Accused (Ganzfield) (18 page)

“You can’t have dodecamine until we know for sure.”

Yeah, I’d already figured that out. I nodded, understanding all the issues with pregnancy and dodecamine and what Rachel had to look forward to for the next couple of decades. At least I was pretty regular, so I would only have to wait the three or four days. But no dodecamine meant no mental shielding and I wasn’t about to let the other minders know what we’d been doing. Once we were back on dodecamine, I could shield our thoughts and memories. My breath caught—if dodecamine even worked on us anymore.
Oh, crap.
Cold pooled in my gut. What if we’d been permanently neutralized? What the hell had been in those darts? I grabbed up the post-its again.

We need to talk to one of the healers.

Trevor nodded and made a quick phone call. Matilda knocked on our door a few minutes later carrying a leather medical bag that even had the little two-snakes-wrapped-around-a-stick logo on the side—caduceus, I think they called it.

Oh, great. A house-call. Or church-call, in our case.

Matilda took in the awkward tension between us, but didn’t know what to make of it. She searched our faces. “How are you feeling?”

Trevor started pacing and I suddenly blushed, even though she wasn’t asking for the reason that had passed through my mind.

Concern flashed across her face as she put her hands on my arms and started doing an assessment. “Oh.”

Across the room, Trevor groaned and ran his hands through his hair again.

Her voice lowered as she met my eyes. “Was it your first time?”

I bit my lip and nodded. Again, I felt like crying, but I still wasn’t going to.

“Hold still.”

I felt myself jump as healing pins-and-needles started in some
very personal places. I was blushing so badly I was amazed that any blood remained anywhere else in my body. I rubbed my hot face with both hands.

Moving on.
I picked up my post-it pad.

What was in the darts?

“A dodecamine-antagonist mixed with something similar to sodium amytal. Basically, a drug that blocks dodecamine and a so-called truth serum that, um, lowers inhibitions.”

Okay, that explained a lot.

Tingles shot down my spine. What the hell had Hunter and his people planned to do to us? Maybe Seth had picked up their plans when they had moved closer to the gate. I’d have to ask him—if I ever could be around another minder again without my private life blaring like a porn movie in their heads. I squeezed my eyes shut again. I needed to work through this. I needed to know what the darts had done to us.

Long-term effects?

“You both should be all right. We think it’ll take another day or two for the antagonist to leave your systems. It might take a little less time for you, since you’re a rapid burner. But until the antagonist is gone, dodecamine won’t have any effect on you.”

So no talking or shielding for me.

Actually, that schedule matched the one imposed by Trevor’s concerns pretty well. We’d hang out here alone together until we had the option of mental privacy again.

Yeah, that wouldn’t be awkward at all.

Matilda nodded.
“Basically, yes.”

Please tell Williamson that we’re off the grid until I can shield again.
I met her eyes, realizing she was looking at me with sympathy. A scowl began to creep down my face, but I shook my head to clear it. None of this was Matilda’s fault.

Preferably by phone.

She nodded. I guess she understood about telepaths and doctor-patient confidentiality. “One more thing…” She rummaged through her bag then pressed something into my hand. I looked down.

It was a box of condoms—a 12-pack, no less. Pink heat flowed over my face again as I furiously blushed once more.

“For next time. You’re going to start your next menstrual cycle in a few days so I don’t think there’s much risk of a pregnancy from what has already happened.”

Okay, that seemed like way too much information for someone else to have about my private bodily functions. I squeezed my eyes shut—just when I thought I couldn’t be more embarrassed.

Trevor kept glancing over at me as he and Matilda talked. What was he saying? I bit my lip. It seemed wrong, not knowing what was going through his head. I missed him even though he was in the same room with me. I looked away, suddenly recalling yesterday—Trevor’s bare chest, the touch of—

“Maddie?” Matilda’s voice startled a gasp out of me. Thank God
she wasn’t telepathic. I tried to drag my thoughts back into PG-territory as I joined them by the front door. “There may be an indirect benefit to this situation. It’s possible your telepathic ability has been holding back the development of your new speech center. You might find that it’s easier to re-learn to speak verbally right now—while you’re unable to communicate telepathically. It might force your brain to use the new Broca’s area. Physically, it’s ready—you just need to reinforce the new neural pathways. Once they start connecting, you could show rapid improvement.”

