Absolute Lovers (Absolute #2) (8 page)

"Of course not!" I said, appalled at the notion of
forcing Julia to do anything she didn't want.

"So it's safe to say that I'm calling the shots
here," she said with a grin. "I'm in control."

I blinked again.

Ding!

"Oh," I said.

Julia laughed softly and kissed my lips. "You're so
sweet. And I like that you think about those things, but you don't have to be
concerned. I would never subject myself to something that made me feel
inferior."

"That's good," I said, feeling relieved. "I'm
sorry if I was being ridiculous. I've never done this before."

"We can make up our own rules," she said, wrapping
her arms around my waist. "I think that oral sex should definitely be a
part of our sex life, don't you?"

I nodded emphatically.

"I really love doing it," she told me. "Do
you like doing it to me?"

"Very much," I said, noticing how husky my voice
sounded.

"But you have to tell me if I push you too far,"
she said with a concerned look on her face. "In case you haven't already
noticed, I'm pretty uninhibited when it comes to sex, but that doesn't mean you
have to be."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, in bed before, I suggested tying you up and
using you as my fucktoy," she said brazenly. "If that makes you uncomfortable,
you have to tell me. I don't want to do anything sexual that jeopardizes our
relationship."

At once I was both incredibly turned on and filled with love
for her. The fact that Julia had down-prioritized sex in our relationship made
me insanely happy, because it proved that we had moved on from where we had
started out. And the idea of being Julia's…
toy
…was just…

Holy shit!

I could feel the eager twitches below my waist and Julia
noticed as well.

"Do you like that idea?" she purred, stroking my erection.

I closed my eyes and nodded.

"Do you want me to tie you up and fuck you senseless,
baby?" she whispered roughly. "Do you want me to play with you until
you beg me to let you come?"

"Fuck…yes," I moaned. "Yes, I want that,
Julia."

"Excellent," she said. "So we both agree that
a little kink is good?"

"Definitely." I nodded and opened my eyes to look
at her. Her smile was so bright that my heart skipped a beat.

"I'd really like to suck your cock now," she said
and stroked me with both hands. "Is that all right?"

I nodded immediately. She was about to drop to her knees
again, but first I cupped her face in my hands.

"You're really my girlfriend?" I whispered and
looked into her eyes.

"I really am," she assured me and kissed her way
down my chest and stomach. "Let me show you how much I love having you as
my boyfriend."

* * *

Half an hour later, the water had
grown colder, cooling my heated skin as I held Julia to me. Smiling to myself,
I marveled at everything that had just transpired; the way we had pleasured
each other.

"I love showering with you," I murmured.

She let out a laugh, nodding.

"Let's wash up and I'll make us some breakfast, OK,
sweetheart?"

"I like it when you call me that," she said,
almost shyly.

The girl was still such a mystery to me. She cursed like a
sailor and had the vocabulary of an adult film star, but she seemed so hesitant
when it came to expressing affection. I tilted her head up and gazed into her
eyes.

"My sweetheart," I said, holding her face between
my hands.

"My girlfriend," I told her, leaning in until our
lips were just an inch from each other.

"My Julia," I whispered, kissing her tenderly.

Our tongues and lips moved together; I kissed her three
times before pulling away completely.

"I love you."

"I love you."

The words seemed to echo all around us and a frisson of fear
ran down my spine. I always thought them when I kissed her three times in a
row, but until now I had been able to keep the words inside of me. I was
worried that it was too soon for me to tell her how I felt, but somehow it had
slipped out anyway.

No—wait.

As the shock wore off, I realized that I hadn't been the one
to utter those fateful words.

It was…it was Julia!

As though she’d come to the same realization at that exact
moment, her eyes widened and she clamped her hands over her mouth. My mind was
going a million miles a second. Julia had just told me that she loved me! I
tried to process what that meant, but I was shocked into catatonia.

She loves me? Julia loves me…Stephen. Julia loves Stephen.
Holy shit, she loves me!

A surge of pure undiluted happiness flowed through me. I
felt ecstatic! This was it! But the feeling waned when I saw the distressed
look in Julia's eyes.

"Oh no," she moaned, spinning around and dashing
out of the shower.

Go after her, you goddamned idiot! You didn't say it
back!

I jolted my body into action, bolting after her as fast as
my legs could carry me. She was already out of the bathroom and I ran into the
bedroom where she was pacing back and forth with a towel wrapped around her.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck," she was whispering to
herself over and over.

"Julia?" I asked softly. Her eyes shot up to meet
mine. They were wide with panic.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that," she
rushed out.

I opened my mouth to speak but she beat me to it.

"I didn't mean it!” She buried her face in her hands.

No! Please don't say that!

I couldn't tell if she was being truthful when I couldn't
see her face. I stumbled over to her and made her look up at me.

"You didn't?" I croaked. Her face crumbled and she
lowered her head again.

"No, I did," she whispered. "But I shouldn't
have said it."

