After Class (11 page)

20

The warm Sunday afternoon invites James to relax on the patio of his home while firing up the BBQ. He sits, while inhaling the smell of grilling meat, alone and holding onto an empty beer bottle. He sits a while, motionless, staring out at his perfectly groomed lawn. His thoughts race back and forth between his wife and Taylor. He feels the same guilt as Taylor, even if his circumstance is different. He feels a pain inside for betraying his wife and for allowing things within their marriage to get a bad as they did.

Occasionally, he gets up and rotates the steak grilling on the BBQ. Other than that, he sits in silence, thinking about what he did last night and how many people it might end up hurting. He knows that it was wrong to sleep with a student, no matter the circumstance. He needs to be the adult and make sure that this never happens again.

He finishes grilling his steak and slides back inside his home through the glass patio door. There, he prepares a salad to accompany his meal. As he finally sits down to eat, James has lost his appetite. All he can think about is how wrong last night was. He feels sick to his stomach. He wants to talk to Taylor and tell her that they can never do this again, even though the thought kills him inside. She gave him something that he hasn’t felt in a long time. He is just not sure what that is.

He goes to pick up his phone and his nerves get the better of him. He just can’t bring himself to do it. He worries that if he calls her, maybe she will be with friends or in a position that will give away their secret. No matter how badly he wants to end it so he can feel a sense of relief, he will have to wait until tomorrow. He will have to break her heart then.

James throws away his untouched meal and heads upstairs. Even though it is only 7:00pm, he is wiped from the night before and he feels like sleep is the only thing that is going to help him now. He shuts the blinds in his room and slides under the covers of his king size bed.

The house is lonely without Tiffany and her absence is starting to wear on him thin. He takes off his glasses, sets his alarm and closes his eyes. After tossing and turning for nearly 2 hours, James lies awake, frustrated beyond compare. He lies still, clutching the blanket near his chest. His mind is racing with thoughts of Taylor, his wife and how this whole situation could result in him losing his job. Regret pours out of every pore on his body. He lies awake for hours, his mind racing and the lump in his stomach growing as every sleepless hour passes.

21

Monday morning hits and it is the start of exam week. Already this morning, Taylor has been awake since 6:00am, hitting the books hard, preparing for an exam this morning. Even though she has been buckling down and working hard, her train of thought becomes interrupted, as Mr. Zakarak’s class grows closer. She feels anxious inside. She has no idea how she is going to act or what he might say to her. She doesn’t want to enter class and for other students to notice that something is going on between them, even though the suspicions must already be there.

A few hours later, Taylor enters her first exam in her Zoology class. She is able to focus and to fly through the exam no problem. Zoology was never her thing. Even though she has a love for animals, this reminded her of a beefed up biology class – something she could write about in her sleep. She nailed it and she knows it.

After leaving the exam, she feels in control. She feels like she just aced that exam and that she can finally get a good grip on the grueling week ahead. The only thing she has to worry about now is dealing with James this afternoon and Chad’s arrival on Thursday, which are both weighing her down in more ways than one.

A break in her day comes and Taylor spends the time eating a sandwich and studying in the quad. For once, she allows herself to drink in the springtime air. She immerses herself in college life, without having to get drunk to do so. This small break reenergizes Taylor and gives her the strength that she needs to face what is next. She needs all the energy and help she can get.

The walk to James’ class feels like the walk of shame. Every pair of eyes she passes, she avoids completely. She doesn’t want to let anyone in and she doesn’t want to give it away because she feels like she is wearing the mistress stamp all over her face. What would they think if they knew the truth? What would happen to her? To James and his career? The thoughts make her rethink that lunch choice.

The closer she gets to the classroom, the more nervous she becomes. Taylor can feel the sweat perspiring underneath her arms and on the back of her neck. She feels nauseous and dizzy. When she finally enters the classroom, Janessa is there waiting for her in their usual spot. Seeing Janessa stuns Taylor to her core. Now, she has more than one person to deal with in this class – just what she needed.

As Taylor walks up to Janessa, she tries to conceal her true emotions. She puts on a brave face and tries to act like her normal self.

“Hey stranger. Where have you been?”

“Ugh, I’ve been so sick. I had this horrible flu last week,” says Janessa.

Taylor sits down beside her and organizes her books. Even though she is engaged in conversation with Janessa, her eyes cannot help but want to stare at the front door to see James when he enters. “Oh, that’s not good. Talk about timing too. How are you feeling now?”

“Much better! Still tired but at least I’m not puking my guts out. On the plus side, being out of commission for like a week gave me lots of studying time. I hate exam week.”

“Me too,” confesses Taylor. “Me too…” Her words trail off as James enters the room. Her heart gets caught in her throat the moment her eyes fall on him. She tries to shake it and revert her attention back to Janessa, who is also struck by the professor’s appearance.

