A Veiled Reflection (21 page)

Jillian rocked the baby gently in a borrowed cradle that Mrs. Lister had managed to come up with. The entirety of the cradle rockers had been placed in a large pan of water, a necessity since a scorpion sting or spider bite would most likely be the death of the infant.

“What about something like Mary?” someone suggested. “After all, Mrs. Barnes is the one who will go on caring for her after she comes back.”

“If she comes back,” another girl added.

The idea of Mary never returning hadn't occurred to Jillian. What would she do if Mary ended up dead in some ambush? The baby would truly be homeless then. Could Jillian go on working at the Harvey House and keep the infant with her? She would just have to have hope that the future would work itself out.

“I'm thinkin' somethin' biblical would be good,” Kate suddenly declared. “Maybe somethin' like Sarah or Ruth.”

“Mary's biblical,” the girl who'd suggested the name countered.

“What about something like Faith or Patience?” Kate questioned.

“Why not Hope?” Jillian suddenly said.

“Yes, Hope is perfect,” Louisa agreed.

“Aye,” Kate said. “She looks like a Hope.”

They all agreed that the name was perfect, and long after they had all gone to bed and Jillian sat feeding the infant girl her midnight bottle, Jillian still thought the name fit to a T. They would all need hope if they were to get through this conflict between the Navajo and the government.

“I'll bet even Mary will like the name,” she whispered to the baby. Her heart ached at the thought that Mary might not return. After all, there had been no news or sign of Zack or Mary. What if Bear had ambushed them and killed them? What if he was putting together an entire army of warriors to come and kill everyone who had caused the Navajo harm? Jillian felt her body tremble. How she longed to hear Mac's reassurance that everything would be all right. How she longed to feel his arms around her, comforting her, loving her.

“Oh, Hope, this is a hard world you've come to live in. But Mary says that God can make even the hardest places soft and smooth.” The baby's dark eyes watched Jillian as she spoke. She seemed so observant, and it was almost as if she knew exactly what Jillian was saying.

A strange noise came from outside in the street, and Jillian immediately thought of Bear and the night he'd stood in front of Mr. Cooper's office.

Carefully, she placed the baby in the cradle and went to the window. Pulling back the shade, Jillian stared out into the darkness. The street was empty. She shuddered and quickly dropped the shade back into place. Just then she heard the wind pick up and the rain start to fall. How refreshing the thought of rain could be, but in this moment, she worried that it would thwart Zack's efforts to find Mary.

God, please help Mary and Zack,
she prayed.
Please help us all
.

FOURTEEN

TENSION MOUNTED in the following days when there was still no word from either Zack or Mary. Gwen and Jillian shared brief concerned glances, nodding as if to reassure the other that they were still thinking on the matter—still praying for intercession.

Jillian had never known such exhaustion as the ordeal of trying to keep up with a baby and work for Fred Harvey. When Sam brought her a telegram one morning, shortly after the westbound train pulled out of the station, Jillian merely tucked it into her pocket and continued with her duties. She yawned in complete exhaustion, trying hard to mask her weariness. She desperately wanted to show everyone that she was capable of handling both tasks.

Everyone had pitched in to help with Hope, and everyone had been extremely nice about the whole Jillian/Judith ordeal. They had, for the most part, thought it amusing and quite entertaining. Jillian felt relieved to be able to be herself again, but upon finding that luxury, she wasn't entirely sure who she was anymore. She didn't seem like the old Jillian. Her eyes had been opened to too much, and her mind and heart were occupied in ways they had never been before.

A deep growing love for Hope was present in her heart, as was a romantic love for Mac. The only problem, Jillian realized, was that neither one of them belonged to her in any form of permanency.

“You look dead on your feet,” Mac announced, coming alongside her.

Jillian had been so preoccupied that she'd not even seen him approach. “I am tired, but I'm okay. Are you here to eat?”

He nodded, his dark hair falling lazily over his left eye. Jillian reached up without thinking and pushed it back. Mac's gaze burned into her as she pulled back in embarrassment.

