A World of InTemperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 2) (25 page)

P.O.V. Persephone

“Who is always right behind you?”

“DERRIERE!”

“Who is there to catch you when you fall?”

“DERRIERE!”

“Who is the most luscious, the most sumptuous, the most desirable of them all?”

“DERRIERE! DERRIERE! DERRIERE!”

Gauzot is held from the floor by her neck as I am.

Abigail hangs on my left.

All three of us are in a similar state of suspension, several inches off the floor.

The vast cavern thrums with the excited and busy machinations of fantastic electrical apparatti.

Behind us, the massive cauldron churns in furious expectation, expelling its foul humours.

Before us, Derriere Eternia faces her audience, presumably with her outrageously perfect smile gleaming. Scores of enthralled worshipers of the beguiling Goddess cheer and applaud their red-haired leader.

I say, perhaps this would be an appropriate time to utilize that cunning, hidden weapon that my Mr. Temperance so thoughtfully provided.

I aim the toe of my right boot. With my left foot, I engage a secreted switch at the heel.

Derriere bows to her admirers.

I boot shoot a mini-dart from beneath my toes.

“Oww!”

Direct hit on the exposed flank!

My companions and I fall to the floor, as the wicked witch's spell is disrupted.

“I say,
~cough, cough~
let’s grab her, eh hem?”

“Rarrr!”

“Our Abigail is swift to retaliate I think, oui!”

~punch!~

“I say, bad show. It is our own Abigail and not Derierre Eternia that gets the punch! That voluptuous viper has knocked out our Abigail!”

“Allons-y! We will avenge this travesty! Now you are
really
going to get it, you sultry sorceress.”

“I say, hear, hear.
At you!
”

“Tongue of Angry Chicken!”

“Lemmings’ Compulsion!”

“Butterfly bite!”

“Oui, Persephone, we have Derrierre disconboobulated!”

“I say, DeeDee, good show. Let us continue our assaults unabated, shall we?”

“Green Apple Trots!”

“Shadza’s Revenge!”

“Indulgent Regret!”

“Oui, take that, you randy redhead! Back up your assets, Mademoiselle!”

“I say, hear, hear, good sh-
guh
-
ulk!
”

“How
dare
you strike
me!
My thumb on your respective larynges shall silence your incessant blathering!”

“
~gulk~
It is the unfortunate thing I am thinking,
~gulk~
that Derrierre has cut off our brief spot of hope,
~gulk~
oui.”

“You two shall be the first to be turned! You shall bow down and worship Derriere!

~applause~

“I ask everyone,”

“in this hall,”

“who is the greatest,”

“ultra-femme of them all?”

“DERRIERRE!”

“Ha, ha, ha! There is no-one that can challenge...hunh? What is happening? Put me down!”

“Oof,
~gasp~
I say, we are are released, DeeDee!”

“Oui, Persephone, look! Our Abigail has lifted Derrierre Eternia up in the air! She presses her high in the air over her head!”

“Unh, Gauzot, stop those people coming to assist Eternia.”

“Oui, Abigail!”

“Unh, throw that witch’s switch, Persephone.”

“Aye, aye, Abigail!”

“Aaaah-
unh!”

“Our Abigail thinks this Derrierre needs a bath, no? Stand by for a chesty plunge!”

“Eek!”

~ploop!~

“Into the cauldron of goop for you, Derrierre. Yeah, witches like you aren’t always known for their swimming skills, are they?”

“I say, I am engaging this electrical relay connector lever. A distasteful chore I might add, for I do not approve of the handle’s lewd suggestiveness.”

~
WAH
-
B
O
O
O
G
E!
~

~KZZZK! KZZZK! KZZZK!~

“I say, get away from there, Abigail: the Expunginator units are discharging their condensed loads! The electric mayhem is complete madness!”

“Oui, Abigail, flee my child! Great blinding bolts of voluminous voltage plunge unto the roiling vessel. Big green bubbles of goo explode under the dynamo’s insistence!”

“Uh, oh, ladies, this whole place is shaking. It’s shaking really bad. I don’t think the machinery liked us tinkering with the process.”

“Oui, this place throttles itself apart, I think, too!”

“Eek! Er, eek, yes, I say, as I was just about crushed by a falling stalactite. Shards of ice and quartz disintegrate violently upon impact with the floor after their fall from the distant ceilings. This, and similar signs of structural failure compel me to share a wish to flee this transluscent death-trap, eh hem?”

“Derrierre is getting hers; she can’t escape her concoction, nor the electrical blasts that show no sign of stopping. Let’s get out of here!”

“I say, I am all turned about. Which way do we go?”

“Follow me, ladies.”

“Oui, our Abigail has led us back out the terrace we entered! There is a general exodus, as hundreds of people run from this crystal hive.”

“Don’t stop, ladies! Just keep running.”

“We have crossed the plain we entered upon, Abigail. Let us turn and once again enjoy the view of our original vantage point, too.”

“I say, the Emerald Citadel is truly a marvelous sight to behold. Enjoy the view, Abigail and DeeDee, for I can see that the whole structure trembles and I do not think it will stand much longer.”

“Yeah, it is shaking badly. There goes one of the top spires. Oh, another one just snapped off and fell.”

“It is tragic, no? That building was the one thing I liked about this place.”

