Agatha Raisin Companion (3 page)

We first meet the formidable Mrs Raisin at the newly cleared desk of her public relations firm, Raisin Promotions, in the smart surrounds of Mayfair’s South Molton
Street. She is fifty-three, and about to launch into a long-dreamed-of retirement in the Cotswolds after a hugely successful career which has made her very wealthy. She is ‘a stocky,
middle-aged woman with a round, pugnacious face and small, bearlike eyes. Her hair, brown and healthy, is cut in a short, square style, established in the heyday of Mary Quant and not much changed
since. Her legs were good and her clothes expensive.’

Although a life in the tranquil valleys of the Cotswolds is one she has always dreamed of, it is not long before Agatha is lonely and bored. The guarded politeness of the villagers leads her to
believe she will never fit in and she misses the hustle and bustle of London. She soon realizes that her work had also been her social life and that she has no true friends. Her first foray into
village life, passing off a shop-bought quiche as her own in a local competition, ends in disaster
when the judge is poisoned. Ironically, it is that very act, and her
subsequent solving of the crime, that sees Agatha truly accepted by her neighbours.

Character

Agatha is a strong-willed, strident lady who never suffers fools gladly. She can be hugely insensitive, even to her closest friends, and tends to bulldoze her way through
life not understanding that her manner and comments alienate people. Underneath her tough exterior, she is a mass of insecurities and frequently feels vulnerable, especially about her upbringing,
her age and her looks. She is prone to falling in love and is hopelessly romantic, dreaming of Hollywood happy endings and scripting them in her head whenever her heart is aroused.

Smoking

Imploring Agatha to give up smoking only brings out her stubborn streak.

‘When would people grasp the simple fact that if you wanted people to stop smoking, then don’t nag them and make them feel guilty… smokers were hounded and berated, causing
all the rebellion of the hardened addict.’ (
Love from Hell
)

Agatha gives up smoking after meeting Jimmy Jessop in
Witch of Wyckhadden
and becoming
friends with the elderly residents of the Garden Hotel. She lasts a few
days, but gives in to her craving after the body of the second victim is found floating in the sea.

Comments from her new neighbour, John Armitage, who tells her that ‘smoking is a sure way to ruin your eyesight and give you lots of lines around the mouth’, prompt her to kick the
habit again. In
Day the Floods Came,
she visits a hypnotist in Gloucester who makes her think that every cigarette tastes ‘terrible, like burning rubber’ as soon as it is lit.
This new resolve lasts until the beginning of the next case,
Curious Curate,
when the hypnotic spell wears off.

The long-threatened government smoking ban finally arrives in
Spoonful of Poison,
to the horror of dedicated nicotine addict Agatha. When she lights up in the village pub, landlord John
Fletcher immediately takes her cigarette away from her. ‘Stalinist bureaucrats,’ mutters a disgruntled Agatha. Now forced to smoke
outside, she throws her
weight behind the purchase of a smoking shelter for the pub.

Superstition

Despite her no-nonsense approach to most aspects of life, Agatha is occasionally taken in by the superstitious and supernatural. In
Fairies of Fryfam,
for example,
she consults a fortune teller who informs her that her destiny lies in Norfolk. Lonely and fed up, she believes every word and puts her house up for sale, renting a cottage in the county with a
view to moving there.

Jealousy

Although she refuses to admit it to herself, Agatha is prone to stabs of envy in both her love life and her professional life. She is a huge lover of the limelight and
hates to have anyone else taking the credit for the case, especially if that someone is younger and prettier.

In
There Goes the Bride,
her jealousy of Toni, who manages to solve a high-profile missing teenager case and make the national papers, prompts her to give her young colleague all the
small cases at the agency. When Toni confronts her, she is disarmingly honest and admits it: ‘Even if I’d broken the case, the photographers and reporters have only got to see you and
they forget I exist,’ she sighs. In the past, she has been magnanimous to her fellow snoops, such as Roy and Phil, but has always bitterly regretted it when it is their story that appears in
the paper.

When it comes to love, her jealousy can take a more extreme form, particularly when it concerns James. On finding her husband drinking with Melissa Sheppard, for
instance, she accuses the attractive divorcée of being a ‘trollop’, then calls James a ‘philandering bastard’ and threatens to kill him before pouring a tankard of
beer over his head.

Religion

Agatha has no religious leaning, although she often attends church in order to keep in with the villagers and to please her great friend, Mrs Bloxby.