I breathed out a sigh of relief and couldn't stop myself
from smiling like an idiot.

She loves me!

"Julia," I said, wrapping my arms around her small
frame. "It's OK. In fact, it's better than OK. It's wonderful, sweetheart.
I'm glad you said it. You see…I, uh, I lo—"

"No!" she whimpered, pulling back. "Please
don't!"

"But—"

I love you, too.

"Please don't say it!" she begged. "I can't.
Please, it's too much!" She looked up at me, pleading with her eyes while
they overflowed with tears.

My smile faltered, and she started to cry again.

"Oh God, please don't hate me, Stephen!" she
sobbed. "I want you so much, but this is just…I just can't. Please don't
hate me!"

Immediately, I pulled her back into my embrace and held her
tightly.

"I could never hate you," I whispered and kissed
the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry," she whimpered. "You don't
deserve any of this. I never meant to say it like that. Sometimes when I look
into your eyes, words just spill out. I get…"

"Lost?"

She looked up at me and I wiped her eyes.

"Maybe I don't get lost," she whispered.
"Maybe…it’s the exact opposite.” She drew a ragged breath. "I haven't
been like this since high school, and I can hardly remember who that girl was.
But when you look at me like you are now…"

She reached up her hand and placed it on my cheek. "I—I
feel like maybe things will work out after all. Maybe I won't always be
alone." She looked at me anxiously as if she were expecting me to disagree.

"You're not alone," I said in a soft voice.
"I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?" she whispered.

"I promise," I said with a smile.

"I'm so sorry for what I said before and that I freaked
out. I'm just not ready for that yet. Things are happening so fast."

She was right. We had moved forward at the speed of light in
the past few days. Between me inviting her to live here while she did her
finals to her agreeing to be my girlfriend and now this unexpected declaration
of love, it was really no wonder that Julia was feeling overwhelmed.

"Don't apologize," I murmured, kissing her gently.

I gazed into her eyes and caressed her cheek. Her skin was
blotchy and her eyes were a little red, but she was still so beautiful she took
my breath away.

"I'll wait forever to hear you say those words to me
again," I whispered. "And when you do I'll say them back to you. You
may not be ready to hear them right now, but know that I feel them—every
moment."

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open.

"Stephen," she gasped.

"I'm in no hurry," I assured her. "I just
want to be with you."

Unexpectedly, Julia took a step back and dropped the towel
she was wearing. My eyes roamed over her naked form and—amazingly—my
already sated body reacted.

"Be with me now," she said.

"That's not what I—"

"I know you weren't talking about sex," she said
quickly. "But please be with me this way now. I want you. I need
you."

"I need you, too, my sweetheart," I told her.
"Always."

Julia grabbed my hand and pulled me down on the bed. Her
hands were everywhere all at once and her mouth was eager and hungry against
mine. I tried to slow her down but she seemed almost desperate for me and
reached to lead me to her before I’d had a chance to make sure that she was
ready for me.

"Julia, Julia," I managed to say in between
kisses. "Easy, sweetheart. We have time."

"You don't know that. Anything could happen. Please, I
need you now. Fuck me, Stephen! Fuck me hard!"

I will do no such thing!

I grabbed her hands and held them tightly above her head.
She let out a frustrated whine and moved her hips in an effort to get me inside
her.

"Lay still," I said, putting some of my weight on
her writhing body.

"Please, Stephen, please," she begged me. "I
need you."

"I need you, too, but I don't want to—to fuck.”

"I don't know any other way," she whispered.

"Yes, you do. You know how to make love. With me you
do."

She finally stilled her movements and I released her hands
before cupping her face and kissing her gently. She let me control the kiss and
kept her hands above her head.

"Touch me," I said, moving my mouth lower. I felt
her hands in my hair and smiled against her skin.

"You know this, you know us," I whispered, placing
open-mouthed kisses on her neck. I stroked, kissed, and licked her body all
over, making sure that she was aroused before I moved up until we were nose to
nose. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I looked deeply into her eyes as
I pushed into her amazing warmth.

"Stephen," she said, sighing as she closed her
eyes.

"Look at me," I whispered.

She opened her eyes again and I started moving in her, slow
and deep. I leaned down and kissed her passionately, pouring everything I felt
for her into the kiss.

"Feel me," I told her and caressed her face.

"I do," she moaned. "You feel so good."

"So do you, my sweetheart." I looked into her eyes
again and held her gaze as I continued delivering slow, deep thrusts.

I love you, Julia. Please see it in my eyes.

"Oh God.” Her eyes darted away from mine.

"No, look at me. Stay with me.”

"Stephen." Her voice cracked with emotion.
"What's happening?"

"We're making love.”

Her eyes welled up and she gripped my shoulders.

"I'm…scared.”

I stilled my movements and wiped her tears away.

"Don't be afraid," I whispered. "I will never
hurt you. I will never stop wanting you. You are my girlfriend, my sweetheart,
my Julia."

