After Math (13 page)

“Thanks, Caroline.” I lay my head on her shoulder.

“I won’t say anything else about Tucker. If you want to see him, I won’t stand in your way, and when it all crashes and burns, I won’t say I told you so. But ask yourself this: does Tucker make you happy or does he make you more miserable than you were before?”

Her question meanders through my head the rest of the evening. When I’m with Tucker, it feels so right, but when we’re apart, the doubts begin to creep in.

I’m in my room studying when the doorbell rings.

“Are you expecting someone?” Caroline shouts from the bathroom.

“No.”

I get up and go to the front door, looking through the peephole. Tucker stands outside the door, his hands shoved into his hoodie pockets.

I open the door, and we stare at each other.

He’s been running, but it’s drizzling outside and his clothes are wet. His mouth is turned down, and he looks miserable. His lips open, and he hesitates before he finally speaks. “I lived in six foster homes. I was at my last one four and a half years. I don’t like libraries because one of my families would make me sit in a room full of books for hours on end, insisting I read. They give me claustrophobia now.”

Tears spring to my eyes. He’s trying to open up. “Thank you.”

He’s still standing outside the door, his hands still buried. “I’m not the only one with secrets, Scarlett. You have plenty of your own.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” My chin trembles. What can I tell him? My past is tucked inside a vault. I sort through my neatly filed baggage. “My sister is three years younger than me. She dropped out of high school when she got pregnant at fifteen. She lives in a trailer in the same trailer park I spent the first eighteen years of my life.”

He reaches for me, and I take a step toward him, my bare toes curling on the cold concrete outside the door. His face lowers and his mouth hovers over mine. “I miss you, Scarlett,” he whispers.

“I miss you, too,” I whisper back.

His lips are soft and gentle, and his hand softly caresses my cheek.

I sigh as the now-familiar sensation of peace fills me with his touch. Taking his hand, I pull him inside.

Caroline pads down the hall in her robe and stops when she realizes that Tucker is standing in our living room.

“Hey, Caroline,” Tucker says with a hesitant smile.

Her mouth parts, and she takes a step back.

His weight shifts, and he looks uncomfortable. “I know you’re worried that I’ll hurt Scarlett. I know you don’t trust me, and I don’t blame you.”

Her eyes widen, and she turns to me.

“Scarlett didn’t say anything.” Tucker adds. “But I know you’re friends, so of course you’d be worried about her.”

Caroline tries to look indignant, but she’s having a hard time since Tucker is being so blunt. “You have to admit you have a reputation of leaving girls strewn in your wake.”

“I know, but Scarlett is different. I won’t hurt her if I can help it.”

She lifts an eyebrow. “
If you can help it
?”

“I can’t promise I won’t hurt her, Caroline. Nobody can. But I promise to do my best not to.”

She’s not sure how to respond.

“I plan to be around a lot. I hope you and I can get along.”

Caroline lifts her chin. “I guess that depends on you. If you hurt her, I’ll cut your balls off and shove them up your ass.”

I gasp, but Tucker bursts out laughing. “Fair enough.”

“Then we might just get along.” Caroline spins around and stomps off to her room.

Tucker grins at me. “I like her.”

I’ve never loved her more. “Me, too.”

“What were you doing when I showed up?”

I smirk. “You have to ask?”

“We have a history test this week. We could study together.”

I can’t help smiling. “I’d like that.”

I get my textbook and notes and we sit next to each other on the sofa, going over my notes. Lifting my eyebrows, I give him a playful glare. “I think I see the reason you’re with me now. You just want my notes.”

He kisses me long and slow, then grins against my lips. “Damn. You saw through my devious plan.”

I kiss him back. “I like it.”

After we’ve studied for thirty minutes, it’s obvious that history comes more easily to Tucker than math. When I mention it, he shrugs. “Why do you think I’m majoring in it?”

I tilt my head to study him. “You’re serious?”

He sighs. “Look, I have to get good grades to keep my scholarship and stay on the soccer team. So my parents insisted that I majored in something that I’m good at. The fact is, I might not even come back for my senior year. There’s an agent who wants to sign me and work on getting me signed pro a year early.”

