A Very Merry Christmas: WITH "Do You Hear What I Hear" AND "Bah Humbug, Ba (15 page)

“Okay, that’s it,” said Allison. “Don’t think you’re going there without me.”

She tried to turn over, but he pushed her back down with his free hand. He held her butt with one hand, while he slid the other up and down his erection. The bed rocked beneath them.

Then his hand slipped between her cheeks, past her sacrum. And, finally, tortuously slow, slid home.

Allison cried out. Lee was panting behind her. “Okay, now, baby. Hold onto the headboard. I want you deep. Really deep.”

She shifted to her knees, pulled herself up until she was braced on the wooden bedframe. Lee spread her knees, took a searing lick up her butt before kneeling between her legs. He leaned against her, biting her neck, her ear, her shoulder, all the while sliding his cock along her inner folds. The oil, the cinnamon and their combined arousal drove them tighter and tighter.

Then, in one quick movement he guided his dick into her. He lay against her back, not moving. One arm around her waist, the other cupping her crotch. He released and thrust. His cock impaled her. His chest slid against her back while his finger circled her front.

And Allison held onto the bed for all she was worth.

The rhythm quickened, each thrust lifting her off her knees and driving her closer to the headboard. Then he stopped moving; the hand at her waist moved to her breast. Each time he circled her nipple with one hand, he pressed the fingers of his other hand between her legs.

She was holding her breath, trying to prolong the build-up. But she was being twisted, higher and tighter. She could feel Lee trembling with the effort of not coming.

And then her head fell back against his shoulder in a silent cry. And they came undone, spiraling into darkness, out of control, crying out in guttural moans, pumping, and thrusting and shuddering until they collapsed in a heap together against the headboard.

They huddled there, spooned together. Allison still impaled on his penis. Not talking, not moving, not even pulling the sheet over them when their oil-coated bodies began to cool.

“Better than Christmas garland,” whispered Lee, sounding like he might nod off any second.

“Hmmm.” For once, Allison was hungry. For food, for a glass of wine and for more of this man who would be gone again before she could say Buffalo Burger.

“Baby, you can hang yourself on my tree anytime.”

Taken off guard, Allison snorted. Lee’s cock slipped out of her and with it a rush of warmth. The room had grown cool, something she hadn’t noticed. She scooched down and reached for the sheet. She pulled it over both of them and they stretched out, their arms wrapped around each other, while Allison wondered why they could never stay happy.

He turned back to her and pushed a lock of hair from her face. He kissed her, leisurely this time, and it was all the more powerful for its ease. It was something they didn’t find often. Ease. Leisure.

Illusion,
she reminded herself. She sat up. “I need dinner.”

“Do you want to cook or build the fire?”

She gave him a look. She could cook. What self-respecting ad executive couldn’t. “I guess you failed to notice when you returned from snow surfing last night, that the fire was still going.”

“I did notice and I’m impressed.” He grinned at her. “You can build the fire.”

She grinned back at him. “I’ll cook.”

The pantry and fridge were stocked and Allison picked out mushrooms, onions, peppers and tomatoes. She chopped them into symmetrical shapes, each the same size, concentrating on each slice of the knife, so she wouldn’t think that this could be their last meal together. She sautéed them into a ragout. She boiled water and cooked pasta. Made a salad and a vinaigrette from scratch.

Lee finished building the fire and wandered in to see what she was doing. She just kept chopping. He opened a bottle of pinot noir and set it on the counter to breathe. Then he left again.

She could hear him rummaging in his camera bag and thought with a sinking heart that he was already somewhere else. In the jungle. Or wherever. It didn’t really matter. It would always be somewhere and it wouldn’t be with her.

She pulled down plates and wineglasses, poured out the wine and took a healthy gulp to get started.

“Hey,” said Lee from the hallway. “Wait for me.”

Story of her life, thought Allison, but not with bitterness. She was too sad to be bitter. And it had never been about bitterness. It had been about fear.

She loved him. She tried not to. Didn’t want to give her heart to someone who traveled all over the world, risking life and limb, in search of the ultimate photograph. She couldn’t take it. Every time Lee left for another assignment, she wondered if it would be his last. If she would ever see him again.

And while she worried and wrestled with overwhelming terror, her work suffered. And when he did return and her fear finally released its grip, she had to work twice as hard to catch up. It made her brittle and unapproachable. It also gave her the edge to win. But it took its toll in other ways.

And now he was here again. Tempting her to risk everything for something she couldn’t control. She reached for the second wineglass and handed it to him with trembling fingers.

