Abandon (32 page)

She would always be my best friend.

Insider Tip #10: Have a trusted confidant who has your back. You’ll need them when you least expect it.

And oh, how I needed Vi right now.

Jag’s statement hung heavily in the air, awaiting a response. I tried to nod, but my body didn’t obey. I tried to speak, but again my voice failed.

“He’s serious,” Vi said, still playing my spokesperson. “But he needs medical attention first.”

Jag tore his gaze away from me and left my line of sight. A moment later Irvine Blightingdale crouched next to me, his cold fingers pushing against my forehead, neck, and ribs.

Something hot blazed against my wrist, and then liquid ice flowed through my veins.

“You’ll go to sleep for a while, Zenn,” Irvine said in a deep voice that reminded me of my father’s. “When you wake up, we’ll be ready to record.” Irvine left, taking Vi with him. I stared up at the sky, unmoving, waiting to fall asleep, alone in my grief and pain.

That is, until Saffediene slipped her hand into mine. “I’m here, Zenn. You’ll be all right.”

*   *   *

When I woke up, Saffediene was by my side. Her eyes were closed, and her skin reflected the glow from the p-screen on the wall.

I lay propped up in a bed. Without the flickering light from the p-screen, the room would’ve pitched into darkness.

I tried to speak, but only managed a low gurgling sound. The pain was gone, replaced by this drugged condition where everything felt too bright and moved too fast. I couldn’t decide which was worse.

Irvine entered the room. “Hello, Zenn. Good to see you awake. We’re ready to begin recording.”

Ready to begin recording?
I couldn’t even talk. I gestured to my throat, trying to communicate the problem with Irvine.

“No problem,” he said. He tapped his finger on the computer beside my bed, and I felt the tension in my muscles ease. “Try it now.”

“Thanks,” I managed to say. “How’d you do that?”

“Tech,” he answered.

“Irv has a piece of tech for everything,” someone said from the doorway. I’d know that voice anywhere. It haunted me in my quiet moments, and it chased me through dark tunnels. It accused me of abandoning Vi, of turning traitor.

And it was right.

“Hey, Jag,” I said.

He regarded me coolly. He couldn’t figure me out, and I hadn’t made it easy for him. Half the time I didn’t know what I was doing, or why.

I was lost. Others had always advised me. My father. Thane Myers. Jag Barque. Van Hightower.

And now Ian Darke.

I had never directed myself, set my own course. I’d been doing what everyone told me to do for years and years and years.

Jag watched me wrestle with myself, a doubtful glare on his face. “What?” I asked him.

“You’ve got some weird vibes,” he said. “Are you doing this or not?”

I wanted to say yes, because it would make him happy.

I wanted to say no, because General Darke would be furious if he found out.

I wanted to go back to sleep so I didn’t have to choose.

In the past I’d always done whatever it took to keep Vi safe. Anything and everything to protect her, to ensure her survival, to keep her as my own.

But she was already safe. And she was with someone else now.

How was I supposed to make decisions without her as my motivation?

I glanced at Saffediene and was struck by the beauty of her freckles. Could she be my motivation?

Why did anyone have to be my motivation?

I needed to decide what
I
wanted, not what I wanted because of someone else. I needed to classify what I liked, what I didn’t like, what I believed, what I didn’t, what brought me joy, and what didn’t.

I reached out and traced my fingertip along Saffediene’s cheekbone. She startled, waking and searching my face for an explanation.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” I said softly. I wished Irvine and Jag weren’t here. But my wishes rarely come true.

Saffediene didn’t respond verbally. She closed the distance between us and kissed me. Then I really, really wished Irvine and Jag weren’t watching.

I vaguely heard their footsteps as they left.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I murmured against her mouth. She kept saying, “I forgive you. It’s okay,” in between kisses.

Warmth grew inside me, expanding until it pushed out my fear and doubt. Finally, with my lips raw, I gently extracted myself from Saffediene’s embrace.

“Saffediene?”

She snuggled into my side. “Hmm?”

“Why do you like me?”

A long pause followed, wherein some of my doubt crept back in. I struggled to keep it at bay.

