A Weekend with Mr. Darcy (21 page)

‘I know you were. And I can never thank you enough for that. You were my very best friend.'

‘Some way to treat your best friend,' he said.

‘I can't marry you out of gratitude!' she said, finally getting angry. ‘Can't you see that would never work?'

‘There's someone else, isn't there?' he said, his face flooding with sudden colour.

‘There isn't anybody else,' Robyn said, trying desperately hard not to complicate things even more. ‘This is about you and me.'

‘Is it that bloody horse guy? 'Cause if it is, I'll sort him out.' Jace was on his feet and heading for the door.

‘You're not listening to me, Jace! It's got nothing to do with him or anybody else.'

Jace stopped and turned around.

‘I just don't love you,' she said.

There was a dreadful moment of silence and Robyn watched as Jace closed his eyes. He finally seemed to be listening to her.

Katherine couldn't manage much for breakfast. It was always the same before giving a talk—nerves always got the better of her. She'd be able to eat like a pig afterwards, but nothing more than a cup of tea was manageable beforehand.

‘I was half expecting to see a horse in here this morning,' Doris Norris said with a chuckle as she entered the dining room.

Rose and Roberta followed her in.

‘Well somebody has done a very good job cleaning up after him,' Rose said.

‘Thank goodness,' Roberta said. ‘We wouldn't want to smell that whilst having our scrambled eggs.'

‘How is the bride-to-be this morning?' Rose asked Katherine as she sat down next to her.

‘I haven't seen her yet,' Katherine said, hoping Robyn was all right and wondering what had become of Jace.

‘I bet she has that wonderful bloom of young love,' Rose said wistfully.

Katherine didn't respond and Rose instantly picked up on it.

‘You don't think so, Dr Roberts?'

Katherine pushed her spoon around her cup of coffee. ‘I think she has a lot to sort out,' she said.

‘You don't think our dear Robyn's happy?' Rose's sweet face creased with concern. ‘But she said yes.'

‘So did Princess Diana,' Katherine said, and got up from the table to end the interrogation.

She returned to her room for a quick tidy up, wondering if she should knock on Robyn's door to see if she was okay. But perhaps that wasn't a good idea. If it were Katherine, she'd want some space to work things out in her own time without the interruption of well-meaning strangers. Instead, she focused on what she always did before a talk. Not having a last-minute look at the notes as some speakers might do, oh, no. There was only one thing to read at a time like this—one perfect passage of prose that never failed to work its magic on her and help her remember that the world was a beautiful place and why her specialised subject was the work of Jane Austen, and that was her favourite passage from
Persuasion
: Captain Wentworth's letter to Anne.

‘You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope.'

Ah, Katherine thought, Mr Darcy might well claim nine out of ten readers' hearts, but one mustn't forget the deep passion of Captain Wentworth.

‘I have loved none but you… You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone I think and plan.'

Katherine loved that! This was Austen at her romantic best and Katherine adored Anne's response.

‘Such a letter was not to be soon recovered from.'

This was the sort of stuff to stir even the wintriest of hearts and although Katherine needed to calm herself before a public talk, this heartfelt scene was irresistible and gave her both peace and optimism.

***

In the West Drawing Room, Robyn was in desperate need of soothing in the form of Jane Austen, but there was one last scene to endure before she could escape to the safety of the books in her room.

‘I think it's best if you go,' she said, wishing Jace would move away from the door so she could make a run for it.

He nodded slowly and relief flooded her at how well he was taking everything.

‘How are you going to get home?' he asked.

‘Oh, I brought my train ticket with me.'

‘Just in case you broke up with me?' he said, his tiny smile telling her he wasn't going to put up a fight.

‘I didn't plan this, Jace.'

‘I know,' he said.

There was an awkward moment when neither of them knew what to say. They'd been together for many years and now it was ending. What
did
one say in such a situation?

‘I guess I'll see you around,' he said at last.

‘I'm sure you will,' Robyn said and watched as Jace nodded. He didn't look very happy, but at least he was looking more resigned.

‘Wait here whilst I get the ring,' Robyn suddenly said.

Jace shook his head. ‘Keep it.'

‘No, it wouldn't be right.'

‘Keep the ring, Robyn. It's yours.'

She picked up his hand and squeezed it gently. ‘Thank you,' she said and then leant forward and kissed his cheek.

While she headed for the stairs, she thought how lucky she was that she'd managed to get away without a far bigger scene. Maybe they'd all been played out over the last couple of days and there was no more drama left in Jace.

