Afire: Entire Blinded Series (12 page)

"Now."

What the fuck? I didn't hear him right. Didn't...I...
“Now?"

"Yeah. Open your front door."

"What?”
He's never here, is he? Outside?

"Just do it."

My guts roll over, and I smile so wide, so damn wide my eyes crinkle closed. With a shaking hand I flick on the hallway light then fumble with the door lock like my fingers have expanded. Swinging the door wide, I squint out at the hilltop, the doormat fibres digging into my bare feet. Ryan stands there, my beautiful fucking Ryan who makes everything worthwhile, everything fit into place, everything right, a beanie hat on his shaved head. I lower the phone, telling myself I'm dreaming, that he isn't standing there laughing and slipping his phone into his pocket. That he isn't stepping closer. “That you?"

"Yep."

"Fuck me! How...? What...?” I stare at him, take in his face. His jawline's more rigid, squarer, but his eyes remain the same.

"A beer would be nice.” Ryan steps up to the door, and a blast of his scent wraps around me. “But a hug'll do."

I open my arms and bring him into them—Christ, that feels so damn good—and pat his back, though I want to do other things with my hands. Fondle, stroke, smooth. His cheek is warm against mine, the first smattering of stubble good on my skin, and all too quickly he pulls back. His lips brush mine, just the briefest of touches, but God, my cock swells. I'm conscious of Josh being inside, and shit, I wish I'd stayed home alone tonight.

I stare at Ryan then step back, ushering him inside. “What a fucking shock, but shit, it's good to see you.” Closing the door, I walk down the hallway to the kitchen, hoping Ryan follows and doesn't go into the living room. Not until I've had a chance to introduce him to Josh. “Want a beer, mate?” I put my phone on side and look at Ryan, who stands holding a bag. I nod to it. “Dump that on the floor. I'll sort out the spare room later. I don't have many guests. Sheets need changing.”
Please don't use the spare room. Please share mine.
I open the fridge and pull out a beer, handing it to Ryan. I can't stop grinning! “Can't believe you just
did
that to me! Nice surprise, though. Shit, come here!” I have to have him close, want him near me—he's too far away right now.

Ryan steps into my arms, his body warmth a stark contrast to the cold seeping from the fridge. He rests his cheek on my chest, and fuck, I'm a goner. I'm in love with him, always have been, and my stupidity in not telling him sooner crashes into me, a massive slam hell bent on waking me up to smell the damn coffee. He puts his beer on the side and smoothes his hands up and down my back. I do the same, feeling for any changes since we were last together. There are a few—broader back, shoulder blades more defined, a dip at his lower back—but all in all he's the same Ryan.

He raises his head, looks at me, tears in his eyes. “Shit, I've missed you."

My eyebrows rise, and I offer a lopsided grin, too happy to answer him right away. After a few seconds I say, “Didn't realise how much until I saw you, but I've missed you too.” I grip the tops of his arms—new muscles there—and squeeze. Although I want to spend more time alone with him, I have to consider Josh. I feel selfish as the wish for Josh to go sweeps through me, but hell, I can't just turf him out, not after everything he's done for me. “Come on into the living room.” With reluctance I let Ryan go, hand him his beer again and close the fridge. Taking a deep breath, I lead him back down the hallway, wondering if I should tell him Josh is here or whether to just introduce them once he sees him. “Got a lot to catch up on.” I step inside the room and flop onto the black leather recliner, intent on explaining who Josh is. “Take a pew.” I look toward the sofa. “Budge up, Josh."

Josh swings his feet off the sofa and sits at the end nearest to me. He nods at Ryan, who looks unsure, uneasy, and I smile brightly, still unable to believe he's here. Ryan sits at the other end of the sofa, and it's like the light has gone out of him, as though tiredness has caught up now he's resting.

I squirm in my seat, telling myself I can't get up and sit with Ryan, much as I want to. “Shit. Should be introducing you, shouldn't I? Ryan, this is Josh. Josh, this is Ryan."

"All right?” Josh says, his smile bright as he looks at Ryan.

He's a good bloke. He'll be smiling because he knows how much Ryan means to me. I reckon he'll go soon. Please, God, make him go!

Ryan nods at Josh and snaps open his beer, his face a mask that blanks out every emotion except tension. Surely he remembers who Josh is. I know I haven't spoken about him much, but shit, he doesn't think...? I watch him to gauge what he's thinking. He eyes the room, gaze darting from the tongue-and-groove walls to the fake Monet hanging above the TV in the corner beside the window. He stares at the black rug beneath his feet, looking lost and unsure and ready to bolt.

