Accused (Ganzfield) (17 page)

Trevor turned to me. “See? That’s good to know.”

I nodded. “Fem beet.”

“Exactly,” he agreed, and we fell into giggles again. I think we might’ve been annoying Morris.

The infirmary door slammed open. Harrison and Jonah had opposite ends of a stretcher. Zack held tightly to Ann’s hand and his eyes never left her face. We stepped back against the wall to give them room. The two sparks headed back out, empty stretcher in hand.

I hope they don’t need it again today.

Once Ann had been transferred to the exam table, Morris assessed her. Without my ability, he just seemed to be touching her head and staring. I snickered and Zack flashed a furious look at me.

I bit my lip. “Soggy.” I knew this wasn’t the time for laughing, but I couldn’t seem to help it.

Next to me, Trevor covered his mouth with a hand to keep silent.

Without telepathy, everything seemed flat—like a silent movie. Morris closed his eyes and Ann’s injury healed pink and then faded back into her bronze complexion. She opened her eyes with a gasp. Zack rested his forehead against her shoulder and breathed deeply.

Morris smiled smugly. “You had a concussion. Take it easy for the rest of the day.” He lost the smile when he turned his gaze to us. “You two—I’ll need some blood samples from each of you.”

What a prick.
I doubled over again.

“Maddie?” Ann’s voice seemed tired. “What’s wrong with you? Your mind’s all… goofy.”

Trevor and I slid down the wall and ended up chortling on the floor. Morris made us go sit on cots in the annex before he bled us into a series of test tubes with rubber stoppers of various colors. The site of the blood draw didn’t even hurt and the healing sensation tickled for a moment before it vanished. While he was at it, Morris also healed the gash in my knee from the stone step. He gave us both a stern look. “Stay here in the infirmary. I have to go run some tests.”

Where was he going? Did we have a secret lab here at Ganzfield? Shouldn’t I know these things? I mean, after all, I was a telepath. A minder.
An in-charge know-it-all.
Or, at least, I used to be until some army guy shot me with a drugged-up dart.

Good thing this drug was making me so loopy or I might be pissed off about that.

“Someone drugged you?”

I turned my head to see Ann—the infirmary twirled around her. I was suddenly struck by a profound thought.
Hey, aspirin and other painkillers only stop pain. I mean, at the dentist, the Novocain stops all feeling: pain, pressure, warm, and cold. But painkillers only stop pain. Why doesn’t taking Tylenol or Advil numb us all up like at the dentist?
I needed to remember to ask someone when I got my telepathy back.

“I can ask for you, if you’d like.” Ann watched me like I was a three-year-old with a handgun.

“Nunkoo.”

Zack’s eyes bored into me. “You can talk again.”

“She’s been working with Heather,” Ann explained. Was she picking it up from my thoughts now, or had she known before? I tried to look at her, but her image shimmered like it was reflected on water. It wasn’t as trippy as seeing emotion as colored energy, but still pretty.

“Maddie’s going to talk again. Cheese amazing.” Trevor’s eyes shone with love—and federal dart-drugs. “I mean, she’s amazing.”

Aww!
I slid into Trevor’s lap and placed a sloppy kiss on the corner of his mouth. My aim was off.

“You call that a kiss? That’s not a kiss. This is a kiss.” He tilted my head back and planted a deep, slow, passionate kiss on my lips. The world spun faster and I wrapped my arms around Trevor to keep from falling off his lap. His arms tightened around me. I noticed there were just two of them this time.

I looked deep into Trevor’s eyes and saw the slightly unfocused, impish delight within them. “Luff.”

Ann coughed with embarrassment from somewhere that wasn’t in Trevor’s arms.

He grinned at me. “Do you want to get out of here?”

I nodded, feeling the world continue the up-and-down thing even after I stopped. Man, this was one freaky drug. I really hoped it wouldn’t give me brain damage. I started laughing again because… well…
more
brain damage.

In the distance, I thought I heard Ann calling my name. I waved bye-bye at her as Trevor pulled me along by the hand. We stumbled outside and made our way back to the church. It took Trevor four tries to get his code typed in right, and then he opened the door so fast it slammed against the inner wall.

“Oops.”