‘And thank goodness for that,' she said to herself as she began to climb the stairs, not daring to look back down.

‘Robyn—wait!'

Robyn froze halfway up the stairs.

‘I can't,' he said, and she turned around to face him. ‘I can't just let you go like this.'

There were a few people walking down the stairs to get ready for the talk and a few more leaving the dining room after breakfast. Robyn had to get rid of Jace. She couldn't risk another scene so she let him approach her.

‘You've got to go, Jace. It's over. Please, you've got to see that.'

‘Give me one more chance,' he said. ‘Just one more.'

Robyn shook her head.

‘
Please!'

She was heading back up the stairs again but this time, Jace followed her and people were starting to look. They recognised him, didn't they? And they were no doubt expecting to be entertained once more.

‘Jace, you've got to accept that things are over,' she said.

‘But all the years I've been with you—you can't just throw them all away.'

‘But you weren't with me,' Robyn said. ‘You were still living with your mother.'

His eyes narrowed at her comment. ‘Is that what this is about—me living at home? Well, that's going to change, isn't it? As soon as we're married, we'll be together. You'll see! Everything will be different then.'

‘You're not listening to me! I'm not going to marry you,' she said. ‘And I can't miss any more of the conference talking about it.'

‘Robyn—
please
,' he said and his eyes filled with tears. ‘Forget about this conference for one second and think about
us
. All you ever think about is bloody Jane Austen. How come I always have to play second fiddle to fiction? I'm fed up of it. It's not right.'

A torrent of emotions was building in Robyn and she knew that she could no longer remain silent.

‘You just don't get it, do you? And you never have. That's one of the problems here! You can't see that this conference is part of who I am. And my books too and all the film adaptations you hate so much. How could you ever think we could live together when you don't get that? You've never understood it, have you? And you've done everything you can to make me feel guilty. But I can't change. I am who I am, and Jane Austen is as much a part of me as the blood that pumps through my body. Her words are my life and I can't be with somebody who doesn't understand that. I just can't.'

Jace looked a little thunderstruck at her words as if he knew that he was the one who was going to have to back down on the point. ‘But I can change,' he said, running a hand through his hair in desperation.

‘No, you can't,' she said, ‘and I wouldn't ever ask you to because that's not fair. We're just two very different people who don't belong together anymore. You must see that!'

They were silent for a moment and Robyn noticed that Jace's eyes had filled with tears and her own were vibrating with them too. She reached up and touched his face. ‘Please,' she said, and he looked at her, his eyes so big that it almost hurt her to look at them.

‘I can't bear it, Robbie.' His voice cracked as he called her by her nickname.

Robyn took his hands in hers and squeezed them. ‘We've got to move on,' she said. ‘This isn't good for us anymore.'

‘But I won't ever see you again, will I?' he said in a voice that was barely audible.

‘Of course you will,' Robyn said.

He shook his head. ‘You'll meet someone else. I know you will.'

‘You will too,' she said, ‘but that doesn't mean we can't still be friends. Really good friends.'

‘It won't be the same,' he said.

‘No, it won't be.'

They were absolutely still for a few moments, their hands still interlaced and their foreheads almost touching. The people who had been watching the scene from the bottom of the stairs turned away as if they knew they were intruding on a very private scene.

Robyn let go of Jace's hands and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she saw that Jace was walking down the stairs.

‘Jace!' she called, running after him.

He stopped and turned to look at her.

‘Are you okay?' she asked.

He took a deep breath and sighed it out. ‘I want you to be happy. I really do,' he said, ‘and if I can't make you happy then we shouldn't be together.' He sounded calmer, as if all his fight had drained out of him.

‘But we
can
still be friends, can't we?' Robyn said.

Jace nodded. ‘I'd like that,' he said, and he gave the tiniest of smiles before crossing the hall.

As Robyn watched him go, she felt tremendously sad as if a little part of her had left along with Jace. She'd done most of her growing up with him—they'd been at school together, they got their first jobs together, and he was there when she left home; it was strange to think that their time together had come to an end.

When she felt a hand give her shoulder a gentle squeeze, she knew who it would be.

‘Are you all right, my dear?'

Robyn turned around to face Dame Pamela. She produced a beautifully embroidered handkerchief for Robyn, who dabbed her eyes with it. She would have liked to have trumpeted into it too, but it was far too fine a handkerchief for that sort of abuse.

‘I'm so sorry, Dame Pamela,' she said. ‘I'm doing nothing but causing scenes this weekend.'

