[Alaskan Quest 02] - Under the Northern Lights (29 page)

‘‘I assure you it’s not. I was in England and France at the outbreak and then later when fighting was well under way. It’s a horrible situation—one that will require clear heads to prevail. I don’t know if that will include American heads or not, but it seems that we must do something.’’

Jacob warmed the stew Leah had prepared for them, then took out two tin plates. He’d managed to unthaw some sourdough bread by the fire and placed a big piece on each plate before pouring the thick stew alongside. ‘‘This should definitely warm us up.’’

They ate in relative silence while the wind gathered strength and the storm moved ashore. Helaina worried about their safety and about whether the dogs would be able to endure, but Jacob assured her those animals had survived much worse.

‘‘I remember a time when a blizzard held us captive for two weeks. It was something else. I’d tie a rope onto myself and then to the house, and every day go out like that to feed and water the dogs.’’

‘‘Why didn’t you just bring the dogs inside?’’

‘‘There were over sixty of them, for one thing,’’ Jacob mused. ‘‘But they would also lose their conditioning if I let them live inside. They were fine outside. They all have little houses, as you know, but usually they just sleep outside. They have thick coats and they sleep with their noses tucked against their bodies and their tails wrapped around them. I’m sure you’ve seen it. They’re a hardy bunch to be sure.’’

‘‘The people are hardy too,’’ Helaina replied. ‘‘They are incredible. I wasn’t sure how to take them at first. They seemed very quiet and not at all interested in me.’’

‘‘You were a snob at first,’’ Jacob countered. ‘‘You acted rather poorly toward them.’’

Helaina thought back on it and nodded. ‘‘I suppose I did at that. I don’t feel that way now.’’

‘‘God has a way of softening our hearts. You’ll find that things are different, and they’ll keep changing as you grow closer to the

Lord. That’s where I see God making a difference in our everyday life. Having eternal salvation is one thing, but letting God make you a new heart for the day-to-day living is something else.’’

‘‘It’s like seeing life through someone else’s eyes,’’ Helaina said. ‘‘I don’t know how it will be once I’m home again.’’

Jacob frowned, then looked away quickly. ‘‘I’m sorry you’ll have to wait so long. It will probably be June before the first ships make it up to Nome.’’

Helaina regretted even mentioning returning to New York. She wanted to take the words back as soon as they were out of her mouth. ‘‘I’m in no hurry’’ was all she could say.

The hour grew late, and once dinner was concluded and everything cleaned up and put away, Helaina felt rather awkward. ‘‘Will you . . . are you . . . staying here tonight?’’

Jacob looked at her sheepishly. ‘‘I hope you don’t mind. I’m a very honorable man, however. I’ll sleep in the sled like I promised . . . if that makes you feel better.’’

‘‘No, it’s all right that you’re here. I couldn’t send you out there. It would be too cruel.’’

‘‘I’ve slept in the sled on many occasions,’’ Jacob replied. ‘‘In fact, I wouldn’t have even brought a tent had it not been for you. It just cuts down on my ability to bring back goods to Last Chance. Of course, I could store the tent in Nome since you won’t be coming back with me.’’

Helaina felt heartsick and turned away. ‘‘I’m tired. I suppose I’ll try to sleep.’’

‘‘Probably a good idea. If the weather clears we can get an early start.’’

She nodded. She started to say something about not wanting him to go back to Last Chance without her, but it seemed completely inappropriate, so she said nothing.

Days later in Nome, Jacob was still thinking about how uncomfortable it had been staying with Helaina alone in the tent. He was awake for a long time that night just listening to her breathing and wondering if there could ever be a future for them. There was so much he didn’t know about her world—so many ways he didn’t fit in. And she certainly had trouble adapting to his world.

To Jacob’s relief he found Nome still had a plentiful supply of goods. He left the furs and gave his list to one of his more trustworthy suppliers, then went in search of the Pinkerton agents they’d left behind. He went to the last place he’d left them and found them both still gainfully employed by the Nome police department.

They were content with their jobs and lives in Nome. Maybe too content. Each man indicated he had no desire to leave for the States.

‘‘This is proving to be a good town for me,’’ Butch Bradford told Jacob. ‘‘I got me a wife and little place to live. I plan to stay.’’

