A Walk Through Fire (29 page)

Keith leaned over and murmured in Jordan’s ear. Whatever he said turned the tide as Jordan relaxed into Keith’s embrace. “I’ll accept it, but I don’t have to like it. However”—he put up his hand—“I won’t sabotage you, Davis. My concern is Drew. If you hurt him, you’d better disappear before I find you.” He stalked off.

At that moment Peter and his wife walked in, and the tension in the room eased as they greeted his grandmother. Ash left their group to greet his friends, and Drew followed his progress across the room.

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

No use in hiding the truth, as Drew never could lie to save his life. Keith’s curious question brought a smile to Drew’s lips.

“Yeah. You all don’t know him because you only see his public face. There’s so much more to him that you can’t imagine, but it isn’t my story to tell.”

“You’re in love with him.”

Drew stiffened as Keith’s voice drifted past his ear. “Are you planning on giving me as hard a time as Jordan? If so, then please don’t say anything else.”

“No. But let me give you a piece of advice.”

Drew faced him. “Yes?”

“Don’t wait for the right time or a special moment, if that’s what you’re doing. Believe me, I know better than anyone, being a cop. I could leave one morning and never come home.” For a moment wetness glimmered in his eyes. “The regrets some people live with are crushing. It may sound clichéd, but I don’t ever take what I have with Jordan for granted, because I know how easily it can all disappear.” With that, Keith left Drew’s side and slipped his arms around Jordan’s waist, kissing the top of his head.

Tonight, Drew thought.

By this time, Rachel and Mike had joined him. “I know you say you’re together now, but you were never interested in men before, D. And, your willingness to throw away a lifetime of friendship isn’t the brother I’ve known all my life. Since you met Ash, you’re like a different person. I still don’t understand.” The confusion and concern in Rachel’s face clouded her eyes and caused a furrow in her normally smooth brow. “And don’t think I’m still not concerned about Ash’s reputation. I kind of get where Jordan’s coming from.”

“Will you excuse us, please?” Drew took his sister’s arm and steered her toward his bedroom, where he sat on the bed and indicated she should do the same. He rubbed his hands on his thighs, warming himself up for this talk. He looked into her face and realized how proud he was of her. She’d been so young when their parents died and took it so hard. To know she’d come through her darkness, a strong secure woman, with so much love to give and receive, was all the knowledge he needed to decide his own life had been put on hold long enough.

“Sweetie, you know we’ve never been ones to place a label on anyone. When you experimented in college and introduced me to your girlfriend, I didn’t care. As long as you were happy.”

Rachel’s lip curved in a small smile. “Yeah, Samantha was fun to be with, but we never took it seriously. It was about finding our way, and sex was a part of it.”

One thing Drew had been curious about. “Have you told Mike you were with a woman for a few months?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah. And typical man, he got all excited and wanted to know if we’d taken any pictures. Honestly, sometimes you men are such pigs.” She laughed, but the nervous winding of her necklace around her fingers told Drew she still had concerns.

“Good, because you don’t want secrets. Ash and I don’t have secrets either. He knows me, Rachey. Really knows me. I think he knows me better than I know myself.”

“But when did you realize you were gay?” Her color rose. “You’re obviously sleeping with each other, but you’ve never done that with a guy before. Right?” Her green eyes held his, but there was no condemnation in her regard. Merely curiosity and love.

“I don’t think I could be with any other man. It’s him. There is something about him that brings me peace and a sense of calm. I’m no longer lonely.”

“Was it that bad, D?”

“Yeah. It was.” He pushed the hair away from his face. “You see, I blamed myself for Mom and Dad’s death. If I hadn’t been such a baby, so afraid of the loneliness, I wouldn’t have needed them to come up that weekend to hold my hand and tell me everything would be all right. They died because I was afraid to live my life. For years afterward, I let Jordan and you guys push me in whatever direction you thought was right for me, without ever questioning what I wanted.”

Tears trickled down her cheeks. “I didn’t mean to do it. It’s only because I love you and want the best for you.”

With the pad of his thumb, he swiped at her cheeks. “I know, sweetie. And the one time I asserted myself was marrying Jackie, and look where that got me.”

