Afire: Entire Blinded Series (16 page)

Who the fuck does this wanker think he is?

"Well, Trevor's not here, is he?” Ryan's jaw muscles worked—tic-tic-tic—and he bunched his fists, wanting nothing more than to punch Doug's fucking lights out.

Doug let go of Lee's wrist and squared up to Ryan. “But while Trev's away, I'm to look after his business, know what I mean?"

"Business?” Ryan chuckled. “If you mean roughing people up and threatening them, scaring them, you're not doing a very good job. Come to think of it, neither did Trevor."

Doug's face turned red, and he puffed out his chest, swaying slightly as if to show Ryan had pissed him off and he meant business. “You dissing Trevor?"

What an absolute cock...

Ryan eyed the other men, who watched the to-and-fro with amusement, and judged they weren't about to step in and get involved. “And if I am?"

Doug jerked his torso forward, his face inches from Ryan's. “I'll fucking have you."

"Really? When's that then?” Adrenaline rushed through Ryan. He'd listened to the shit coming out of these men's mouths for years, had brushed it off as immaturity, but now Doug was getting on his nerves. He didn't usually get riled, preferring to ignore bigots and people who were all mouth and no trousers, but—

Lee's fist arced up and connected with Doug's jaw, sending the man sprawling backward into his mates. Ryan stared wide-eyed as Lee lunged forward, cracking another blow in Doug's face and a third in his gut. Blood spurted from Doug's nose, and the barmaid shrieked, other patrons scraping their barstools and moving away to the farthest wall.

Lee had pent-up aggression inside him, spilling out today of all days, and Ryan moved to get between the two men, conscious that Lee might go overboard.

Christ, he's always took it. Took what they said and did. Fuck me!

Lee punched Doug again, this time in the bollocks. Doug doubled over, a grunt of pain whooshing out of him, and clutched his crotch. His friends eased away, nursing their beers from a discreet distance so it appeared they had nothing to do with the fight.

Nice mates...

Ryan positioned himself between Lee and Doug. “That's enough!"

Doug stood upright, grappling with Ryan to get at Lee. “Enough? Oh, I haven't even fucking started."

Lee nudged Ryan's arm to get him to move, but Ryan held his ground.

"Lee, back off,” he said, shifting to shield Doug, who pushed and shoved Ryan's chest. “Get the fuck out."

An angry sigh blew over Ryan's shoulder, and then Lee was gone, leaving Ryan to hold Doug's biceps in order to keep him in place.

"Look, man, you shouldn't have started on him. Not today,” Ryan said.

"Get your fucking hands off me, you filthy faggot.” Doug stared at Ryan, hatred burning in his eyes.

Ryan released him and took a step back, his hands up to let Doug know he wasn't about to finish off what Lee began. “Call me what you want, doesn't bother me, but we'll be out of here come tomorrow, all right? And we won't be back."

Doug narrowed his eyes, cheeks stained red, and rolled his shoulders. “You'd better fucking not. When Trevor hears about this..."

He'll have a job doing anything about it while he's in the nick.

"Yeah, well... It's over, right?"

Doug turned away and grabbed his pint, downing the liquid in one go. He slammed the glass on the bar top, beer wetting his top lip. “For now. But if I ever see you pair of queers here again I'll—"

"Yeah. Whatever."

Ryan turned away, heart hammering despite not being frightened, and pushed the door open. Outside, he scanned the car park for Lee, who stood leaning his arse on the passenger door of Ryan's car. Tummy flipping over at the sight of him, Ryan strode across the asphalt, wondering how to broach the subject of what happened. It wasn't just a case of talking about it like some bar brawl. No, it went deeper than that. Lee's emotions were tightly sprung, and only a few of them had been released back there. If Ryan didn't get him to talk, to let go of what troubled him, Lee might run into more trouble in the future.

Problem is, he's like a closed book. Hides things away inside. Isn't comfortable talking about this kind of crap.

Ryan reached the car and unlocked it, getting into the driver's seat and waiting for Lee to join him. Once he had, Ryan looked out the windshield, telling himself to come out with it, to ask Lee if he was okay. Lee beat him to it.

"I'm fine. Now let's get to this bloody wake."

Ryan grimaced.
Right. That's the way he's playing it. Like he always does. Sweeping shit under the carpet.

"You can't keep going like this, you know.” Ryan inserted the key into the ignition.

"Like what?"