‘‘I’m pretty sure I’m stayin’ as well,’’ Sam Wiseford added. ‘‘I like the isolation.’’

‘‘What about Mrs. Beecham?’’ Jacob questioned. ‘‘She’ll need an escort to the States come summer. Wouldn’t one of you be willing to accompany her?’’

‘‘Summer’s when they’ll need us most. I won’t be goin’ anywhere,’’ Bradford said. ‘‘Sorry.’’ The smaller man nodded in agreement. Jacob spent the rest of his time in Nome trying to figure out what should be done about it. He didn’t feel comfortable leaving Helaina to fend for herself until spring, but he also didn’t feel that he could take her back to Last Chance.

He sat at dinner, wondering how in the world he could fit all the pieces together, when Helaina came in to join him. He hadn’t been sure she would come, but now that she was here he felt mesmerized by her beauty. She was dressed in her Inupiat clothes, which rather surprised but pleased him.

‘‘I figured you’d be anxious to dress in your old things,’’ he said, getting up to help her be seated.

‘‘It’s too cold for that.’’ She took her seat and added, ‘‘I’m not the same woman I was last summer.’’

He nodded. ‘‘I know.’’ His voice was barely audible.

‘‘Did you order?’’

‘‘I did. They have a nice caribou roast, vegetables, and pie for dessert.’’

She nodded and motioned to the waitress, who looked old enough to be her grandmother. ‘‘I’ll have what he’s having. As well as some hot coffee. I see you’ve already had some.’’

Jacob’s cup was already empty. ‘‘It’s good. Pretty strong, though.’’

Helaina waited until the old woman walked away before beginning the conversation. ‘‘Jacob, I came here to say something, and I hope you’ll hear me out.’’

He leaned back in his chair. She had that look on her face, that same determined look she always got when she was up to something. This time, however, it made him smile. ‘‘I guess I don’t really have a choice, now do I?’’

She shook her head. ‘‘No, you don’t. If you won’t listen to me here, I’ll follow you all over Nome until you do.’’

He laughed. ‘‘Then you’d best get to it.’’

‘‘Well,’’ she began, folding her hands and striking a serious pose, ‘‘I want you to take me back to Last Chance when you leave tomorrow.’’

He met her blue eyes. She held his gaze and continued, though he barely heard her words. ‘‘I can’t stay here, especially when every place I’ve checked out is costly and hardly concerned with safety. I would be much better off in Last Chance. If I go back with you, I can help Leah and Emma through the winter and then head home in the spring. I could even accompany the Kjellmanns when they leave and be perfectly safe.’’

‘‘I hadn’t really thought of that,’’ Jacob admitted.

‘‘Emma said I was more than welcome to stay with them through the winter. The children are fond of me, and frankly, I’ve grown quite fond of them.’’

Jacob knew that what she said made sense. ‘‘Are you sure you wouldn’t feel more comfortable here? You would have more access to supplies.’’

‘‘I would be very lonely. Please, Jacob, don’t leave me here.’’

He dropped his gaze to the table.
How can I take her there and
stay too?
He wondered for a moment how he might live in the same village—in the same close company—and not make himself completely miserable or act the fool. He was already in love with her, yet he knew she would never be able to adapt to life in Alaska and forsake all she was accustomed to. And he would never leave Alaska. There was no reason to continue the relationship—it would only cause them more pain in the long run.

‘‘Jacob, I need for you to do this for me.’’

He looked up. ‘‘Why?’’ Something in her tone told him she had something completely different on her mind—something she wasn’t saying.

Helaina was the one to look away this time. ‘‘I . . . well . . . I know I can stay strong there.’’

‘‘Strong?’’

She nodded but still didn’t look at him. ‘‘Strong in the Lord.

On my own, I’m not sure. I just feel like I need time. Time to better understand and learn. I know I can do that in Last Chance. Spending these last couple of days on my own, I’ve found myself with questions that have no answers. I look in the Bible, but I don’t know how to really understand what I’m reading.’’

‘‘There are churches here. Pastors can help you to better understand Scripture,’’ he countered.

‘‘I don’t know these people. I don’t trust them. Please, Jacob.’’

He knew he was losing this argument rather rapidly. It felt like the time he had slid down the embankment of the creek and broke through the ice. He was not on a firm foundation. ‘‘Life isn’t easy in Last Chance. You know how it is there.’’

