A Woman Lost (24 page)

“Are you serious?” He sounded flabbergasted.

“What can I do now?”

In a firm voice he said, “Tell her the truth.”

“And what do you propose I say? ‘Hey, I said I would buy you a ring because I was scared of the nurse and I panicked to save your finger.’” I paused. “Maybe I could throw in, ‘and I like what you can do with your finger.’”

“Is that the truth?” He stared through me. What did he see? Himself?

“Sort of.”

“What do you mean ‘sort of’?” Ethan crossed his arms and tilted his head.

“Let’s face it, Ethan, I am a relationship idiot. I don’t know what I feel or what I want. Right now, I can barely remember my name.”

“Poor little Lizzie. She’s been cornered into marriage. Everything is out of her hands.” He frowned with melodrama and his moustache drooped. I noticed it was smeared with cappuccino froth.

“I think I will put that on my tombstone.” I smiled.

“You are an idiot. And not just with relationships.”

“How’s the adoption process going?”

He sighed. “It’s out of my hands.”

Both of us burst out laughing.

“No seriously, Ethan. How’s it going?”

Ethan discussed his trials and tribulations for once while I downed three chais.

* * *

When I got back to the apartment, Sarah was already home.

“Hi, honey. I wasn’t expecting you to be here.” I sat next to her on the couch, slouching against the cushions.

“Yeah, I told Mom I wanted to take a nap. I’m beat.” She rested her head on my chest.

“Tell me about it. I just drank three chais.”

“That explains why you look so flushed. And your heart is racing.”

“I’m shocked. You didn’t shop at all?”

“Oh, we did for a couple of hours. I bought a new painting to hang over the couch, but I was too tired to hang it.” She gestured to the painting that leaned against the far wall.

I didn’t say anything.

She kissed my forehead. “Do you want to take a nap with me?”

“Sweetheart, I would love to.”

We crawled into bed, naked, and she held me while we slept for hours. I awoke feeling wonderful. Sarah also woke up refreshed‌—‌so refreshed that we went at it again.

* * *

“You have to go to the office?” Sarah looked hurt.

“I know. I know I installed the Internet so I would be home more, but I have a lot of grading to do, and I have to enter information at work,” I told her, lying my ass off. I didn’t even think my story made sense. I just wanted some alone time. “I’ll come home as soon as I can. I’ll be counting the seconds until I get back.”

“Until you’ll be back with me, you mean.” She wrapped her arms around me and began to lay delicate kisses up my neck‌—‌my major weakness. She knew that if she kissed my neck just right, I would be hers for the night.

“I better go, sweetheart, so I can get back as soon as possible.”

She pulled me toward her and slid her hand down my pants. I felt the feather-light brush of her fingertips, then the grasping hardness of them as she fingered me briefly, her eyes hard on mine. She pulled her hand out and sensuously licked her finger. “Hurry back. I heart you.”

“I promise.” I kissed her goodbye. I briefly considered staying. Then I saw the painting against the wall. No. I needed space.

I didn’t go to the office. In truth, I’d never had any intention of going. Instead, I texted Maddie, hoping she would be in town. She was staying at the hotel near Coopersmith’s and agreed to meet me for a late lunch.

When I walked into the restaurant, I saw her sitting at the bar chatting with two guys. Two good-looking guys. Jealousy burned inside me. I approached with every intention of whisking her away.

“Hey!” Maddie jumped off her barstool and hugged me tightly. “You got here fast.” She held my hand and turned me towards the two men. “I would like you to meet my friends, Joseph and David. They just adopted their first child.” She turned to me and announced, “Lizzie and her girlfriend recently got engaged.” She let go of my hand. “You should see the rock Lizzie sprung for. Wheweee! I was jealous when I laid my eyes on it for the first time.” Maddie nudged me with her arm.

Joseph and David congratulated me and I reciprocated, feeling silly that I thought they were putting the moves on Maddie. Sarah has always teased me about not having any gaydar.

Their buzzer trilled and they excused themselves, leaving the two of us alone at the bar.

“Can I tempt you with a drink? Will Sarah pick you up if I get you drunk?” Maddie didn’t wait for an answer and motioned to the bartender.

Ignoring the Sarah part, I responded, “I could really use a drink.”

