After Class (4 page)

5

Taylor lies on the bathroom floor with her head pounding. She is curled around the porcelain toilet and feels like hell. She is awake, yet too afraid to move, for any sudden movement could result in another bout of vomiting. Realizing she forgot her cell phone in her dorm and not strong enough to get up, she lies and waits for the nausea to subside or for someone to come rescue her. Never before in her life has she felt this awful. The taste of alcohol and vomit lingers on her tongue and her body reeks of booze. Her clothes are bathed in sweat and her skin is pale.

She lies with her mind racing about the night’s events, trying to piece together the pieces but some parts are missing. She can hear voices outside of the stall she is in wondering about who is under there and if they are okay. Taylor wiggles her toes to signal that she is still alive, but too weak to talk.

After what feels like eternity of lying on the bathroom floor, Taylor can hear Nicole’s voice calling after her. “Tay! Taylor! Hey have you seen Taylor?” Nicole’s voice calls in the distance. A few moments pass and Nicole comes racing into the bathroom. The giggles start even before she opens the stall door where Taylor lies motionless. “Miss Taylor Murray, there you are!” Nicole exclaims as she swings open the bathroom stall door holding a glass of water. She smiles at Taylor. “Good morning sunshine.”

“Ugh, I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. I really drunk bus. Like a bus filled with alcohol. Oh god. I don’t even want to think about alcohol.” Even the movement of her lips feels like she is going to puke. Her mouth starts to fill with saliva again.

“Well, obviously we need to work on your alcohol tolerance. Until then, this should help”, Nicole says as she holds out the ice cold glass of water. “Come and get it.”

Taylor knows that sitting up might make her vomit, but she knows she needs the hydration and badly. Nicole crouches down to help Taylor to sit upright. The two girls work slowly until Taylor is up. She grabs for the water. Her hands shake as she presses the glass to her lips, but she downs a bit of water. It helps to ease the shakes and the taste in her mouth. She goes in for another sip.

“I’ve got to say though. It sure is fun seeing you like this. It kind of makes my life”, Nicole smiles, as she stands upright again. “Come on though, let’s get you showered up and smelling less… drunk.”

Taylor knows that a shower would do her some good. She shakes her head yes.

Nicole helps her up and guides Taylor toward the showers that are located within the shared bathroom. “Here, I’ll start running the water for you and you can hop in. Then, I’ll go get your things and have them here waiting for you when you’re done,” says Nicole as she reaches her hand into the shower to turn on the hot water. “Now, go freshen up.”

Taylor looks at her with squinty eyes and speaks the fewest words possible in fear of the water coming back up. “How are you alive this morning?”

Nicole smiles and taps Taylor on the shoulders. “I’m a pro, honey. This is every weekend for me. I’m like a college veteran.”

Taylor shakes her head in bewilderment. She then slowly undresses and hops into the shower.

*****

After her shower and as mid afternoon approaches, Taylor is finally seated at her desk. The Tylenol offers her some relief from the headache that pounds on throughout the day and with some small bites of food in her belly, she feels more stabilized. Taylor tries again to piece together the night and suddenly remembers her fight with Chad. She reaches for her cell phone, turns it on and waits for it to boot up. When the phone comes to life, Taylor receives all of the missed calls and missed text message notifications; each and every single one of them from Chad. Her heart sinks in her chest. She dials Chad’s number immediately.

The phone rings once.

Twice.

Three times.

No answer.

Just when she feels like all hope is lost, Chad answers on the other end with a “Hello?”

“Hey! I’m so sorry!” Taylor says with an apologetic voice into the phone. “I had a crazy night last night and I never do that. I am so sorry if I upset you. I promise it won’t happen again.”

Chad falls silent on the other line and this causes Taylor to feel sick to her stomach again, but for another reason. “It’s alright. I was just worried about you. It’s not like you to go out and get drunk,” says Chad. “I just got a little worried and I’m sorry I overreacted. I just really miss you.”

“I miss you too. College sucks without you and I feel like I’m losing my mind,” says Taylor as she stares at the pile of schoolwork and studying in front of her. “I just have a lot on my plate right now and last night was a bad idea.”

Chad laughs. “How are you feeling today?”

Taylor sighs into the phone and holds onto her head. “I am never, ever doing that again. That much I can tell you.”

“That’s what they all say. So, what’s stressing you out? You can talk to me, you know?” Chad says as he tries to offer some form of comfort, despite being miles and miles away.