She looked up again and nodded. ‘‘I do, and I don’t mind. Please take me home . . . with you.’’

He knew she wasn’t asking him this to help with any job or obsession as she had before. At least he couldn’t imagine what obsession it might be, if she were actually using him in that manner. He knew he couldn’t refuse her.

‘‘All right,’’ he finally said. ‘‘I’m not sure it’s wise, but I’ll take you back to Last Chance.’’

She smiled and it lit up her whole face. ‘‘I promise you won’t be sorry.’’

Jacob sighed.
I already am
. But of course, he couldn’t tell her that.

Chapter Twenty-five

W
inter passed with Helaina actually enjoying her life at the Kjellmann residence. She enjoyed talking with Emma and Bjorn over supper each night and found they generally had answers for her questions. The idea of trusting God didn’t seem nearly as foreign to her now. Emma had been good to point out that learning to believe God to be who He claimed to be would come first through faith, and second by letting God prove himself day to day.

‘‘It’s no different than learning to trust the man you will marry. Think back to when you met your husband,’’ Emma had told her.

Helaina had done just that. The memory of that developing relationship helped her to understand that learning to love and trust God was no different. She couldn’t love and trust someone she didn’t know—so she made it her priority to get to know God as well as she could.

Night after night she spent time studying the Bible. With Jacob gone so much, she really had little else to hold her attention. Bjorn led his family in daily devotions, so Helaina used these to be the basis for her studies. That way it was easy to ask Bjorn questions regarding the matter.

Sunday services were another place Helaina thrived. She learned rather quickly that it wasn’t just about coming to a place to hear the Bible preached; there was much more. Why she’d never seen it until now was beyond her, but attending church seemed to be like a special refreshment. Maybe it was just because they were so isolated and there was nothing else to do, but Helaina seriously doubted that was all there was to it.

Week after week, Helaina found herself looking forward to the gathering. She longed to be with the people—to sing hymns and to hear Bjorn teach on the Bible. She would never have thought it possible to enjoy church as much as she did now.

June brought the excitement of spring breakup. The villagers were eager for true Alaskan summer, as they knew it, to begin. Helaina, however, dreaded it. Breakup meant the ships would return and the Kjellmanns would head south to visit their family.

Helaina would have no choice but to go with them.

It was hard not to be discouraged by this thought. After all, Helaina had hoped to spend the winter getting to know Jacob better, but he’d seldom been in the village. Leah had said he was busy trapping and working with his dogs, but Helaina began to worry that he was merely avoiding her. But why? He’d said that he cared. Didn’t he want to know her better—maybe even consider a future together?

‘‘There’s so much to do before we go,’’ Emma said, rushing around the little house while Helaina cleaned up after breakfast. ‘‘I can’t believe we’ll leave in just a few weeks or that Sigrid will soon be here.’’

Helaina nodded and dried the last of the dishes. ‘‘I can’t believe the time has already come. It really didn’t seem that winter was all that long.’’

‘‘This wasn’t a bad winter. Even if it started early, it didn’t torment us as some have,’’ Emma said.

‘‘I think the church services and parties helped too,’’ Helaina said with a smile. There had been several celebrations throughout the dark, lonely months. Emma had told her that these were purposeful parties meant to keep spirits up and prevent the people from becoming too bored.

‘‘Oh, ja. The gatherings are always good. Otherwise we tend to spend too much time thinking of ourselves. When that happens, things can get dangerous. I remember one time right after we came here there was a murder. A man had slept with another man’s wife, and when her husband returned from hunting and learned what had happened, he grabbed up his gear and went hunting after the man who’d defiled his marriage bed.’’

‘‘But what of the woman?’’ Leah asked. ‘‘Did he also kill her?’’

‘‘No, but he might have if he wasn’t caught first. He killed the man and then some of the villagers found him. They took him to the legal authorities, and he was eventually executed. Bjorn said that we would work to keep the people busy with other things so that they wouldn’t turn to such mischief. But you know, people are people. They will do as they please.’’

‘‘I think you’ve done a good job. Especially having monthly parties to celebrate all the birthdays that fall during that time. That has been great fun.’’

‘‘We do what we can.’’

She seemed to be searching for something, so Helaina dried her hands and came to help. ‘‘Have you lost something?’’