“Damn Zakarak looks good! Someone got a hair cut,” Janessa says under her breath to Taylor. She continues staring at James, her eyes tracing his body up and down, checking him out completely. “And that stubble thing he’s got going on. My god! Isn’t he a total babe?”

Taylor can’t help but feel a sense of jealousy as Janessa continues to salivate over his appearance. Instead of saying some catty, Taylor decides that agreeing is the best choice and that maybe Janessa will stop talking about it. “Yeah, he’s a good looking man for his age.”

“For his age? C’mon Tay. He’s like a hot 35 and he’s the hottest guy in this whole college! Period! I wonder what he looks like naked. I bet he’s a total stud in the bedroom. His wife is so lucky.”

Just as Janessa’s words punctuate the air and Taylor’s heart, James starts the lesson. “Good morning class. I hope you are all well rested and ready for exam week.” He can’t help but want to look in Taylor’s direction but he refuses. “We are going to use this class as review. I’ll tell you all what you need to prepare in order to be ready for our exam on Wednesday afternoon. If you have any questions, now is the time to ask them.”

James keeps himself busy throughout the review class, ensuring that he keeps his attention away from Taylor’s direction. He connects his laptop to the projector so he can compile a review document for the class to follow. He pulls down the white projection screen overtop of the whiteboard and then walks over to the door so he can kill a few lights in the classroom to make the projector more visible. “So, the exam will consist of three components: First, you will be given an original Shakespearean piece of literature that you must analyze and relate to modern day society. The second part of the exam will be a reading comprehension section, where I will supply a piece of poetry and you will be asked 45 questions based on that. The final section of the exam will be a mini essay. You will be given a topic related to something we have discussed at some point in this class and will be writing a 1000 word mini essay. Remember to include proper essay structure as you write.”

The students in the class all write down the exam components into their notes. Some students stay calm and cool while others are obviously nervous for this exam and very unprepared.

“I’m so fucked for this exam,” whispers Janessa to Taylor. “I am such a sucky writer.”

Knowing that she already has a perfect grade on this exam, Taylor feels so much guilt and remorse, she can hardly look at Janessa. She continues staring at the words reflected onto the screen by the projector. Every now and then, she looks at James but he ignores her.

James continues jotting down a few more examples for the students. As he finishes up, he starts shutting down his laptop and unplugging it from the projector. He then walks over to turn the few lights back on in the room. “So any questions?”

The class sits still and silent. No hands are raised. James turns to flick on the light switches and as he does, Janessa raises her hand. He looks up at her and sees Taylor sitting right beside her. This is the first time all class he looks at her and all he can think about is her lying naked in his arms. “Yes, Miss Thompson?” he says to Janessa. “You have a question?” He tries his best to not look at Taylor, even though it is impossible.

“Yeah, how much time is allotted for this exam?”

“Two hours,” James replies. “Time management will be crucial for this exam. The Shakespearean analysis should take no more than 45 minutes of your time. The reading comprehension should take you another 30-45 minutes and the essay should eat up the rest of your time.” He walks back over to his desk and rolls the white screen back up to its resting state. He organizes his belongings. The class isn’t over yet but James is done. He can’t take it anymore. “That’ll be all for class today. I will leave exam review material on my desk if you would like it. If you need further assistance, please email me and we can set up an appointment in my office tomorrow or Wednesday morning. Otherwise, I will see you all on Wednesday. Good luck.”

He packs up his things and heads for the door as fast as he can. Even though he wanted to talk to Taylor and to tell her that things were over between them, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Something inside of him prevented him from doing it.

As soon as he is gone, Taylor finally feels like she can breathe. She lets out a sigh and packs up her things. She sees the stress across the faces of other students in the class in regards to the approaching exam, including Janessa and she can’t help but feel wrong for doing what she did to ace this exam.

“Well, back to the grind, right?” says Janessa. “5 exams to go this week. I better get cracking. See you on Wednesday!” Janessa packs up her things and heads for the door, completely unaware of Taylor and the negative energy that surrounds her.

The other students exit the class and Taylor remains there for a few moments. There are 15 minutes before the next class begins and she decides to stay there alone with her thoughts. She sits in her spot and feels another lump forming in her stomach. She knows that she needs to talk to James and to make things right. She knows that she needs to write the exam and pass it the proper way. Knowing that she took the easy way out on achieving her goals will be something that she will regret for the rest of her life. Even if she wanted to be like Chantelle for her entire life, in this moment, she just wants to feel like herself again. She knows that she is bigger and better than this. She knows that stooping to this kind of level is below her, even if James makes her feel something she has never felt before.

In the middle of her thoughts, she receives a text message. Automatically, Taylor assumes it is James asking her if the two of them can talk but it is in fact Chad. The message reads:

“2 MORE DAYS! CAN’T WAIT 2 C U. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR TESTS! LOVE YOU.”

Just as Taylor is about to respond to the message, another text comes through. This time, it is from James.

“CAN YOU MEET IN ME IN MY OFFICE ASAP?”