“An agent?”

He chuckles. “I told you I was good.”

“You’d really quit school to go pro? What about your education?”

“If I can make enough money playing professional soccer, then I don’t need an education.”

“But is that what you really want to do? You don’t even love soccer that much.”

He turns serious. “I lived most of my life with
nothing
. I have a chance at
something
.”

He’s shared more of himself. Granted, it’s not much, but it’s something. I understand having nothing, but I can’t help wondering if Tucker is selling his soul just for the
chance
of having more. “I still don’t understand why you can’t major in what you want, in case your professional soccer plans fall through. You want to major in education. You’d be fantastic at it.”

He pushes me backward on the sofa and leans over me, kissing my neck. “I told you already, Scarlett.”

I laugh. “I almost forgot
Mr. Beckham
.”

He pins my hands to my sides. “Oh. Insulting my soccer skills, huh?” A wicked look fills his eyes. “Have you even seen me play?”

My voice lowers, and I grin. “Oh, I’ve seen you
play
.”

His mouth gapes, then he laughs. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

No one is more surprised than I am that I have a playful side. I stretch up to kiss him.

He releases my arms and his hand slides down my neck to the exposed area on my chest above my oversize t-shirt. “I want to study something else.”

“I thought you loved history.”

He turns serious. “Maybe I love something else more.”

My smile falls as I wonder what he means by that, but he kisses me until I’m breathless and forget everything but Tucker.

***

On Monday morning, Tucker is the one meeting me after my set and logic class. He’s waiting outside The Higher Ground and kisses me as though he hasn’t seen me for days instead of only a few hours.

“I missed you,” he says.

“I missed you, too.” I’m surprised I mean it. I’m so used to being alone, it scares me how attached to him I’ve already become.

We go inside and sit after we order coffee. “Tucker, I’m going to cancel our official tutoring sessions.”

His eyes widen. “Why?”

“It’s not right, for one thing. The university is paying me to tutor you, and it seems a conflict of interest since we’re…” The blood rushes to my cheeks. “Together.”

He grins. “You’re cute when you blush like that.”

I glance down at the table. “I’m glad somebody thinks so.”

He lifts my chin and looks into my eyes. “You’re perfect, Scarlett. Don’t be embarrassed about who you are.”

How does he do that? How can I go from feeling embarrassed and nervous to relaxed and at peace in a few seconds? No drug, no therapy for my anxiety, has ever been able to accomplish what Tucker can do with a smile and a touch.

“I’ll still work with you, but we both know that you really don’t need me except to explain a few things. You have me anytime you want me now.”

“I like the sound of that.” He leans over the table and kisses me. “But I hope I can come up with a better use for my time with you other than studying algebra.”

“I happen to like studying algebra.”

“Then you study algebra and I’ll
do other things
.” His voice lowers on the last words and I feel flushed for a reason other than embarrassment.

“Do you want to work out with me tonight?” he asks.

I waggle my eyebrows. “And here I thought we
were
working out.”

He laughs. “God, I love you.”

I suck a breath and lean away, pressing my back into the chair.

His smile falls, and he takes my hand. “I love you, Scarlett.”

How can he know that? We’ve only known each other a few weeks.

“I know it seems fast. But sometimes you
just know
.”

I gnaw on my lip, unsure how to respond.

“I don’t expect you to say it back. Not yet. But I don’t want to pretend I don’t.”

I feel like I should be scared. This is so huge, but it feels right. Like we’re supposed to be together. I’m not sure if what I feel is love or not. I know it’s strong, and I want to be with him, but is this love? I can’t say the words until I’m sure.

“You didn’t answer my question. Do you want to work out?”

I nod. “Yeah. I do.”

“I’ll pick you up at your apartment at seven-thirty. Okay?”

Why does the idea of working out fill me with such happiness? It’s because of the person I’m working out with. “Sounds perfect.”

***

Tina is in the math lab when I show up for my shift in the afternoon. “
Well
?”