“I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that.”

“No harm done,” Mac replied. He looked as if he might say something more, but then Gwen entered the conversation.

“Dr. Mac, have you heard any news?”

He shook his head. “Not a word. I tried telegraphing the fort to see if they had any word for us, but so far no one's responding.”

She nodded. “I see.”

“Look, if you don't mind, I'd like to give Hope a brief examination. I just want to make sure she's thriving,” Mac told them.

“She's asleep upstairs,” Jillian said, yawning. She was getting as remiss in her manners as Louisa. “I can go get her.”

“I'll get her, Jillian,” Gwen announced. “You look like you're ready to fall over.”

“Thanks,” she murmured and tried to turn her attention back to the table. She was tired—completely exhausted—but Mac's presence was also taking its toll. It seemed like her love for him was growing stronger every day, and she worried that sooner or later she'd go and do something stupid like make a public declaration. It was bad enough that she'd just brushed his hair out of his eyes. That was the touch a mother might give her child—or the way a wife might adjust her husband's appearance.

“You should get some sleep,” Mac said softly.

She smiled. “Tell that to Hope.”

“I will,” he replied.

Gwen arrived with the sleeping infant and held her out to Mac. “She's a good baby for the most part. I know Jillian's had to do battle with her at night. I figured tonight Hope could sleep with me and give Jillian a break.”

“No!” Jillian replied, coming fully awake. “I mean, I don't want to do that. I'm all right. Hope's no trouble.”

Mac and Gwen both eyed her curiously for a moment. Before turning his attention back to the baby, Mac suggested, “Perhaps, Miss Carson, you could allow Jillian to work in split shifts so that she could get some sleep during the day.”

Gwen agreed that this was acceptable. “In fact,” she told Jillian, “why don't you go ahead and go upstairs to bed. I'll take care of Hope while you get some rest.”

The thought of resting for even a short time appealed greatly to Jillian. She didn't know why it mattered so much that she should be the one to care for Hope in the night, but for some reason, yielding the child's care in the daylight hours didn't seem to bother her nearly as much.

“I'll get myself something to drink and go upstairs,” Jillian murmured. Turning from Gwen and Mac, Jillian made her way to the kitchen. It was then that she remembered the telegram. Reaching into her pocket, she withdrew the missive and opened it to read.

With a gasp and a cry that edged on terror, Jillian backed into the cook's assistant, sending him crashing against a stack of pots. This in turn caused the pans to fall clattering to the floor, knocking the poor man against another of the chefs, who in turned juggled a bowl of soup, only to lose the battle. Jillian reached out to help but slipped on the wet floor, and before she knew it, she had landed in a heap alongside the pots and pans.

Mac and Gwen, along with several of the Harvey Girls, came running to see what the commotion had been about. Mac laughed when he saw that Jillian was at the center of the matter. He stopped laughing, however, when Jillian began to struggle to her feet, only to cry out and fall back down.

“What is it?” he asked her, squatting down beside her.

“My ankle. I think I've twisted it.”

Mac reached out and pushed back her black skirt. He gently moved the foot back and forth, but when Jillian cried out, he stopped. “I'd say you've twisted it pretty badly. It's already starting to swell.”

He lifted her into his arms without giving her a chance to protest. Jillian wrapped her arms around Mac's neck, fearful that he might drop her. He seemed completely unconcerned with her weight.

“Miss Carson, I'll need some ice. Will someone show me the way to Miss Danvers' room?”

“I can be showin' ya,” Kate said, moving toward the back stairs. “Just come this way.” Kate hurried ahead of them, calling out, “Man on the second floor! Man on the second!” This was the rare time when anyone of male persuasion was allowed to venture into the sanctity of the Harvey Girls' quarters.

Jillian had never known such humiliation. She struggled between the desire to cry and the overwhelming urge to laugh. Laughter seemed to be a good way to cover up her embarrassment, but spying the telegram she still clutched in her hand, laughter was the furthest thing from her mind.