Josh breaks my study of Ryan, lifting his foot up to rest an ankle on one knee. “So you're Lee's friend from years back, yeah? Heard a lot about you."

Ryan swallows, gaze still on the rug. “All good, I hope."

Josh laughs, easy in our company. “Yep, all good. So, what prompted this surprise visit, then?"

Ryan looks up, his gaze glancing off me then resting on Josh. “Uh, I just came on a whim. You know, to do something different for a change.” His face reddens, and he asks, “Known Lee long?"

"Long enough.” Josh laughs again, like he's uncomfortable now.

I watch Ryan, watch the tic flickering beside his right eye. He looks at me as though he wants some kind of explanation, or for Josh to go, and I detect a tinge of stress.

Mouth suddenly dry, I drain my can and put it back on the table. “Josh, didn't you say you had stuff to do?” God forgive me, but he needs to go. I look at him, willing him to get the message. “Me and Ryan have got a lot to catch up on. Old times to talk about.”
Come on, mate. Go. Stop messing about—you know me well enough by now to understand where I'm going with this
.

Josh lowers his foot in a lazy motion. He's a damn wind-up merchant, but in this case it isn't funny. Ryan doesn't look right.
Does he think Josh is my bloke?

"Ah, I
see
,” Josh says. “You want to be
alone
.” He winks and stands. “Anyway, I've got to be getting back. Sue'll be wondering where I've got to.” He turns to face Ryan. “Nice to meet you. You staying long?” Josh reaches down the side of the sofa and pulls out his coat. He slips it on, the waft of his aftershave whooshing over me.

Ryan's cheeks redden some more, but I can't work out whether it's embarrassment or anger. “Um, I'm not sure. Depends on Lee."

"Stay as long as you like, mate.”
Like forever
. “And Josh? Hurry up and piss off out of here. I'll see you at work on Monday.” He can't leave quick enough for me, and it seems like he's moving in slow motion, all languid movements and time-wasting.

"All right, all right! Jesus!” Josh winks at Ryan. “You just hope he doesn't treat you like this. Nice meeting you. Safe journey home if I don't see you before you leave.” He holds out a hand for Ryan to shake then leaves the room as though walking through glue, hand held up in farewell.

His footsteps recede down the hallway, and the front door closes. Relief spreads through me, and I look at Ryan, big smile on my face, and launch a throw cushion at him.

"You thought he was my bloke, didn't you?"

Ryan blushes again. “No, not at all. Don't know what you're on about."

"You did, didn't you? Aww, shit.” I get up and plunk down beside Ryan, giving him a serious look to let him know it's all right, that I'd have felt the same in his shoes. Who can blame him when he hasn't a clue how I still feel? It's time I opened up. Said shit I've kept quiet for too long. “I haven't been with anyone other than you, you know."

His eyes widen. “Um, really? How come?"

He's doing it again, asking me a question that means another one entirely, and I don't blame him. He's as bad as me, unsure whether to push me for a concrete answer or let me do the running. Time to bite the bullet.

"Because...well, I needed to find myself, didn't I? Told you that when I left. Couldn't do that with a man in my life, but now? Yeah, I think I'm ready to start again."

"Good for you. Someone nice?"

I hold back laughter. He must know it's him. Must realise I know he knows too. Isn't it obvious, even though I haven't said anything? Doesn't he feel it like I do inside? Instead of putting his mind at rest, I play the same game as him. “Yup."

And regret it. Ryan turns to stare at the Monet, his frown and pained expression telling me the game needs to stop right now.

"You,” I say, nudging him in the ribs. “If you'll still have me.”
God, here we go. Here comes the kicker.