“Well, what?”

“What happened with Tucker?”

How she knew I was with Tucker when Caroline didn’t is beyond me. But Tina seems to know everything that happens around Southern University’s campus.

“I’m on my way to resign from tutoring Tucker. What does that tell you?” I ask.

Her mouth drops open, and I laugh. Let her get the wrong idea.

Dr. Carlisle is in his office, and he’s thrilled when I tell him that Tucker has learned the subject well enough that he no longer needs me. “I heard he made a B-plus on his exam. Great job, Scarlett.”

“Thanks.”

The afternoon is busy so I’m caught off guard when I glance up and discover Jason sitting in a chair against the wall. I have no idea how long he’s been there, but the scowl on his face tells me he’s not happy. His gaze is locked on me and pure hatred flows from him. The muscles in my back tighten and blood rushes to my head. The student I’m working with looks up when he realizes he’s lost my attention. I clench my hands in my lap and try to concentrate on the student’s problem.

When we finish and the student gathers his things to leave, I stand. “Tina, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

She nods and casts a worried glance toward Jason.

I walk into the hall, all the way to the end, and cross my arms to hide my shaking hands, staring out the window onto the university campus. My panic is about to explode, but I push it down.
I can do this
. I sense him approach, and he stands next to me, too close.

“I told you to stay away from him.”

My pulse pounds in my head, and I force my breaths to come in slow, even waves. “What I do or don’t do is none of your business.”

“It is where my brother is concerned.”

“Your foster brother.”

He pauses. “I know what’s best for Tucker. You don’t know him. For some reason you think you do, but you don’t.”

I turn toward him. “I’m not going to discuss this with you.”

“He’s skipping team training sessions. He’s only half-playing in the practice games. He’s losing his edge, and it’s because of you.”

Could that be true? I know Tucker can’t work out as hard with me as he would on his own.

“Scarlett, do the both of you a favor and leave this now before someone gets hurt.”

It’s too late for that. If either of us leaves, we’ll be devastated. “You keep making vague threats. What exactly do you think is going to happen?”

Jason leans his hand on the window in front of me and lowers into my face. “Tucker was born to play soccer. He’s got a gift most players dream about. A gift I would
kill
for. But when he’s complacent he loses his edge. He has a good shot of being picked up by a pro team within the next few weeks. A few scouts are supposed to be coming to check him out and we’re expecting a couple of offers, but they won’t make an offer if he’s lost his edge. And trust me, their scouts
will
come to watch him.”

Complacent? Does he mean happy? But I can see how Tucker might be missing things because of me. Other than the mandatory practice last Saturday, I’ve never heard him mention working out with his team. “Don’t you think Tucker should finish college before going pro?”

He scoffs. “Tucker won’t need a degree. He’ll be a professional player.”

I can’t believe what he’s saying, “That’s pretty shortsighted.”

His eyes widen. “Shortsighted? It’s more shortsighted to hope he doesn’t get some career-ending injury. Tucker has the opportunity to make a lot of money if he can make it to the European circuit.”

“But what about whether he’s happy or not?”

Shaking his head, he laughs. “Happy? Money and fame will make Tucker happy.”

Tucker’s attention-seeking, destructive behavior fits with that kind of life. Jason’s insistence that Tucker not alter his behavior makes me wonder if his foster family encouraged this public persona. “Do you even know what Tucker really wants?” I ask.

“Do
you
?”

No, but I intend to find out.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Turns out I’m miserable without Tucker, which is beyond ridiculous. We’ve only known each other a few weeks, only been together for one, yet I feel like my heart has been torn out, ripped to pieces, and stuffed back inside my chest.

I tell Caroline about our fight in the morning and seek her opinion. “Am I wrong?” I secretly hope she tells me that I am.

Tears fill her eyes. “No, Scar. You’re not wrong. This is huge if he’s running to a city two hours away and won’t tell you why. For all you know, Marcel is a girl.”

That thought steals my breath before I make myself calm down. “No, he called Marcel his brother.”