She sniffled but smiled through her tears. “Yeah. It found you Ash. You know I’m a great believer in fate. Maybe you needed that mistake to lead you in the direction you were always meant to be.”

He kissed the tip of her nose. God, he loved her. Every day was such a precious gift. He couldn’t imagine life without her. “I love you, Rach. And maybe you’re right, but I’m still finding my way.”

“Well, if you want my opinion—”

He clapped a hand over her mouth. “I know you mean well, but it’s time now for me to live my life with all the bumps and bruises that come along with it. Do you understand?”

Before she had a chance to answer, the sound of a throat clearing broke the anticipatory silence. When he glanced toward the door, a smile broke out across his face. “Hi.”

Ash leaned his long torso against the door frame, and although to the average bystander he might seem relaxed, Drew knew better. Those broad shoulders strained tense and tight against his shirt, while those silvery eyes glittered as they flickered to the bed and then back to light on his face. Heat suffused Drew’s body as he remembered how he’d been awakened this morning; then he frowned. For God’s sake, his little sister was in the room. He couldn’t have depraved thoughts while she sat in front of him, staring at him with a smile in her bright green eyes.

“I didn’t see you for a while and wondered if everything was okay.” Ash’s gaze settled on Rachel. “I’ll leave you two.” He turned to go.

“No, please.” Rachel jumped up and gave Drew a quick hug. “We’re finished, and I’m leaving.” When she passed Ash in the doorway, she stood on her tiptoes and brushed her lips to his cheek. “He’s all yours.”

Rachel disappeared down the hallway, but Drew only had eyes for Ash.

It didn’t come to him like a big bang, with the proverbial trumpets blaring. Ironically, the quiet intensity of it made it so much more real and potent. His chest ached, and his heart raced. Every hair on his body rose and quivered, his skin prickling at the mere thought of Ash’s touch. He
longed
for this man. Never in a million years had he thought another person could turn him inside out so the absolute rawness of his feelings lay right at the surface.

And the fact that he was drawn to a man? Irrelevant. The strength of that hard body coupled with the softness of Ash’s touch nearly had him whimpering out loud with repressed desire.

He loved him.

Tonight, he’d tell him. Tell this wonderfully complex man, who was brave yet fearful, honest yet still so hurt and hidden, that he loved him with all his heart.

Drew held out his hand. “I’m glad you came to find me. It’s nice to have a moment of time together, without all the negative judgment surrounding me.”

Ash pulled Drew into his chest, and Drew sank into the embrace, resting his chin on Ash’s muscular shoulder, while their hips and groins nestled together in a familiar position. Nothing gave him peace and contentment like being held in Ash’s arms.

“Is everything all right with you and Rachel? Is she okay with us?” Ash’s hands massaged Drew’s back in a soothing circular motion.

He smiled against Ash’s shoulder. “Yeah. She is. I think it’s all going to be fine.”

A brief press of lips against the top of his head and then Ash stepped away. “I think we should go back.” His normally unruffled voice sounded ragged and harsh. “People want to talk to you.”

Bemused, Drew nodded but slipped his hand into Ash’s and tugged. “Together, right?”

“Yes. Of course.”

They walked back into the living room, and he found himself surrounded by his friends. Peter and his wife were there, as well as Ryder Daniels and his husband, Jason Mallory. The couple had only married a month or so ago. They’d brought along Conner Halstead, who, as a Legal Aid attorney, had become an invaluable resource to them in navigating the convoluted mess of the child welfare system. Conner’s wife Emily had recently given birth to their first child and chose to stay home.

Drew returned to his grandmother’s side and found her in an earnest conversation with Jordan. Upon his approach, Jordan’s expression closed down, returning once again to an impenetrable icy shield.

Rachel tapped a glass filled with sparkling champagne. “Quiet, everyone.” She raised the glass in a toast. “To my darling brother, Drew, whom I love with all my heart.” She hugged him tight. “I hope you have your heart’s desire. I love you so much.”

Drew squeezed her close. “I love you, baby girl,” he whispered into her hair, loving her clean, fresh scent. “I’m working on it.”

He hugged her hard. After filling a flute with the golden bubbles, he raised his glass in a toast.

“Thank you to all who helped me through this, no matter how big or small a part you played. You must know how invaluable you’ve been to my psyche. Whatever’s left of it.”

