Affairs & Atonements (19 page)

She ignored him, continuing to grate her carrots.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Naomi said.

“No, of course not.” Margaret waved dismissively at her. “Maybe next time.”

“Absolutely.” The woman smiled broadly. “I have to thank you for being so kind to Ashton considering the circumstances…” She paused. “Thank you.”

“It goes both ways. You have a wonderful man standing by your side.”

“I know,” Naomi said, clasping his arm fondly.

“We should go, Naomi,” Ashton mumbled. “You might want to shower and change and that does take time.”

“He knows me so well.” She chuckled. “I’ll catch you all later.”

Her little giggles and chatter echoed into kitchen as they made their way through the hallway and out the door. It struck a nerve in Christy’s chest, bringing tears to her eyes.
They were together again. Ashton never mentioned anything about us to her. He had played me for a fool and I had willingly danced to his tune. I’ve been such an idiot!

*****

He put down their luggage on the floor of his room.

“Oh, I sure need that shower,” Naomi said, heading straight into the bathroom to check it out.

He sat on a chair to undo his shoes, his mind unable to shake off Christy’s expression when Naomi had announced their dinner date tonight. She was upset with him and he understood that. But how could he tell Naomi he wanted to get back with his wife when she was relatively alone in this corner of the world? There was no one to support or console her while she made her trip back to Philly. And to imagine breaking up with her while they were lodging in his wife’s bed and breakfast would be far too cruel on her.

“Ash… I asked how the night life was in these parts.” Her voice pierced through his thoughts, shaking him out of it.

“Yeah, I heard they’re good,” he muttered. “I didn’t go out as much. So I can’t really say anyway.”

“That’s a first,” she said, sitting on his lap. Her hand wound around his nape. “You were always out back in Philly.”

“I needed to spend as much time with JR as possible, Naomi,” he said tiredly.

“I know. I’m just saying it’s unusual for you.” She frowned. “Am I saying something wrong?”

He shook his head. “No. I’m just tired. A lot has happened these past few days and it hasn’t been easy either.”

“Would you rather stay in tonight?” she asked, concern sweeping her face.

They’d have to eat in. There was no way he’d want to show up in Christy’s kitchen with Naomi in tow. It was too early for that. Her wounds were still too raw to accept seeing them dine together.

“No,” he let out with a sigh. “Let’s just go out. I’d probably liven up after a shower. Why don’t you head the way?”

“You sure?” She ran her fingers through his hair.

“Yes.” He smiled. “I mean look at this room. There isn’t any way we could eat in here without staining something. Christy would have a fit if she’d see it. She’s so meticulous when it comes to cleaning.”

Naomi rose off him. “You seem to care a lot about what she thinks.”

Did he just put his foot in his mouth? “Naomi-”

“It’s okay. I get it.” She cut him short. “I suppose if this was the only thing I had to depend on for my living, I’d probably be all OCD about it too.” She grabbed her towel and began stripping out of her clothes. “It’s such a shithole anyway. There’s really nothing to save in this dump. Have you seen the bathroom? Absolutely gaudy. No artistic flair whatsoever.”

He let her mutter away, unbuttoning his shirt instead. She was still angry about his trip to New York with Christy. He deserved it. He was never good at breaking-up. In the past, he’d sabotage his relationships, letting his girlfriends end it instead. It had always been easier to disguise his un-interest as ‘drifting apart’. With Naomi, however, he had let her slide into his life because she simply had worked harder at keeping them together. And then there was the little detail that they were two peas in a pod with similar tastes. She was compatible and that seemed sufficient enough to tie the knot with her. Besides, marrying Naomi felt more like he was marrying himself. It felt easy.

He had never bargained on the fact that he would actually find Christy. He had after all made several unsuccessful attempts to locate her. He never would have believed that he’s attraction for her would have lasted as long as this. And he certainly would never have guessed that he would fall in love with her again.

Suddenly, marriage was more than just living with a compatible partner. He wanted to share his life with the woman he loved.

Their cab arrived at the front of the lodge and Ashton whisked Naomi into it. He was already feeling far too guilty for having Naomi share the same bed as he did with Christy just a few nights ago. He didn’t think he had the strength to carry more guilt on his conscience by using her crew cab.

“Why didn’t you get a rental?” Naomi asked, settling into her seat. “What had you been using all this time?”

“Margaret and Christy lent me their vehicles.” He cleared his throat.

“Oh,” she could only manage to blurt out.

She shifted away from him, angling her body towards the window. He clasped his hands over his knees tightly. What was he to do? What was he supposed to do?

“Perhaps, we should get our own while staying here. I don’t like the idea of you using their cars,” she muttered.

“Yeah, sure,” he said quietly, looking out his window.

*****

“Hey,” Chad said as he walked in on her tidying up the bedrooms.

Christy looked up at him and smiled. “Hey.  What are you doing here?”

