Abuse, Trauma, and Torture - Their Consequences and Effects (6 page)

What are the sources of
this unrealistic appraisal of situations and events?

The False Self is a
childish response to abuse and trauma. Abuse is not limited to
sexual molestation or beatings. Smothering, doting, pampering,
over-indulgence, treating the child as an extension of the parent,
not respecting the child's boundaries, and burdening the child with
excessive expectations are also forms of abuse.

The child reacts by
constructing False Self that is possessed of everything it needs in
order to prevail: unlimited and instantaneously available Harry
Potter-like powers and wisdom. The False Self, this Superman, is
indifferent to abuse and punishment. This way, the child's True
Self is shielded from the toddler's harsh reality.

This artificial,
maladaptive separation between a vulnerable (but not punishable)
True Self and a punishable (but invulnerable) False Self is an
effective mechanism. It isolates the child from the unjust,
capricious, emotionally dangerous world that he occupies. But, at
the same time, it fosters in him a false sense of "nothing can
happen to me, because I am not here, I am not available to be
punished, hence I am immune to punishment".

The comfort of false
immunity is also yielded by the narcissist's sense of entitlement.
In his grandiose delusions, the narcissist is sui generis, a gift
to humanity, a precious, fragile, object. Moreover, the narcissist
is convinced both that this uniqueness is immediately discernible –
and that it gives him special rights. The narcissist feels that he
is protected by some cosmological law pertaining to "endangered
species".

He is convinced that his
future contribution to others – his firm, his country, humanity –
should and does exempt him from the mundane: daily chores, boring
jobs, recurrent tasks, personal exertion, orderly investment of
resources and efforts, laws and regulations, social conventions,
and so on.

The narcissist is
entitled to a "special treatment": high living standards, constant
and immediate catering to his needs, the eradication of any
friction with the humdrum and the routine, an all-engulfing
absolution of his sins, fast track privileges (to higher education,
or in his encounters with bureaucracies, for instance). Punishment,
trusts the narcissist, is for ordinary people, where no great loss
to humanity is involved.

Narcissists are possessed
of inordinate abilities to charm, to convince, to seduce, and to
persuade. Many of them are gifted orators and intellectually
endowed. Many of them work in politics, the media, fashion, show
business, the arts, medicine, or business, and serve as religious
leaders.

By virtue of their
standing in the community, their charisma, or their ability to find
the willing scapegoats, they do get exempted many times. Having
recurrently "got away with it" – they develop a theory of personal
immunity, founded upon some kind of societal and even cosmic
"order" in which certain people are above punishment.

But there is a fourth,
simpler, explanation. The narcissist lacks self-awareness. Divorced
from his True Self, unable to empathise (to understand what it is
like to be someone else), unwilling to constrain his actions to
cater to the feelings and needs of others – the narcissist is in a
constant dreamlike state.

To the narcissist, his
life is unreal, like watching an autonomously unfolding movie. The
narcissist is a mere spectator, mildly interested, greatly
entertained at times. He does not "own" his actions. He, therefore,
cannot understand why he should be punished and when he is, he
feels grossly wronged.

So convinced is the
narcissist that he is destined to great things – that he refuses to
accept setbacks, failures and punishments. He regards them as
temporary, as the outcomes of someone else's errors, as part of the
future mythology of his rise to power/brilliance/wealth/ideal love,
etc. Being punished is a diversion of his precious energy and
resources from the all-important task of fulfilling his mission in
life.

The narcissist is
pathologically envious of people and believes that they are equally
envious of him. He is paranoid, on guard, ready to fend off an
imminent attack. A punishment to the narcissist is a major surprise
and a nuisance but it also validates his suspicion that he is being
persecuted. It proves to him that strong forces are arrayed against
him.

He tells himself that
people, envious of his achievements and humiliated by them, are out
to get him. He constitutes a threat to the accepted order. When
required to pay for his misdeeds, the narcissist is always
disdainful and bitter and feels misunderstood by his
inferiors.

Cooked books, corporate
fraud, bending the (GAAP or other) rules, sweeping problems under
the carpet, over-promising, making grandiose claims (the "vision
thing") – are hallmarks of a narcissist in action. When social cues
and norms encourage such behaviour rather than inhibit it – in
other words, when such behaviour elicits abundant Narcissistic
Supply – the pattern is reinforced and become entrenched and rigid.
Even when circumstances change, the narcissist finds it difficult
to adapt, shed his routines, and replace them with new ones. He is
trapped in his past success. He becomes a swindler.

But pathological
narcissism is not an isolated phenomenon. It is embedded in our
contemporary culture. The West's is a narcissistic civilization. It
upholds narcissistic values and penalises alternative
value-systems. From an early age, children are taught to avoid
self-criticism, to deceive themselves regarding their capacities
and attainments, to feel entitled, and to exploit
others.

As Lilian Katz observed
in her important paper, "Distinctions between Self-Esteem and
Narcissism: Implications for Practice", published by the
Educational Resources Information Centre, the line between
enhancing self-esteem and fostering narcissism is often blurred by
educators and parents.

Both Christopher Lasch in
"The Culture of Narcissism" and Theodore Millon in his books about
personality disorders, singled out American society as
narcissistic. Litigiousness may be the flip side of an inane sense
of entitlement. Consumerism is built on this common and communal
lie of "I can do anything I want and possess everything I desire if
I only apply myself to it" and on the pathological envy it
fosters.

