Again (23 page)

But then the realization that Jonathan was so near sparked a fire through her blood, rendering her helpless to stay away from him.
 
She had missed him more than she knew.
 
He had taken her heart with him and now he has returned to make her whole once again.
 
The fact that seeing him was wrong simply did not matter to her.
 
She
would
see him, and her stomach fluttered at the thought.
 

“Are you certain it was his ship you saw?” she asked eagerly.

Emelie’s eyes lit up with excitement and she nodded.

Catherine placed her hand to her heart, feeling it beat faster still.
 
She desperately wanted to see him again and she needed to know if he felt the same.
 
Throwing off the covers, she scrambled out of the bed.
 

“Then we must hurry!
 
See that the horses are saddled.”

Emelie ran to the trunk at the foot of the bed and began rummaging through it.  “It is done, milady,” she said breathlessly.  “I took the liberty of having that done this morning...”  She broke off, looking worried.
 
“I assumed milady would be anxious to see Master Jonathan.” 

Catherine gasped.
 
Had her feelings, then, been so very apparent?
 
She thought of the man who made her forget everything that was proper.
 
She could not stop the smile that slowly spread across her face.
  
She suddenly laughed.
 
“You are but a hopeless romantic.
 
Come.
 
Let us hurry.”

Together they selected a deep purple gown with an underskirt of white and a bodice that clung to her slender figure.
 
The sleeves dipped just off of her shoulders and scooped deep in front.
 

After tying silk ribbons in Catherine’s hair, Emelie went to open the door, but Catherine silently motioned her to wait.
 
She kneeled before her trunk and retrieved the folded letter she had hidden within the lining and then tucked it into her sleeve.

≈

By the time they arrived at the harbor, the sun was making its ascent up the sky, splashing the water with crimson and yellow.
 
A few villagers milled about, shouting up towards the ship.

The familiar face of Cedric appeared from amongst the crew unloading the cargo.   His boyish grin stretched across his face when he saw that Emelie was there and he sprinted toward them, and did not stop until he stood before Emelie, grasping her hands in his.

Catherine’s heart softened when she saw the look of bliss on Emelie’s face.  Her maidservant clearly adored Cedric, and his love-struck face made Catherine smother a laugh behind her hand. 

A few moments passed before either one of them realized they were not alone.  Emelie was first to break the silence.

“Forgive me, milady.”
 
She pulled her hands away.

As if seeing Catherine for the first time, Cedric blinked at her as if trying to remember something.  As realization struck, his eyes widened. 

“Oh, milady!”  He bowed low.  “Master Jonathan wishes to see you, if you will.”  He pointed in the direction of the ship’s railing.

Then she saw him.
 
Jonathan was leaning on the ship’s railing, chin in his hand, looking at her.
  
She could not stop the erratic flutter of her heart when she imagined his arms around her, holding her to his hard chest.
 
Her fingers touched her mouth, remembering the feel of his lips upon hers.
 
It no longer mattered to her the difference in their stations.  Nothing mattered to her now that he was here.

Jonathan disappeared behind the rails only to reappear moments later, running down the plank.
 
He wove his way to her, through the people who stood between them.
 
Then, deeply serious, he bowed low before her.

“Milady.”

Her heart sank.
 
Perhaps a smothering embrace and a crushing kiss was a bit too much to have asked for, but she certainly had not expected such formality.
 
With so many months between them, maybe he truly did not feel the same as she.  Feeling foolish for allowing herself to open her heart, she straightened her back, and closed her eyes to hold back the tears that she knew would come.

“Why so serious, Catherine?”

The tease in his voice made her catch her breath.  Hope flickered to life, urging her to look at him.

The sparkle in his eyes danced as he leaned toward her.
 
Suddenly his arms wrapped around her waist and the world became a blur as he spun her around, making her laugh with delight.
 
Ah, she had lost herself again!  He made her feel so reckless and alive.
 
At this moment she was not the Lady of Elderidge, but just…Catherine.

His voice was soft and his breath was warm, tickling her ear.  “Please tell me you have missed me as much as I have missed you.”

She held strong to his shoulders, for her knees went weak. 
 
He could not have spoken sweeter words.

His cheek was smooth against hers as he slowly pulled away, kissing a path from her ear, until his lips found hers.
 
His kiss was gentle, but too brief, taking in her full lips and drawing back, leaving her breathless.
 
He gently placed her feet on the ground and held her at arm’s length, his hands firmly on her waist.  His brows rose in anticipation of her answer.
 

Her lids were heavy with desire and her breasts rose and fell with quickened breaths.
 
What she truly wanted to do was to shout to the sky how she felt, to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him with all the passion that raged inside.
   

“Yes,” she whispered.
 
“More than I could possibly say.”

“Cedric,” Jonathan said, never taking his eyes from Catherine.  “I am sure you and Emelie have much to talk about.”

“Aye, sir.”  Cedric understood Jonathan’s words and began to guide Emelie away, but the maid protested.

Jonathan held up his hand to silence her.  “I am perfectly capable of tending to the needs of Lady Catherine.”  He looked back at Catherine.  “Unless, of course, your mistress objects?”