He turns back to me, eyes wide, his mouth dropping open.
Oh, shit. He's changed his mind. Got someone else. Fuck it, I'm going to push my luck
. I lean forward, my nose bumping against his, and smooth my hand up his chest, his coat fabric cold beneath my palm. I want him, need him so badly, the years of being apart snapping away like they have never been. I kiss him, hoping he doesn't pull away. That fire I felt years ago returns, burning, searing every part of me until I can't get enough of him. I can't imagine how I managed the past four years without him by my side. I undo Ryan's coat, and he shirks out of it, his movements jerky, because fuck, I'm not taking my mouth from his. I kiss him harder, breaths shunting out of my nose, my heart beating so fast I think it'll burst, and my cock, fuck, it's hard. Reluctantly I break away, needing to move on, take this to the next level. I straddle his thighs and slide my hands beneath his T-shirt, fingers gliding up his belly and back down again. His cock presses against mine, and I'm over the damn moon we're here like this, wanting one another, wanting the same thing. I stare into his eyes and lower his zipper, asking silently if he's sure this is what he wants. His eyes tell me we're on the same page, and I free his cock, the softness of the skin there sending a thrill throughout my body. Standing, I pull Ryan upright, communicating with my gaze that I want him undressed and undressed now. We shed our clothing, a frantic time of fumbled undressing, the smell of need permeating the air, and move together, chests and cocks touching. I lay my hands all over him, frantic touches on his ass and waist before moving onto the next plane of skin. His balls brush mine, and a rush of desire rips through me. I want to come right now, spew it all over his belly, but hold off, instead crushing my mouth to his and exploring with my tongue. The hot wetness of our kiss spurns the desire to have his mouth on my cock, and I glide my hands up to his shoulders and gently press down. Ryan lowers, his lusty gaze on my face for a second before he kneels and takes me into his mouth.

Jesus Christ, the heat of it! I want to come so badly it hurts. I rest my hands on his head, setting the pace so I can control the urge to come. Ryan's hands clutch my ass, kneading it in time with his mouth movements. The tip of my cock brushes the roof of Ryan's mouth then touches the back of his throat. I groan, the sound cracked and foreign and nothing like the times I've groaned when fisting myself into coming.

"Fuck! God, Ryan... Fuck!"

Ryan sucks harder, faster, pulling up with delicious suction before plunging his head back down. My balls ache and my ass-hole puckers, the throb at the base of my cock telling me I'm in trouble. Images of Ryan tying me up flick through my mind, and the familiar tingle of orgasm threatens to overtake my control.

"Ah! Wait!” I ease my cock out and kneel before him, summoning all my courage to tell him what I want. “This way. Please."

I lay on the floor on my back. Ryan crouches over me, sinking my cock back into his mouth, his finger tracing the soft ridge between my balls and ass-hole. My hips buck involuntarily, my cock going deep.

"I want you to do something,” I whisper, desire giving me the guts to tell him. “Something I've wanted to do for a long time. Thought about it at night. Wondered...ah...if you'd be up for it."

Ryan pulls up on my cock—shit that feels good—and takes it from his mouth, turning to face me. “What is it?"

"My belt. On my jeans.” Heat creeps into my face, but the words are out there now. I can't take them back. Don't want to. I push on. “Would you tie my wrists?"

Ryan looks startled for a moment but scoots over to my jeans and pulls the belt from the loops. I hold my wrists up together, and Ryan wraps the belt around them, securing the buckle. The feel of the leather against my skin... God, I'm going to come soon.

"Come here,” I say. “Give me your cock."

Ryan moves over me, back facing me, knees either side of my head. He lowers his cock into my mouth, and mine throbs, begging for the same attention. Ryan dips his head and sucks it with hard, unforgiving pulls. Our combined sucking sets my dick to throbbing harder, and I can't hold back for much longer. Ryan widens in my mouth, grows, and his vein pulses against my tongue. A shot of cum speeds out of him, filling my mouth and coating my tongue, the taste hot and tangy. His groan fills my ears, and I work on, savouring the sensations of sucking and being sucked. A second shot of cum joins the first, and I swallow to make room for more. I can't hold back now and give in, my spurt of cum coming so fast it widens my cock-hole.
Fuck, this feels good. So fucking good
. Ryan pours into me again, two jets in rapid succession, and he judders above me, his rhythm out of sync with his previous beat. He pulls up on my dick, lapping up the rest of my cum, his tongue flat against the shaft, his lips tight. He raises his ass, easing himself from between my lips, and lifts his head, my cock leaving his mouth with a soft plop.

Breathless, I study Ryan as he moves to rest beside me, knotting his legs with mine. We pant, sweat dripping off us. I stare at the ceiling, waiting for my breathing to regulate. Ryan places a hand to his brow. He laughs, as though he can't believe it, and I know damn well how he feels.

"Fuck, that was good,” he says.

"It was.” I turn to fully look at him. “Better than our first attempt."