"You know what.” He looked at Lee, who scrubbed his chin with his palm. “Not talking about stuff. You'll make yourself ill.” Turning the key, he revved the engine then pulled out of the car park. The traffic was light, so he didn't need to overly concentrate on the road. Good job—his head swirled with worry over Lee's state of mind.

"I'm all right. I'll be fine.” Lee stared out the side window, jaw clamped, rigid.

Ryan indicated left and turned the corner, heading towards Lee's old house. “So you say, but—"

"He said he'd fucking have you. I didn't like that."

Ah, so that's what it was.

"Shit, Lee. How come you can take that crap for years when it's about yourself, but—"

"It's obvious, isn't it?"

Yep, but I want you to say it. I want to hear it...
“No."

"Stop messing about. I don't have to spell it out.” Lee palmed his face.

"Spell what out?"

"Stop playing games!” He stared at Ryan.

"I'm not!"

Everything stilled for a beat then Ryan burst out laughing. Releasing the pressure, he didn't know, but when Lee laughed too, relief loosened Ryan's knotted shoulder muscles.

"Look, Ryan. You want it straight, you've got it. I fucking love you, all right? And when he...when he said... Fuck.” He laughed again. “Just pack it in, yeah? You know why I went for him, you just wanted me to say it. Bloody sap."

Ryan smiled, turning into Lee's old street and pulling up outside. He cut the engine and put the keys in his pocket. “Damn right I did. About time you smacked one of them too.” He stared at Lee, holding out his hand. Lee took it, and the familiar sense of belonging stole over him as it always did when they touched. “I love you, man."

"Yeah. I know."

"You're supposed to say you love me too."

"Yeah, I know."

Ryan laughed hard then, head thrown back. Once he stopped, he said, “Ah, fuck you. Come on. Into the house."

Wakes were difficult at the best of times, but this one set Ryan on edge. Their earlier laugh in the car, the elevated feeling of euphoria, left as soon as they walked into the house. Lee looked uncomfortable, still and unbending, and he stayed away from the guests after the initial flurry of condolences had been made. Oh, he nodded, made all the right facial gestures, but he wasn't himself. Not by a long shot.

Ryan stood leaning against the kitchen doorjamb, Coke in hand, watching Lee tip whiskey down his throat—the second tumbler in the space of a few minutes. Stood to reason he'd need the crutch of alcohol, but Lee wasn't a drinker and had never handled spirits too well. They made him maudlin—like he needed any extra help there. God, he loved him, wanted more than anything for everyone to get out and leave them in peace. Lee looked over once or twice, offered a wonky smile, and Ryan returned it, feeling like he hovered too much, worried too much.

Later, once all the guests had gone, they'd cleared up the plates and glasses, wrapping them in newspaper and packing them away in cardboard boxes. Everything but the sofa and dining table and chairs had been moved to the garage last week, the house bare and uninviting for those who had gathered today. But hey, Lee hadn't wanted the wake anywhere else, and Ryan doubted very much the guests were bothered about the lack of homeliness. Not on a day like today, anyway.

They left the house, dropping the keys to the elderly neighbour, who promised to let the removal men in to do their job then hand the keys in to the estate agent. Lee had bought her flowers and chocolates, thanking her for her help and giving her a hug. With the final arrangements over and done with, Ryan drove them out of that street for the last time. Lee never looked back, never stared at the road he'd been brought up in, with eyes misty, or a wistful expression on his face. He stared ahead as though unmoved, and Ryan couldn't blame him. Shit, he'd have left that house a long time ago, as soon as he'd hit sixteen.

But I'm not like Lee. He had a reason for staying there long after he should have. Some sense of duty to his mother, I'll bet, even though he'd never admit that.

On the journey to Ryan's flat—another place up in the air with half-filled cardboard boxes and suitcases—he thought about his own feelings for a bit. His parents had divorced, and man, that was a shock and a half. He had no reason to stick around now. His mum had gained a new lease of life, off out to the pub and meals with friends, and his dad had met someone new already. Yeah, there was the rumour he'd had Janet on the go for some time prior to leaving Ryan's mum, but it didn't matter now. Not really.

What's done is done. Can't change the past, only learn from it.

Ryan glanced at Lee to gauge whether he wanted to talk. It didn't look like it, so, when on a stretch of straight road, he rested his hand on the other's thigh and gave a slight squeeze.

"I'm fine. Honestly.” Lee turned and smiled. “Let's just get back to yours. Go to bed. And tomorrow we're out of here."