She looked at Trevor and back at me, sensing the tension. “You could stay in the infirmary for the next few days, if that would be… “

Trevor and I met each other’s gaze and something caught in my chest. The concern I read in him pulled at me.

“Maybe you should.” Trevor’s voice was barely a whisper.

My throat closed up. I shook my head for Matilda’s benefit, but my eyes never left Trevor’s.

I wrote a new post-it when Trevor and I were alone again.

On the plus side, I can sleep in your arms for the next few nights.

“You still want to? I… I hurt you.”

That’s
what was bothering him? I’d thought it was the pregnancy risk—or possibly the broken promise to Williamson.

Not hurting now.

I put my arms around Trevor’s waist and he tensed. How was I supposed to work through this with him when I had no way to talk? I just wanted to… bite something. Instead, I grabbed the stupid post-its again.

I’m freaking out, too. Please don’t pull away from me.

Trevor drew me close. “Okay.”

Talk to me now. About anything. Just talk.

Writing everything out was so slow! How could I use it to re-establish my closeness with Trevor? Could I send him emails of my innermost thoughts?
Urgh.
I just knew I couldn’t give him time to brood or distance himself. After an awkward moment when we considered where else we could sit if we didn’t sit on his bed, we just pushed through it and sat down there together.

“What do you want me to talk about?” Uncertainty filled in his eyes. I put my hand on his cheek, and then pulled him close and gave him a tender kiss. He hesitated, and then returned it, equally gently. I felt his hands cup my face and my heart started to pound erratically as hazy memories of yesterday flashed across my mind.

Trevor broke off our kiss and pulled back. My hand slid down to his neck and his pulse jumped under my fingertips. I grinned at him. Even without telepathy, I had a pretty good idea what he was thinking. I grabbed my post-it pad again.

Tell me about our DO-OVER.
I underlined the word twice.

Several different emotions flashed across his face. I suddenly wasn’t sure which way he’d go with this. Had I pushed him too hard? Without telepathy, I was a pretty bad judge of this sort of thing. I held his gaze, letting him figure out how he felt.

Trevor smiled. “Maddie, you’re amazing.”

Oh, thank heavens. He got it. He understood that I wanted to recapture that loving, intimate connection—to push past the awkwardness that our drugged actions had put between us. Trevor leaned closer to me, whispering into my ear. “First, I’d kiss your lips.” He put his finger lightly against them. “Then, I might start kissing your neck.” His finger trailed down. My breath caught raggedly and I could hear the blood pounding through my veins. His hand trailed lower. “Then I’d start kissing you here.” I felt something melting within my core. “And then...” I closed my eyes and let his words wash through me, dizzy with suspended passion.

Our lips met and we pulled closer to each other. His hands encircled my waist, sliding over the top of my jeans and onto my bare skin and I felt a moan escape from me. We trembled as Trevor pulled back, breaking our contact and trying to get himself under control.

Ah, hell. I was ready for our do-over to start right now. I felt lightheaded.

That’ll be a good do-over.
My shaky writing was barely legible.

An “a-ha” flashed across his features and he blushed as he grinned. “Oh! I… I think I may have an idea. A way to… uh… motivate you to practice speaking.”

Something that could make Trevor blush and grin like that? I raised my eyebrows.

He took my hand in both of his and turned it over, gently running his lips across my palm. Heat spiraled up my arm and I drew in a shaky breath.

“Do you want me to do that again?”

I nodded.

He stayed still, watching me expectantly.

My lips quirked as I got it. I took another breath and focused, trying just for the sounds. “Yyy.” I paused and took another breath.
Focus.
Just think about the sound—not the meaning. Not the word.
The sounds had been tied to meanings in the old speech center. Those links had been broken, but maybe we could make new ones. “Y-eh.”