“I took a day off. I thought I’d spend some time with you. We’ve just been so busy lately we haven’t had time much for each other.” He strolled up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I missed you.” He laid a small kiss on her lips.

“I missed you too.” She attempted another smile but failed to let it reach her eyes. Unfortunately, he had seen it too.

“Is everything okay?” he asked with concern. “How was your trip to New York?”

“Fine,” she said simply. She didn’t want to talk about New York. She wanted to put it behind her, and bury it, if it was possible.

“You don’t look too well, though. Is it Ashton? I’ve seen that he’s a little too fervently interested on the running of the business. I could talk to him if you want. Ask him to layoff you for a while.”

She shook head and gave him a comforting rub on his arm. “That’s okay. He’ll be gone in a few days anyway. His fiancée is here, so he will be busy showing her around the place. I don’t think he’d have the time to bother me anymore.”

“Yeah, I heard. Is she pretty?” He joked into her ear. “I heard she’s a model.”

“Well, she’s got to be beautiful to be one. Pretty-model, model- pretty. Isn’t that how it works?”

He caressed her cheek with the end of his nose. “However she looks, you’re always going to be more beautiful than any woman who walked this earth.”

She pulled away from him with a playful scowl on her face. “Was that sympathy in your voice?”

“No, of course not! I mean it.” He neared her again, placing his arms over her shoulders. “I’ve never been crazier about another woman.”

She smiled and leaned into him. Her heart stabbed and ached. Chad was making this hard on her. How could she not love him more than someone like Ashton? She knew without a doubt that Chad would always make sure she was protected and taken care of. She needed to get her senses back. It was ridiculous how she was continually weeping for a man who had no intention of staying on with her.

“Mom!” She heard JR call from downstairs.

She sighed and stepped away from Chad. “I better check what that is about.”

In truth, she was grateful that JR had interrupted their little moment together. The more time she spent with Chad, the guiltier she felt about her affair with her husband.

She tried to not rush down the stairs, brushing her hair back to ease the anxiety inside her.

She stopped short in her steps as she entered the living room, her eyes resting on Ashton’s back. He turned towards her and she tensed. She didn’t want to talk to him just yet. She simply wasn’t ready.

She forcibly shifted her eyes towards JR only to discover Naomi was in the room as well.

“Hi.” She managed a smile. “I hope you slept well.”

“Yes, I did,” the beautiful blonde model replied politely.

“Mom.” JR interrupted. “Dad and Naomi want to take me out for a picnic at the park. Is it okay if I go?”

She stilled. Reality washed through her. This was how life was going to be. Her son was going to be a part of another family. One that didn’t involve her. She suddenly grew possessive. She didn’t want this strange woman playing mother to her child. There was only ever going to be one mother for her son, and that was her.

“Mom, is it okay?” JR asked again.

Her sensibilities stifled down her jealousy. “Yes.”

Chad stepped off the staircase. “Hi, there.” He greeted Naomi.

He stretched out his hand to shake hers. She took it gladly, glancing back and forth between Christy and Chad. Her wide smile clearly indicated that she was pleased to see him stand beside Christy, and even more when he draped his arm possessively over her shoulders.

“Chad Sullivan, Christy’s boyfriend,” he said.

Naomi nodded approvingly. “Naomi Landon, Ashton’s fiancée.”

They clicked instantly, and moved away to chat some more with each other.

“I’m gonna go pack my stuff for the park,” JR said excitedly, running up the stairs and towards his bedroom.

“Christy,” started Ashton.

“Not now, Ashton,” she whispered. “Please, not now.”

She walked out of the house, praying silently that he would not follow her.

*****

She was sitting with her head in her hands when Chad knocked on her office door. She quickly rifled through some papers, pretending to be busy.

“Christy,” he said as he walked in. “Do you want to go out on a picnic with Ashton and Naomi?”

She paled.
Definitely not!

“I don’t think so, Chad.” She gulped. “I’ve just got a load to do here. And the trip to New York took so much of my time. I’ve got so much to catch-up to now.”

He sighed and walked around the desk to her. “I have to admit I was slightly jealous when you told me you were taking that trip with Ashton.”

“Really?”

“Just a tiny bit,” he said, sitting on the edge of the desk. “He is after all your husband.”

Her temples pulsed wildly.
Did he know? He had to.

“But after speaking to Naomi,” he continued. “I know now that they’re madly in love with each other. Naomi is so excited about her wedding. She was telling me how she can’t wait to get back so she can start working on it.”

“Well, I can’t wait for them to get back also,” she muttered.

He frowned. “Christy, is everything okay between you and Ashton?”

“No.” She covered her face with her hands. “I mean you know how it is when exes meet. It’s not comfortable.”

He watched her closely. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I just assumed that you had resolved your differences amongst yourselves. Are you still angry with Ashton? It happened so long ago and you both were very young when you married. All young people make mistakes they regret later.”

“It’s not that.” She lifted up her eyes slowly at him.  “Chad, there is something I need to tell you.”

His body stiffened as she rose up to stand before him.