‘Nonsense, my dear. It's not your fault. Now, come along with me.'

She led Robyn back upstairs and took her to her special library. It was a little early in the day for brandy, Robyn thought, but that wasn't the plan.

‘Why don't you have a little rest here?' she said, motioning to the chaise lounge on which Robyn had sat the night before. ‘I always find this room so calming and—believe me—there've been many times when it's been my refuge. Just take as long as you like. I'm going to go down to Dr Roberts's talk, but I'll be back up later. I'll get Higgins to bring you a cup of tea and some breakfast. I bet you didn't have yours this morning, am I right?'

Robyn gave a sniff and nodded. ‘Thank you,' she said and watched as Dame Pamela left, finally allowing her tears to flow freely as soon as the older woman was out of the room.

If only Jace had left and not followed her upstairs. She'd never forget that awful haunted look on his face and she couldn't help remembering Jace's accusation that he'd always played second fiddle to fiction.

Robyn closed her eyes. It was true, wasn't it? There were few people who knew her as well as Jace did. Was it normal to fixate on novels so much? Was it normal to spend so many hours of one's life thinking about fictional characters? The conference she was attending told her that hers wasn't the only head spent thrust in a book for a goodly proportion of one's life, but that fact wasn't necessarily a comfort. Maybe it was a symptom of something more sinister.

‘Like I don't have a life of my own,' she said.

But she did. She had her little cottage. Okay so it was rented, but she'd have her own one day soon. She had a job. So what if it wasn't really fulfilling and she spent most of her time watching the hands of the clock crawl around? She could always find another one. And she had her chickens.

‘Oh, dear,' Robyn whispered. She was an old maid with a yard full of chickens. Perhaps she shouldn't have been as proud as Lizzy Bennet. Perhaps she should have been sensible like Charlotte Lucas and resigned herself to becoming Mrs Collins.

As she was brooding on her spinsterhood, Higgins the butler came in and placed her second breakfast tray in front of her.

‘Thank you so much,' she said. ‘I'm sorry to be so much bother.'

‘Is there anything else I can get for you, miss?' Higgins asked.

‘Oh, no thank you,' she said.

He seemed to hesitate a moment. ‘A tissue, perhaps?'

Robyn blinked and suddenly realised that she must, indeed, look a sight. ‘Oh, yes. Yes, please.'

He left the room and came back with a bumper box of tissues and as soon as he was out of earshot, Robyn was able to have a good trumpet at last.

Katherine was giving her talk in the library and chairs had been set out in neat rows. She walked up and down the beautiful room trying to pace out her nerves. No matter how many times she gave a talk, she always got nervous because each talk and each audience was different and there was no telling how it was going to go.

In one hour, this will all be over
, she told herself.

‘You all right?' Warwick asked her.

She hadn't seen him enter the room and she beamed him a smile as he approached her. ‘I'm fine,' she said.

He gave her arm a quick squeeze before anyone saw.

‘Did you hear about Robyn and her fiancé? Ex-fiancé, I should say,' Warwick said.

‘No. What happened?'

Warwick told Katherine about the scene on the stairs. ‘Mrs Soames told me. Sounds like she had a front-row seat.'

Katherine frowned. ‘I wouldn't be a bit surprised. Speaking of front-row seats, I'm betting she'll bag one of these ones.'

‘Don't mind if I get one too?' Warwick asked.

‘As long as you don't heckle.'

Sure enough, as the room began to fill, in walked Mrs Soames, plonking her considerable bottom on the seat right next to Warwick. He rose an eyebrow and Katherine rolled her eyes heavenwards at his misfortune.

It was almost time to begin and as everyone made themselves comfortable, clearing throats and rustling clothing and bags, Dame Pamela entered the room and the accompanying round of applause filled the air.

‘Hello, my dear,' she said to Katherine. ‘How are you?'

Katherine exchanged air kisses with the dame and then stood to one side, allowing herself to be introduced.

‘Dr Katherine Roberts is a lecturer at St Bridget's College in Oxford and is an expert on the life and works of Jane Austen. She's spoken at our conference in the past and it always gives me great pleasure to welcome her.' Dame Pamela led the applause and Katherine began her talk.

‘“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a fortune must be…”' she stopped, gesturing to the audience to finish the famous opening sentence of
Pride and Prejudice
.

‘“In want of a wife,”' the audience chimed, their faces smiling. Well, apart from Mrs Soames, who wasn't looking impressed by Katherine's opening.

‘Yes, “In want of a wife,”' Katherine continued undeterred. ‘And it's the importance of marriage in Jane Austen's novels that we're going to explore this morning.'

