Absolute Lovers (Absolute #2) (6 page)

“What happened?” I asked. “With you, I mean. You’re not like
that now at all.”

Her features hardened for a moment. “Another time,” she
said. “I don’t want to spoil our night, OK?”

“OK, I’m sorry.”

“Just kiss me,” she whispered. “But only with your mouth
closed. I’m a good girl, after all. I’m not ready to go all the way, even if
you are the cutest boy in school.” Her eyes sparkled with humor and I grinned
at her, liking her segue into the fantasy.

“But I’m captain of the chess team,” I whispered, moving
closer to her. “And I’m in the Latin club.”

“That’s so hot,” she breathed. I laughed against her lips before
claiming them with mine in a slow kiss.

“Open your mouth a little,” I encouraged. “You like me,
don’t you?”

“Yes…”

The moment her tongue touched mine, I forgot about taking
things slowly and pulled her into my arms. Before long, I had convinced her to
take her clothes off and found myself kneeling on the floor between her parted
legs.

“Stephen, I’m not sure if we should do this,” she panted.
“I’m—I’m not that kind of girl.”

“Yes, you are,” I said, running my hands over her breasts
and stomach before spreading her thighs. “You need my mouth on you, don’t you,
sweetheart? I promise, I’ll make you feel so good.”

“OK, as long you don’t tell anyone in school.”

“I’d never do that. Besides, they’d never believe I ever got
this lucky.”

Julia smiled at me as I pulled her to the edge of the seat,
wasting no time showing her just how good I wanted her to feel. She seemed to
forget all inhibitions whenever I did this to her, and tonight was no
different. Soon, she was pulling my hair, shouting expletives as my tongue
swirled and lapped at her. Making her come was still one of my favorite things
in the world. Each time it happened, it healed a part of my flawed sexual
history. Also, it was incredibly arousing.

"Oh God, oh God," Julia chanted, slumping backward
against the couch as I rested my head on her thigh.

"Aren’t you glad you said yes?” I asked, a bit out of
breath. “No one has ever made you feel this good, have they?"

"No, only you, Stephen.” She opened her eyes, looking
straight at me. "I mean it," she added softly.

She really means it.

I could see that she was talking about the real me and our game
was forgotten instantly. I had never felt more proud of myself and I was
completely overcome with love for her. Quickly, I moved up and kissed her. I
poured everything I felt for her into the kiss.

"Julia," I moaned. "I want you so much."

"I want you, too, Stephen. Only you."

I ripped my clothes off with frantic hurried movements,
desperate to be inside of her, and she welcomed me with the same eagerness.

"Oh God," I gasped. "You feel so good."

"Oh, Stephen, Stephen," she moaned.

"I love being inside of you," I panted and kissed
her passionately. "I've never felt anything like this. Only with you,
Julia."

"Only with you, Stephen," she gasped. I pulled her
legs up higher and thrust deeper.

"I'll never get enough of you," I told her.
"I want you all the time."

"Me, too!" she cried out as I delivered a
particularly deep thrust.

I leaned on my left arm and moved my free hand down to touch
her. She threw her head back and dug her fingernails into my shoulders while
she clenched and gasped. I was delivering slow, deep thrusts that felt
incredible and at the same time allowed me to go on for longer than I normally could
have. But the feel of her orgasm made me frantic for release and I sped up my
movements considerably. The pleasure grew to new, incredible heights and I
looked into her eyes, startled and overcome by the emotion I saw there.

"Oh God, Julia! I… I…"

Love you!

I climaxed in a rush of sensation and blinding light that swept
over me like a tidal wave. I could feel my pelvis still thrusting, but it
wasn't anything I did consciously. I opened my mouth but all that came out was
a guttural noise as I was pulled under.

I came to, panting and sweating on top of the woman I loved.
I was sticky and weighed too much for her small body to support, but I could
hardly move a muscle. She was breathing heavily and stroking my damp hair. I
lifted my head to look at her and smiled. Her skin was flushed and covered by a
thin layer of sweat, but she had never looked more beautiful to me.