“I say, quite so. More and more, the great crystal keep crumbles and falls. The soaring spires snap and fall into shimmering shards. The structure shakes with an inner tremor. I can see where a hollow place in the middle of the structure is forming, like a great viridian egg; the shattered structure collapses inward upon itself. It is as if something inside were shaking the crystal cathedral, trying to fight its way free.”

“Great Northern Beans, Persephone, there
is
something
in the cathedral, trying to fight its way free.”

“Oui, something big.”

“I say, shards of ice and quartz are giving way. An opening is ripped in the ceiling as this something struggles its way to freedom. Is that a red-nailed hand that breaks through the crystal cocoon? The hand now claws more feverishly at its crystal confinement. Another scarlet-taloned hand joins the first as they break apart the arches and spires, determined to escape their cramped confinement.”

“Yeah, there she is, Derriere Eternia. The electric slime bath has knocked off a few of her beauty rating stars.”

Standing amongst the rubble of the shattered Citadel, an emerald light pouring up from between her legs, stands Derriere Eternia, grown to over a hundred feet tall. The changing green light from below casts uncanny shadows, making her monstrosity even more grotesque.

She looks at herself in confusion.

She looks at the tiny people fleeing her enormous feet.

Then she looks over the valley and sees us.

Recognition flares in the beautiful monster’s eyes!

The hideous yet comely creature that Derriere Eternia has become blazes with unbridled fury!

Elbows tuck in as her hands come up and forward, with palms out, and claws extended. Shining eyes flash murder as the perfect backside pushes backward. With her gravity-defying chest and chin thrust forward, she unburdens her promise of death.

{
{
{“
EEE
-
AYE
-rR
O
AR
K!
!
!
”}
}
}

“I say, might I suggest a tactical withdrawal, eh hem?”

“Run for your lives, ladies. I can feel the tundra bounce under her approaching tread.”

“Fly for the bridge! The arctic arch is our path to escape, no?”

“Here it is, ladies, we’ve made it.”

“Oui, and now, we need to make a stand, I think. Our only chance of stopping Derrierre is to drop this bridge, no?”

“I have a spell that will create a powerful blast. It might be enough to break the center block of the arch, but it takes a minute to prepare.”

“That crazy witch is almost here; hurry Abigail!”

“I am, DeeDee. Persephone, go assemble your cello.”

“Of course, Abigail.  I will return forthwith!”

“She’ll be coming ‘round the mountain, when she comes, oui? Ah, and so she is. I do not think Mammothmoiselle is completely comfortable in her newly titanic body. See how fervently she clings to the opposite hillside, and looks down in fear at the bottomless chasm, no? Still, she creeps along, oui? It is the fervent wish for revenge driving le pursuit au nat’urale.”

“I’m almost ready.”

“Oui, so too, is Derrierre Eternia. Even at this colossal dimension, the woman maintains a kitten’s slinky prowl as she carefully works to a place before the arch.”

“How is Persephone doing?”

“Oh, you know Persephone. She plays at assembling her cello while you and I do the real heavy lifting, no? Now she busies herself with the hatboxes, too.”

“I’m ready, DeeDee.”

“Bon, right on time, Mademoiselle Abigail, for so too is our grudging, gargantuan-grown, gorgeous, by George, gorge-fording goddess.”

“Grab that stick, DeeDee.”

“Oui.”

“Let’s go.”

“Oui, Mademoiselle! How confidently you stride out onto this icy marvel! How fearlessly you face an adversary a thousand times in size!”

“Give me the stick. Thanks.”

“Ha, ha, Derrierre, as you can see, Abigail and I stand in the center of this bridge and we claim it as ours! Ha!
~snap!~
That is for you, I think. Go crawl back into your shell; we don’t want to see you no mores. What do you think of that, henh?”

{
{
{“
EEE
-
AYE
-rR
O
AR
K!
!
!
”}
}
}

“Okay, I think you do not like my words. Abigail, here she comes!”

“Heat of flame,”

“bloom of gas,”

“help me tame,”

“this bossy lass.”

“I bring down fire,”

“you can bet your ass,”

“you may be big, lady,”

“but,”

“YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!”

KAH
-
BOOM
-AH-
WHAH
-HUH
W
H
O
O
O
S
H
!!!

“Sacre bleu, what an uncanny and colourful fireball and explosion has erupted! Come, Abigail, we must run away!”

“But it didn’t work, DeeDee! My fireball did not drop the bridge!”

“Hurry, Mademoiselle, we must regroup. Derrierre Eternia pursues us still! She is stepping out onto the arch!”

kr...

Krr...

KRRR!...

krrrr-
R
A
C
K!...

keh...

Keh...

KEH!...

KEH-RRRRRRRRAAASSSHHH!!!

{
{
{
{
{
{“
EEE
-
AYE
-rR
O
AR
K!
!
!
”}
}
}
}
}
}

“The bridge broke and fell as soon as Derrierre placed her full weight on it...
augh!
”

“Abigail, no! You are clutched in the red-clawed hand of our Brobdignagian foe! The talons of another giant hand cling to the cliff’s edge and now a sea of red hair rises over the precipice. Very large eyes shine with hunger and delight as Derriere Eternia pulls herself up on our side of the chasm!”