***

Robyn surprised herself by how much she was able to eat and with each mouthful, she began to feel a little more human again. Her tears had dried and she hoped that her face had returned to relative normality again. She hoped she had cried all she was going to cry over Jace. It wasn't that she was hardhearted—far from it—it was just that she'd known this day was coming for some time and had been carrying the weight of it with her. Now it was over and she felt a strange kind of lightness. She wouldn't have to see him again. She wouldn't have to worry about leaving her films playing on the TV and risking his foot flying through the set. She could leave her precious books lying around without worrying that they'd be spoiled. In short, she could be herself.

She took a last sip of sweet tea before getting up from the chaise lounge. She really should think about getting back to her room to tidy herself up and trying to catch some of Katherine's talk.

It was then that something caught her eye. One of the bookshelves wasn't quite flush. There was a definite gap behind it. Robyn stared at it for a moment and then realised what she was looking at.

‘It's a secret door!'

Curiosity got the better of her, and she went to investigate. It was one of those doors that was also a shelf filled with books, and the thrilling thing about it was where it led.

Robyn dared to push it open a fraction and saw a light-filled room at the centre of which stood a large oak desk strewn with papers.

It's an office, Robyn thought, Dame Pamela's private office, and the sight of it made Robyn gasp because it was the most horrendously messy place she'd ever seen. There were cabinet drawers left half open, spilling their contents onto the floor, and a side table on which sat a mountain of eight-by-ten photographs of Dame Pamela. Robyn peered at them and noticed that they were covered in a fine layer of dust. There was a dark wood settle up against one of the walls, and it was heaped with envelopes. Robyn took a step towards it and examined a couple of them. They were all unopened, and it was then that Robyn remembered Dame Pamela telling her that paperwork had never been her strong suit. She wasn't kidding! The whole place looked more like a museum rather than a working office and no matter how much Robyn loathed her job at the college, her fingers itched to get to work restoring order in Dame Pamela's world and before she knew what she was doing, she sat herself at the desk and began to work.

***

Katherine was examining the difference between the marriages of Mr and Mrs Bennet to that of Mr and Mrs Gardiner in
Pride and Prejudice
when a mobile phone started to buzz from the front row. As a university lecturer, she was quite used to students interrupting her with their ever-present mobiles, and the reprimands were always severe. But it wasn't a student's mobile that was buzzing. It was Warwick's.

Katherine paused a moment as he answered it. ‘Sorry!' he mouthed to her, and she watched as he hurried out of the room.

‘Well, how rude can you get?' Mrs Soames bellowed from the front row. ‘Do continue, Dr Roberts,' she said.

Katherine bristled. She didn't need Mrs Soames's permission to continue.

***

Warwick felt terrible about having to run out of Katherine's talk, but what else could he do? Ever since his agent had left that message threatening to come to Purley, he'd been hoping she'd ring back so he could do his very best to persuade her not to come.

‘Warwick, darling! How are you? How's life at Purley?'

‘Nadia! I was in a talk!'

‘Oh, sorry, hon! Let me call you back later.'

‘No—don't go! What's all this about you coming down to Hampshire?' he said, determined to get it sorted out straightaway.

‘Yes, isn't it marvellous? My mother-in-law was coming over for lunch today, but she had to cancel. Got a rotten cold, but it's worked out in my favour because I can now come to the dance tonight,' Nadia said.

‘It's rather a long drive, isn't it?'

‘I've just got my new BMW,' she said. ‘I'll be with you in no time at all.'

Warwick scratched his head. How was he going to stop her?

‘Are you sure it's a good idea?' he said. ‘You know what you're like, Nadia—you always overdo things when there's alcohol around.' There was a pause, and he wondered if he'd overstepped the mark.

‘Oh, you are funny!' Nadia said. ‘Just because I like a little tipple now and again. I hardly ever get to let my hair down now, do I?'

‘I really don't think it's going to be any fun.'

‘Whatever makes you say that? Of course it will be fun! You're forgetting that I've been before. What's wrong with you, Warwick? You're acting strangely.'

‘Nothing's wrong. I just don't think it's worth your making the trip down here. It's a really dull crowd.'

‘No crowd's dull when Dame Pamela's about. Anyway, I promised a client that I'd have a chat with her. I've got a script she might be interested in.'

‘Can't you post it?'

‘No, I can't. I said I'd give it to the lady herself. Warwick, what
is
the matter?'

‘I've told you—nothing!'