"Stephen?" she asked, furrowing her brow in
confusion.

"Yes?" I brushed my lips against hers.

"That was the best…ever."

"Mmm."

"Only… " She hesitated and chewed on her bottom
lip. I brushed her hair back and looked into her eyes.

"Tell me," I said softly. "What are you
thinking?"

"We didn't just…fuck, did we?"

I shook my head slowly and my heart started pounding in my
chest once again. I had a feeling where she was going and I was both terribly nervous
and excited about the outcome.

"And we didn't just have sex, either, did we?"

I shook my head again and caressed her cheek.

"We…" She looked away and took a shaky breath. I
saw a tear slide down her temple toward her ear, and made her turn her face to
look at me again. She looked scared and vulnerable.

"Shhh. You don't have to say anything else,
sweetheart." I kissed her lips softly three times and smiled at her. "It
was wonderful," I whispered.

She nodded and blinked back a few tears, but she still
looked afraid. I hated seeing her like that. I only wanted her to be happy.

"I'm not going anywhere," I whispered.

"How did you…"

I smiled and kissed her before nuzzling her neck. "I
know you," I murmured.

She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around my
shoulders. We lay like that for a long time with my body covering hers, being
quiet together and breathing each other in.

"What was that song?" she whispered suddenly.
"In the movie."

“Hmm?”

“There was a song playing earlier. Two women were singing. I
think it was opera.”

I smiled, remembering the scene, which had played in the
background while we were making love.

"Oh. It was 'Flower Duet' from
Lakmé
," I
told her. "And you’re right. It
is
from an opera."

"What were the words? I didn't really hear them."

"It's in French." I raised my head to look at her.

"I know some French," she said. "I guess I
was just too distracted to notice."

"You would have hurt my feelings if you had been able
to focus on lyrics in that situation," I said, chuckling. I kissed her
lips.

She smiled. "So what does it mean?"

"I don't remember all of it. The first lines are
something like 'Under the thick dome, where the white jasmine gathers with the
rose. On the riverbank in bloom, laughing in the morning. Come, let us go down
together,' " I said softly as I stroked her cheek.

"That's beautiful," she whispered. "Do you
have the song?"

I nodded and smiled.

"Can we listen to it?"

"Yes, but that means that I have to move from this
position.”

"I'm thirsty, anyway," she said, smiling back at
me. "And I need something so I don't get a mess on your couch."

My confusion must have shown on my face because she motioned
to the place where our bodies were still joined.

"Oh, right," I mumbled and reached down to grab my
shirt for her. Reluctantly, I pulled out of her and watched as she wiped
herself and walked to the bathroom. I got up, turned off the TV, found the
opera piece, and hit pause. Julia came back in holding two bottles of water and
handed me one. I took a quick drink and placed both bottles on the table.

I turned on the opera piece and let the music and words flow
all around us. Julia inhaled deeply and clutched her hands against her chest.
Her eyes became distant and I was worried when I saw them fill with tears. But
then she smiled, even though the tears streamed down her face. She stood
completely naked in my living room while the music affected her in the most
powerful of ways and I knew that I had never seen anything so spectacular in my
entire life.

The piece ended and she took a deep breath, looking up at
me.

"It's so beautiful that it sort of hurts my
heart," she whispered. "Do you know what I mean?"

I closed the distance between us and cupped her face in my
hands. "I feel that way when I look at you."

Fresh tears filled her eyes and she blinked them away to
gaze up at me. She took my hand and placed it over her galloping heart.

"I feel it, too," she whispered.

I was completely overcome with emotion and was thankful that
I was able to control myself enough not to start crying in sheer happiness. I
bent and kissed her gently. Finally, I picked her up and carried her to bed,
where I once again used my body to show her how much she meant to me; how much
I loved her, adored her, and cherished her.

