A Walk in the Snark (21 page)
Regardless of their financial situation, that’s class right there—the tools who buy their cheap cigarettes, generic beer, and cat food on sale while cursing me out.
Now multiply that times an eight-hour day.
Times a forty-hour workweek.
Times twenty years.
Times Cat Lady.
And
that’s
why I got my college degree.
***
EPILOGUE
So you’ve come to the end of my little journey.
I hope you enjoyed your time here. I know I’ve had fun—it’s been a wild few years, with all the ups and downs and such. But what I meant was, I’ve been over here in the corner waiting for you to finish and I’m already on my second martini and I still can’t match up all the damn socks, so can you hurry up and let me know what you think already?
’Kay, thanks.
Oh, and I’m hard at work on my personal Mancode book, where I really dig deep into surviving eighteen years of marriage, parenthood, and ya know, being a chick in a man’s world. Hey, it’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta drink all this coffee and vodka, and write all the good stuff down. If not a pale, green-eyed redhead in the land of tall plastic blondes, then who?
(So, yeah, I meant me…)
Meanwhile, keep visiting me on my
blog
, Twitter:
@RachelintheOC
, Facebook:
RachelintheOC
, and the Indie Book Collective:
@IndieBookIBC
on Twitter and our sites:
indiebookcollective.com
and
indiebookcollective.wordpress.com
, where I help teach writers how to use social media.
Thanks for your time with me.
Now go share me with everyone you know. Wait, that sounds funny.
Aw, who cares? Now, go.
***
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
“
I’m not snarky. I’m just holding it for a friend.”
When I started writing my little blog way back in November 2008, I did it to keep my sanity as a stay-at-home mom with a swirling head full of ideas and too much Spongebob. I had no idea that people would even read it, let alone embrace me the way they have!
Twitter has been an incredible addition to my life: I’ve met amazing friends, writers, and mentors. Thank you to all of my interactive and amazing Tweeps.
With the success of my Mancode, Chickspeak, and even some of my more serious pieces, I couldn’t be more grateful or humbled by the response, interest and love from all my readers. Without you, there would be no reason to keep writing, so thank you.
Thank you to the incredible whirlwind that is Carolyn McCray, my business partner and mentor. I’m not sure how she found me (“You can’t teach funny,” is her mantra so I guess I passed her test) but I thank my lucky stars every day that she did. This book would not be in your hands (or e-reader) without her amazing guidance, vision, and suggestion in the first place.
Carrie Smoot, editor extraordinaire, who took on my project and made it the best it could be. You are amazing. I cannot even begin to thank you.
Jessica Swift, editor and publishing consultant, who gave me invaluable insights about how to transform blog posts and original material into an actual book.
Graphic artist Jolene Coleman who worked diligently to capture “bad redhead” on the cover and did it beautifully. I thank you.
Formatting services were provided by Toni Rakestraw at
rakestrawbookdesign.com
, without whom you'd find me in a corner babbling to myself about symbols, indents, spacing and fonts.
Amber Scott, talented author, coworker and friend. Your suggestions and advice are invaluable. Thank you for your encouragement. And chocolate.
Friends Ashle Parson, Julie Rodriguez, Tracy and Eric Hartman, Denise Railey, Judy Clement-Wall, Cristina Lawrence, Amber Scott, LM Stull, Kait Nolan, Jeanette Joy, Ray Beckerman, Sean Gardener, Ryne Douglas Pearson, and Daniel Audet thank you for your support, advice, and help. I listened.
My beta readers for your invaluable early reviews, advice, and suggestions.
My best friends Judy Tognetti and Karen Finerman, who know me better than I know myself and who both speak Prada.
My folks, Jerry and Linda Carsman, who always knew they had a writer on their hands, not even blinking way back when I asked for a desk, paper and sharp pencils at age ten when most girls want dolls or clothes.
Sisters Caren and Leslie, my mentors and feisty best friends, always strong female role models and continuous sources of love and laughter. Brother Christopher, I’m honored by your humor and love. Niece Sarah, who hooked me into Twitter in the first place, I’m in awe of your grace and beauty.
My children, Lukas and Anya, for your unconditional love, patience, joy, soft cheeks, and overall preciousness. Despite your lack of any and all housekeeping skills, Mommy loves you. (Note to self: put plan in place to get kids up to speed on cleaning rooms for next book.)
