something remarkable. She held out her arms to Gabe and he lifted her onto his lap.

“Don’t be sad, Gabe.”

He kissed her forehead and held her. “Would you do something for me?”

Emma nodded.

“Would you take care of Pepper’s grave and make sure those pesky birds don’t dig around too much?”

“’Kay. I’ll take care of it real good. When will you come back?”

The question that Lacey couldn’t bring herself to voice Emma asked without hesitation.

“I don’t know, kiddo. I have a lot of things to take care of and figure out about myself. Just know that I have to go.”

Emma hugged him. “Don’t be sad. Wait!” Emma jumped from his lap and ran to her room. She came back with one of the wide, stretchy woven bands. It was yellow. “Lacey and I made it for you.”

Gabe slipped it onto his left wrist. “Thank you.” He glanced at Lacey. His eyes, which lately had been happy and sparkly, were now dark and foreboding. All the old pain had slipped back to grip him. He walked around the counter and took her in his arms. She rested against his chest, loving this last moment with him. And hating it at the same time. The frantic pounding of his heart told her how hard this was for him, too.

“Take care of yourself. I’ll remember you always.” Saying that, he released her and fished a key out of his pocket. “You might need this.”

She took the key and they stared at each other for endless moments. He was the first to break eye contact. “Lacey...”

“It’s okay.” The words came out soaked with tears but she couldn’t help it. “Please find the peace you so deserve.”

He inclined his head. “You’ll always be my crazy lady,” he whispered for her ears only. “Goodbye.”

She didn’t say the words back to him because she couldn’t. She would never say goodbye. Ever.

He walked to her front door and she and Emma followed. Without glancing back, he strolled to his truck, which was parked at the curb, and got in. Slowly, the truck pulled away. They watched as he stopped at the street sign and then disappeared out of sight.

And out of their lives.

* * *

C
HRISTMAS
E
VE
ARRIVED
cold and windy. Lacey spent the day getting ready for the holiday. She put on a brave face for Emma, but every moment she wondered what Gabe was doing and if he was okay.

Tonight when Emma went to bed, she would go over to Gabe’s house, get the gifts and lock his house up for the last time. He’d never said what he planned to do with the house, and she feared one day she would come home to see a for-sale sign in the front yard. Then she’d know for sure that he would never return. But until then she’d allow herself a tiny grain of hope.

Emma was busy wrapping something in her room. Lacey had no idea what it was. She had her Christmas dinner organized. She was going to make a roast with all the trimmings for her and Emma. Once again it would just be the two of them, but she would do her best to make the day as fun as possible.

Lacey called her mom several times, but Joyce never answered. Finally, she left a Merry Christmas message.

That afternoon she and Emma got dressed to go to the big celebration on the square. The Wiznowski Bakery closed at four. Coffee, hot chocolate and free kolaches would be offered to everyone until they ran out. Then the store would be closed until after Christmas.

Everyone was in the square, eating kolaches, drinking coffee and chatting. Everyone was happy, especially when it grew dark and the huge Christmas tree in front of the courthouse was lit. Some of the kids began to sing songs, and Lacey enjoyed a moment of happiness with Peyton and Angie, but it was fleeting.

Later, Lacey and Emma put flowers on their dad’s and Mona’s graves, then attended the eight-o’clock mass. The church was packed. The Wiznowski family sat in the second and third rows on the left. Lacey and Emma slid into the last pew. Even though she was surrounded by people, Lacey had never felt as lonely as she did at that moment.

Erin got up and walked back to them. “Mama wants you to sit with us.”

Lacey almost burst into tears, which was silly, but she was feeling a little emotional. She and Emma squeezed in with the big Wiznowski family. The service was moving and Emma sat very still beside her. Candles were passed out and lit and then the church’s lights were turned off. The congregation sang “Silent Night.” It was moving and touching, especially since Emma sang right along with everyone.