She drew a ragged breath and mimicked me, holding my face
between her hands.

"You mean that." It wasn't a question. She knew I
was being truthful.

"Let me show you," I said. "Let me make love
with you."

And we did. We were slow and deliberate. Every touch, every
kiss had more meaning now. When Julia threw her head back in ecstasy, I wrapped
my arms around her, finally surrendering to my own desire. I lost myself in the
sensation as I loved her with my body and my soul.

"Oh God. I'm yours…always," I gasped.

I came with an intensity that made me shiver as Julia threw
her arms around my neck, holding me tightly.

"I'm yours, too," she whispered breathlessly.

I put my forehead against hers as we both tried to catch our
breath. I felt so connected to her at that moment and suddenly my heart
clenched with fear.

What if I lose her?

I had fallen head over heels for a girl who was fearless in
all areas of life, except when it came to love. She was so easily spooked and I
was scared to death that one day I wouldn't wake up in time to stop her from
leaving me. Julia had said that she loved me, but she was so afraid of her feelings
that I didn't know if that meant something in the long run. If she ever left me
my heart would break into a million pieces and I would never be the same again.

I had never felt so strongly about anyone or anything and
the sheer intensity of my emotions forced a broken sob out of me as I buried my
face in her neck.

"Stephen?"

I couldn't answer her. I was so embarrassed at the tears in
my eyes and the lump in my throat. I didn't want her to think of me as weak,
but I was afraid of being without her now that I had finally found her. What if
she met someone else? Someone younger who knew all the bands on her T-shirts
and who was gifted in ways of making love to her that I wouldn't ever be
familiar with?

Please
don't let me lose her!

Another ugly sob escaped as I trembled against her. I
couldn't remember the last time I had cried, it had been years, but now it
seemed that my body needed that release even more than the one I’d gotten just
moments earlier.

"Stephen, baby. What's wrong?" Julia asked, gently
massaging my scalp with her fingertips.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I can't…lose you.”

"I'm right here," she whispered. "I'm right
here."

"Don't ever leave me," I whimpered.

"I won't, I swear. Don't you leave me either."

"Never.”

I had calmed down at least marginally and I lifted my head
to look at her. Her eyes widened in wonder and she brought her hand up to my
face to brush away my tears.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and looked away, feeling
embarrassed. "I, uh, I don’t usually cry."

"I don't either," she confessed. "I think
you've seen me cry more than anyone. Except maybe my parents when I was a
kid."

"I didn't mean to," I said, still looking away.
"I couldn't help it."

"What brought this on?" she asked, shifting her
legs, which were still wrapped around me.

I remembered that I was still inside her and before I pulled
out, I made her lower her legs to a more comfortable position. Resting my head
between her breasts, I closed my eyes when she stroked my hair again. Even now,
I didn't feel close enough to her and I managed to get my hands underneath her
shoulders to hold her even tighter.

"I get scared, too," I whispered.

As the words left my mouth, I realized that our reactions to
the fear of losing the other were at the opposite ends of the spectrum. Where
Julia's instincts were telling her to run away to protect herself, mine made me
cling to her like a frightened child.

"What scares you?" she asked.

"That you'll leave like you almost did this
morning," I admitted. "I was terrified."

"I'm so sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have
done that."

"You won't do it again, will you?" I asked.

"No," she whispered. I lifted my head and she
smiled at me.

"So we're in agreement?" I asked. "No one is
leaving?"

"Agreed." She smiled wider.

I moved up and captured her lips in a searing kiss.

"Remember the first time we did this?" she asked.

I assumed that the question was rhetorical. It hadn't been
that long since our first sexual encounter and the experience had been life-altering
for me. I would remember it forever. "Of course."

"What were you thinking during?"

"I think I was so excited and shocked at the time that
I could hardly form a coherent thought," I admitted. "I do remember
how much I loved it when you came. What were you thinking?"

"I couldn't believe someone as hot as you could be so
inexperienced. And then you were so good at it."

"I was? Even the first time?"

"So good," she said. "I knew I wanted to be
with you again after that first night."

I smiled, moving to lie on my side next to her, watching her
as she talked.

"I could see that you were nervous but you wanted it as
much as I did,” she continued. “You were amazing, baby. I was so happy when you
said you wanted to keep seeing me outside of school."

"You were?" I asked. "It made you
happy?"

"Mmm," she said, rolling onto her side to face me.
"Touch me."

I complied eagerly, brushing her wet hair off her shoulder.
I still found it amazing that I had this beautiful naked woman in my bed, and
that I got to touch her. My eyes followed my hand as I used my fingertips to caress
her damp skin.

"That feels good," she sighed. "You have
amazing hands."

"You have amazing everything," I told her
sincerely. "You're perfect."

She let out a laugh. "Hardly.”

I leaned over, kissing her lips.

"You are perfect to me," I whispered. "Perfect
for me."

I continued my gentle exploration of her body, reaching
around to touch her backside. I really enjoyed doing that.