A Toiling Darkness (14 page)

He really did remind me of El. Both of them
didn’t like showing power when there was another, less flashy
option.

“No. I won’t do it.” I stepped back and
lifted up my arms in a wide shrug. “This is who I am, what I
do.”

“This isn’t you.” He shook his head, his
brown eyes darker with his stubbornness.

I laughed. “And you know me from three
encounters in a span of a couple of days? How would you know this
isn’t me? Why is it that it’s only you who can’t see me as I really
am? Is it because I look like a child?”

“It has nothing to do with how you look. I
see it in everything you do. You go to places like that park or the
harbor—where it’s beautiful. You can’t go to places like that then
tell me you are emotionless and uncaring.”

“There was nothing beautiful about that
alley.”

“No, not the alley, but the view on top of
that building was breathtaking. You’re always in places like that,
aren’t you? When you’re there, even your eyes brighten up. At the
park, the harbor, maybe even on top of that building, there was
something…happy…in your eyes.”

“I’m Darkness, my eyes don’t brighten up
from anything.”

“No, not now they don’t. Why is that?”

“Why not? I can’t let everything get to me.
Otherwise I won’t survive, emotions will only tear me apart and I
can’t afford that.” How the hell did he so easily take charge in
the conversation, steering it where he wanted it to go. It was time
to get my control back.

“Emotions are what keep us human.”

I let out a bark of harsh laughter. I
couldn’t help it—those words were ridiculous. “Human? You should
know by now that you aren’t human anymore. Letting human emotions
run you will only destroy you.”

“And you would know?” he asked, flinching.
My words hit just the right spot.

“Yeah, I would.” I looked away, back towards
the beach. Before I grew so jaded, before my first meeting with the
Consort or with El or even with Eithna, I allowed myself to feel
things. But when humans keep turning their backs on you, it begins
to hurt. When you’re new to life and don’t understand anything, it
begins to hurt beyond any physical pain to be turned away and
denied by humans. The pain settles inside of you and becomes
chronic. Being burnt alive or skinned by humans can really shape
who you become.

“Then I’m right. You aren’t this.”

“You seem to have it all figured out then,
just from a couple of meetings, huh? Fine, how about I show you my
bad side? The dark side you seem to not be able to accept. I’m
capable of far more than what I just did. Everyone but you knows
exactly what I’m capable of.”

“Well they’re wrong!” he snapped and stared
at me. I flinched but didn’t look away. I couldn’t. His eyes were
capturing me. They bore through me, to my own soul—if I even had
one—and I swear he could see what only El was able to see. That
little bit of me I have yet to destroy. The little bit I don’t even
acknowledge but couldn’t get rid of. “They aren’t right about you.
You’re more than what they see and you should know this.”

“Do you see how much more I can be?” I
asked, referring to the woman he needs to find. He looked at me
confused for a second.

The headlights of the next patrol car fell
to the shadows of the beach as it approach from around the bend. I
glanced back at the beach, at the kids laughing and messing around
as the demons were about to pounce.

“Shit,” I sighed and waved my hands,
basically blowing away the darkness. The veil covering them lifted.
“Happy now?”

“Yeah, I’m happy now.” He broke out in a
smile I’ve never seen before. It curved and softened the angry
lines around his mouth and warmed the cold, dark eyes. It brought
blood to the surface of my face and for once, I blushed. I never
blush. Never. But that warm smile did it for me. I couldn’t even
imagine what he saw in my expression in that moment.

Did a soft pink crawl up into my cheeks?
Were my eyes as wide as they felt by the shock he gave me? I must
have been a sight apparently. He stared at me and his smile widened
even more. My face grew hotter.

“You’re going to regret not killing me,” I
said simply, my voice quiet. Any fight in me was taken away by that
damn smile. How was he able to affect me so easily?

“You haven’t done anything warranting your
death.”

“You’ve only known me for a couple of days,
Kalen. Keep it up and you’ll finally see me for who I really
am.”