Afterward, we settled down to sleep in each other's arms
with nothing between us, skin against skin and heart against heart. Julia and I
had gone from having sex to making love, and I added this night to my top ten
list. This was a turning point in our relationship.

We were lovers.

I woke up with empty arms.
Stretching out, I searched blindly for Julia, only to discover that I was alone
in bed. I opened my eyes and ran my hand over the spot on the mattress next to
me. It was still warm, so I knew that she hadn't been gone long. Rolling out of
bed, I walked to the bathroom in search of her.

The most terrifying sight met me: Julia, fully dressed and
busily shoving her shower items into her bag. I grew dizzy as understanding
dawned on me.

She's leaving.

"Julia?"

I hardly recognized my own voice. She squeaked and whirled
around to face me, her hand clutching her chest.

"What are you doing?" I whispered.

"I, uh, I need to get going," she said, brushing
past me. I followed her into my office, where she proceeded to pack up her
books and notes.

"W-why?"

I didn't know what I was asking, exactly. Why was she
leaving me? Why was her heart closed again? Why wouldn't she let me love her?

She stopped what she was doing and looked at me.

"Thank you so much for everything, Stephen. I'm feeling
a lot better now and I should go."

"But your finals aren't over yet," I protested.

"I know. But I can handle it on my own. That's the way
it's supposed to be."

" ‘Supposed to be’—what does that mean? Julia, I
want you to stay," I said, helplessly watching as she finished packing her
books.

"I can't. I have to go now," she said, walking
past me toward the hallway. “’Bye.”

The room spun. She wasn't just leaving my apartment. She was
leaving
me
.

I didn't know where the knowledge came from, but I was certain
that if Julia walked out my door now, I would never see her again in this
setting. I would maybe catch glimpses of her on campus as she went on with her
life and moved on to a new guy. She would never smile at me again or let me
kiss her. I would never hold her while we slept or make breakfast for her. I
would never win her love and eventually…she would forget about me.

Oh please God! Don't let this happen!

"Julia!" I cried, storming after her.

She turned and looked at me. Her eyes were so vacant this
morning.

"Don't go," I choked out, fighting back tears. I
reached out my hand to her.

Please don't leave! Stay with me.

"Don't look at me like that," she whispered.

"Like what?"

"Like I just ripped your heart out. You knew this was
just temporary. You know what we are, you and me.”

Anger bubbled up inside of me. I knew exactly what we were:
We were in love, and now she was trying to reduce what we had to nothing but
casual sex.

"It started out like that," I said, trying to
speak calmly. "But it's more now."

She shook her head before lowering it. "No, it's
not," she said quietly.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you spoiling it? I
don’t understand!"

"I'm just facing the facts!" she hissed, looking
up at me again. "You should do the same!"

"What facts?”

She took a deep breath, steeling her gaze. "I'm a
decade younger than you and we couldn't be more different if we tried. It was
fun while it lasted, but I can't teach you anything else. You know how to fuck
now and that means we're done."

I stared at her in disbelief. Was she actually trying to
belittle this by pretending it was just a learning experience for me and a
teaching experience for her? It was more than that. I could feel it when she
kissed me, in everything she’d shared with me. She came here after her
grandfather’s funeral. You didn’t do something like that with someone you were
only having sex with.

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do. Come on, Stephen, you know it's the truth.”
She inhaled deeply, her chest quaking ever so slightly, and averted her eyes
once more. Why wouldn’t she look at me? What was going on with her? I couldn’t
believe this. I couldn’t believe it because…

Because it isn’t true. She’s lying.

Relief flooded through me. She didn't mean what she was
saying. Julia was a horrible liar, or maybe I just knew her so well by now. The
conflict she felt was all over her: in her tense shoulders, her downturned
eyes, and the way she pressed her lips together. She was trying to keep herself
from crying.

"Tell me that you don't feel anything for me,” I said,
walking to her. “Look me in the eye and tell me that this has just been sex to
you and nothing more.”

From the outside, it might seem like I was taking a huge
risk putting Julia on the spot like this, but it didn't feel that way to me. I
knew she had feelings for me. She couldn't have faked everything that had
happened in the last few days.