“Chad,” she began. “This… between us… it isn’t working.”

He paled. “Is it because of Ashton? Are you… still in love with him?”

She bit her trembling lips, trying to hold back her tears from escaping her eyes. “If it were that simple, but it’s more than that.  I thought I truly was over him. That I could move on. And I really thought I would be able to do it when I met you. You were everything a woman wanted in a man. But I just am not ready. I’ve realized that all I had been doing these years was running away from the way I was feeling about Ashton. And I don’t think it would be fair if I carried all that hurt and pain into our relationship. I need to sort myself out first.”

He leaned his head against hers, whispering softly. “I’m very patient. You can always heal with me in your life. I’ll understand.”

“I can’t,” she whispered back, finally letting her tears flow freely down her face. “I need to fix this myself.”

“Is it because of something I’ve done? Said?”

“No, of course not.” She touched his face gently. “You’ve been great, Chad. You’ve been so good to me; Chad, I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true. I’m such an idiot. I have a wonderful man before me, a man who can give me the world, love me like no one else can and I’m still hung up on someone who might never love me back.”

He pulled her into his arms and she dug her face into his shoulder, weeping quietly.

“I’m sorry, Chad. I’m so sorry.”

*****

They sat for a long while watching the trees swaying gently in the breeze. The sun was setting behind it, showering it in golden light.

“Thanks for spending the day with me,” said Chad, his hand draped over Christy’s shoulder.

“It’s nothing you wouldn’t have done for me.” She leaned tiredly into him. “Besides, didn’t you take the day off for me? The least I could do was spend it with you after callously breaking up with you.”

“That’s true.” He nodded. “You were such an awful bitch.”

She chuckled, slapping him fondly on the chest. “You will come to see me now and then, right?”

“Are you really not going to give this a second thought?” He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“Chad.” She sighed and sat up.

“I know, I know. But you can’t expect me not to hope.” He grinned at her mischievously. “You’ve gotta at least tell me why Ashton’s better than me?”

She clasped his hand tenderly. “He isn’t. He can be an ass. He’s stubborn and definitely pushy. He annoys me most of the time and the rest of the time he thinks he’s got it all figured out.”

“You still love him.” He smiled.

“It makes no sense, but I do.” She shrugged.

“Does he know you feel that way about him?”

“Yes,” she whispered, looking down at her hands.

“Is he going to do something about it?”

“Is he going to marry Naomi, you mean? Looks like it.” She looked over at the woods.

“So… is it just you…?”

“I’m pathetic, I know.”

“Well, if you are, then so am I.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Ahh, the pain of unrequited love.” He let out a tired puff of air and gathered her closer to him.

She leaned her head on his chest as they both watched the sun continue to set behind the curtain of dark dense forest.

*****

“Hey, Mom,” announced JR gloomily as he entered the kitchen.

“Hey, how was your day out?” She smiled broadly.

“Great,” he let out before walking out again and towards the stairs up to the bedroom.

“Is that it? Aren’t you going to tell me all about it?”

“Later.” He disappeared into the hallway upstairs.

“Hi.” She heard Naomi say behind her.

“Hi.” She turned in surprise. Unsure of what more to say to her, she fiddled through her refrigerator and pulled out a zucchini.

“Do you mind if we take JR out for dinner?” Naomi asked.

She paused, thinking how to politely decline her request. Hadn’t JR just spent the entire day with them? And now this woman, who she had met only a day ago, wanted to take her son out again so he could dine away from the beautiful home-cooked meal she had prepared for him. This had to stop.

“We’re leaving tomorrow,” Naomi continued. “It would be really nice if JR could spend our last night in Puyallup with us.”

“You’re leaving tomorrow?” she repeated almost in a whisper.
They were leaving and he hadn’t even bothered to tell me?

“Yes. I got called for another assignment and I miss Ashton a little too much to leave him again. The job’s in Philly, thankfully. I’m trying to take as much work as possible before the marriage. Because after the wedding, I want to take a temporary break from my career, and work on starting a family. JR has done wonders for Ashton. I can see now how much he loves children. I would never have known that had it not been for JR. And I know how much Ashton’s going to miss him once we return home. So I really can’t wait to give him children of his own.”

“Children of his own?” Christy uttered in disbelief. “JR
is
his own.”

“I meant having our own kids,” Naomi said curtly. “There is no need to get offended. You knew exactly what I meant.”

“I know that Ashton was going to spend three weeks with his son, until you turned up and cut it short.”

“And I know you’ve been setting your sights on my fiancé when you have a pretty awesome boyfriend standing by your side,” Naomi gnarled. “Do you always like to covert things you can’t have?”

Christy put her hands on her hips and turned around. Her face was flamed with embarrassment. Naomi had struck directly into her wounds. There was no use losing her temper to the woman or get defensive. What was there to defend when she had indeed dreamed of spending the rest of her life with the woman’s fiancé? Except her dreams had begun long before Naomi had known Ashton.