And lastly, my love, JP. Patient, generous, handy, good at shoe math, my VOR (voice of reason), and
funny
. This man gets me. Which is a good thing, given my subject matter and the fact that
you can’t teach funny
. Here’s to eighteen more years, baby.
And of course, to D, who read some of my work before he, um, left and encouraged this “wordsmith” to write her damn book already. Thanks, babe.
***
A Walk In The Snark:
The Best Of RachelintheOC
Rachel Thompson
Copyright Rachel Thompson 2011
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
***
TABLE OF CONTENTS
“
I think, “I could use a vodka martini right about now;” therefore I am.”
About the Author
Introduction to Men vs. Women
SECTION 1 - MEN VS. WOMEN: DECONSTRUCTED
Men are from Seinfeld, Women are from Friends
I’m Tired, Deconstructed
You Look Fine—Let’s Go
Introduction
He Loved Me That Much
Don’t Make Me Get Out My Dictionary
I’m Fine, Deconstructed
Chick Time, Deconstructed
Chick Lists
Dude. Ten O’Clock. Check It Out
Tied
Shopping Is NOT A Verb
Stupid Pants Syndrome
Days of the Week, Deconstructed
Near-Sighted
SECTI
ON 2 - MEN VS. WOMEN: MARRIAGE
M.A.N. Disease
I Speak Wolf
Closet Space
Paper Towel Wars
The Difficult Kind
Cold Feet
Pigskin, Prada, and Prime Beef, Oh My
Universal Remote
Man of the er, House
Where do YOU Want to Go for Dinner?
More Power
Last Train Home
Rock, Paper, Scissors
SECTION 3 - MEN VS. WOMEN: KIDS/PARENTING
Mommy’s School of Rock
The Toy Emporium of Wonder and Temptation
The Best Hugs
The Moment
The Needs of the Many
Pay Attention
Boobs and Coffeemakers
Treasures
Contact
SECTION 4 - MEN VS. WOMEN: THE WORKPLACE
We Are Not Them
Just Call Me Wimpy
Damage
The Perfect Body
Where Food Goes to Die
Cat Lady
***
Other Titles by Rachel Thompson
Dollars & Sense
Taking a Blog to a Book
Many of you already have a blog. Maybe you even have a large readership already. Maybe, just maybe, your readers are asking when you will have a book come out.
I know. This is what happened to me. I started small, just blogging about my daily life, and then I started writing a few blogs that had a little bit of bite. My first foray into snark.
I quickly realized that the more I took a witty look at my life rather than just reporting on my day, the more blog hits I accumulated, and the more people subscribed to my blog.
Then I met Carolyn, and she taught me how to really use Twitter to drive traffic to my blog. Those techniques and more that the IBC has developed will be discussed in the next section.
There, I developed my brand (now that I knew what one was) and created, “The Mancode” (like why men must have meat in large quantities for football games). My blog hits blew up, and soon I was fielding the question, “Why don’t you write a book?” nearly every day.
But how to do so? Blogging is such a short and unique writing format. Could I transform my extremely successful blog topics into a book? And more importantly, would anyone buy such a book?
Luckily, the answer to both questions was a resounding YES.
So whether you blog about your family, recipes, or even serial killers, if you have a larger readership, especially a readership who is asking for more and more of your writing, going from blog-to-book may be for you.
In this chapter, we are going to cover the topics…
•
Is a blog-to-book even feasible in the marketplace?
•
How do you know that you have enough material to convert your blog into a book?
•
How do you make this book worth the purchase price, given that your blog is out there for free?
•
How is a blog-to-book structured?
•
What is the editing process for a blog-to-book?
•
What about my title and cover art?
•
Marketing your blog-to-book.
Is a blog-to-book even feasible in the marketplace?
One of the most famous blogs-to-books was written by Heather B. Armstrong, known the world over as @Dooce. She has built up an incredible following (several million) on her blog as a sarcastic, raw, honest mother-writer (though when she started her blog, she was actually single) and by the time her first memoir was released, it shot up to the top of the
New York Times
best seller list within days of its release. She now has a second book out and a show on HGTV.