‘Doesn't sound like nothing!' There was a pause. ‘I know what it is—you've met somebody, haven't you? Well, it's about time, I must say. You don't have enough fun!'

‘I've not met anyone,' he said, perhaps a little too quickly to sound convincing.

‘Well, I'll be leaving later this afternoon,' she said. ‘So I'll see you later, darling.'

‘Nadia—' But it was too late; his agent had hung up.

***

Robyn was about halfway through opening a mound of post and sorting it out into neat piles when she heard her name being called. It was Dame Pamela.

‘Oh,
there
you are!'

Robyn dropped the envelope she was holding and looked up in shock. ‘Dame Pamela… I… I didn't mean to touch anything.'

‘What are you doing?' Dame Pamela asked, her voice curious rather than irate, for which Robyn was heartily thankful.

‘I saw the door was open, and I couldn't resist taking a look. I'm
so
sorry. I shouldn't have just come in and made myself at home.'

‘You
do
look at home, I must say!'

Robyn shot up out of the seat. ‘I'm afraid I have this awful compulsion to tidy things.'

‘I wish I did,' Dame Pamela said. ‘But, as you can see, this is a sorry state for an office. I can't seem to hold on to my personal assistants, you see. I don't know what it is,' she said, holding her hands up to the ceiling with great theatricality. ‘If you know of anyone who wants to be stuck working for a curmudgeonly old actress in the middle of nowhere, you will let me know, won't you?'

Robyn nodded. ‘You're looking for a PA?'

Dame Pamela nodded, and then her eyes narrowed. ‘You're not looking for a job, are you? You look as if you're doing marvellously well sorting out my mess here.'

‘Oh, I have a job,' Robyn said.

‘Well, that's a very great shame, I must say,' Dame Pamela said, and the two of them left the room together.

***

Katherine was coming to the end of her talk when she saw Warwick sneak in and take a seat at the back. She wrapped things up, took some questions, and was then greeted to a round of applause and a lovely thank-you from Dame Pamela, who had also sneaked out and sneaked back in. What was going on with everyone this morning? she wondered.

She was just about to make her way towards Warwick when she felt a large hand land on her arm. It was Mrs Soames, and she wasn't looking very happy.

‘I read that book of yours,' Mrs Soames said.

‘Oh?' Katherine said, dreading what might be coming next.

‘Yes,' Mrs Soames said. ‘It was very expensive. Luckily I managed to find a copy in a charity shop, and it had a wine stain on page seventeen so I got another one pound fifty knocked off it. You must have been paid handsomely for it.'

Katherine took a deep breath. ‘Writers of academic books aren't paid very much at all,' she said. ‘And I won't have received anything from your purchase either.'

‘What do you mean? I paid three pounds for that book.'

‘And it would have all gone to the shop, not to me. Authors don't get a penny from secondhand book sales.'

Mrs Soames's mouth wrinkled unpleasantly. ‘Well, that's not my fault, is it? And you can't expect me to pay twenty pounds for a book, not when I can get it for three.'

‘Did you have any questions about the book?' Katherine asked. ‘Or was it just its price you wanted to query?'

Mrs Soames bristled and her bosom rose in annoyance before she turned around and left the room. Katherine gave a big sigh. These people were sent to try us, she thought. It was the only explanation.

‘It was a wonderful talk.
Wonderful!'
Doris Norris said, coming to see Katherine a moment later. ‘Lots of amusing moments, and I feel I've learned so much.'

‘Thank you,' Katherine said, her smile restored to her once more after the Mrs Soames encounter.

‘You young women today are simply marvellous. Careers and everything! It's wonderful. Simply wonderful!'

Katherine smiled and watched as Doris went off to talk to Rose and Roberta at the other side of the room.

And there was Warwick, coming towards her looking apologetic.

‘I'm so sorry!' he said.

Katherine's eyebrows rose. ‘If a student's phone goes off during one of my seminars, there's the severest penalty to pay,' she said, her hands on her hips in her perfect lecturer pose.

‘Please, feel free to reprimand me,' he said with a naughty grin, making Katherine smile.

‘Are you okay?' she asked as they left the room together. ‘You seem a bit jittery.'

‘Probably just need a cup of coffee,' he said.

‘Then let's go and get one.'

He nodded but there was something about him that looked different. He looked slightly out of place all of a sudden. Probably something to do with that phone call, she thought. He really was a man of mystery, wasn't he?

As soon as the thought entered Katherine's head, it occurred to her—not for the first time—just how little she really knew about him.