Adultery (June Hunt Hope for the Heart) (4 page)

Why did God give us these deep inner needs, knowing that people fail people and self-effort fails us as well?

God gave us these inner needs so that we would come to know Him as our Need-Meeter. Our needs are designed by God to draw us into a deeper dependence on Christ. God did not create any person or position, or any amount of power or possessions to meet the deepest needs in our lives. If a person or thing could meet all our needs, we wouldn’t need God! The Lord will use circumstances and bring positive people into our lives as an extension of His care and compassion, but ultimately only God can satisfy all the needs of our hearts.

The Bible says ...

“The L
ORD
will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” (Isaiah 58:11)

The apostle Paul revealed this truth by first asking,
“What a wretched man I am. Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?”
and then by answering his own question in saying it is
“Jesus Christ our Lord!”
(Romans 7:24–25).

All along, the Lord planned to meet our deepest needs for ...

• Love
  —
  “I [the Lord] have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness”
  (Jeremiah 31:3).
  
• Significance—
  “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the L
  ORD
  , ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’”
  (Jeremiah 29:11).
  
• Security—
  “The L
  ORD
  himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged”
  (Deuteronomy 31:8).
  

The truth is that our God-given needs for love, significance, and security can be legitimately met in Christ Jesus! Philippians 4:19 makes it plain:
“My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”

Ultimately, the root cause of adultery is the spiritual and emotional immaturity of one or both marriage partners who become unwilling to keep their personal commitment to their marriage.

• W
  RONG
  B
  ELIEF
  :
  “I have a right to get my basic needs for love, significance, and security met. I don’t feel that my previous commitments are binding because my mate isn’t meeting all my needs.”
  

  “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral”
  (Hebrews 13:4).
  

• R
  IGHT
  B
  ELIEF
  :
  “My deepest inner needs will be completely met in a genuine relationship with Jesus, who will be faithful to fulfill me. As I give myself to Christ and obey His commands, He will give me the right desires and the ability to remain faithful to my commitment to my mate.”
  

  “Take delight in the L
  ORD
  , and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this”
  (Psalm 37:4–5).
  

Q
UESTION: “My mate has abandoned me. What am I to do about getting my emotional needs met?”

A
NSWER:
Your emotional needs are God-given and legitimate. And God will prove Himself faithful to you by meeting those needs if you will seek His provision. Trust Him to meet your emotional needs in His time and in His way.

“The righteous cry out, and the L
ORD
hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The L
ORD
is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:17–18)

There are four spiritual truths you need to know.

#1 God’s Purpose for You is
Salvation.

What was God’s motivation in sending Jesus Christ to earth?

To express His love for you by saving you!

The Bible says ...

“God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him”
(John 3:16–17).

What was Jesus’ purpose in coming to earth?

To forgive your sins, to empower you to have victory over sin, and to enable you to live a fulfilled life!

Jesus said ...

“I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”
(John 10:10 NKJV)

#2 Your Problem is
Sin.

What exactly is sin?

Sin is living independently of God’s standard—knowing what is right, but choosing what is wrong.

The Bible says ...

“If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them”
(James 4:17).

What is the major consequence of sin?

Spiritual death, eternal separation from God. Scripture states ...

“Your iniquities [sins] have separated you from your God”
(Isaiah 59:2).

“The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”
(Romans 6:23).

#3 God’s Provision for You is the
Savior.

Can anything remove the penalty for sin?

Yes! Jesus died on the cross to personally pay the penalty for your sins.

The Bible says ...

“God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”
(Romans 5:8).

What is the solution to being separated from God?

Belief in (entrusting your life to) Jesus Christ as the only way to God the Father.

Jesus says ...

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me”
(John 14:6).

Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved ...”
(Acts 16:31).

#4 Your Part is
Surrender.

Give Christ control of your life, entrusting yourself to Him.

“Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross [die to your own self-rule] and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?’”
(Matthew 16:24–26).

Place your faith in (rely on) Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior and reject your “good works” as a means of earning God’s approval.

“It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast”
(Ephesians 2:8–9).

The moment you choose to receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior—entrusting your life to Him—He comes to live inside you. Then He gives you His power to live the fulfilled life God has planned for you. If you want to be fully forgiven by God and become the person God created you to be, you can tell Him in a simple, heartfelt prayer like this:

If you sincerely prayed this prayer, look at what God says!

“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.” (2 Peter 1:3–4)

Q
UESTION: “My husband is my life, yet he is involved in an adulterous relationship. I am consumed with pain and unable to read the Bible or pray. How can I connect with God mentally and emotionally? I need Him desperately.”

A
NSWER:
No human being is ever to be our “life.” God wants you to yield your will to His will and allow Jesus to take control of your life. As a Christian, Jesus Christ is your life. Make Him the foundation of your life, and He will provide you with emotional and mental stability.

“He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the L
ORD
is the key to this treasure.” (Isaiah 33:6)

Just before the prophet Nathan confronts David about his adultery, he primes David’s heart with a parable so that he will feel the full weight of his sin. Nathan describes two men to David, one who is rich with a large number of sheep and cattle, and the other a poor man with nothing of value except a little ewe he nurtures like a daughter.

A traveler requests a meal from the rich man, and rather than slaughter a sheep or cow from his giant herds, he kills the poor man’s pet sheep. David’s anger flares and he vows:
“As surely as the L
ORD
lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity”
(2 Samuel 12:5–6).

Then Nathan raises his finger toward David:
“You are the man!”
(2 Samuel 12:7).

When it comes to adultery or any form of sexual immorality, the Bible has a very clear command:
flee
.

• For the unfaithful partner:
  “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body”
  (1 Corinthians 6:18).
  

  If there is even a hint or an inkling that adultery may be creeping into our lives, Scripture tells us to run in the opposite direction. Sexual sins are uniquely devastating because the immoral sin is against their own bodies, while all other sins are committed outside the body.
  

• For the faithful partner:
  “For your Maker is your husband—the L
  ORD
  Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth”
  (Isaiah 54:5).
  

  For the spouse who has been wounded by unfaithfulness, always remember there is Someone who stands by your side faithful and true. He will never reject you. He will never leave you.
  

God is mighty, fully able to meet your needs and to bring about healing and reconciliation even in the darkest, most desperate situations.

The Bible prescribes an even more forceful command concerning the drive or desire to be sexually immoral—
kill it
.

Sexual sins, like many other sins, can become all-consuming, preoccupying our thoughts and time until our behavior is nothing short of idolatrous. And idolatry, according to Scripture, prompts a serious and sobering response from God—divine punishment.

• For the unfaithful partner
  , read Colossians 3:1–15.
  

“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.” (Colossians 3:5–6)

A natural response from those deeply wounded by an adulterous spouse is to seek revenge for all the pain that now characterizes the fractured relationship.

But God calls the faithful partner to respond supernaturally, to forgive and allow God to administer justice. It’s important to remember that forgiveness doesn’t always include reconciliation. Pray and follow God’s leading as to whether the marriage should continue.

• For the faithful partner
  , read Romans 12:9–21.
  

“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)

The parable—along with a divine proclamation of a painful slew of judgments—grip David’s spirit and lead to a grievous confession:
“I have sinned against the L
ORD
”
(2 Samuel 12:13).

Psalm 51 records the outpouring of David’s heart as he fully acknowledges his sins before God—recognizing that ultimately they are committed against Him. He pleads for mercy, forgiveness, purity of heart, and steadfastness of spirit.
Crushing
is how David describes the weightiness of his conviction, and he longs for the burden to be lifted. He longs to be changed—for good.