Catherine looked at the three before her.  Emelie wringing her hands, Cedric begging with his eyes, and Jonathan challenging her with an arch of his brow.

Object?
 
She hardly thought so.
  

“I could prove to be quite demanding,” she warned.

Emelie’s worried look was eased when Catherine gave her a quick wink. 

Catherine’s heart was lighter than it had been in years, as if something inside her had been cut loose to run free.

Jonathan stood straighter, in mock resolve.  “Well then, I am ready for the challenge, milady.”  With that, Jonathan dismissed Cedric.

As Cedric and Emelie walked away, Cedric began animatedly explaining something of obvious interest to the maid.
 

Catherine watched them, thoughtful.
 
An unfamiliar feeling of compassion towards Emelie settled around Catherine.
 
It was an unlikely friendship that was being forged, a relationship defying what she was raised to believe.
 
Never before had Catherine looked upon Emelie as a confidant, but here they were, two women, stations apart, with a shared purpose.

“Where have your thoughts taken you?” Jonathan asked softly.  The touch of his fingertip as he gently traced the curve of her jaw coaxed her back to him.

She was speechless as she gazed upon him.
 
He had tied his thick locks at the nape of his neck with a thin leather thong, exposing the golden ring in his ear.
 
His impossibly thick lashes lined eyes that were lighter in the morning sun, a golden brown.
 
His eyes held so many emotions all at once, interchanging and blending so swiftly that she was compelled to watch in fascination.
 
Her mouth went dry and her breaths turned shallow.
 
She touched her tongue lightly to her lips.

A lopsided grin slowly formed on his lips.
 
“Ah, milady,” he sighed.
 
“You test my strength of resolve.”
 
He took her hand and pressed it to his lips, closing his eyes tight.
 
“I could think of little else but you while I was away.”

His words caressed her heart, melting away any reason to ignore her growing passion for him.
 
But this was all wrong for so many reasons, she reminded herself.
 
Wrong for her, for Jonathan, and for Galen, but her heart refused to listen.
  
It wasn’t so much who he was, but how she felt when she was around him.
 
Inside she felt free, unbridled, and strong.
  
Jonathan had transformed her into a woman who could play with the sun and dance with the moon.
 
She was a woman willing to take a chance.
 
But words that would say as much died in her throat.
 
She freed her hand from his grasp and stepped back, realizing her own control was waning.

“And I thought much of you as well.”
 
She took a deep breath.
 
“In truth, I tried to forget you after you left.”
 
Her fingertips touched the parchment still tucked in her sleeve.
 
“But it seems as though I have failed quite miserably.”
 

Continuing after a deep breath, she stammered, “I penned a letter when I...when I realized my life would not be the same after that night.”  She slipped the letter from her sleeve and held it in her hands, her fingertips grazing the folds.
 
Though the gray-white paper felt weightless and appeared harmless, in truth, she knew, the words it held could well cause pain for the both of them.
 
“Perhaps this is best forgotten,” she said quietly.

“Please.”
 
His voice slid over her like silk.
 
“May I read it?”

Looking into his eyes was her undoing.  She wanted him to know.
 
She
needed
him to know.
 
He has changed her, and like a flower catching the light of the sun, her feelings would only continue to grow.
 
Slowly, she handed the letter to him.

He looked at her and waited for her approval before unfolding it. 

Catherine nodded.

My dearest Jonathan,

I write this to you with the hope you will read it one day.
 
I know not where your ship sails, but you have taken my heart with you.
 
The gray skies stretch out endlessly, casting gloom upon me.
 
I shiver.
 
Not from cold, but from fear.
 
I fear for your safety.
 
I fear my heart will break.
 
I fear I shall go mad if you do not return soon.
 
At day’s end I see the sun fall slowly behind the water’s edge.
 
I watch as the sun burns a hole into the sea, burying itself, to lie in wait for morning so that it may shine brightly once again.
 
The sun is much like my feelings for you.
 
They have burned a hole in my soul, buried there, waiting, until your ship brings you back to me.

She watched his face as he read.  Now he would know he held her heart in his hands, but she had no regrets.
 

Jonathan pushed his hand through his hair, staring a moment longer at the letter before his eyes rested upon hers.
 
A smile curved his lips. 

She had not known how much softer his eyes could become.

“These words were written so long ago, Catherine.  Do they still hold true?”

She felt her heart would burst.
 
Never before had she felt this way.
 
The wall around her heart was crumbling, exposing feelings so new, so raw, it hurt.  Catherine hesitated before slowly nodding. 

“Aye, they are still true, Jonathan.”  She took a deep breath and looked over at Emelie.
 
How she wished she were free to love whom she pleased as was her maid.
 
“But I know they are wrong.”

She could not look at him now, so great was her confusion.
 
She only knew she did not want to cause him pain.

“It can never be wrong if it makes you happy, Catherine.”
 
He stooped, leveling his face with hers.

“So you say, Jonathan.”
 
She sighed.
 
“But I know there is no help for it.”
 
She raised her eyes, unashamed.
 
“I have written others letters, but they remain hidden away.”

He lightly touched her hand.
 
“I should like to see them.”

“Should like to see what?
 
What have you hidden, Sister?”