"Thank fuck.” Ryan smiled and took the right-hand turn into his street, coming to a stop outside his flat. “Though I love this place, my flat, I mean, there's nothing here for me now. Gotta move on."

"Yeah.” Lee smiled and held up his hand for Ryan to take. “We'll be all right once we get out of here. Told you before that some people in Biddingford are dodgy with me, but shit, they'll get over it. Not like we're living right under their noses. We should be cool up on the hill out of the way."

"I've never given much of a shit what other people thought, you know that. Come here."

Lee leaned across, and Ryan kissed him softly, wanting to be tender when Lee's emotions were probably raw. He brought his hand up to cup his lover's cheek, thumb stroking the beginnings of stubble. Lee opened his mouth, and Ryan dipped his tongue inside, tasting the whiskey. A small whimper left Lee, his hand rising to twine in Ryan's hair, and Ryan's heart twisted in sympathy for how Lee must be feeling. He wouldn't want an open show of sympathy—hence Ryan avoiding the subject of the day in general—but that one whimper said a thousand words. Lee needed him, needed to forget everything in the midst of their kiss.

It deepened, and Ryan's cock stirred. As he had before, when he'd returned to Lee's after giving him time to adjust to news of his mother's death, Ryan was unsure how far to push. It was one thing for him to feel the need to lose himself in Lee, in their touches, the sensations those sweeping hands brought, but if Lee wasn't ready...

Lee broke away, his cheek against Ryan's, and whispered, “I need you."

Brushing his nose to Lee's, Ryan nodded and backed away, getting out of the car. With Lee out and on the other side, arms folded across the car roof, Ryan studied him for signs of emotional wear and tear. His eyes were bloodshot and deep lines scored the sides of his mouth, no doubt about that, but he looked as though he could do with pampering. Loving.

They entered the flat, taking the stairs with a weary tread, the day having taken its toll on their bodies. But Ryan's mind remained alert, and he ushered Lee inside his bedroom, guiding him to the bed and pressing him down onto it by his shoulders. Lee shirked off his jacket, undoing the black tie and throwing it to the floor. He unbuttoned his shirt and removed it, tossing it across the room to land haphazardly, half in and half out of the laundry basket. He flopped back, arms above his head, and Ryan gazed down at him, his lover so open and trusting. Ryan's heartbeat picked up speed, and he stood at the end of the bed.

"Roll over, yeah?” he said.

Ryan climbed onto the bed as Lee did as he'd asked. He took off his jacket and threw it to the floor, uncaring that it had cost an arm and a leg. He stared down at Lee's muscled back, studying the jutting shoulder blades and knobbly spine. Reaching into the bedside drawer, he took out a bottle of oil and settled between Lee's splayed legs. He flipped up the lid and drizzled oil across Lee's back, dropping the bottle to the bed. After warming his hands, he placed them to Lee's hot skin, smoothing the oil over his shoulders. Ryan kneaded, feeling the muscles loosen with every glide, every press of his fingers.

"Feels good,” Lee said, voice muffled by the quilt. He rested one cheek on his folded hands and sighed.

"You need it, man."

Ryan drew his hands down Lee's back, thumbs either side of his spine, dipping beneath his trouser waistband. The contact hardened his cock, and he held off the urge for a fast and furious fuck. They needed to take it slow tonight, a total wind-down for Lee to ease back into normality. Ryan smoothed on, closing his eyes to better feel Lee's skin, the rise and fall of his back planes, to hear his lover's slowing breaths as all the tension drained away.

"Better?” Ryan asked.

"Yeah. Much."

Ryan's cock strained against his boxers, but he didn't want to stop to undress. Then again, the shape of Lee's arse looked too appealing to ignore, what with the tightness of the trouser fabric across it. Easing his hands under Lee's belly, Ryan fumbled with the button, Lee lifting slightly, and undid the zip. He pulled Lee's trousers and boxers down his legs, taking off his shoes and socks and discarding them all in a pile on the floor. Back on the bed, Ryan poured more oil and gave Lee's arse the attention it deserved. The rounded globes, soft yet firm beneath his hands, turned him on as he spread the cheeks and caught a glimpse of the shadowed valley there. Would they ever explore that side of sex? They hadn't so far—hadn't done anything too adventurous yet—but Ryan wasn't sure if he was comfortable bringing the subject up. He didn't even know if he would like to take Lee's cock there—or whether Lee wanted Ryan inside him.