His smile widened and he repeated the kiss on my palm. I felt the corners of my eyes crinkle at him.
Oh, he’s good.
Trevor leaned forward slowly, pausing a finger’s width from my lips.

His breath caressed my face. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

I swallowed hard and focused on the sounds. “Y-eh.”
Hooked-Up Phonics? Count me in.

The touch of his lips on mine sent heat curling through me. I leaned into his kiss, feeling a little whimper form in the back of my throat when he pulled away.

He watched me carefully. “Wait. Is this a good idea?” I saw the concern in his face, but I couldn’t pinpoint the source. Was he worried about what’d happened yesterday? Did it bother him to tie romantic stuff to my neurological progress? Ugh. Not being able to hear his thoughts made things so much more difficult!

I took his hand in mine and kissed his palm, keeping my eyes locked with his. Was that clear enough?

He lit up when he saw my reaction. His hand wrapped around mine and he brushed his lips across each fingertip. I melted a little more with each touch.

“Again?”

“Y-eh-sss.”

A knock at the door brought us out of our language lesson.

Who’d be coming here now? Couldn’t we get one of those “Go Away” signs that people hung on hotel room doors? I straightened my disheveled clothes and ran trembling fingers through my wild hair.

Trevor grinned at me. “Ready?”

“Yesss.”

His smile widened… then fell off his face as he opened the door.

My mother accused him with her eyes as she shoved the food-laden tray at him. “I brought lunch.”

Wait. Accused? Oh, crap. My heart seemed to stop.
How much does she know?
At least I was off the meds so my thoughts weren’t loud enough for her to pick up.

Probably.

Her eyes softened as she looked me over. “You look… all right. How are you feeling?”

My face went hot and I couldn’t swallow.

Trevor’s eyes were wide and horrified. His girlfriend’s mom was here… and she was telepathic. I gestured to him to step away from my mother before she could get a hand on him. He moved slowly, keeping the tray between them.

“Honey, I know you have another day or two before the drugs from those darts leave your system. Is there anything you need?”

I shook my head. She took a step toward me and reached out to give me a hug. I drew in a quick breath as I stepped back. She bit her lip then dropped her arms and picked up her attitude as she turned on Trevor. “And you… you let someone
shoot
her?”

Trevor flushed red and his eyes fell.

“Mmm-ah… um.”

She whipped her head around at the sound of my voice. “Honey? Did you—?

“Yesss.”

She covered her mouth with her hands and blinked back tears. Never had so few words changed the subject so successfully. I grabbed up my post-it pad.

I’m making more progress with my voice while I’m off the meds.

I blew Trevor a kiss while my mother was distracted by the note. I couldn’t let my mother’s blame fester in him.

I’ll come talk to you in a few days, okay? I love you, Mom.

She hovered in the doorway for an endless moment, looking between the two of us. Finally, she pulled the door closed behind her. I shut my eyes and started breathing again.

“So, you can’t hear me at all?”

I shook my head.

“You don’t know what I’m thinking right now?”

I crossed my arms and scowled. “Nnn… uh.” Why was this making him so happy, all of a sudden?

“So… I could plan a surprise party for you or something and you wouldn’t know.”

I snorted. Good one—a surprise party for a telepath. I debated lobbing half of my grilled cheese sandwich at him, but it was too delicious to squander. Although, I supposed I could lick the cheese off…

“And this could be my only chance… “

“Yesss.” Where was he going with this?

He leaned over, planted a smacking kiss on me, and then smiled mischievously.

“I need to borrow your computer for a few minutes, okay?”

I grabbed my pen.
If people jump out and yell, “Surprise!” at me, I’ll probably blast them unconscious.
I couldn’t maintain my grumpiness in the face of his exuberance, though. Whatever Trevor had in mind made him happy, and I’d go along with having a singing purple dinosaur pop out of a giant cake if it made Trevor happy.

My lips twitched, though, as I pictured blasting the stupid dinosaur.

“So we stared ‘em down for more than three hours after we got Ann and Zack back behind the wall.” Drew had brought trays from the dining hall with dinner for us. He filled us in while we chewed.