I stomped away, leaving Kalen behind to
enjoy that smile on his face. A smile that wouldn’t exist if he
even knew who I was and what I’ve done in the past. Let him play
detective with his little necromancer friend. After he learned the
truth, that humans are capable of killing children, then that self
righteous smile will be wiped from his face. Then he can focus more
on finding the real me and realizing who exactly I am.

And I can end this charade.

My chest tightened with unfamiliar discomfort but I
pushed forward, not looking back.

I watched as Darkness walked away and
eventually melted into the darkness. Part of me wanted to follow
her, to learn more about her. There was something there. When I
first spotted her on the beach, I was confused. I thought I felt
Akhlys. Instead I found Darkness.

Were my senses out of control? I keep
getting a sense of Akhlys out there in the city, somewhere. And
then when I get closer, I lose that feeling. I needed to find her.
To end this.

I squeezed at my chest, hearing the clanking
in my ears though there were no physical chains around. It was all
in me. Metaphysical chains holding me back.

It was painful. Constant.

I sighed and turned back to Chris. “Are you
okay?”

He nodded, rubbing at his neck.

“Listen, Kalen,” Chris said, shuffling
around on his feet. “I feel bad leaving you, especially since I
know you’re getting closer to knowing who are taking those kids,
but I need to get back to Tracy. I need to get her out of the city
soon.”

I nodded, still looking in the direction
Darkness went. “No, I understand. Go help her.”

Chris hesitated before jerking his head. “If
I can, I’ll come back. Just remember the meeting with the loc is
tomorrow night. Truthfully I’m still suspicious. He seemed a little
too willing to talk.”

“Is it suspicious because you’re with me or
because of me?” I asked, thinking about the distrust Darkness
seemed to really have for necromancers. What was in their history?
I knew so little about them. I knew so little about everything, in
fact. Every choice I made always seemed wrong.

Chris ran his hand through his hair and
sighed. “Probably because of me. Like what Darkness was saying, we
don’t exactly have a clean history. But then again, I don’t think
anyone has a clean one. Especially Darkness.”

“It doesn’t matter. Go to your girlfriend.
Take care of her. I’ll take care of myself and I’ll go see the loc
tomorrow.”

“Just be careful.”

I hated seers more than seekers. A lot more.
They played with fate, gave out information that was probably
better left alone. While seekers gain knowledge in the here and
now, seers looked at the future and what can be, will be, or will
never be. Asking one to do the other’s job just made them grumpy
and maybe a little entertaining—as long as they didn’t go into a
long rant about the differences between the two.

I grinded my teeth as I glared at the door.
I really did not like seers. Their possibilities aren’t always
right.

If it were, then Eithna wouldn’t be dead.
She would still be alive and well, probably a lot more powerful
than she was. Instead, when it mattered the most, she changed her
so-called fate by talking to me. She told me about it once, how she
helped an old seer and was repaid with a free reading. She was
supposed to stay in Europe and find happiness through some little
fae boy who needed a mother. She threw that possibility out the
window by inviting me to America with her. Then a different outcome
became reality. She was killed.

It was tempting to just walk away. I was
already standing here for a few minutes, glaring at the door,
hoping it would implode on itself along with the entire apartment.
The last seer I talked to was an old lady with pure white hair,
sun-stained skin, and beady black eyes. I paid her a visit after
Eithna died because she was the one who gave the reading to her.
The old seer told me something I didn’t like, and I had hurt her in
a fit of rage. It was a turning point for me in a way. It was where
my decision to look like a child began to take form.

She died because she met you. It is as
simple as that. You killed her.

Fuck you too, old hag.

Ugh, I really did not want to talk to a
seer. I can always just say screw it and leave. Just disappear. I
didn’t have any attachment to this city.

Kalen, dumbass. Don’t forget about
Kalen.

I almost growled.

Was this visit going to be similar? Was
something about me going to change again? I didn’t take well to
changes, but I really needed to know who Kalen’s master was if I
want to survive.