Kate opened the door to their room and quickly checked the covers and bedding before Mac deposited Jillian on the bed.

“I'll be fine, really I will,” she said in protest as Mac directed Kate to remove Jillian's shoe and stocking on her right leg.

Kate wouldn't hear any protest from her friend. She quickly and discreetly released Jillian's garter and slipped the stocking down, then pulled her shoe off, taking the stocking with it.

“Here's the ice,” Gwen announced, bringing in a large bowl. “I've also brought some cloth to pack it in.”

“Good thinking,” Mac replied. He went to Jillian and grinned. “You do have a way of getting yourself into trouble, don't you.”

“If you only knew the half of it,” Jillian muttered and fell back against her pillow. How in the world could she ever explain this one to him? From downstairs, Hope began to cry and Jillian attempted to get up.

“Stay where you are,” Mac half growled at her. “You aren't going anywhere.”

“But the baby—” “Miss Carson or one of the other girls can see to the baby.”

“If you don't need us,” Gwen said, “Kate and I will do just that.” Jillian thought to protest but figured she'd have to face Mac sooner or later with the truth. Maybe now would be the perfect time. Perhaps he'd have more sympathy for her since she was hurt.

“Mac, there's something I need to tell you. Ow!” she exclaimed as he manipulated her foot.

“It isn't broken, but it's going to hurt pretty fierce for a day or two. You're going to have to take it easy and stay off of it for a while.”

“But I can't. I have a job to do, and then there's Hope. . . .”

“You've gotten yourself pretty attached to that little girl, haven't you?” he questioned, looking her straight in the eye.

“Well, she's . . . she needs me and I . . . think she's special.”

Mac nodded. “She is and so are you. Mary was right to give her over to your care.”

“I sure hope Mary is all right,” Jillian murmured, momentarily forgetting about her confession.

“I'm sure she is.” Mac propped the leg up with a pillow, then proceeded to pack ice in cloth and place it around Jillian's swollen ankle. “We have to trust God to watch out for Mary. Now, you want to tell me what this is all about? What happened down there?”

“Well, it's just that . . . you see . . .” Jillian fell silent. This wasn't going to be easy to explain. She'd brought all of her troubles on herself; having to admit her actions to Mac was more than a little overwhelming. “I did something really foolish.”

He looked at her oddly, then pulled up the rocking chair she had been using while caring for Hope. “I can see I'm probably in for a pretty big ordeal. Maybe I should sit down.”

She nodded. “I don't know where to begin, but first, you have to know how sorry I am.”

“I hate it when folks start out like that,” Mac said apprehensively. His eyes narrowed as his right brow raised and his voice lowered. “Jillian?”

Jillian bit at her lower lip and nodded. “It's really not all that bad—maybe you'll even find it amusing.” She laughed nervously.

“So you'd best get to explaining.”

Jillian fell back against her pillow and sighed. “My mother has been pestering me ever since I came to Pintan. She has this earl in mind for me to marry, and she kept writing about having him come here.”

“And now he's coming here, is that it?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head from side to side. “I told my mother there was someone else. Someone here in Pintan. I told her not to bother with the earl because I was already in love.”

“I see,” Mac replied, easing back in the chair. He crossed his arms and looked at her curiously. “Did she buy it?”

“Not at first.” Jillian tried to think of how best to break the news. “She kept talking about coming here with the earl. I just couldn't stand any more of it. You have to understand, she's done this to me ever since I came of age. It's her desire to see her daughters married off to wealthy men with titled backgrounds.”

“So what did you do to convince her that she shouldn't send him here?”

Jillian licked her lips, but her mouth was so dry that it did little good. “I told her I was engaged to be married.”

Mac laughed. “I'll bet that put her plans to send the earl here to a grinding halt.”

“It did, only now my mother and father are coming to Pintan to meet my fiance
. They don't like that I've gone behind their backs and gotten myself engaged, but because I've described such a wonderful man, they've agreed to come and consider him as a potential son-inlaw.” “I see.”