“Just everything. I feel like I don’t get a break from school ever and when I’m close to the finish or feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel, it just keeps piling on,” says Taylor as she runs her fingers through her long, blonde hair. “I’m just frustrated and I don’t want every conversation we have to be about school or how stressed I am.”

Chad smiles and it can be heard in his voice. “I don’t care what we talk about. I just want to hear your voice.”

Taylor smiles ear to ear and butterflies fill up her stomach. “How lucky am I to have you in my life?”

“Not as lucky as I am to have you babe. But you get to work. Start studying and just know that I love you no matter what. I will talk to you later, okay?”

Taylor doesn’t want the phone call to end. She knows that as soon as she hangs up the phone, she is back to the life that she cannot stand. “Okay, I’ll talk to you soon. I love you too. Bye.”

“Oh and say hi to Nicole for me. Bye!” Chad says on the other line as he hangs up. Taylor stares at the phone for a minute, wondering why Chad wants to all of a sudden be ‘Mr. Friendly’ with Nicole. She thinks nothing of it and hangs up the phone. As she does, she knows that the paper for Mr. Zakarak’s class isn’t going to write itself and that is the first form of work that she needs to check off of her list of things to do. The time is 3:30pm and Taylor knows that she has wasted a lot of precious time. It is now or never. It is time to get this paper done and to prove to Mr. Zakarak that she is better than what he thinks of her. It is time that she got that A+.

6

The weekend seems to pass faster than it ever has before. It is Monday morning and Taylor is getting ready for the day. She is in the dorm bathroom, washing up, applying makeup and feeling good. She worked hard on her paper and she is ready to prove to Mr. Zakarak that she is back on track. After a very drunken Friday night, Taylor buckled down on Saturday and Sunday and finally feels like she has a grip on reality. Rested and put together, Taylor decides today to spruce up her wardrobe. Instead of opting for the usual sweatpants, she decides to actually look presentable. She puts on a pair of tight jeans, a white button down shirt and some brown stylish boots. She feels good again and she feels like herself.

The first two classes of the day seem to whiz past her. She jots down all of the study notes her notebook can handle and that her hand can write down. She listens intently and doesn’t fall asleep. During lunch, she enjoys something healthy and homemade, rather than delving into the world of fast food. She sorts through her schedule, planning study days and what she wants to accomplish. Finally, college life doesn’t seem so bad after all. Taylor walks down the hallway and approaches the room where her English 101 class is held. Students gather outside of the lecture hall, waiting for the previous lesson to finish so they can enter. Taylor stands and waits.

A few moments pass and her classmate, Janessa, meets up with her. “Hey Tay, how are you? I heard you had a pretty crazy weekend!”

Taylor looks at Janessa slightly stunned. She braces herself for the worst. “What are you talking about?”

“Everyone at the party loved you! They thought you were the bomb! You were doing so many Jell-O shots, it was insane,” Janessa exclaims, in an excited fashion. “I had no idea you were going! I would have totally gone. Go figure. The one party I miss, is the one where Taylor Murray lets loose.”

Taylor smiles and blushes. “Well, it was certainly a sight to behold I am sure but let me tell you, Saturday morning was a whole different story. I’m never doing that again.”

“That’s what they all say,” Janessa says as she winks at Taylor. “So, did you get your paper done after that lecture bullshit Zakarak gave you Friday?”

Taylor grips her paper tight in her hands and holds it to her chest. “Here’s hoping! By the way, I’m sorry about Friday. I was just really stressed and I didn’t mean to take it out on you. ”

Janessa pats Taylor on the shoulder. “Hey, it’s not a big deal. I’m sorry too.” She smiles at Taylor and the two share a forgiving moment.

The previous class is done and students leave the room. Taylor and Janessa file in along with the others. They take their usual seats in the lecture hall and wait for Mr. Zakarak to arrive. Realizing she has a few minutes to check up on some things, Taylor pulls her laptop from its carrying bag and opens it. She waits for it to boot up. “So, what did you do this weekend?” Taylor asks Janessa.

“Not much, surprisingly,” says Janessa. “I kept it pretty chill actually. I decided to maybe study for once.”

“And how did that work out for you?”

Janessa sighs deeply. “You see these bags?” She gestures to her eyes. “That’s about how well it went.”

Taylor laughs and turns her attention to her laptop. She accesses her email and sees an unread message in her inbox. She clicks on it and sees that it is from Mr. Zakarak. Taylor becomes slightly nervous. She anxiously opens the message to reveal its contents.