When I knocked on the seer’s door, a small
woman answered. She was only a couple of inches taller than me, but
her short shorts and tank top were what ensured no one would
mistake her for a child.

“Yes?” she asked, pushing up her glasses and
looking me over quickly.

“I’m Darkness.”

Her eyes widened. I just waited for her mind
to work through my appearance. She swallowed nervously and stepped
back to let me into her apartment. Her door opened right into a
living room filled with knickknacks and books. The apartment was
easily twice the size of mine. Her coffee table was covered in
papers and textbooks with complicated science lingo I couldn’t even
pronounce. Music played softly in the background—country music to
be specific. That was different. Kids her age were more into techno
music and the clubs catered to their interests with the hour-long
songs and epileptic strobe lights.

I was kind of surprised by this. Kay was
besotted with a college student. From the looks of it, he was also
supporting her. No other way she could afford to live here. This
area was for the middle-class snobs who were doing really well. It
was the first step into getting in with the rich. It wasn’t a place
a college student could afford without help.

I wandered around the living room, looking
at her bookshelves burdened by all her textbooks. Her walls were
decorated with photos, some of them scenery, others inspirational,
but most of family and friends.

A photo of her and Kay attracted my
attention. It was a standard amateur photo of the two of them at a
concert, his arm around her shoulders and hers around his small
waist. He looked at the camera with a small smile, looking like a
normal college boy. She was looking up at him, pure lust naked in
her eyes.

Was this why he threatened me? They had an
intimate relationship and Kay was being protective of his little
seer. Looking at her and at the picture, I just couldn’t believe
their relationship was platonic. Lord Kay didn’t do platonic when
the woman was someone as young and beautiful as she was.

I knew this as a fact since him and me were
two beings of the same coin. We thought the same, acted the same,
and we both reveled in the chaos we created. I could think just
like him if I wanted to. Not that I wanted to, at all. I just knew
enough to know his relationship with this woman was definitely not
platonic. I was a hundred and ten percent sure. And from this
picture, I’d guess they’ve been together for at least a year
now.

“Kay is really something, isn’t he?” she
asked, standing just behind me. There was pride in her voice. I
turned to her and gave her a weak smile. I wanted to ask her how
much she really knew about the man, but held my tongue. It wasn’t
my place to meddle.

“Yeah, he really is,” I replied, not sure
what kind of reaction she wanted. “How did you guys meet?” When in
doubt, just get them to talk about themselves.

Even though I could feel her nervous energy
as it washed over me, her eyes lit up. “At a specialties shop
actually. I was looking for something to help with my divinations.
I was listening to my iPod, rocking out to Chuck Berry and singing
off key. Kay was there to pick up something he ordered and when he
realized what song I was singing, he approached me. Our
relationship took off from there.”

“Chuck Berry, huh?” I trailed off. I have no
clue who the guy was. “Is that a country singer?”

“Huh?” She waved her hand. “Oh my God. No. I
only listen to country when I study, helps me focus for some
reason.” She shrugged, sounding just like a twenty-something. Of
course she was trying to fake normalcy around me. It just wasn’t
working. I could see the shaking in her small hands and the nervous
glances behind those black frames.

I looked back at the picture and was able to
believe that there could be love in there. Maybe. Anything was
possible with Lord Kay. “I hope for the best,” I murmured.

She nodded and turned, motioning me to
follow her. She led me to a bedroom she had fixed up to do her
predictions in. She sat me down in a solid oak chair with a small
round table separating us.

“Kay called me. I was expecting you last
night.” She stared down at her hands. The lights in her eyes were
gone now. She didn’t have something to talk about to break the
tension in the air. I got the impression she didn’t want me there,
that I was intruding in on the life she was able to carve out for
herself. I mentally shrugged, not caring too much. If I had to use
her to get what I wanted, I was willing to do it.

“I got distracted,” I replied and stared at
her. It didn’t take long for her to start squirming.