Not surprisingly,
narcissistic disorders are more common among men than among women.
This may be because narcissism conforms to masculine social mores
and to the prevailing ethos of capitalism. Ambition, achievements,
hierarchy, ruthlessness, drive – are both social values and
narcissistic male traits. Social thinkers like the aforementioned
Lasch speculated that modern American culture – a self-centred one
– increases the rate of incidence of the Narcissistic Personality
Disorder.

Otto
Kernberg, a notable scholar of personality disorders, confirmed
Lasch's intuition:
"Society can make
serious psychological abnormalities, which already exist in some
percentage of the population, seem to be at least superficially
appropriate."

In their book
"Personality Disorders in Modern Life", Theodore Millon and Roger
Davis state, as a matter of fact, that pathological narcissism was
once the preserve of "the royal and the wealthy" and that it "seems
to have gained prominence only in the late twentieth century".
Narcissism, according to them, may be associated with
"higher levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs …
Individuals in less advantaged nations … are too busy trying (to
survive) … to be arrogant and grandiose"
.

They – like
Lasch before them – attribute pathological narcissism to
"a society that stresses individualism and
self-gratification at the expense of community, namely the United
States"
. They assert that the disorder is
more prevalent among certain professions with "star power" or
respect.
"In an individualistic culture,
the narcissist is 'God's gift to the world'. In a collectivist
society, the narcissist is 'God's gift to the
collective'."

Millon quotes Warren and
Caponi's "The Role of Culture in the Development of Narcissistic
Personality Disorders in America, Japan and Denmark":

"Individualistic narcissistic structures of self-regard (in
individualistic societies) … are rather self-contained and
independent … (In collectivist cultures) narcissistic
configurations of the we-self … denote self-esteem derived from
strong identification with the reputation and honour of the family,
groups, and others in hierarchical relationships."

Still, there are
malignant narcissists among subsistence farmers in Africa, nomads
in the Sinai desert, day labourers in East Europe, and
intellectuals and socialites in Manhattan. Malignant narcissism is
all-pervasive and independent of culture and society. It is true,
though, that the way pathological narcissism manifests and is
experienced is dependent on the particulars of societies and
cultures.

In some cultures, it is
encouraged, in others suppressed. In some societies it is
channelled against minorities – in others it is tainted with
paranoia. In collectivist societies, it may be projected onto the
collective, in individualistic societies, it is an individual's
trait.

Yet, can families,
organisations, ethnic groups, churches, and even whole nations be
safely described as "narcissistic" or "pathologically
self-absorbed"? Can we talk about a "corporate culture of
narcissism"?

Human collectives –
states, firms, households, institutions, political parties,
cliques, bands – acquire a life and a character all their own. The
longer the association or affiliation of the members, the more
cohesive and conformist the inner dynamics of the group, the more
persecutory or numerous its enemies, competitors, or adversaries,
the more intensive the physical and emotional experiences of the
individuals it is comprised of, the stronger the bonds of locale,
language, and history – the more rigorous might an assertion of a
common pathology be.

Such an all-pervasive and
extensive pathology manifests itself in the behaviour of each and
every member. It is a defining – though often implicit or
underlying – mental structure. It has explanatory and predictive
powers. It is recurrent and invariable – a pattern of conduct
melding distorted cognition and stunted emotions. And it is often
vehemently denied.

Return

The narcissist naturally gravitates towards
those professions which guarantee the abundant and uninterrupted
provision of Narcissistic Supply. He seeks to interact with people
from a position of authority, advantage, or superiority. He thus
elicits their automatic admiration, adulation, and affirmation
–
or, failing that, their fear and
obedience.

Several vocations meet these requirements:
teaching, the clergy, show business, corporate management, the
medical professions, the military, law enforcement agencies,
politics, and sports. It is safe to predict that narcissists would
be over-represented in these occupations.

The cerebral narcissist is likely to emphasize
his intellectual prowess and accomplishments (real and imaginary)
in an attempt to solicit supply from awe-struck students, devoted
parishioners, admiring voters, obsequious subordinates, or
dependent patients. His somatic counterpart derives his sense of
self-worth from body building, athletic achievements, tests of
resilience or endurance, and sexual conquests.

The narcissistic medical
doctor or mental health professional and his patients, the
narcissistic guide, teacher, or mentor and his students, the
narcissistic leader, guru, pundit, or psychic and his followers or
admirers, and the narcissistic business tycoon, boss, or employer
and his underlings – all are instances of
Pathological Narcissistic
Spaces
.

This is a worrisome state of affairs.
Narcissists are liars. They misrepresent their credentials,
knowledge, talents, skills, and achievements. A narcissist medical
doctor would rather let patients die than expose his ignorance. A
narcissistic therapist often traumatizes his clients with his
acting out, rage, exploitativeness, and lack of empathy.
Narcissistic
businessmen
bring ruin on their firms and
employees.

Moreover, even when all is
"well", the narcissist's relationship with his sycophants is
abusive. He perceives others as objects, mere instruments of
gratification, dispensable and interchangeable. An addict, the
narcissist tends to pursue an ever-larger dose of adoration, and an
ever-bigger fix of attention, while gradually losing what's left of
his moral constraints.

When his sources become weary,
rebellious, tired, bored, disgusted, repelled, or plainly amused by
the narcissist's incessant dependence, his childish craving for
attention, his exaggerated or even paranoid fears which lead to
obsessive-compulsive behaviours, and his "drama queen" temper
tantrums - he resorts to emotional extortion, straight blackmail,
abuse, or misuse of his authority, and criminal or antisocial
conduct. If these fail, the narcissist devalues and discards the
very people he so idealized and cherished only a short while
before.