“MISS MURRAY, PLEASE SEE ME AFTER MONDAY’S CLASS.

-MR. J. ZAKARAK”

Taylor looks confused at her computer screen, unsure what the email is about and why it was so short. She notices that Mr. Zakarak has replied to a message previously sent. Taylor has no recollection of sending him a message so she looks at the thread. As Taylor reads the email she sent to Mr. Zakarak, she sits paralyzed. Her cheeks flush a bright red and her heart pounds loudly and forcefully in her chest. Sweat is starting to form on her forehead and on her palms. She feels embarrassed. She feels like she is going to be sick. “Oh my god, I have to leave,” Taylor says to Janessa, as she panics and packs up her belongings.

Janessa looks at Taylor confused. “What? Why? What happened?”

Taylor ignores her and continues packing up her things. “I have to…”

“Miss Murray, please sit. Class is about to start”. Mr Zakarak enters the classroom and silences any movements of hers. She freezes as his words pierce the air. She stands, not knowing what to do. She knows that she can’t leave and she has to face what is about to come. She sits down again and sits quiet.

“Tay, what the hell is going on?” Janessa whispers.

“Nothing. It’s nothing”, says Taylor, her attention never leaving Mr. Zakarak.

Mr. Zakarak sets his belongings down on his desk. He organizes his things and is ready to start the lesson. He approaches the front of the class. “I hope you all had an enjoyable and exciting weekend. I know I did”, he says to the class. Taylor knows that the comment is directed towards her and she tries to fight off the embarrassment. “I also hope you all hand in your papers at the end of class.” The students shake their heads yes and Mr. Zakarak smiles with approval. “Good, I am looking forward to it. Now, let’s begin on a new topic.”

Mr. Zakarak turns to the whiteboard and continues on with his lesson. For the entire class, Taylor and him exchange weird glances. The awkwardness sets in and fills the space between them. The tension is thick, palpable. Taylor sits for the entire lesson, her heart in her throat. She can barely even focus on the words coming out of his mouth and every single time his eyes scan the classroom, she fearfully looks away as he glance gets closer to hers.

The end of class is nearing and this is the moment that Taylor has been dreading. A much larger lump in her throat forms, as she knows she has to face her drunken mistake. “As you leave class, please stack your papers on the corner of my desk,” says Mr. Zakarak as he takes a seat in his chair. He watches the students hand in their papers, one by one.

Janessa starts packing up her things and gets ready to walk down the stairs to leave the class. She turns to look at Taylor. “You coming Tay?”

Taylor gathers her things slowly, trying to avoid the approaching moment for as long as she possibly can. “You can go without me,” she says. “I’ll be right there.”

“Okay cool. I’ll wait for you outside class”. Janessa finishes gathering up her things, walks down the stairs, and hands in her paper and leaves.

Taylor is the only student left in the classroom and she still stands gathering her things. As she walks down the stairs, it feels like the walk of shame. She can feel Mr. Zakarak’s eyes burning a hole in her the entire time. She doesn’t look. She can’t bring herself to do it. This is the worst moment of her life. She can barely hold onto her books her hands are trembling so bad.

Upon approaching the desk, she holds out her paper and sets it down on the corner. Before she can let go, Mr. Zakarak grabs it from her hands. The motion causes Taylor to make eye contact with him, even though it is short lived. She turns away from the gaze abruptly and hangs her head in embarrassment.

“I look forward to reading this, Miss Murray”, says Mr. Zakarak as he places her paper on the top of the pile. He shuffles the stack of papers into his hands and slides them into his briefcase.

Taylor stands, waiting before his desk. She knows that the conversation is approaching and she doesn’t want to talk about it. She wants to make things right and to apologize, but she just can’t find the words. Mr. Zakarak allows the silence between the two of them to linger. He wants Taylor to feel threatened. It gives him a sense of power that he enjoys. He gets off on it. She doesn’t have to know that he, too, is at a loss for words.

After avoiding eye contact long enough, Mr. Zakarak finally looks up at Taylor and she meets his gaze. They stare deeply into each other’s eyes, both knowing what is about to happen next. Taylor goes to open her mouth, but Mr. Zakarak’s voice cuts her off. “Listen, Miss Murray, I know that college is fun and that sometimes you can get a little carried away,” he says as he leans forward into his desk. “But what you said was highly inappropriate and it will not be tolerated in my class or in this institution.” Taylor’s heart and head sinks further, the embarrassment and shame she feels starts reaching her core. “I am so sorry, Mr. Zakarak. I don’t know what I was thinking. I promise that it won’t ever happen again. It wasn’t like me and I am sorry. I can’t apologize enough.”