Taylor can feel her body shake at the question. She wonders if she should just meet him there or text him back. She figures she wants to avoid small talk with him at all costs, so she gathers her things and gets ready to head straight to his office. Time is precious and cannot be wasted anymore.

22

James sits in his office by his desk. Even though the sun shines brightly outside the office doors, the interior of the office remains dimly lit. The room has a rather 1950’s feel to it. There is vintage furniture all around and his office resembles more of a library than an office. Books line the walls floor to ceiling all stacked perfectly and in order. His desk is constructed of the finest wood and same with his bookcases. Everything is neatly placed and sits where it lies with care. He sits with his laptop open, typing away. His eyes occasionally look towards his phone where he waits for Taylor’s reply.

Knock! Knock! Knock! Someone taps on the door. James rises from his desk and opens the door. There stands Taylor. They lock eyes for a moment but James quickly breaks the silence. “Miss Murray, please come in.”

Taylor enters the office. Being her first time in here, she looks at the scenery before her. With everything so neatly placed combined with the vintage feeling of the room, she finds herself even more attracted and intrigued by James, but all is quickly interrupted as James speaks.

“Please, take a seat.” He instructs Taylor to sit as far away from him as possible. James hesitates for a moment by the door to his office, wondering if he should keep it open or close it. Even though he wants his privacy to speak to Taylor about their situation, a part of him wants to keep the door open as a way to prevent something from happening. After a moment passes, James decides to close the door. He’d rather people suspect something than having them actually hear it with their own ears.

After closing the door, he returns to his desk where he sits down. He props his elbows up on the desk and faces Taylor. “We need to talk.”

“I want to write the exam,” Taylor cries out, while still keeping her voice soft. The last thing she wants is for someone to hear. “What we did should have never happened and I’d hate to go through life knowing that I received a perfect grade by doing something immoral.”

James sits for a moment in silence. A part of him is saddened that Taylor feels the same way as him. Even though this is the perfect scenario and that things will end, a part of him doesn’t want it to. He stares at her golden blonde hair and her beautiful blue eyes. “Well, then you can write the exam in full on Wednesday and we will grade your exam properly.”

Taylor shakes her head in agreement. She tries to avoid making eye contact with him at all costs. When she does speak, she stares at his desk or another line of sight. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

James sits for a moment and brushes his hand over the stubble on his face. “I just wanted to say that I was sorry.”

Taylor finally makes eye contact with him. There is an unspoken moment between the two of them. They stare into each other’s eyes longingly, the same way they did in the hotel room. James cuts the moment short and breaks the gaze. “It was wrong of me to take advantage of you like that and I am sorry. I acted unprofessionally and should have never done that to you. It won’t ever happen again. I hope you can forgive me.”

Taylor locks eyes with him. His green eyes pierce through her body. She fights the words as she says them, like her body is rejecting the thought. “You are forgiven. Let’s just forget this ever happened,” says Taylor. She rises from her chair and extends her hand to James. “Truce?”

James smiles and relief comes over him. He stands to meet her and walks over to her slightly, still keeping a barrier between them. He extends his arm and gently grabs Taylor’s small hand. He envelops it in his. “Truce.”

The two stand there for a brief moment, their hands interlocked. Even though they both just agreed that this must end, something pulls them in. The skin-to-skin contact sends a tingling sensation throughout both of their bodies. The fight from avoiding prolonged eye contact fails and they both stare at each other. Through their gaze, they are able to communicate that they don’t want to hurt anyone but that they just can’t fight it anymore. It’s too much. They are addicted to it.

They both meet in the middle and their lips press together. They nearly devour each other the moment their lips touch. Sparks fly through their bodies and they are both filled with this newfound sense of electricity and desire. James brings his hands up to cup Taylor’s face as he kisses her deep. Taylor wraps her arms around James’ build and pulls him in tight. As powerful as the kiss is, they stop. They break away from the moment and compose themselves. James is the instigator. “We can’t do this. Not here. Not now.”

Taylor agrees. “You’re right. The last thing we need is someone catching us.”

James doesn’t want to say it but he has no choice. “But I have to admit, the whole sex in the office thing is kind of a fantasy of mine,” says James as he playfully looks into Taylor’s blue eyes.

Taylor can’t fight it. She has to give in too. He’s just too damn tempting to her. “Well, you said we could book an appointment with you anytime for additional help in preparation of the exam, so what does your 10 o’clock look like tonight?”

James and Taylor both smile and laugh. “I think we can arrange that”, says James. “I’ll see you then.”

“It’s a date,” Taylor says back as she heads for the door. She leaves his office without thinking. As soon as she is down the hall, that is when it hits her. She can’t keep doing this and it needs to stop. Chad is flying halfway across the country to see her and meanwhile, she is sleeping around. Taylor gives her head a shake and wonders if she should turn around and tell James to forget it. As bad as she wants to be able to have the strength to do that, thoughts of him naked and pressed up against her take over and win.