He saw. Frowned and cocked his head at her. “Ally?”

She shook her head and turned back to the stove. Lifted the top off the pasta pot and burned her fingers. She dropped the top and Lee was by her side. Pulling her to the sink and holding her hand under cold water.

“I’m all right,” she said. “The pasta is going to be overcooked.”

“You’re not all right.”

No, she wasn’t. She never would be as long as she let him turn her world upside down. She couldn’t live with him and she couldn’t stand to live without him. Her life was a cliché. And it was tearing her apart. She had to deal with it once and for all. And she dreaded it. How she wanted to say
I do.
To live happily ever after with Lee. And she could kick herself for even thinking like that. There were no happily ever afters. Life was a constant struggle, and life with Lee would be, well, it would be life with Lee when and if he was around. It was too much stress. “I can’t do this.”

She heard his sigh. Could feel his disappointment in her. Could feel the anger welling up inside him. She could feel his feelings like they were her own.

He pushed her away from the sink. Grabbed two potholders and poured the pasta out into the colander. Slammed the pot back onto the burner so hard that it rattled. Then he turned on her.

“I don’t get you. I love you. You love me. I ask you to marry me. And you pretend like it never happened. Being around you is hell.” He began dishing the pasta onto the plates. Spooned the ragout over them and placed them on the table. “Why can’t you commit? Is it me? Is that it? Is there something about me that just doesn’t make it for you?”

He turned toward her then, anger and hurt zeroing in on her most vulnerable place. “Just tell me and let’s end it. It won’t be the first time I haven’t measured up to someone’s expectations. Hell, I’m so used to it, I probably won’t even notice if you get added to the mix.”

“Stop it,” she cried, not wanting to see that look of hurt in his eyes. Not wanting to be a part of whatever rejection he expected from those who should love him. “It isn’t you. It’s me.”

“Oh, ha. Surely an ad agency barracuda could come up with something more original than that.” He poured wine into his glass. Put the bottle on the counter and held it there. “Maybe it’s you. Maybe you are the problem. You just can’t commit. Why should I be surprised?”

“I’m committed.”

“To your work.”

That did it. The tears that had been hovering broke loose. Her mouth twisted in an effort to control herself. And then everything she had felt and feared and wrestled with came pouring out. And she didn’t have the strength to stop it or even temper it.

“Of course I’m committed to my work. I can trust my work. I can depend on it.”

“And you can’t trust or depend on me. Great. You know, Ally, I’m trustworthy and dependable. You just can’t commit to me.”

“Commit to you? How can I, when I never know if you’re coming back? What’s to commit to?” She dashed at her tears but she didn’t turn away. Not this time. It was time she laid her soul bare and let him do what he would.

He was just staring at her. Dumfounded. His anger washed away in a split second, to be replaced with total confusion. “I—I always come back. You know I do.”

“Not if—not if something were to happen to you.”

His eyes narrowed and the color rushed from his face. He frowned, reached behind himself to pull out a chair, and slowly sank into it.

Allison ran her palms quickly over her cheeks to dry them. He looked up and she jerked them away.

“Is that what keeps you back? You’re afraid I’ll get killed?”

She nodded slowly, the tears starting up again.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me.”

“That’s what all you guys say. And look how many of you haven’t made it back. It only takes one bullet or one bomb or whatever.”

“Jesus, Al. Why didn’t you say so?”

“Because it’s stupid and selfish and it’s what you do.”

Lee sat by the fire and listened to Ally cleaning up the dinner things. All this time he had thought it was her job that kept them apart. But it wasn’t. It was his. And she was right. It was what he did, but he’d never realized before that it was fear for him that kept her from committing. Now he wondered if there was a way he could reassure her; if it was even possible for them to overcome years of miscommunication and misunderstanding.

He knew that they had spent most of that time reacting to each other rather than acting for each other. Was it too late? Had they built so many bad habits that they were doomed to failure?

He didn’t believe that, not deep down inside. But he knew that he needed to get her to take the final step. It was now or never. He felt it intuitively. And if there was one thing he had come to trust over the years, it was his intuition.

But was he being selfish? He did risk his life, not all the time, but enough. He loved the thrill, the anticipation of getting the next great shot. But did he love it more than he loved Ally?

He didn’t know. And if he gave it up for her, and it didn’t work out, he’d be up the creek.