She drew a ragged breath, still avoiding my eyes. I lifted
her chin and finally she met my gaze. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears.

"I…don't f-feel anything f-for y-you," she
stammered.

"Liar," I whispered, framing her face in my hands.

"This w-was j-just…sex.”

"Liar," I murmured, bending down to brush my lips
against hers. For the first time, she didn’t respond. I pulled back. All her
actions this morning gave the impression that she wanted to leave, but I knew
her by now. She was sad and scared. Being alone was all she knew, so she was
trying to push me away. I had no idea what had happened during the night to
cause this dramatic shift, but I knew that she didn't mean what she was saying.

I had spent my entire life being afraid of the unknown,
always sticking to my routine to avoid disorder and chaos. I knew fear when it
stared me in the face, and right now it was painted all over Julia's beautiful
features.

"Don't be scared," I whispered.

"I'm not!" she snapped, turning her back to me.

"I won't hurt you," I murmured, putting my hands
on her trembling shoulders.

"Shut up!"

I wrapped my arms around her from behind.

"I won't leave you," I said softly.

"Shut up!" she sobbed.

She struggled against me and managed to turn in my arms so
that we were face to face. Her tiny fists pounded against my chest, but I knew
that she wasn't really trying to get away. I had already experienced Julia's
self-defense skills; if she wanted out of my embrace, she could do it easily.

"I'm never leaving you," I vowed, tightening my
hold on her.

"Stop it," she sobbed. "Stop fucking saying
that!"

"Why? I swear, I won't."

"It never means anything," she cried.
"Everyone says it and they still leave! I don't want you to say it because
then you'll go, too!"

"Oh, Julia," I whispered, "I'm so sorry,
sweetheart."

"Please don't do this. Just let me go, Stephen!"
she begged.

"I can't. I won't. I'm not letting you leave."

"Please," she whispered. "I have to be the
one to go. If you leave…"

She broke down in my embrace, crying and shaking while I
held her. I picked her up and carried her back to the bed, where we lay down
together. She clung to me and I didn't let go of her while she cried until I
thought she couldn't possibly have any more tears in her.

"I'm sorry," she said hoarsely. "I didn't
mean what I said."

"I know. I know you didn't." I rubbed her back, and
she let out a shaky sigh.

"Why are you so nice to me?" she asked.

I smiled and kissed her forehead. "I asked you that
once, remember?"

"Oh, yeah.”

"You said you liked me," I reminded her. "I
can give you the same answer."

She nodded against my shoulder. "I just don't know what
all of this means," she said quietly. “You and me.”

It means that I love you and want us to be together.

She was so scared that I would leave. Could this be the
right moment to show her just how committed to her I was?

"Julia, I like you as more than a friend. You know
that, right?" I asked nervously.

"Yes," she whispered.

I held her a little tighter. "If I ask you something,
will you promise to think about it and not say no immediately?"

"OK.”

I rolled onto my side facing her. We were almost nose to nose
and I gazed into her teary eyes. I didn’t know if it would hurt or help, but I
felt as though I might burst if I didn't get the words out.

"I wanted to ask you if maybe you would…um, possibly
consider…”

Just ask her, you coward!

I took a deep breath. Julia was regarding me warily, but
gave me a small smile. That smile gave me the courage to finish the sentence.

"Being mine. Being my, uh, my girlfriend," I
managed to get out.

Oh God, I actually said it. I can't take it back now!
What if she runs?

Her eyes widened a little and, not surprisingly, I felt her
tense up. She chewed on her bottom lip and stared at me for a really long time.
Finally, she opened her mouth to speak.

"What would it mean?"

Uhh…

I was stumped.

"I don't know, exactly," I admitted. "Have
you ever…you know, had a boyfriend?"

"Yes," she whispered. "I didn't like
it."

Shit!

"Oh, was he—"

"An asshole," she sighed. She didn't elaborate.