Everyone laughed, and then he continued. “An extra-special thanks to my family, who stood by me from the beginning to now, the way families should, whether or not they agree with what I did.” He raised his glass. “To family.”

“To family,” everyone shouted.

Drew had finished his glass of champagne when there was a loud crash, then the sound of breaking glass from the far window of the living room. Rachel and Lisa screamed while his grandmother looked about, a confused expression on her lined face.

On the floor of the living room was a large brick with a paper tied to it. Keith raced over to where the brick landed. “Drew, do you have any plastic gloves and a clear plastic bag?”

Drew ran to the kitchen and opened the doors under the sink. He always kept a supply of gloves for cleaning the litter box, so he grabbed a pair, then sprinted back to the living room and handed them to Keith. The detective pulled them on and slipped the note out from the twine.

They all crowded around Keith to read over his shoulder. Drew saw the bold black letters, and his blood ran cold.

Next time the old lady won’t be so lucky. Close down that faggot clinic.

They all stared at each other. Keith slid the note into the bag and handed it to Drew. “Take this and call 911. Tell them what happened and that I’m here at the scene, off-duty but with my weapon.” He then pulled out his service revolver and motioned everyone away from the window.

Drew made the call and returned to the living room. Keith had instructed them to stay away from the window, then went downstairs to meet the police officers. Red lights flashed against his windows from the street, and Drew could tell the police cruiser had arrived. After about twenty minutes Keith came back upstairs, stone-faced and in full police mode.

“Drew, have you had any threats at the clinic before?” Keith had his little black notebook with him, and his laser sharp eyes never wavered from Drew’s face.

“No. Never. Everyone in the neighborhood has been so supportive.” There had to be something else. He remembered when his grandmother was hospitalized and the two young men who pretended to help her with gardening but shoved her around. “What about the two kids who pushed her around the night she fell ill? You know Stevie’s foster brothers have hassled him about working at the clinic with me.”

Keith’s brows rose. “And we know their penchant for violence. It’s a good place to start. I’ll talk to them tomorrow and then take Esther to the station and have her look at some pictures. I wanted to wait until she was stronger, but I think we have to move fast on this.”

Drew’s lips tightened. “Don’t let her stay too long. She won’t admit it, but she still gets tired.”

Keith patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, D. She’s special to me too. To all of us.”

Drew smiled briefly, and then he searched the room until he found Nana sitting with Ash and Rachel. His heart squeezed.

His family. He’d do anything to protect them.

Chapter Twenty-Five

“Esther, are you well? Would you like a drink of water?” Ash knelt at her side, worry gnawing away at his stomach. Nothing could happen to her. Nothing.

“I’m fine, Asher. Really. Why is everyone hovering around me?” Her lips thinned as her eyes narrowed with irritation. “I’m sure it was some neighborhood kids. They do these things all the time. What they need is strong family guidance and a place where they can play or read.”

Her naïveté was sweet, but Ash knew this was something more. For some reason, Drew was being targeted. If it was only the brick, maybe it wouldn’t have raised his warning flag, but the fact that there was a note scared him. They’d already had one close call with Esther.

“I’m sure you’re right.” He stood and kissed her cheek, and he and Rachel exchanged knowing looks. With a brief nod, he threaded his way around the groups of people standing about. The two police officers were taking statements from everyone and were in the process of interviewing Drew, so he joined Peter and his wife, Lisa, as they waited their turn.

“Hi, you two.” He kissed Lisa’s cheek. “Sorry for the extra entertainment this evening.”

“Oh, Ash, what’s happening? I heard that the note mentioned the clinic. Are you in any kind of danger?” Her green eyes clouded with worry, and she gripped his arm.

Even after all these years, he couldn’t stand being touched by people, even if he knew them as well as Lisa. He stiffened and gently shook her off, hoping he didn’t offend her. “I don’t really know, but yes, it’s meant as some sort of intimidation against the clinic.” The worry wasn’t for himself. He didn’t spend as much time at the clinic as Drew or Rachel did, or the kids who volunteered. They were easy targets for this kind of hate crime. The thought of something happening to Drew kicked his adrenaline into high gear. Spots danced before his eyes, his vision grayed, and a roaring sounded in his ears.