She has also been known to pray to ‘Mrs Bloxby’s God’ in times of trouble. For example, when faced with a gun-wielding killer in
Love, Lies and Liquor,
‘She
didn’t know if there was a God, but Mrs Bloxby believed in one, so she asked Mrs Bloxby’s God either to let her die with dignity or to save her.’ The fact that her prayers are
answered is never enough to convince her that the deity truly exists.

AGATHA’S FAVOURITE . . .

Exclamation:
‘Snakes and bastards’

Perfume:
Yves Saint Laurent Champagne

Breakfast:
Four cigarettes and three strong cups of black coffee

Dessert:
Toffee Pudding

Beauty Parlour:
The Beaumonde Beauty Salon in Evesham where a ‘pretty woman named Dawn works wonders.

Ageing Disgracefully

Agatha hates the reality of getting older and when she develops arthritis in her hip, she chooses to ignore it, putting the nagging pain down to a pulled muscle. Anxious to
avoid a hip operation, she even goes to a private doctor for a cortisone injection which costs her £1,000. But her wonderful masseur Richard frequently tells her she will soon need a hip
replacement.

The problem begins in
Deadly Dance
when she becomes aware of a nagging pain. ‘But her mind shrieked against the very idea of her having rheumatism or arthritis. Those were aliments
of the elderly, surely.’

The realities of the middle-aged body are a depressing thought for Agatha, who does her utmost to hold the ravages of time at bay. After meeting new neighbour Paul Chatterton at the church, in
Haunted House,
Agatha pulls down her jumper to hide her stomach and vows to diet and exercise more. ‘What a bore ageing was! Things drooped and sagged and bulged unless one worked
ferociously on them.
The flesh under the chin was really showing a slackness which alarmed her. She had slapped herself under the chin sixty times that morning and had
performed several grimacing exercises in order to try and tighten the flesh up.’

When faced with the effortless beauty of youth, in the shape of her assistant Toni or an attractive girl she meets on a case, Agatha’s age leaves her feeling miserable.

‘I feel on the outside looking in,’ mourns Agatha in
Spoonful of Poison,
after being told the music playing in a hairdresser’s is for young people. ‘I feel trapped
in an age group that’s out of touch with every other age group.’

Fashion and Beauty

Agatha abhors cheap, badly made clothing and always dresses expensively. After a lifetime in power suits she only shops at the best boutiques and still favours wool
two-pieces, expensive silk dresses and, when dressing down, well-cut linen trousers. Her heels are as high as she can get away with and she often finds herself unsuitably dressed for the job,
preferring to show off her legs to their best advantage rather than opt for comfort.

Her outfits are chosen carefully, particularly for a date, when she will spend hours trying on every dress in the wardrobe. Her wedding day, in
Murderous Marriage,
is another chance to
buy an expensive outfit to impress her man.

‘She had picked out a white wool suit to be wed in. With it she
would wear a shady hat of straw with a wide brim, a green silk blouse, high-heeled black shoes and
a spray of flowers on her lapel instead of a bouquet. At times, she did wish she were younger again so she could get married in white.’

Agatha spends a great deal of time and money on her appearance and is rarely seen without make-up. Her main wish is to turn back the hands of time, using top anti-wrinkle creams and beauty
treatments, and she is quite demoralized by the slightest hint of ageing.

A grey hair or a sprouting growth on her lip can send shudders of horror through the normally immaculate detective and sends her screaming to the beauty parlour.

‘She tried on the white suit again and then peered closely in the mirror at her face. Her bearlike eyes were too small but could be made to look larger on the great day with a little
judicious application of mascara and eyeshadow. There were those nasty little wrinkles around her mouth and, to her horror, she saw a long hair sprouting from her upper lip and seized the tweezers
and wrenched it out. She took off the precious suit, put on a blouse and trousers, and vigorously slapped anti-wrinkle cream all over her face.’

When Agatha feels terribly low, she occasionally lets her appearance slip, which is tantamount to a cry for help from the normally immaculate detective and one her friends pick up on very
quickly. In
Perfect Paragon,
for example, Charles notices that
her waistline is expanding and she has forgotten to apply make-up. ‘He couldn’t remember
Agatha ever forgetting to put on make-up before.’ Bill Wong is also worried about her lack of grooming, prompting her into action. Seeing herself in the mirror she realizes ‘her hair
was limp, her skin was shiny and she had a spot on her nose. Worse, she could see the shadow of an incipient moustache on her upper lip.’ A quick trip to Evesham, for a facial, a seaweed wrap
and a visit to the hairdresser’s, has our heroine back on track.