Mr. Zakarak sinks his head and exhales deeply. He gets up and puts on his suit jacket. As he does so, it pulls his dress shirt tight, showcasing his muscular chest underneath his shirt. His pecs are rock hard and solid, with his nipples being slightly erect. This motion causes Taylor to look and it subconsciously causes her to shift her movement. It flusters her a bit, like she saw something she shouldn’t have. She continues to stand before him, clutching her belongings to her chest and using it as some sort of a metaphoric shield as she always does with him. He finishes putting on his jacket and grabs his suitcase. “On another note, I look forward to reading your paper. I’ll see you on Wednesday, Miss Murray. You are dismissed.”

A breath of relief comes over Taylor and she bolts for the exit. Her heart is racing and the sweat drips on her brow. The exit to the room seems like it couldn’t be farther away. She walks as fast as she can, without running, like the threshold of the door is safety and she can’t get there fast enough.

He watches her leave, his eyes falling to the floor once the mane of blond hair disappears around the corner. He sits for a moment on his desk, his eyes lingering in the direction Taylor walked out of the room. He sits, silent and just stares. Then, he goes into his suit jacket and pulls out his cell phone. He looks for a missed call notification or a text message- anything - and receives nothing. He wrinkles his nose and stuffs the phone back into his pocket, grabbing his belongings and heading for the door.

Meanwhile, Taylor walks right past Janessa, who as always, has been listening to the conversation. She runs after her classmate to catch up and to get a bit more information on what just happened. “Taylor! What was that all about? What did you do to him?” she asks, running to catch up. She meets up with Taylor and stares her dead in the face.

“Stop it! Seriously, I don’t want to talk about it,” Taylor says sternly, as she picks up some pace to her step. She wants to run but can’t because of her wardrobe decision today. Why out of all days is this happening to her? Why can’t she get anything right?

“Just hold up and let’s talk!” Janessa says next to her. She is desperately hoping for a response and now her demeanor is more concerned rather than intrusive.

The words that escape Janessa’s lips hit Taylor hard. She wants to talk about it. She wants to get it off of her chest. The thoughts racing through Taylor stop her dead in her tracks. Janessa stops alongside her. Taylor notices a nearby bench and sits on it. Janessa sits beside her. Offering some comfort, Janessa places her hand on Taylor’s leg. “Do you want to talk? I’m here to help,” she says softly.

Taylor takes a deep breath and her bottom lip quivers as she inhales. Before speaking, she lets out a big sigh. She is trying to quell her nerves but is failing to do so. Her cheeks still burn a fire red and the sweat perspires down her forehead. After a few decisive moments and thinking if telling anyone what happened is a good idea, she begins to speak. “Okay, you can’t tell anyone. Do you promise?” Taylor asks Janessa. She doesn’t turn to talk to her but instead stares straight ahead.

Janessa looks at her and holds up her pinky in front of Taylor’s face. “I pinky swear.”

Taylor locks her pinky with Janessa’s and turns towards her. Panic and fear are stamped across her face. “Alright, so I got a little drunk on Friday, as you know, well as everyone knows. Anyways, I met up with a friend that I’ve known for years. She told me that her secret to getting through college with a 4.0 was that she slept with her teachers. So, having that thought in my mind, I guess I wrote a drunk email to Zakarak in hopes to get the same result. The only thing is that I swear I didn’t press send but I must have. I was so drunk I didn’t remember much of the night,” Taylor says to Janessa, tears welling in her eyes. “How could I do something like that?”

Janessa’s jaw hangs wide open. She is shocked and stunned. She stares at Taylor and has no idea what to say, akin to the way Taylor looked at Chantelle when she broke the news. Her mind is racing and her thoughts are skewed. Taylor was always an innocent and well-behaved girl. All Janessa can do is pull her in tight and embrace her. Janessa and Taylor hug each other close. After being able to piece her thoughts together, Janessa is finally able to speak. “So, what’s going to happen now? Was he mad?”

Taylor breaks from the embrace. She brushes some tears from her eyes. “I don’t know. All I know is I can’t face him again. I have to get out of his class.”

“But there are only a few weeks left in the semester. You only have like 2 weeks left. You can last.”

Taylors shakes her head. The stress is building in her body again. Just when she thought that everything was finally going well in her life, everything has crumbled down before her again. She was so close to getting it right, but once again, it is slipping through her fingertips.