We dissolved into laughter again as he swung me inside. I looked down and realized I was only wearing one shoe. When had I lost the other? Huh. That was too bad—I’d liked that shoe. It’d matched the one I was still wearing. Oh, well.

Trevor and I seemed to suddenly be in one another’s arms as we kissed and stumbled and laughed. I fell onto the big bed in the middle of the sanctuary and Trevor landed on top of me. We giggled as we rolled over each other. I tried to kiss his mouth, but I missed again and ended up planting one on his chin. I wondered where my shirt had gone. Ooh! Trevor’s shirt was gone, too! We should call the shirt police—there seemed to be a crime wave in process. My breath sounded loud in my ears as my hands slid across his bare chest. I felt his heartbeat in the tips of my fingers. His hands moved up my sides, and gave me a delicious shiver. We’d never gone so far without soulmating before. How much more could we—

I gasped. All thought dribbled away at the feel of Trevor’s hand on my—

Wait, what are we doing?

I moaned as his lips found mine again. I gripped his shoulders and pulled him closer to me. Everything seemed to swirl around us. Clothing puddled on the bed. I gasped as something ripped deep within me. Trevor kissed me more and then I realized we were having sex. We did that for a while, and then we lay still and both fell asleep in the fading afternoon light.

CHAPTER 11

I woke up with such a killer headache that, for a few seconds, it didn’t register I was lying naked in Trevor’s bed. With Trevor.
Naked
Trevor.

Whatever that dart-drug had contained, the dizzy-drunk feeling was gone. It was morning—

And I can’t hear any thoughts.

Even the little touches that I usually felt from the birds in the trees around the church were silent to me now. Grey light leaked around the slats of the shutters as I gently extricated my naked self from Trevor’s naked self and padded naked-self-consciously to the bathroom. I felt sore in some new and intimate places this morning and I gasped when I saw there was a smear of dried blood on my leg.
Ick.

I’m no longer a virgin.

Oh, my God! Trevor and I had had sex—and we hadn’t meant to. I looked pale and a little green when I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror. I was pretty sure the color change was due to the drug or the headache—I’d been looking much healthier recently, even though I still hadn’t gained all the weight back. I grabbed some painkillers from behind the bathroom mirror and gulped them down before brushing my teeth. The shower clouded the mirror as I washed and assessed the situation.

Part of me felt like it shouldn’t be a big deal. We were in a committed relationship—engaged and everything. We’d known we would have sex eventually. We both wanted to eventually. We’d been with each other.

The other part of me knew it was a huge deal and I felt… sad. Trevor and I had both thought about this. We’d thought a lot about this. We’d wanted the first time to be… perfect. Perfect and magical and right—and safe. My eyes went wide.

Oh, crap.

I started doing period-math. My last cycle had been… okay. This should be okay. My next period should start in about three or four days. I remembered something vague from health class that the last week of the cycle was too late to get pregnant. I pulled on my t-shirt and PJ-pants that hung from one of the hooks on the bathroom door. A quivery, achy pull in my thigh muscles made it real all over again.
Ugh.

I started the coffeemaker in the annex, annoyed with myself for being too distracted to start it before I’d gotten in the shower. Trevor was still asleep as I crept back into the sanctuary. Out of habit, I skirted along the edges of the room before recognizing that he was ability-less this morning, too, and therefore unable to accidentally throw me in his sleep.

Duh.

I climbed up to my loft and changed into jeans and a sweater. Every layer of clothing made me feel more in-control—more centered. I looked around—what else would I need? Ah, hell. We’d have to have the coming conversation outside
our heads. Since I was off dodecamine again, I’d need a way to communicate. I grabbed post-its and a pen from next to my bed and climbed back down.

I looked at Trevor, still rumpled in sleep, feeling love and tenderness and a twisting sense of dread for when he regained consciousness. I grabbed some coffee and slid down to sit against the sanctuary wall. It was a little too cool on the floor, but getting back into bed with Trevor right now—naked Trevor—on the morning after we’d accidentally had sex for the first time, just seemed too… well… too something.

I just looked at him for a while from behind the wall of my knees. I knew what he was going to say—I could almost hear his thoughts. My lips quirked into a joyless smile as I began to write on the post-its.