“Is this a trick question?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “It’s just . . . No one’s ever liked me before. Not the real me, at least. And it seems that you do. I’m just wondering why.”

“You don’t see yourself very clearly, do you?”

I don’t see myself at all
, I thought.
I don’t know who I am, or what I’m doing, or why.
“No,” I said, “I don’t.”

She propped herself up on her elbow and looked me straight in my eyes. “The first time I met you, your conviction struck me like a weight to the chest. Every word was spoken with complete and utter confidence. You had an answer for all my fears, all my doubts. I remember thinking that you had everything figured out.”

I barked out a laugh. “I’m really good at lying.”

“That wasn’t a lie. No one’s that good.”

I am
, I thought, and I really was. The real question was: Had I been lying to myself too, all this time?

“Zenn,” Irvine called. I stiffened, not sure I could record
new transmissions. Not sure I believed the words that I’d need to force out of my mouth.

“I believe in you,” Saffediene said. “I believe that you’ll find yourself. Just go in there and say the first thing that comes to your mind.”

*   *   *

Irv adjusted the dials on his equipment, twisting one way and then the other. He wouldn’t look directly at me, and Jag wouldn’t look anywhere else. He stared at me, his twisted smirk saying,
Let’s see what you have to say.

I sat as still as possible, looking at the bandages on my knee and ignoring everyone. I tried to organize what I might say on the transmissions, but nothing jelled.

Then Irvine hooked something to my throat. “Good luck,” Jag said as they both left. Now I had no one but myself to account to.

I remained silent for a few minutes, trying to find the right words to start. They didn’t come. The equipment blinked, encouraging me to speak already. I knew Jag and Vi and everyone else were waiting in another room, waiting to hear what I’d say.

I was waiting too.

I thought of Saffediene, and how she remembered every
detail of the first time we’d met. I felt bad that she hadn’t made that big of an impact on me, but I was determined to make it up to her.

I believe in you
. Her words raced through my mind.

I opened my mouth. “Citizens of Freedom, it is time for you to wake up. This is the last brainwashing message you’ll hear. That’s right, brainwashing. And it stops here, now. Today.”

53
.
I sat in a darkened room, watching the day fade into dusk. Zenn’s voice still floated in my head, full of conviction.

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, his words were perfect. The transmissions were perfect, and they’d been cycling through the feed for the past five hours. Irv had the security in Rise Twelve operating at full capacity, and he and Trek had the communication lines open again.

But I waited in silence, without a cache, in Ian Darke’s house. Vi had come with me, and I’d managed to convince her to stay upstairs while I spoke with Darke.

I imagined what I might say to him, how I might incapacitate him. I had nothing. With Freedom in ruins and on the brink of a new, free society, Darke didn’t seem so intimidating anymore.

Sure, there were more Directors to overthrow and more cities to unbrainwash, but now I knew it was doable. Now I knew we had the resources, the personnel, and the experience to actually carry it out.

I’d dispatched my traveling team a few hours earlier. They were headed to the friendliest cities—Harvest, Cedar Hills, Grande, Mountain Dale, Baybridge—with copies of Zenn’s recordings. I’d laced my voice over his, and then Gunn had as well. The power of our three voices could wake the dead.

People everywhere would soon come out of the mental fog they’d been in their whole lives. We’d establish laws, teach correct principles, and let the people govern themselves. I almost smiled.

My parents had died in defense of freedom. I’d been working for years to see the birth of a free society. I felt a crack in my barriers. I’d let Vi in, at least a little bit. It hurt, but feeling something and experiencing life with someone else was better than feeling nothing and being lonely all the time.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn’t notice someone enter the house.

“Well, hello, Jag,” Ian Darke said, his voice smooth and low. “To what do I owe this honor?” He cast his eyes around the room. “And where’s Director Bower?”

I steepled my fingers under my chin. “He’s detained.”

“Is he dead?”

My stomach tightened, but a smile stretched my lips. “Perhaps.” I’d let Darke think what he wanted, especially if it played in my favor. “Sit down. We need to talk.”