Maddie ordered a rum and Coke for me and another merlot for herself. The drinks arrived promptly, and Maddie raised her glass. I sipped my drink‌—‌no, I inhaled half of my drink.

“Everything okay, Lizzie?”

“Y-yeah,” I spluttered. I knew my face and my voice betrayed me. Try as I might, I could not fake a smile.

“Come on, there’s a table in the back. Let’s talk.” Placing her arm around my waist, she guided us to a dark corner.

She smelled of peaches. I envisioned running my hands over her body, tasting her sweet nectar, exploring every inch of her with my tongue.

“Do you want to tell me what’s bugging you?”

Her voice shattered my fantasy. I sighed. I didn’t know where to begin. So, I didn’t.

“Did you and Sarah fight?” She queried.

“N-no.” Why couldn’t I talk to her? Openly.

“Hey, you texted me, remember?” She joked. “Come on! Tell me what’s going on.” She placed her hand on my leg and gave me an encouraging squeeze. The warmth spread, igniting a tingling sensation that delighted and frustrated me.

How could I be happy with Sarah and still lust after Maddie?

“Oh, I don’t know.” I tugged at my Northface vest. “I’m feeling … stifled.”

Maddie laughed. “Let’s get you out of your vest. You must be roasting.” She helped me undress.

“I remember when your brother and I got engaged. For weeks, I couldn’t breathe,” she babbled. “I think what you’re feeling is normal.”

What I was feeling was not normal! I wanted to fuck her right then and there.

“Trust me,” she continued. “It gets easier. This is a big change for you. All your life, you’ve been independent. You never were close to your family. Now, you’re asking Sarah to spend the rest of her life with you. That’s a
big
deal. No wonder you’re flustered. You have no experience of letting someone in.” She put her hand back on my leg, higher up this time.

I chuckled. Maddie was trying so hard to put me at ease, yet I felt myself getting hotter, more desperate. Frantic. I wanted to taste her. To feel her legs wrapped around me. Be inside her. Feel her body convulse after experiencing an exhilarating orgasm. God, I wanted her.

“Have you talked to Sarah about this?”

“No!” I didn’t mean to shout, but for a moment, I thought Maddie knew what thoughts I was entertaining.

She put her fingers to her lips. “No reason to shout. I wasn’t going to tattle on you. You can trust me with your secrets. I’ve trusted you with mine.”

I wondered if it were possible to have an orgasm from her touch alone.
What if my eyes suddenly roll back into my head? Will she think I’m having a seizure? Will she call 911?
The thought made me smile. It emboldened me.

“How do you do it?” I asked.

Confused, she replied, “Do what?”

What did I mean? I had to say something. “Act happy.”

“Trust me, I have my dark days.” She pulled away from me and sat back in her chair.

“Like in Estes.”

She nodded.

I wanted her to elaborate. I needed to hear her thoughts. I needed a signal to pursue her.

Maddie gave me nothing to go on.

We sat there in silence.

Flustered, I offered to buy her another glass of wine. She accepted. When I returned to our table, I noticed her happy demeanor had returned. As I handed Maddie her glass, our fingers touched, and I saw a sparkle in her eye.

“Drink up, Lizzie. I feel like dancing.”

“Dancing? Where?” My eyes scanned Coops for a new dance floor.

“Not here, you idiot. Around the corner, there’s a new gay club.” She downed her wine.

Unable to resist her allure, I drained my glass as well.

Sure enough, there was a new gay club right around the corner. Not that I would have gone on my own. Only Maddie could get me there.

Inside, Maddie bought another round of drinks. At first, she danced with some gay boys. It looked like they all knew each other.

Maddie disappeared for a few minutes, and I leaned against the wall, focusing on the handful of people dancing. My drinks were going straight to my head.

Maddie popped up before me. “It took some doing, but you have to dance with me during the next song.”

I set my drink down. “And why is that?”

“Just wait.” She cocked her head, waiting to hear the music.

That’s when I heard it: the ‘Monster Mash.’

“Are you serious? How does one dance to this?” I asked, but I didn’t wait for an answer, just followed her to the dance floor.

The drinks worked their magic. Or Maddie did. She twirled around me and made me look halfway decent. Afterwards, we danced to several more songs until a slow song came on and Maddie maneuvered me off the dance floor.