The kitchen was spotless, yet Ally stood at the counter, prolonging the moment before she would have to go into the living room. She looked out the window into a world so black that it could be anywhere or nowhere. She was so aware of Lee sitting just on the other side of the staircase that she could almost taste him. Wanted to taste him. Was powerless against the attraction that pulled her to him.

She was being stupid and cowardly. She’d dropped her bombshell and now she would have to confront Lee’s reaction to it. They had eaten dinner without continuing the discussion about her commitment. Had also eaten without tasting much of anything. But she knew once she went out, she would be starting the course to the final parting. The roads would be cleared by tomorrow, the next day at the latest, and this time when they parted, Allison knew it would be for good.

She took a deep breath and steeled her resolve. Surely even that would be better than this awful limbo they were living in.

Lee looked up the minute she stepped into the living room. “Come here.”

She did, to sit beside him, trying to soak in the sense of him, the feel of him, and wondering how empty her world would be without him.

He put his arm around her, pulled her close. But for once, they didn’t drop everything and go at each other like two randy teenagers. They were at a crossroads and they both knew it.

She rested her head on his shoulder. Felt his heart beating beneath his sweatshirt. Felt every contour of him, the heat of him, the smell of him, and thought her heart would break.

They sat looking at the fire, together as they should be, and both helpless to make it happen.

When they finally went to bed, they made slow and attentive love. Each moment bringing them closer to the time when they would part for good. Allison lay awake for a long time afterward. She knew Lee was awake, too. But they didn’t talk and at last she fell asleep.

It seemed like only minutes had passed when Allison felt herself being shaken. She pried her eyes open to find Lee hovered over her.

“Wha-a-t,” she said on a yawn.

“It snowed again.”

Was that a hint of excitement in his voice? She blinked up at him.

He was smiling. “Another foot at least.”

Which meant no driving down the mountain today. She could shout for joy. She tried not to smile. Failed miserably. “You don’t mind?”

He trailed his hand down her shoulder and slid it underneath the covers, cradled her breast. “Not at the moment,” he said and climbed in beside her.

She shouldn’t feel so relieved. Neither should he. But she turned into him, felt his erection against her hip, and thought, this is the way it’s supposed to be.

Lee nibbled her ear, her neck. His hands moved down her back, setting her skin on fire. And she was ready for him, instantly, as always.

He eased her onto her back. His mouth moved to her breast, then to the other. He kissed a line down her midsection, pulling the covers with him and leaving the air to caress her wet nipples.

She lifted into his mouth. Shuddered when his tongue flicked the sensitive skin between her legs. And she gave herself up to the heat that he drew from her. He licked and sucked, teased and caressed, until she burst into flame. He pushed her knees farther apart until his tongue could push inside her, then came back to claim her again. When she began to splinter he released her, pushed his body up hers and rammed his cock into her.

She climaxed around him, called out his name as her own name echoed in her ears. They came together, hovered for a breath-stopping eternity, then collapsed into a heap.

“Merry Christmas,” said Lee. He shivered and pulled the comforter over them.

It was Christmas. They’d actually managed to make it to Christmas. Together. She snuggled against him, just as a loud, insistent knocking split the air.

Lee started. Then groaned.

“What’s that?” asked Allison.

Lee rolled to his feet. “My best guess? Santa’s here.” He reached for his jeans, yanked them on and headed downstairs.

When he returned several minutes later, he wasn’t carrying presents or good cheer. He was frowning and he looked pale and worried. He went straight to his duffel bag and began pulling out clothes.

“What’s the matter? Who was it? Where are you going?”

“It was Chris. Jamie and Jen are missing. The whole town is out looking for them. Chris asked me to help.”

“Jamie? Jen? Cal’s kids?” Allison pushed back the comforter. “They’re probably just out playing in the snow.”

“No one’s seen them.” Lee pulled on two pairs of socks. “And with the new snowfall—” He looked at her with worried eyes. “Chris says that with all the new snow the hills are unstable, they could, they could…I have to go.”

“I’ll come, too. Just let me get dressed.”

“Too dangerous. I’ll let you know as soon as we find them.”

The “if” he hadn’t said was palpable in the air.

Allison began throwing on clothes.

“No,” said Lee. “You wouldn’t last two seconds out there in those rhinestone boots.” And he was gone.

The hell she wouldn’t.

She dressed quickly. Ran downstairs, but Lee was already gone. And so were his two cameras.

Trying not to think that Lee might actually be out there to take pictures of the rescue, she threw on her coat, hat and gloves. She shoved her feet into her rhinestone boots. They were pretty stiff already and the lovely blue color had turned to muddy gray. But they would do the job and so would she.