Darke moved to the chair opposite me so swiftly, it was as if my voice had influenced him.

Interesting
, I thought. Darke should have extensive protections against voice and mind control. I wondered if his personal tech security had been corrupted. I wondered if he knew.

His security was down
, Vi confirmed.
He just switched it back on. He’d turned it off to save energy during his travels.

Did he get what he wanted in Castledale?
I kept my eyes on Darke while Vi and I held our mental conversation. I had no personal tech security to keep Darke out of my head, but I didn’t care if he eavesdropped on my convo.

No
, she said.
Can you feel his emotions?

No
, I said.
He’s folded those away.

He’s worried
, Vi said.
At least he was when he arrived
.

Thanks, babe
, I thought.
Stay upstairs, okay?

She didn’t answer, and I knew she’d do whatever she wanted, even if that meant storming downstairs at any moment.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” I began. “The Resistance owns Freedom now. I’ve already sent my people to every city in the Union.” A lie, but Darke didn’t need to know I didn’t have the manpower to fly to every city in the Association. “By morning we’ll control two out of every three cities. You’re finished.” My words settled in the room, heavy with threats.

I’d had plenty of experience with Directors like him, and I didn’t expect him to respond. When he didn’t, I added, “The cities we won’t own will come around once they see our superior way of living.”

“Sounds like you have everything worked out,” he said. “But I’m sure you know I’m not simply going to mount my hoverboard and fly into the night.”

“What are you going to do?” I asked.

Jag!
Vi shouted in my head, and I flinched at the panic in her tone.

“Sounds like your team has discovered what I’m going to do.” Darke stood up, his fingers pressing buttons along the wrist-port band on his left hand.

I jumped to my feet. Vi’s voice echoed in my head, but with no new information. I sprinted for the door, shouting, “Lock down!”

Irv’s tech leapt into action, securing all of the room’s exits, locking Darke inside. His rage followed me into hall, propelling me toward the stairs. My heart pounded as loud as my footsteps as I flew up them.

“Vi!” I barged into the bedroom where she had been camped out. She stood at the window. Terror flowed from her.

I joined her at the window, and she gripped my arm. My fear matched hers as I took in the scene outside.

The sky was filled with fire, with men on hoverboards, with taser blasts.

With death.

Time clicked by in breaths.
One, two, three.

“Let’s go,” Vi begged. “Jag, come on!”

I tore my gaze from the scene outside. “You said Darke didn’t get what he wanted.” It sounded like an accusation, but it was a plea. I wanted Vi to tell me I was hallucinating. Something to make the men outside be Resistance members.

“He didn’t get the tech,” she said. “He got an army.” She bolted into the hall, screaming behind her, “Come on!”

I took one more look out the window. I looked toward the Rises. Bright lights flashed along the top of Twelve, signaling that they were under attack. I sprinted after Vi, my fear solidifying into fury.

*   *   *

“Straight up,” I said to Vi. “Please, Vi. Fly straight up.”

She glared at me. “I can help.”

“I know that,” I said. “But I do not know how to live without you. Please. Straight up.”

“You’re going straight up too, right?”

“Right,” I said.

“Fine.” She stepped onto her hoverboard and launched herself up. I followed her, climbing above the chaos raging through the Rises several miles away. She stopped a few hundred feet in the air, and I paused next to her.

Fire leapt from the roof of several Rises, the numbers of which I didn’t know.

“Two, Six, Nine, and Ten,” Vi said.

“Six and Nine,” I repeated. “That’s bad.” Zenn had gone back to his old flat in Rise Nine to set up a home base. Thane, Trek, and Irv were operating their communications hub and tech production out of Twelve. Isaacs had gone with them. Starr had gone back to her old flat in Six to establish an infirmary, taking Raine, Gunner, and River with her.

Laurel and Saffediene were part of my traveling team, and I’d dispatched them to Harvest to gather refugees who were willing to fight. They’d be gone until morning.

Darke had brought hordes of people with him. They all
wore black, making them almost indistinguishable against the night sky. When their tasers discharged, white hot light marked their position.