"I won't be. Err, an asshole, I mean," I said.
"I don't know much about being someone's boyfriend, but I will never hurt
you. I swear."

"Will things change between us if I say yes?" she
asked, lifting her head to look me in the eye.

"No. Not unless you want them to. I mean, I like what
we have now. Don't you?"

She nodded and gave me a small smile.

"Then we don't have to change anything. Except…"

"Except what?"

"Well, the semester is almost over and our final class
is today. I'd like to take you out sometime. You know, on a date. In public."

I could feel my heart racing out of control. I hadn't meant
to move forward so quickly, but now I found myself at the point of no return.
If Julia rejected me, I didn't think my heart would recover. I couldn't go on
pretending that we were something that we were not. I couldn't act like I
didn't love her anymore.

"Can I think about it?" she asked quietly,
avoiding my eyes.

I put my index finger under her chin and made her look at
me.

"I'm not saying no," she whispered, caressing my
cheek. "I love being with you, Stephen. But being a girlfriend again…"

She shuddered lightly in my arms and her face looked pained.

What the hell did the guy do to her?

"Julia, he didn't…" I couldn't even finish the
sentence. I felt deathly afraid that her ex had been abusive toward her. I
cleared my throat. "D-did he…hit you?" I managed to ask.

If he did, I swear to God I will find him and beat him
senseless! And I'll definitely bring Matt along for backup. I'm not stupid.

Her eyebrows flew up in surprise. "No! No, nothing like
that," she said and shook her head. "He never laid a finger on
me."

I breathed out in relief.

"You looked so worried,” she said.

"I don't like the idea of anyone causing you
harm."

Her eyes darkened.

"He still hurt you, didn't he?" I whispered.

She nodded and blinked back the tears in her eyes.

"I won't do that," I promised. "Like I said,
I don't have any experience with being someone's boyfriend, but I think I could
be a good one."

"I think you could, too," she sniffed. "I
just don't know if it's the best thing for us."

"Why not?"

She hesitated for a few seconds before continuing. "Things
are really good right now. What if we do this and it all goes to hell?"

"It won't," I insisted. "We're good together.
Don't you agree?"

She nodded. "But why do we need to label it? Can't we
just continue like this?"

"Of course we can. I just…I need to know that we're
more than sex-buddies now," I told her in complete honesty.

"We
are
," she said immediately and
looked into my eyes. "Stephen, we
are
more."

I could see that she was telling the truth, and that was
reassuring, but there was still a relentless part of me that needed to call her
mine to feel calm. I didn't know why. Maybe it was because at age thirty-three
I had never had a girlfriend; maybe it was because I wanted to stake my claim. Or
maybe it was because I loved her too much to call her something less
significant, such as my “date,” when we attended my parents' party and finally
took our relationship out in public.

"Don't you think maybe you would like being my
girlfriend?" I asked cautiously.

"Yeah, probably," she admitted, wiping her eyes.
"But why would you want me? I'm such a huge mess!"

"You're just going through a difficult time," I
soothed, rubbing her back again. "That doesn't make me want you any less.
I want to take care of you and help you."

"You already do, you know," she said. "Take
care of me and help me, I mean. Thank you."

She buried her face in the crook of my neck and I held her
close to me. Her fingers played with my chest hair and I suppressed a moan when
they brushed over my nipples. As much as I tried I couldn't stop my body's
natural reaction to her closeness and gentle caresses.

"Wow," she giggled. "You're all kinds of
naked. I can't believe I didn't notice before now."

"I actually didn't either," I said, blushing.
"Just ignore it."

Instead, Julia pressed her lips against mine and kissed me.
When I started to protest she pushed her tongue into my mouth and intensified
the kiss. She ran her hands all over me and my body reacted accordingly. Then
she climbed on top of me and pulled her T-shirt over her head to reveal her
naked upper body. She grabbed my hands and placed them on her breasts.

"Touch me," she moaned. "Fuck me, Stephen. I
need to feel you."