I had a little pile of notes by the time I heard Trevor’s waking groan. My lungs held the air hostage as he rolled over. He suddenly tensed and his eyes flashed open. I gave him a pathetic little wave and a half-smile when his gaze located me against the wall.

“Oh, my God in Heaven.” He fell back against his pillow and stared at the ceiling.

I felt a little cheated—he’d stolen my line. I went into the annex to refill the coffee cup, and then threw his shirt and PJ-pants over my arm. When I came back into the sanctuary, I held a couple of pain-reliever pills out to him. He looked at them silently for a few seconds then tossed them back and swallowed. I handed him the coffee. He took it and gulped. When I got to the clothes, heat raced up my neck and across my face. I just set them down next to him, and then took the empty coffee cup from his hands and went to the annex to refill it. He came in behind me a minute later—decently covered—and slunk into the bathroom.

He still hadn’t said anything to me. I took a swig of coffee and went through my little pile of post-its one more time. The torquing in my gut ratcheted up a few notches. Trevor found me sitting on the floor again, in the same place I’d been waiting for him to wake up. It just didn’t feel right to sit on his bed right now.

“Maddie?”

My hands fluttered into nervous little clenches. I forced myself to look up and meet his eyes, and then dropped my gaze away from them.
Too intense.
He squatted down to my level and started to reach out to me, but then dropped his arms to his sides.

I handed him the first post-it note. My eyes kept darting up to his face then dropping before his gaze touched mine. I felt like such a coward.

Is this as awkward as it was after the library?

The first time we’d soulmated.

He exhaled heavily, and then slid to sit on the floor next to me, carefully avoiding touching me. He ran his hands through his hair a few times and gave me a weak smile. “Yeah. Maybe more.”

There was another excruciating silence and I wondered which of the anticipated thoughts was in his head right now. This conversation would be so much easier with telepathy!

“Maddie? Did I…” His voice fell to a whisper and he drew in a shuddering breath. “Did I hurt you?”

That post-it was near the top.

It hurts the first time for girls. That’s normal. I’m okay.

Girls. Women. Did this make me officially a woman? Why didn’t we have a better way to mark that rite of passage? Maybe we should get a cake or something—or at least a card. Did Hallmark have a card for losing your virginity? Maybe there was an untapped market there.
Ugh.

“I’m sorry. Maddie, I’m so sorry.” The pain and regret in his voice made me ache. “It’s my fault.”

I shook my head. I had a post-it for this one, too. Did I know how Trevor thought, or what?

It’s NOT your fault.

Trevor hadn’t taken advantage of me. We’d both been kooky on dart-drugs. I took his hand in mine, feeling him tense at my touch. I bit my lip and sniffed. Next post-it.

This wasn’t the way I wanted my first time either, but I’m glad it was with you.

I watched his face as he read. When he finished, he met my eyes. Trevor started to put his arm around me then caught himself and stopped.
The hell with that.
I leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder. He sighed as he pulled me closer.

“It’s not the way I thought our first time would be, either.” Sadness seeped from his voice. “I mean, I had all of these... ideas… “

I half-smiled as he trailed off. I’d seen enough of those ideas in his head to know what he was picturing. I didn’t have a pre-written post-it for what I now wanted to say. I grabbed the pen and wrote then pulled the top sheet off and handed it to him.

We need a DO-OVER.

Trevor gave a little half-laugh. “A do-over?”

Next time, we’ll get it right.

“Next time— “ Something made him go rigid and tense. I had a good guess which post-it I was going to need next.

“We weren’t safe,” he whispered, almost too quietly for me to hear.

I was actually surprised it’d taken him this long to have that particular thought. I pulled off the corresponding post-it from the top of the stack.

Late in my cycle.Almost no chance of pregnancy.

“
Almost
no chance?”

I shook my head no and started writing again.

Period due in 3-4 days.

I squeezed my eyes shut as blood warmed my face. I’d never had to talk to Trevor about my period before.
Ick.
This wasn’t romantic or exciting or fun. It was awkward and difficult and I was reminded how sore I was in certain places every time I shifted position. A part of me felt like crying at how wrong this all had gone, but Trevor didn’t need to have me all weepy right now.