My entire body felt relaxed. “Would you like something to eat?”

She nodded, thinking. “But not at Coops. I can’t handle another meal there. I dine there more than I do in my own home.”

“Shall we go to your room and order in?” I looked hopeful.

“Yes! Let’s get pizza.” She bounced in her seat like a child.

Her excitement set all of my nerve endings afire.

We didn’t finish our drinks. Both of us wanted to leave‌—‌and fast.

When we entered Maddie’s hotel room, my bravado started to falter. I excused myself and hid in the bathroom. While dousing my face with cold water, I heard Maddie on the phone, placing our order. I thought briefly of Sarah.
Stop
!

“Hope you don’t mind, I went ahead and ordered.” She flashed me her confident smile.

“Not at all.” I walked to the window. “This is quite the view. You can even see the gap from here.”

She got off the bed and joined me, standing close. “What gap?”

“Horsetooth.” I gestured to the hills, but I could tell she didn’t see it. Pulling her in front of me, I placed my arms around her but didn’t hold her; instead, I pointed to the gap. “You see that part of the foothills that looks like a horse’s tooth?”

She nodded.

I took in her scent.

“That’s why half this town is called Horsetooth.”

She rested her head against me. “I had no idea!”

My arms enveloped her. She didn’t resist. Finally, the moment I had longed for had arrived. Not wanting to waste a second, I leaned down and kissed her neck.

It was pure ecstasy. Her salty but alluring skin electrified my tongue. A fire burned inside me. My face felt hot. My cheek stung like a bee sting. Several seconds passed before I realized that Maddie had whipped around and smacked me across the face. Hard!

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she shouted.

Dazed, I asked, “Why did you hit me?”

“Why did I hit you?” She pushed me away. “Why in the fuck did you kiss my neck?”

“What?” I rubbed my cheek, pondering. “Why did you invite me to your room?”

“Invite you? You invited yourself, remember.” She glared at me. “I thought you needed a friend.”

Her comment smarted. A friend‌—‌that’s all I was.

“I know you aren’t yourself today, but this‌—‌” She started to hyperventilate. “Th-this is unacceptable!”

I went to her, to comfort her.

She slapped me again.

“Stop hitting me!” I staggered back against the window.

“Stop coming onto me!”

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” I screamed.

“Are you insane, Lizzie? Why would I want Peter’s sister to kiss me? I thought we were friends. My one ally in the family. And now I find out you want to get into my pants. Lizzie, you may distance yourself from your family, thinking you’re better than them, but you are just like them!”

Stunned, I said nothing.

“Don’t just stand there looking stupid. Get the fuck out of my room!” She threw my vest at me and then shoved me out the door.

“Maddie‌—‌”

She slammed the door in my face.

A couple walked by in the hallway. Pulling my shirt collar up, I scurried to the staircase. The elevator seemed too slow, too confining. I wanted outside, and quick.

As soon as my feet hit the asphalt of the parking lot, I received a text:
If you don’t tell Sarah, I will!

I threw my phone down. It didn’t shatter completely. Exasperated, I stomped on in it until it was unrecognizable.

Seriously, Lizzie. You thought Maddie tried to seduce you by playing the “Monster Mash.” Are you that much of an idiot?

Chapter Thirty-Five

Even if it was just weeks before Peter’s wedding, I decided I better tell Sarah. I took a long bike ride first, to clear my head, and then came home and showered quickly. I wanted to talk to her before I lost my nerve.

“Hi,” I said, walking into the front room and looking her directly in the eyes.

“Hi,” she replied, looking puzzled.

Already, my nerves had started to falter. I could feel my heartbeat in the hollow of my throat, right where I imagined Sarah’s hands would be when she heard the news. Fighting the instinct to run to the bathroom and vomit, I settled beside her on the couch and fumbled with the drawstrings on my pajama bottoms. Then I mumbled, “Can we talk?” I pulled the drawstrings tight, watching the thread slip in and out of my fingers.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Sarah put her arm around my shoulder and I rested my head on her arm.

“I … ”

How could I say that I tried to fuck Maddie?

I nuzzled closer to her and she kissed the top of my head and held me tight. It felt good, which made me feel worse.

“What’s wrong? You’re starting to scare me.”

“I don’t know how to tell you.”